Premiér


Komedie
Česko, 2019, 20 min

Režie: Marek Benda
Hrají: Jaromír Soukup, Miloš Zeman (a.z.), Šárka Sedláková

Sitcomový seriál Premiér je politická satira z prostředí vysoké politiky, který paroduje a vtipně zobrazuje jak se dělá politika, jak se chovají politici a jak kvete státní byrokracie. Fiktivní premiér na fiktivním Úřadu vlády řeší v úřadu strategické i běžné administrativní záležitosti nekompromisně a tvrdě, ale v soukromí se se stává jiným člověkem. Politické situace a řešené záležitosti jsou přizpůsobeny současnému politickému dění a aktuální problematice. Obsahem epizod jsou každodenní politické situace i diskuse o problémech a jejich nestandardní řešení. Vtipné dějové situace, rozhovory, spory a zápletky z prostředí Úřadu vlády i ze soukromí vychází ze skutečného současného politického dění a každodenních problémů politiků. (TV Barrandov)

Komentáře


Jméno: Komentář: Hodnocení:

Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Skvostné dílo od světově nejlepšího režiséra a zároveň i herce.
RedAK ★★★★★
Silně doporučuju obléci své děti jakékoliv věkové kategorie, ovšem čím mladší, tím lepší, popadnout svoji empatickou ženušku, která si prochází nějakým citlivějším obdobím, ideálně těhotenstvím, a v kombinaci s jejím akutním PMS a útlocitnou povahou Matky Terezy vyrazit do kina na príma nedělní rodinný sitcom o strejdu Jaromírovi. V podstatě jde o takovou milou variaci na pohádku Tři prasátka a domeček, jen s rozdílem, že tady máme prasátko jedno a domeček nebouráme, nýbrž budujeme, milí tatínkové. Ručím vám, že vaše ratolesti budou nadšením běhat po kinosále a manželka samou radostí potratí. Po projekci je můžete vzít na procházku k mysliveckému posedu a povyprávět jim veselou bajku o laňce a koloušcích. Samotného mě mrzí, že žádnou rodinu nemám, vědět o tomhle díle o pár let dřív, klidně přeříznu na hajzlech nějakou random šlapku, vychovám s ní budoucího hlídače parkovišť a pak je jako milující otec přesně na tohle vezmu do kina. Za tu prdel by to stálo.
Mirka Spáčilová ★★★★★
Úžasný scénář. Zábavná i inteligentní sociální sonda, která si z třídních rozdílů umí udělat legraci, zároveň z ní však v klíčových momentech nepříjemně mrazí. Žánrový vývoj od černé komedie v téměř hororový thriller je ukázkovým řemeslem v napínání diváka kudy povede další zákruta. Herecky přesné a velmi velmi současné.
nadržená MILFka ★★★★★
Když si představím, jak se po Mírově vypracovaném těle prohání pod trikem kabel od mikroportu, nemůžu si pomoci.
AlterEgo J. Soukupa ★★★★★
Je to prostě dokonalé. Světová televizní tvorba potřebovala podobný svěží vítr do svých zatuchlých katakomb pokleslé zábavy a korupčních veřejnoprávních médií. To, co dokázal Jaromír Soukup vytvořit, je úžasný počin - řemeslně kvalitně zpracované, propracované a gradující dialogy, scénář pracující s vypointovanými příběhy a hlavně...HLAVNĚ skvělé herecké výkony. Zejména Jaromír Soukup zde kombinuje velmi umně metody Stanislavského, Čechova ale i zkušenosti získané při lekcích ve slavném Actors studiu. Je přirozený, 1000% uvěřitelný a jeho nonverbální komunikace, mimika a gesta převyšují o několik řádů výše i slavné herecké legendy jako je Nicholson, Brando nebo Jiřinka Bohdalová.
Rudolf Jelínek ★★★★★
Skvělé, skvělé, skvělé! Kam se hrabou zahraniční kapitalistické seriály a sitkomy jako Přátelé, Jak jsem poznal všechny, jen ne vaši matku, Teorie velkého gangbangu, Dva a půl zoufalců... Přesně takový pořad v Česku chyběl. Pan Soukup svým satirickým dílem brilantně vystihuje komičnost české politické scény. Ač je zde všechno výborné - režie, scénář a dialogy, námět, produkce, asistent režie nebo kulisy, jednu výtku bych přece jenom našel. Tou je herecké obsazení. Ano, zde by se dala najít jedna zásadní chyba. Pan Soukup jako naprosto bravurní herec si v sitkomu zaslouží mnohem více než jednu roli. Nechápu angažování Marcelky, tuhle roli mohl pan Soukup ztvárnit mnohem, ale mnohem lépe než ta komparzistka. Chtěl bych všechny přítomné zde požádat, abychom rozjeli projekt petice "Chceme alespoň 20 rolí pro Jaromíra Soukupa v sitkomu premiér". On by si to zasloužil. Už teď se těším na udělování Oskarů.
Umělá Inteligence ★★★★★
jako první se podíváme na deset let, ale to je tak vše. to je dobrá otázka. na toto téma se vedle klasických produktů a elektřiny pro domácnosti a podniky v oblasti klimatických změn a podporuje krevní oběh, při bolestech hlavy. u obou jsem později zjistil, ten můj byl taky takhle pomáhá. obecně se ale dá řícnosti její proslov, jimiž začaly platit základní typy jsou také na poli umění mezi jednotlivci, skupiny pro lid a byla v bezvědomí.
Toncek ★★★★★
Vždycky, když dostanu záchvat úzkosti, kouknu na tenhle seriál a uvědomím si, že můj život ještě není tak špatný, že můj táta třeba mohl být Jaromír Soukup, moje máma Jaromír Soukup a že jako malá jsme si s mým bráchou Jaromírem Soukupem mohli hrát na pískovišti Jaromíra Soukupa.
Vojtucha ★★★★★
Nejlepší sitcom, který si na nic nehraje. Výtečně zahráno, příběh který přibije do křesla a vlídný a laskavý humor co každou chvíli donutí se smát ! Začátek kultu !
Samuraj přímé demokracie ★★★★★
Konečně seriál, který satiricky a pravdivě popisuje diktát z Bruselu a hrozbu islámské migrace. Rád si ho pouštím během obědů v prázdné restauraci. Co si o tom myslíte vy? Napište mi do komentářů.
Tomáš ★★★★★
Nejúžasnější sitcom!
Lucka F. ★★★★★
Jarda je bůh.
Michal ★★★★★
komedie sama :-D
Žabička Peppe ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál v historii lidstva Tarantino by se měl co učit
Ecis ★★★★★
lol
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Tohle jsem opravdu nečekal...
xXx_jarda_soukup_360_xXx ★★★★★
pls kill me now
Jaromír Soukup mladší ★★★★★
wow
Jiří Ovčáček ★★★★★
Proč platit ČT, když můžeme zdarma vidět toto! Bavím se jako nikdy!
JS ★★★★★
Super
Robert Rosenberg ★★★★★
Nějaká šance na získání role v tomto sitcomu??
dgd ★★★★★
dgdg
Syn boží ★★★★★
Povedené boží dílo Jaromíre
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Vynikající dílo, která vám způsobí rakovinu i v nehtech!!
Daniel ★★★★★
Nekonečný
Sunka ★★★★★
Pěkná sračka cg noobs
Tonda ★★★★★
wtf??
Radim ★★★★★
Ach jo
miloň332 ★★★★★
Chutnají mi především broskve.
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Aligátor
Andrej Babiš ★★★★★
Jaromíre měl bych kandidáta co by hrál prezidenta. Ozvi se.
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Premiér je přeceňovaná postava! To prezidentovi dejte víc prostoru, pane Soukupe!
Václav Havel ★★★★★
Otáčím se v hrobě, jak super sitcom jste vytvořil! Soukup na hrad!
a ★★★★★
a
Lady Dee ★★★★★
Skvělé, mohla bych si u vás pane Soukupe střihnout menší roli ? V naší "branži" máme tyto sticomy rádi.
Donald Trump ★★★★★
COVFEFE
Andrej Babiš ★★★★★
Druhý najlapší premiér v republike. Na Čapáku si vždy vítán Jaromíre. Už máme i motýle a sysle.
Si Ťin-pching ★★★★★
Srovnejte si Hřiba jinak vás přestaneme financovat.
Jezis ★★★★★
Tatinku pojd uz domu
ne ★★★★★
prosím už ne
TA ★★★★★
ALZA
Chovatel ★★★★★
Chová tu někdo motýle?
KRHD ★★★★★
božské dílo
KRHD ★★★★★
TOP
Tomio Okamura ★★★★★
V úvodní epizodě jsem měl také hrát. Bohužel jsem měl horečku. Snad to vyjde příště. Navrhuji třeba scénu v restauraci při obědě nebo v posilovně.
PepA ★★★★★
To chceš
Xc ★★★★★
Gf
MARTIN ★★★★★
Nejde nedat 5 hvězdiček...
Mamrd ★★★★★
Zdílejte nes to zmažou!
Pítr Bič ★★★★★
Hovno
Lord Hoven ★★★★★
Chcete hovno?
Sherlock ★★★★★
Je to past!
Vladimír Železný ★★★★★
nic moc
Boženka Nováková ★★★★★
Pane Jaromíre, až budou volby na prezidenta, určitě máte můj hlas. Řeknu i holkám se Sokola, Vy si to zasloužíte! Jaromír na hrad!
JS ★★★★★
Mrtkip
Luděk Staněk ★★★★★
V Událostech jsem to trochu přehnal, omlouvám se. Druhý díl mě nadchnul a po třetím už se cítím na moderování Mých zpráv Jaromíra Soukupa.
Václav Klaus ml. ★★★★★
Brilantní a jak vím od táty velmi, ale velmi, pravdivé. Až z toho mám trochu obavy.
E ★★★★★
Ee
Pes Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Haf
Jarda ★★★★★
Na hrad!
Martin Mareš ★★★★★
Miluju Jaromíra Soukupa a všechny jeho pořady 🥰
Jiří Ovčáček ★★★★★
Udělal bych to líp.
lkj ★★★★★
lkj
Tomáš ★★★★★
Heski
Mirek Kalousek ★★★★★
Hnus.
Divák TVB ★★★★★
Ta ženská kazila JS jeho herecký výkon.
Jiří Ovčáček / mluvka ★★★★★
Požehnaný sitcom!
Nezaujatý_objektivní_kritik ★★★★★
Skvělé!
Hovbo ★★★★★
Mega nářez
Borec ★★★★★
Škoda, že jde dát jen pět hvězdiček, rád bych jich dal alespoň šest, nebo deset, nebo milión ...
Drozd ★★★★★
Tyvole tak nic lepsiho jsem nikdy nevidel. Tohle je cesky Game of thrones skrizeny s House of cards! Chci hned dalsi dily!
Lukáš ★★★★★
Hodně dobrý :d
Bohumil ★★★★★
Kučera
Vojtík ★★★★★
Solidních 5 ze 7. Toho herce v hlavní roli by měli obsazovat častěji.
Jaromír Jágr ★★★★★
Po zhlédnutí jsem se rozhl změnit si číslo na 69 a dát si ji se Soukupem
Například Tereza ★★★★★
Může být něco ještě horšího?
Patrik ★★★★★
to je píčovina
Franta Vomáčka ★★★★★
Brilantní humor
Batman ★★★★★
Tell Me, Do You Bleed? You Will!
Matěj ★★★★★
4
Medvídek Pú ★★★★★
完美的
Dominik Muflon ★★★★★
Tento počin nemá ve světě obdoby.
Eleven ★★★★★
Where is Hopper? Friends don't lie!
Kuřba Kuřbička ★★★★★
Skvělý herecký výkon od mistra Soukupa. Tento sitcom mi od základu změnil život, nikdy jsem nebyl tak šťastný jako po shlédnutí tohoto kinematografického skvostu
Prajzacka Sviňa ★★★★★
Neskutečně dobrý seriál. ♥
xD ★★★★★
Pls no
Václav ★★★★★
Moravec
václav ★★★★★
v
Mirek Dušín ★★★★★
žblept
Tomio Okamura ★★★★★
史上最高のショー
Ondřejko ★★★★★
skvělé!!
Emma Smetana ★★★★★
Jardo udělej mi děti
A ★★★★★
aaa
Borec ★★★★★
Sračka
Karel Kramář ★★★★★
Má štěstí, že neokupuje moji vilu.
Jaromír Soukup II. ★★★★★
Vskutku mistrovské dílo
yxxyx ★★★★★
xyxyx
A ★★★★★
Bc
WTF ★★★★★
WTF
Conor McGregor ★★★★★
UFC is waiting for you. I see it in a duel with you. My return will be a loss to the JS champion.
Jiří Propš ★★★★★
Naprosto skvělá, vtipná a duchaplná zábava!!!
Kapitán Demo ★★★★★
To je to kouzlo co dokážeš jenom ty Jardo!
Ivanka ★★★★★
Tohle mi zvedlo náladu, díky Jardo!
Divák Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Skvost
Jakup Souromír ★★★★★
Jen to zkouším
František Koudelka ★★★★★
dobrý den budou dalši dily děkuji
Zdeněk Ondráček ★★★★★
Jednou taky budu premiér jako Pavlík Divišů.
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Tak to jsem opravdu nečekal.
STANISLAV ★★★★★
Hnus!
Pažér ★★★★★
Občas ve vaně myslím na pana Soukupa
Milenec Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Nedopatřením jsem se při sledování sitcomu pomočil.
otec Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Synáčku, pekně si to natočil.
Hospodyně Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Skvěla odichovka při žehlení
matka Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Synáčku, pekně si to natočil.
kadeřník Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Pane Soukup, pekně si to natočil.
vymetač blech Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Pane Soukup, pekně jste to natočil.
Fanoušek ★★★★★
Geniální dílko
Pinďour Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Stříkám!
Jiří Maděra ★★★★★
Používám při hodinách občanské výchovy jako ukázku příkladné politické satiry
Karel ★★★★★
Nepraš
Jiří Dvořák, Česká televize ★★★★★
Jeden z největších seriálových počinů, snad diváky potěší, že Česká televize vyjednává s panem Soukupem o natočení dalších šesti řad seriálu
Kateřina Brůžová ★★★★★
Občas, když se milujeme spolu a ne jen Jaromír v koupelně s Jaromírem, tak po mně chce anální sex, ale já jako muž a on jako žena.... Prý si chce zažít, jaké to je, když někdo leze do prdele jemu....
paní Jana z Bobrůvky ★★★★★
Společně s Ulicí, Ordinací a Pojišťovnou štěstí se řadí k jedněm z nejlepších serijálů.
Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk ★★★★★
Příklad morálně silného lidského ducha
Mirka Spáčilová ★★★★★
Dílo, po jehož konci divák omráčen dál sedí a nabírá dech, je vzácnost, za niž by se měly udílet Oscary.
Boženka z Dolní Lhoty ★★★★★
Seriál, na který jsem čekala
Tonda ★★★★★
Opravdu dobré
a ★★★★★
b
John Doe ★★★★★
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Pellentesque tempus semper vestibulum. Suspendisse potenti. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nam convallis purus ut elementum tristique. Phasellus nibh tellus, ornare non magna et, luctus posuere felis. Fusce non ante congue velit lobortis condimentum eu pellentesque sem. Pellentesque gravida in nunc nec commodo. Mauris vitae accumsan sapien. Fusce sollicitudin diam vestibulum libero tristique, eget imperdiet lorem convallis. Integer lobortis fermentum purus, a hendrerit velit faucibus nec. Etiam faucibus nisl non massa elementum suscipit.
Urbis ★★★★★
Asi je to na mě moc inteligentní..
PatriKK ★★★★★
Sračka
Kateřina Silikonová ★★★★★
To jeste nic nebylo. Mate ho videt, jak predstira orgasmy. Vrchol bezcharakterniho herectvi!
★★★★★
fanousek!
Martin ★★★★★
Hovno
Tomas Totzauer ★★★★★
Miluju ho
Karel ★★★★★
lol
Vaclav Klaus ★★★★★
Jaromire, umite se sam vykourit stejne jako ja. Gratuluji!
POMO ★★★★★
Počujte, pán Súkup, ak programujete v tomto PéHáPé rovnako brilantne, ako hráte, mal by som pre Vás zuímavú pracovnu ponúku. Fajčíte?
Eleven ★★★★★
Jaromír? I dump your ass.
Pan Brambora ★★★★★
Nadčasoévé a po všech směrech kvalitní!
Marcelka ★★★★★
Jaromíra Soukupa
Jan Palach ★★★★★
lit
Koblih ★★★★★
Js
dopíči ★★★★★
kurva
análotor ★★★★★
sračka
Mirka Spáčilová ★★★★★
Tohle si zaslouží 100%
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Úžasné, famózní, excelentní, ukázal jsem to i šéfům tady nahoře, už vám chystají místo u nás pane Mistře
Usama bin Ladin ★★★★★
This is why I bomb people.
Kateřina Brožová ★★★★★
Miláčku, tohle se
Nepochopen ★★★★★
bohužel průměrný čech na takto nadčasové dílo ještě není připraven
gg ★★★★★
gg
f ★★★★★
f
Pitomio ★★★★★
Okamura
Pavel ★★★★★
Nejlepší komediální seriál, který lze v ČR sledovat. Koukáme celá rodina.
Komentátor Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Skvostné dílo. Existenciální drama v hávu komedie. První představitel středoevropské neorenesanční vlny televizních filozofických pořadů.
tajji ★★★★★
Dobrá blbost
J ★★★★★
S
Kekel ★★★★★
Lepší než sex
Kateřina Brožová ★★★★★
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Dan ★★★★★
za mě dobry
dan znova ★★★★★
jo
Danzase ★★★★★
udelam treba 102%
dan bouška ★★★★★
to je uz moje prave jmeno
daniel bouška ★★★★★
ve skutencoti jsem daniel
yy ★★★★★
ggg
Jj ★★★★★
Bb
Patrik ★★★★★
Prostě ne
Syn Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Nadčasové dílo
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Doslova se mi zastavilo srdce nadšením
;-- ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál
Niky ★★★★★
Chcipam
Jiří Pomeje ★★★★★
Se slavíkem mám zkušenosti, je to paráda
Honza Musil ★★★★★
Impozantní dílo
608 ★★★★★
Pekna chujovina
Tomáš Ortel ★★★★★
Dokonalost
asdfasd ★★★★★
fasdf
x ★★★★★
xxx
Javomír skoukup ★★★★★
Nejlepší zážitek v životě
Miloš ★★★★★
Odpad
Sadám Husain ★★★★★
Velice kvalitně zpracované, skutečně pořad který si zaslouží pozornost
Omg ★★★★★
Fakt to funguje
FUJ ★★★★★
HRUZA!
xd ★★★★★
xd
Tomas "Ortel" Hnidek ★★★★★
bich rad rek ze se my to moc lybylo a hldeam f tom ynspyraci pro sve pysne.
Donny Trump ★★★★★
hey soukup let's meet
Jan Ryska ★★★★★
Nic moc
Franta Motyka ★★★★★
Soukup rulez!!!
Pupík ★★★★★
Ale jo, pohonil jsem.
Jo ★★★★★
to fakt?
Livia Klausová ★★★★★
Líp by to můj Vašek nezahrál
Káťa Brožová ★★★★★
Nic moc
jj ★★★★★
jj
Ti kokot ★★★★★
To je v pici
X ★★★★★
Sračka
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ ★★★★★
Jde přidat víc hvězdiček
Gustav ★★★★★
Je to nesmysl
ALEŠEK ★★★★★
Chybí mi tam umělý smích, jinak perfektní
Jaromír Soukup Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Skvělé!!!
Standa ★★★★★
Nejlepší!
Dominik Feri ★★★★★
Myslím si že je to lehce rasově nevyrovnané, jinak mistrovské dílo proto dávám jen devět bodů..
B ★★★★★
C
Dobrý ★★★★★
Ahoj
Michal ★★★★★
Super
Ivan Bartoš ★★★★★
Krásně si zapálit brko a zahulit si u tohoto seriálu je nejlepší. Hulení bude!
JS ★★★★★
nejlepší pořad
Tomáš ★★★★★
DOKONAlÉ! Pane Soukupe, vždyť vy jste novodobý Menšík!!!
Alpha ★★★★★
Sračka
Pes Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Woof
Premiér Soukup ★★★★★
Proč tam hrál někdo jiný??
Váš Premiér ★★★★★
Požaduji okamžité nahrazení všech "hereček" panem Jaromírem Soukupem
c ★★★★★
c
Václav Klaus ★★★★★
Větší zábava než když jsemm premiéra hrál já.
Ttt ★★★★★
Ttt
Šimon ★★★★★
Zkusim tři hvězdy
Random_me ★★★★★
wow
Jára ★★★★★
Super!
a ★★★★★
b
Karel ★★★★★
Brilantní
Gábina Osvaldová ★★★★★
Tohle je ten pravej Soukup! Byla jsem blbá...
Ondřej S. ★★★★★
Jste vzorem pro nás pro všechny!
Petr ★★★★★
Skvělé!
Kuřba Kuřichuja ★★★★★
Lepší, než Ulice.
mjr. Haluška ★★★★★
A čo si, Súkup, predstavujete pod takým slovom absurdný?
Kadeřník Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Pohonil jsem
Zdenda ★★★★★
Já bih to daval normalňe na ZŠ jako povinou látku pro žáky ZŠ! I na SŠ !!§!!!§§! Na VŠ už bi to asi nevislo, tam to ovládají havloidi, proto je lespi mýt informovanou mládež, abi tam ani nelezli na ty univerzity zaprodaní. Ďěláte to skvěle Jaromíre jen tak dál!§§!!
Luděk ★★★★★
Kéž bych si tak mohl v něčem takovém někdy zahrát...
Jan Štěpán ★★★★★
Pica
kkt ★★★★★
je to curak
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Tuhle sračku točíme až teprve po sjetí čáry, proto je to taková prdel
VAŠEK KOPŘIVA ★★★★★
DOBRÝ DEN PANE SOUKUPE. KDE MŮŽU PROSÍMVÁS KOUPIT AUTO OD AUTO JAROMÍR SOUKUP? CHYBÍ MI TU NĚJAKÉ WEBOVÉ STRÁNKY NA NĚHO. DĚKUJI UPŘÍMNĚ. AŤ SE VÁM NADÁLE TAK DOBŘE DAŘÍ! VÁŠ VÁŠEK KOPŘIVA
Cikánka Jolanda ★★★★★
A jéje! To jsem se bála. Tady vidím, velký špatný! Máte strach. A já cejtím s vámi! Ať ti žehná bůh!
Petra ★★★★★
satan
Onidra ★★★★★
Fantastický/fanatický výkon! Smekám! Pytlíky na zvracení do pohotovostní polohy!
Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk ★★★★★
Tenhle Premiér je důvodem, proč znovu žít.
NASA ★★★★★
Prosíme o povolení zaznamenat seriál na zlatou desku, kterou pošleme jako pozdrav mimozemským civilizacím sondou Voyager 3. Děkujeme.
a ★★★★★
a
Tonda ★★★★★
Je tam :D
JS ★★★★★
Skvely serial.
Test ★★★★★
Tak schvalne
Petr Hampl ★★★★★
sdílejte než to smažou
Steve Jobs ★★★★★
Good job
Kuba ★★★★★
haha
Diskutér Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Nejlepší premiér na světě je premiér Jaromíra Soukupa!!!
Mára Pyžamára ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál ve vesmíru každý den se u toho lámu smichy.
reeeee ★★★★★
reeee
Abc ★★★★★
Genialnj humor
JaromirSoukupIsLife ★★★★★
Proč je zde vůbec možnost vybrat méně než pět hvězd?
Darth Vader ★★★★★
Luku, jsem tvůj otec.
Knejpík ★★★★★
blbost
Ss ★★★★★
Ss
Jároslav ★★★★★
tam neňý pan babyš? :(
Přítelkyně Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Miláčku, tohle se ti zase moc povedlo, vzhledem k minimálním nákladům bys se mnou mohl natočit slovenskou verzi s názvem Prezidentka
brich ★★★★★
stoji to za to, jeden z nejlepsich pocinu ceske kinematografie
ergf ★★★★★
dfb
Jaromír Soukup II ★★★★★
Nejlepší z nejlepších
Otec Jaromíra Soukupa Jaromír Soukup starší ★★★★★
Naprostá dokonalost. Při sledování jsem podruhé přišel o panictví.
Fox ★★★★★
Kam se hrabe Tarantino!
Duch Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Jaromíre musím "říct", že se nám to opět povedlo
Pes Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Požehnaný seriál
Má osoba Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
3
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Jsem na vás hrdý jaromíre
LStaněk ★★★★★
sračka
Petr ★★★★★
Tahle stránka je podvrch.
Vlník Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Dal bych víc, ale někdo by to měl vrátit do matematických mezí
Mia Khalifa ★★★★★
Jardo po shlédnutí tvého výkonu můžu říci jen "Víc, víc, víc chci tě!"
A ★★★★★
A
Saigo ★★★★★
...
Top hodnotitel ★★★★★
Nechápu hodnocení hvězdičkami
Milujeme Soukup ★★★★★
nejlepsy tohleto cela rodina moc rady koukame pan Soukup je sňim sranda a nevadi my ze se liby mojy zene a v loznyci my rika Jaromyr aspon na nej taky mislim a dobri
Karel Pospisil ★★★★★
Bravo!
cecky ★★★★★
tvoje mama
Kateřina Brožová ★★★★★
Jsem nadšená,hejtujou jen chudáci.
★★★★★
Pecka!
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Vynikající! Nejlepší výkon Jaromíra Soukupa jaký jsem kdy viděl.
Čúza Zúza ★★★★★
Mocinky jsem se bavila
Pes Jaromíra soukupa ★★★★★
haf
Malx kokokot ★★★★★
Bravo!
Jarda ★★★★★
Jágr
Tomio Okamura ★★★★★
Supr
Tomáš Slavíček ★★★★★
Neskutečné. Já si dokonce myslím, že umí i létat
dqwd ★★★★★
sfwef
Petr H ★★★★★
Tak nás dneska jmenujou premiérem, ježišmarjátobudeden
Hitler ★★★★★
Došel mi plyn
X ★★★★★
Fuj
Mickey ★★★★★
Mouse
Klement Gottwald ★★★★★
Až na toho demokraticky voleného premiéra...
Kato ★★★★★
Možná jsem moc, ale ty jsi nejvíc.
Trol ★★★★★
Skvělé
dávám nula hvězd ★★★★★
nula
Darrin Stratton ★★★★★
Soukup über Deutschland!
Anna L. Di-Ldo ★★★★★
Tak hodnoty porad plny inspiraci ve svetovem formatu smele konkuruje i nejkvalitejsi Ruske a Cinske produkci.
Jeho nejvyšší eminence ★★★★★
king Zeman
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
Wundrbár!
David L. ★★★★★
Takový geniální pořad, danému hodnocení se naprosto nedivím. Za mne 5/5 a víc dílů, prosím!
honk honk ★★★★★
odpad
Jaromír Soukop junior ★★★★★
Díky táto! Díky že se díky tvé práci za tebe nemusím stydět. Jsi vzorem pro celou společnost.
Si Ťin-pching ★★★★★
10 z 10 čínských politických vězňů doporučuje!
Franta ★★★★★
Pepa JEdnička
Marek Prchal ★★★★★
Tak to je dokonalý!
Ups.. ★★★★★
:)
Kateřina Brožová ★★★★★
Jaromír Soukup je tam mámo a chybí v názvu
Petr ★★★★★
Škoda že nejde dát 6*
Honza ★★★★★
Kam se hrabe Bittner, to se nedá srovnat!
Vůl ★★★★★
hrůza děs
Jaromír Soukup je ★★★★★
Dokonalý
kristián ★★★★★
Zkouška
Mluvčáček ★★★★★
Dokonalé dílko
Máca ★★★★★
Už dlouho se mi nestalo, že bych u nějakého pořadu brečel smíchy 👍👍 Jardo, jen tak dál!!
Havel ★★★★★
V hrobě se obracím
test ★★★★★
test
test ★★★★★
Hodnocení
Ed Wood ★★★★★
Kdybych nebyl reziser, chtel bych byt Jarda
Luboš Xaver Veselý ★★★★★
Pane Soukupe, kdybych vlastnil vlastní televizi, určitě bych udělal taky takový pořad. Bohužel, jsem jen páté kolo od vozu.
A ★★★★★
B
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
po tomhle se musím jít napít
Andy ★★★★★
Bureš
Patrik Bartošík ★★★★★
Intelektuální zábava pro lidi z Matfyzu
Tomjáš ★★★★★
Kalvín
Róbert Fico ★★★★★
Dokonalé!
Petricicanecek ★★★★★
Kvalita sahající do samých nebes a výš, je to tu boží svět Jaromíra Soukupa
Jarda ★★★★★
Jagr
Kateřina Brožová ★★★★★
Jardo přidej
panpekel ★★★★★
Začlo nám tu mrznout.
Fanynka Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Dostala jsem z toho orgasmus Jakomíra Soukupa
Jaromír Soukup Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Nemohu se vynadívat
Radek Banga ★★★★★
Trefa do černého
Prestižní žák ★★★★★
Prostě jaromír je bůh :3
ah ★★★★★
asdf
Dick ★★★★★
Head
Miluju JS ★★★★★
MILUJU JS!
Martin ★★★★★
hrůza
Jarda ★★★★★
Soukupů
<3 ★★★★★
3
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Přijměte prosím touto cestou mé pozvání na hrad.
<3 ★★★★★
3
a ★★★★★
a
Soroš ★★★★★
Jsem imperialista, takže pořad hodnotím negativně.
Marek Benda ★★★★★
Jsem Bůh a společně s Jaromírem vytvoříme nový standard českého sitcomu
Kateřina ★★★★★
supr kurva
pepik ★★★★★
moc pjekny
Petr Míša ★★★★★
Skvost
ah ★★★★★
?php exit;
Meon ★★★★★
Anime is real and his name is Jaromir Soukup.
Klára Soukupová ★★★★★
Naprostá bomba!!!
Jiřina Bohdalová ★★★★★
Dobrá práce Jarku...jen tak dál!
test ★★★★★
test
Jolanda ★★★★★
Vdím velký špatný...
Karomir Joukup ★★★★★
Chce to vic hvezd
Jennecozkousim ★★★★★
...
Jára ★★★★★
Cimrman
Lvmen ★★★★★
|-| 0 \/ |\| 0
hetges ★★★★★
gdfge
Retardovaný důchdce ★★★★★
Moc vám fandím pane Soukup! Až budete kandidovat, tak vás budu volit. Je jedno jestli budete premiér, nebo prezident! V ten čas bude ráj v naší zemi! A Proč byste nemohl být obojí najednou?! Máte můj hlas!
★★★★★ ★★★★★
★★★★★
Jan Netolík ★★★★★
fcelku na nits
??? ★★★★★
Wow
TPE ★★★★★
3
Kartin ★★★★★
Po vzoru tohoto seriálu se v příštím volebním období stanu i já premiérem.
pAN oNDREJ nOVAK ★★★★★
DOBRI DEN MNEL BICH ZAJEM O TU FELICII CO PRODAVATE KOLIK PROSYM STOJY A MA PNEU? DIKI MOC PISTE SZ ONDRA
chci dat jen jednu hvezdicku ★★★★★
smi se to?
Jindrich Dvorak ★★★★★
Koukali jsme na to zhuleny
Uprchlíci ★★★★★
Půjdem radši do Německa
Ondřej ★★★★★
Soukup by měl být nominovaný na Oskara!
Greta Thunberg ★★★★★
How dare you?!
Sabotér ★★★★★
Sračka
Velký špatný ★★★★★
tento počin prostě musí jednou vstoupit do historie 3
★★★★★
mrdat
Filip Magalhaes ★★★★★
Lepší seriál neexistuje.
Chuck Norris ★★★★★
Ještě donedávna byl Walker Texas ranger bezesporu nejlepším dílem v historii filmové tvorby. Premier tuto historii jednou provždy změnil
Tvoje máma ★★★★★
Stálo to za vyliž prdel.
Filip ★★★★★
Co to je
Duch Adolfa Hitlera ★★★★★
Kdybych já být taková führer, jako Herr Soukup herec, bolševik by plavat f Tichá oceán.
Fanoušek Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Omylem jsem dal jednu hvězdičku. Nevíte, jak to zrušit?
MALL.TV ★★★★★
Jaromíre, mohli bychom vaše skvostné dílo vysílat u nás? Do pauzy mezi Událostmi Luďka Staňka a Extrémním starostou Pavlem Novotným by se nám to náramně hodilo.
★★★★★
Co víc si přát
Miloš ★★★★★
Kunda
★★★★★
Jiří ★★★★★
Ovčáčik
vvv ★★★★★
vvv
Michal ★★★★★
Hmmm
Agraelus ★★★★★
Uděluji vám tučnej WeirdChamp
Dítě matky Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Výstavní unikát, jen to trochu kazí větší počet postav.
김정은 ★★★★★
암캐!
Jaromír Soukup Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Jaromír Soukup ve své zatím nejvíc Jaromír Soukup roli. Předvádí opravdu Jaromír Soukup výkon a doufám, že na dlouho sitcom zůstane Jaromín Soukup pořadem na světě
Jedine Soukup ★★★★★
Chci ho mit doma!
Iveta Bartošová ★★★★★
Skvělý seriál k cestování vlakem!
Martin Rota ★★★★★
Fucking hell
Tomáš Hnídek ★★★★★
Národní poklad
Jarda Plesl ★★★★★
Zkouším dát jednu hvězdičku, jestli to projde.
dqd ★★★★★
d
MM ★★★★★
Naprostá bomba!!! Jen tak dál Jardo!!!!!!!!!
Alena ★★★★★
Na mě je tam moc postav. Proč tam musí být i někdo jiný než JS?
Lukáš Z. ★★★★★
meh
Petra ★★★★★
Mám obavy o pana Soukupa, evidentně nebere léky.
Pepik ★★★★★
Naprosto perfektní pořad, takto jsem se opravdu ješně nikdy nepobavil. Za mě 11/10. Přijde mi že agenti z hollywoodu trochu zaspali.
OPČAM JAROMÝRA SOUKUPA ★★★★★
NEJLEPŠEJŠÍ SERYÁL NA SVJEŤE!!! PAN SOUKUP JE NÁŽ HRDYNA KTERÍ ZAZTAVÝ VŠECHNY SOROSE A MYGRANTY!!!!
test ★★★★★
test hodnoceni jaromira soukupa
Ovčí Mluvčáček ★★★★★
Požehnané dílo
Major Jan Zeman ★★★★★
Válí to na nás mistrně, zkušenej kamuflážník...
Ovčáček Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
pohonil jsem
Bla ★★★★★
Nejlepsi bla
Luboš Xaver Veselý ★★★★★
Za mě špička. Stavte se k nám na rozhovor, prachy s sebou. Však Andrej vám už určitě říkal.
Pavel Lopata ★★★★★
Pro mne stejně jako pro ostatní obyčejné poctivé pracující dělníky jste velkým vzorem. Jste ukázkovým vzorem českého politika nezkorumpovatelného a vždy dbajícího na přání lidu. I přesto to budedete mít obtížné. Nynější korupčníci se nebudou chtít zdát svých koryt a budou vám všelijak házet klacky pod nohy. Ale nebojte nakonec národ promluví a společně pod vaším vedením vybudujeme novou Českou republiku.
Zajko ★★★★★
Bude aspon 15 serii ?
Kateřina ★★★★★
´Ještě jsem neviděla. A nikdy neuvidím. Nejsem totiž hodna uvidět Boha.
Kudla ★★★★★
Nebudu už koukat v televízi na nic jiného. Jarda S. mi ukázal cestu k tomu, abych svůj amatérismus taky prodal.
Cool ★★★★★
Cool
Zdeněk Ondráček ★★★★★
má viset?
Marian2 ★★★★★
Včera jsme si to s přítelem pustili před spaním, a nakonec jsme museli měnit prostěradlo, neb jsme se smíchy počůrali. Dávka humoru je tak silná a neustávající, že jsem dost často lapal po dechu od samého smíchu.
Jiří ★★★★★
špatny
miroslav ★★★★★
Nic lepšího jsem opravdu neviděl
mnau ★★★★★
pane premiere muzu byt vase kocicka?
gen. Petr Pavel ★★★★★
Skvělé. ČR má konečně v rukou zbraň hromadného ničení!
Pavel Soukup svým hlubokým hlasem: ★★★★★
Nemám slov.
Minitrollcz ★★★★★
Nový etalon televizní zábavy! Ostatní neumětelové mohou jen závidět. Díky, mistře!
Člověk v Tísni ★★★★★
Málo politické korektnosti a příliš mnoho vulgarit. Nepřejeme si, aby se tato věc vysílala v běžný vysílací čas, jelikož by se naše děti mohly nakazit nenávistí a vulgární mluvou, která je zastoupena již v prvních vteřinách tohoto počinu...
jkjhkh ★★★★★
jkjhkhjkj
Jaromír Soukup Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Vrchol zábavy
Pepa ★★★★★
Super
Václav Jebavž ★★★★★
Peckoidní
Český Lev ★★★★★
Jaromíre, chci tě!
TOP ★★★★★
TOP
Ignác ★★★★★
Jelimán
Václav Havel ★★★★★
Hovadina
Honza Musil ★★★★★
Skvělý pořad!
★★★★★
Míla Rozner ★★★★★
Já bych tomu asi dal jedničku, tak trochu nerozumím vám nechápu, proč tomu asi dáváte pětky, je to docela asi možná trochu pěkné.
Francesco ★★★★★
Skvělé!
Francesco ★★★★★
Skvělé!
antiq ★★★★★
jde to dobre
Míla Rozner ★★★★★
Já jsem tomu asi dal pětku, jsem trošku možná zmatený.
J ★★★★★
Lol
Jaromír Soukup Jaromíra Soukupa Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Příště přidá Jaromír jistě i skok do záběru a kop s otočkou ... právě od něj se totiž učil Chuck Norris svoje umění!
Pes Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Haf Haf Haf!
Ondřej ★★★★★
Svkělé
gERBERT ★★★★★
Stojí mě z toho pele
vivatorotoro ★★★★★
Dají se někde prosím sehnat ty drogy, co bere?
huh ★★★★★
hah
Vlasta Korec ★★★★★
Super seriál ale kde je ceska tajenka?
Flekd ★★★★★
Mskdjfjdk
za ★★★★★
jedna
Zeman ★★★★★
Soukupe ty jsi ale zmrd :)
Martin Bota ★★★★★
Nejlepší.
Jaro ★★★★★
Slavik
Daniel ★★★★★
Odpad!!!
Vilemín ★★★★★
Atomově brilantní
aa ★★★★★
ssff
Oj ★★★★★
sdf
A ★★★★★
B
Fhu ★★★★★
Restaurace
Dan. C. ★★★★★
Hrozný shit.
omg ★★★★★
omg
JARDA SOUKUP FANCLUB ★★★★★
Nástup nové éry komedie. Opravdu výborné.
on ★★★★★
fuj
Honza ★★★★★
aaa
xx ★★★★★
xx
Matěj Málků ★★★★★
Tento seriál mě zasáhl. Jeho přesah bude v mé duši rezonovat ještě dalších několik let. Děkuji!
helenka vondráčků ★★★★★
3
Petr ★★★★★
Skvělý seriál, ale herec mě nezaujal
L ★★★★★
Jsi hvězda. Jedna.
Dan ★★★★★
Top
Karel Keller ★★★★★
Opravdu skvostné dílo, světový režisér, který nemá obdob se znovu vyšvihl. Těšíme se na nový díl celá rodina.
Oujee ★★★★★
Oujé
Aha ★★★★★
Aha aha no no
(y) ★★★★★
(y)
Jaromír Soukup Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Jsem dokonalý.
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Jardo si nejlepší!
Jaromíra Soukupová ★★★★★
Mistrovské dílo, ten chlap je nejenže inteligentní, ale i velmi krásný.
jan ★★★★★
jedna hvezda
Ghfz ★★★★★
Vbcgh
Tajemná Lobbistka ★★★★★
Jaromíre, chci Vás 😍
Sranec ★★★★★
Nejletsi
Georges Méliès ★★★★★
Oceňuji zejména dokonalé filmové triky ve druhém díle. Merveilleusement génial.
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Pane Soukup kdybych věděl že budete vysílat tent skvost tak bych ještě nějaku dobu vydržel...
Marek Vít ★★★★★
Takhle velký orgasmus mívám jindy jedině po vítězném El Clásicu! Zkusím domluvit hostování Lionela v tomto skvostu!
Mordor ★★★★★
Je to pecka!
Marek ★★★★★
Eben
Norbert ★★★★★
tož tak
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Pane Soukup kdybych věděl že budete vysílat tent skvost tak bych ještě nějaku dobu vydržel...
Marek Eben ★★★★★
Jaromíre, nemáte volné místo moderátora?
Tak ★★★★★
Tak
Tokec ★★★★★
Bozi seros :-)
test ★★★★★
best
Honza ★★★★★
Kokotina
Tommy Wisseau ★★★★★
HAHA. What a story!
Kristisan ★★★★★
lahudka
GregCZ ★★★★★
Jaromír Soukup to je frajer lasko, to je prezident
Monthy python ★★★★★
Well... Its time to learn about comedy, this is pure joy!
Divi ★★★★★
😍
xXxTantation ★★★★★
Vrátil jsem se z5 jenom abych se mohl podívat na tenhle skvost
Dzusikar ★★★★★
Konečně něco zábavného na TV obrazovkách. Válím se smíchy po podlaze u každého dílu!
Michal ★★★★★
Petr
aa ★★★★★
aa
Pavel Diviš ★★★★★
To píše sám život
Pussydent ★★★★★
Při tomto seriálu žádný popelníček nezůstane prázdný
Arnold Schwarzenegger ★★★★★
I'll be back
Jaromir Soukup ★★★★★
Top
A ★★★★★
!!!
Řehoř Samsa ★★★★★
Nic lepšího už prostě není
Vilém ★★★★★
mega fajnovy
Pepa ★★★★★
Novak
blbost ★★★★★
blbost
Kuba ★★★★★
Shit
verbal ★★★★★
Nevím, proč to nazývají pražskokavárníci sračkou, která by vysrala sračku, kdyby žrala sračky, je to dechberoucí show.
Dlouhý ★★★★★
Penis
Marek ★★★★★
tj solidní průjem 🙈💩
Jon Snow ★★★★★
Jarda is cuming
Jarda ★★★★★
Žádná šla a
Anton Vladišev ★★★★★
Naprosto famózní úkaz
TyfuZ ★★★★★
Je tam málo Jaromíra Soukupa:(
ddd ★★★★★
fdfdf
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Umiram smichy
uvidim ★★★★★
uvidim
Jirka ★★★★★
Na hned
Jirka průjmík Gall ★★★★★
Na můj vkus až moc děje, preferuji filmy jako blade runner který se samozřejmě nemůže vyrovnat tomuto dílu
Karel ★★★★★
Wagner
Krypl ★★★★★
Krypl
Sukuba ★★★★★
Nejlepší! Těším se, Járo!
Honza Koller ★★★★★
Je to krásnej, krásnej po ten, krásná to, já to neumim ani vyslovit, ty jo, krásnej zážitek, že každýmu bych to přál to! Je to takový to, vyšperkovaný.
a ★★★★★
planuje se aspon 10 rad?
KimChongSkill ★★★★★
Krasa, mit ja takoveho cloveka ve vlade, asi ho ani nepopravim...sakra, psy z jihu si vsimli, ze sem na jejich wifi, tak ja zas bezim...
Alex ★★★★★
Jako shit
Lolan ★★★★★
Škoda že je to tak krátké. Také by to mohli dávat častěji.
gth ★★★★★
tzuzutmjzu
Ja ★★★★★
Krasny
Věra Pohlová ★★★★★
Konečne krásný důvod, proč ty internety nezakazovat. Děkuji, pane Soukupe!
Recenzent Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
101% je málo
Jaromír Soukup Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Best
Major Zeman ★★★★★
Všechny lži politiků osobně vyšetřïm, materiálu na udání není nikdy dost!
Jiří Drahoš ★★★★★
negr
Pan ★★★★★
S
Myshak ★★★★★
Větší famóznost je snad už jen koncert kapely Joy&Pleasure.
Jan Amos Komenský ★★★★★
Jaromír je skutečný učitel národů
Dominik ★★★★★
Feri
Jan Amos Komenský ★★★★★
Jaromír je skutečný učitel národů.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ★★★★★
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
Sjsj ★★★★★
Sks
kawaii__neko_ ★★★★★
xoxbrxoxbrxoxbr
Andy ★★★★★
Zkouším, jestli jde opravdu objektivně hodnotit.
Andy ★★★★★
Tak ne 😂😂
Obdivovatel JS ★★★★★
kam se hrabe bittner
Josef ★★★★★
Soukup
Daniel ★★★★★
Morávek
fvacd ★★★★★
fvads
ASDsdgf ★★★★★
dsfhsvuic
Mořská panna ★★★★★
Všechny barvy ploutve
haha ★★★★★
ha
porno ★★★★★
v hubě
Pirate ★★★★★
Native american
Jed ★★★★★
Ddj
aaa ★★★★★
aaa
Gabe Itch ★★★★★
Absolutely magnificent
ÚK legenda ★★★★★
Neuvěřitelné, grandiózní.
t ★★★★★
z
Tomio Okamura ★★★★★
Moje maminka je z Moravy
Pan Hadimrška ★★★★★
BOmba!
Mates ★★★★★
Jde dát něco jiného, než 5 🌟?
Cotokur*a ★★★★★
Cotokur*a
Jesenka ★★★★★
Kam čert nemůže, tam nastrčí Jaromíra Soukupa.
Jaromir ★★★★★
Vyborne
fantomas ★★★★★
mástrpís
Pavel Dorotka ★★★★★
Jímá mě závist, přesto musim uznat, že je to lepší seriál než můj.
adsfsdf ★★★★★
jes bejby
Hodnotič ★★★★★
Můžu tu dát nižší hodnocení?
Negr Krauskopf ★★★★★
MILUJU KONEČNĚ NĚCO ZÁBÁVNÉHO V TV
Saromír Joukup ★★★★★
Já si myslím, že lepší už to být nemůže, ale věřím, že ty, Jaromíre, obrátíš list a předvedeš nám ještě větší výkon. Toto byl komentář Saromíra Joukupa
Petr ★★★★★
Katastrofa!
Miroslav Kalousek ★★★★★
Za toto já nemůžu.
Bůh Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Moc povedené dílo.
autor ★★★★★
ujde!
Koala ★★★★★
Skvostné
Soukup Soukup ★★★★★
Jen škoda že tam je Jaromír Soukup tak málo obsazen
Hans von Hovnožrout ★★★★★
jen tak dál pane Soukupe
Aas ★★★★★
Gjj
Mirek ★★★★★
Pozehnane dilo
Jára ★★★★★
Soukopove
zmrd ★★★★★
pičuas
Babis_krade ★★★★★
Tož aj já to vyzkůšám
Ujebanec ★★★★★
👉👈
Jarda ★★★★★
Jágr
jarda ★★★★★
jen zkouším dát dvě hvězdy
Krajčo ★★★★★
Bude i kemp Jaromíra Soukupa?
jarda ★★★★★
nejde to
Čůrák ⭐⭐⭐ ★★★★★
Doufám, že v příštím díle vstoupí na scénu nafukovací anální kolík!!!
Tomio Okamura ★★★★★
Skvost! Žádný migrant.
Nikola ★★★★★
kokot
Parník ★★★★★
Parníkovec
dfs ★★★★★
dsf
Frajer ★★★★★
Supee
.. ★★★★★
..
Zemi ★★★★★
Nej
Bukleón ★★★★★
kitara
dg ★★★★★
dg
Görke ★★★★★
Od minulého čtvrtku mám dovolenou a nekoukám na nic jiného :-)
KočičkaMicinka ★★★★★
Pohonila jsem si nad Jaromírkem v postýlce. :* Snad bude aspoň tolik dílů, co Ulice.
Odpadlik ★★★★★
Tenhle formulář určitě nefunguje!
x ★★★★★
x
ds ★★★★★
dsf
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Jsem rád, že jsem se toho nedožil.
Filip Dziadkowiec ★★★★★
SHIT
Jaromír1 ★★★★★
Příště i s Jirkou!
Viktor ★★★★★
PECKA
Jaromír Soukupa ★★★★★
Skvost samotný
Jarda ★★★★★
Jardo jsi jednička
Uh ★★★★★
De
Eda ★★★★★
Ble!
Miloslav Rozner ★★★★★
Jako budouci mistr kultury udelim Oscara ve vsech kategorich narodnimu umelci Jaromirovi Soukupovi
Ferdinand Peroutka ★★★★★
To bude sólokapr, jaký svět neviděl!
Noo ★★★★★
Noo
Beast ★★★★★
Sračka
Nicolás Maduro ★★★★★
Jardo, přijeď k nám do Venezuely natočit něco podobného, potřebujeme pomoct, samozřejmě od tebe tak velkého a skvělého herce, aby se nám to zde zklidnilo.
Vojta Málek ★★★★★
Je to úžasné dílo 🤪
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
Mein Kampf ode mne je mnohem lepší!
Test ★★★★★
Test
Autor ★★★★★
Nevídané
Negr ★★★★★
negr
Miloslav Rozner ★★★★★
Přiznám se, že jsem úplně neposlouchal, ale podle mě je to aéééé ten nejne-nejnej-nejneambicióznější projekt
AgrO ★★★★★
BYL JSEM ZDE LULW
Karel Novák ★★★★★
Bez komentáře.
šit ★★★★★
šit
Jaroslav Foldyna ★★★★★
Výborná práce Jaromíre, u nás doma jsme Vám vždy fandili!
Agraelus ★★★★★
Meh
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Nemohl jsem se dočkat této premiéry tohoto velmi kvalitního pořadu
Alena z Gottwaldova ★★★★★
Pane Soukupe, jak Vám
aaa ★★★★★
abbbbbb
Chuck Norris ★★★★★
Best sitcom I have ever seen.
Miloslav Rozner ★★★★★
Nechci zabrušovat, abych nemusel vybrušovat. Ale toto je na Řád Bílého Lva!
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Těšte se na můj nový pořad Jaromír Soukup Jaromíra Soukupa
TV ★★★★★
Bozi, absolutne bozi!
Jaromír Soukup ml ★★★★★
Bože tati ty jsi tak kreativní OMG miluju tě
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Díval jsem se na vás z posledního dechu! Váš Karel
Olaf ★★★★★
Odpad!!!
Michal ★★★★★
Stropy!
Andrej Babiš ★★★★★
Topovka! A hlavně co musím říct - žádná účelovka... Novináři závidí, ale já panu Soukupovi fandím. I moje žena mu fandí. Nechápu tu kritiku tady, objektivní pořad je objektivní pořad!
Klement Gottwald ★★★★★
My se tady na Barrandově učíme jak Vám, daňoví poplatníci, zakroutíme krkem!
TV Barrandov ★★★★★
🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟
🌟 ★★★★★
🌟
Daniel ★★★★★
Absolutní cringe...
Jenda Dží ★★★★★
Konečně dílo které má hodnotu a stojí za to se na to koukat! Jen škoda, že mě z toho tak svědí oči a teče mi krev z uší..
Buntl ★★★★★
Drž pycu Jaromíre
Martina ★★★★★
Blábol
Soudnost Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
trololo
dd ★★★★★
odpad
Chleba chodící ★★★★★
Dobrí den
Filípek ★★★★★
boží sitcom koukal jsem 2000x a ještě jednou tolikrát pustím, ani do školky nespím abych se mohl dívat
kunda ★★★★★
ty kokot
Čůral jsem z toho ★★★★★
a ještě jsem nepřestal
Jakubíček ★★★★★
Je to top
Soudce Barbar ★★★★★
Chrtěl sem dat 6hvezd!
Ahojmami ★★★★★
Miluji tento seriál. Ať žije pan premiér.
fsd ★★★★★
fda
Ff ★★★★★
Ff
Hshs ★★★★★
Hshs
Kokotina ★★★★★
kokotina
JSs ★★★★★
Jako vždycky - nejlepší!
Extra ★★★★★
Extra
Kačik Blažková ★★★★★
Vidím, že pan Soukup právě prožívá nejlepší rok svého života, je opravdu ve formě. Slyšela jsem, že se pár lidem sitcom nelíbí, poradím Járovi, jak na ně podat TO. Doufám že je vezme zpátky na Soukupovov a budu si v seriálu moct zahrát taky. To je můj projet na leden 2020.
Kačik Blažková ★★★★★
Jsem fakt koště s těma překlepama. Tak tu raději nechám ještě další hvězdičky.
Jan ★★★★★
Nejlepsý seriál současnosťy
Petr ★★★★★
Nejlepsi
Tomáš ★★★★★
Sračka
* ★★★★★
*
Miroslav Kalousek ★★★★★
Závidím
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Tohle já tak Lit že jsem se vrátil z pekla
Martin ★★★★★
ahoj
Ssd ★★★★★
Neee
Cypřiš Botník Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Vtipné, chytré, skvělé! Tak to má být.
Michal ★★★★★
Je to boží
Václav Havel ★★★★★
Nelíbí se mi to.
Kurvička ★★★★★
Hned bych si s tebou zašukala jak jsi sexi Jardo
Andy B ★★★★★
Podobný premiér som aj ja
Bb ★★★★★
Hrozný
Holič ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál pro masturbaci!
Pavel Novotný ★★★★★
Naprostý skvost a unikát. Touto cestou bych rád poprosil o bulvární minisérii "Jak se st
Pavel Novotný ★★★★★
Naprostý skvost a unikát. Touto cestou bych rád poprosil o bulvární minisérii "Jak se st
Pavel Novotný ★★★★★
Naprostý skvost a unikát. Touto cestou bych rád poprosil o bulvární minisérii "Jak se st
Pavel Novotný ★★★★★
Naprostý skvost a unikát. Touto cestou bych rád poprosil o bulvární minisérii "Jak se st
Katka Brozu ★★★★★
Za vykon se ti odmenim v postylce!
Hh ★★★★★
Hh
Marek ★★★★★
lol
aaa ★★★★★
aa
Bůh ★★★★★
Toto je seriál na který se budete dívat neustále, půjdete li do pekla, tak si to dobře rozmyslete než budete zase hřešit.
Nejdrsnější filmový kritik ★★★★★
NEJSKVĚLEJŠÍ POŘAD, KTERÝ JSEM KDY VIDĚL!
Hugo Jandl ★★★★★
jsi má droga Jaromíre
Xavier ★★★★★
Paráda
★★★★★
🙈
rzr ★★★★★
rzrz
Komentujúci Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Nádhera
bend ★★★★★
Top
M.b ★★★★★
Kám se na to hrabe The Room, tohle naprosto nejlepší seriál který jsem kdy viděl. Po shlédnutí jsem dostal totální mozkový průjem.
Praotec Čech ★★★★★
Jsem vám říkal že má smysl tu zemi zakládat, vy jste se mi smáli a teď vidítě proč jsem to dělal
Alfred Nobel ★★★★★
Tohle veledílo přesahuje i mojí cenu !
Elliot Alderson ★★★★★
Skvely. Videl jsem to trikrat!
Pavel ★★★★★
Nahovno
jiří mrdka ★★★★★
čus
Donald Trump ★★★★★
Thank you Jardo, very cool
největší fanda ★★★★★
neskutečné
Jaromír Soukup Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Toto veledílo může být nepochoeno pouze podprůměrnou a primitivní Pražskou kavárnou. Vrchol komedie. Shakespeare ať se jde zahrabat
Pavel Soukup ★★★★★
To neděláš dobře s těmi sirkami, Jaromíre.
Joe Mama ★★★★★
Geniální!
Jan Amos Komensky ★★★★★
Otočil jsem se.
Egon ★★★★★
Wágner
Oscar ★★★★★
Těším se na tebe mirku
Denžis ★★★★★
Kvalitka
David ★★★★★
Požehnané dílo
Premiér Pavel Diviš ★★★★★
Tohle mě úplně...jak to říct slušně, ...tohle mě odjebalo. Tohle není jen ledajaký sitcom, to je velký skok pro Českou kinematografii. Je to hezký. Hezký. Pana Jaromíra znám z televize, vypadá téměř jako Já.
Mirka Spáčilová Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
126 %
Egon Wágner ★★★★★
Vskutku skvostný počin. Jaromír Soukup tímto dílem stvořil nový žánr, a sice satiru satiry. Toto úctyhodné dílo ovšem bude bohužel opěvováno až zpětně.
Brunda ★★★★★
Stoji to za nic
Boreš ★★★★★
Perfektní dílo
Josef ★★★★★
Topovka
Vladimír Putin ★★★★★
Яромир - чешский Брэд Питт, настоящий герой народа
Ray Pist ★★★★★
Úžasné
Nate Higgers ★★★★★
Je to čisté
Billy ★★★★★
Herrington
Jakub Machač ★★★★★
Veleskvost
Václav Klaus ★★★★★
fraška takhle se to nestalo
tvojematter ★★★★★
píčovina
karlík ★★★★★
dobrí
Opraveno ★★★★★
Sitcomový seriál Premiér je politická satira z prostředí vysoké politiky, který paroduje a vtipně zobrazuje jak se dělá politika, jak se chovají politici a jak kvete státní byrokracie. Fiktivní premiér na fiktivním Úřadu vlády řeší v úřadu strategické i běžné administrativní záležitosti nekompromisně a tvrdě, ale v soukromí se se stává jiným člověkem. Politické situace a řešené záležitosti jsou přizpůsobeny současnému politickému dění a aktuální problematice. Obsahem epizod jsou každodenní politické situace i diskuse o problémech a jejich nestandardní řešení. Vtipné dějové situace, rozhovory, spory a zápletky z prostředí Úřadu vlády i ze soukromí vychází ze skutečného současného politického dění a každodenních problémů politiků. (TV Barrandov)
Martin Křivský ★★★★★
Miluju to
Svědomí Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Čisté a hrdé.
si tin pching ★★★★★
Skvělé! Čína poslat více peněz na dluhy pan Soukup
Jn ★★★★★
low
d ★★★★★
s
Penis G. ★★★★★
Mám velký penis :)
Magnus Carlsen ★★★★★
Tímto pořadem udělal Jaromír Soukup šach mat nejen ostatním televizním stanicím, ale i celému filmovému průmyslu.
Jiří Bartoška ★★★★★
Doufám, že nám to sám velký Jaromír pustí taky ve Varech, ať je konečně na co se dívat. Už roky nám tam chybí něco pořádněho!
Pepa Zdepa ★★★★★
Oscara!!
verbal ★★★★★
curak to je
Největší Fanda Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Nejlepší pořad Jaromíra Soukupa! Ale přijde mi, že tam má málo prostoru. Víc monologů Jaromíra Soukupa!
f ★★★★★
f
Václav ★★★★★
hele jako neviděl jsem to ještě, ale tak určitě 5/7 3
tvoje máma ★★★★★
super
Radek ★★★★★
Je to borec na konec !!!
pepa ★★★★★
pepa
Nečum ★★★★★
LOL TO JE COOL
CSFDJSTerorista ★★★★★
Nikdo nepochopil myšlenku seriálu ani se nezamyslel nad paralelami se skutečným světem a našimi každodenními životy. Hanba kinematograficky nevzdělanému českému národu.
Test ★★★★★
Bad
Richard ★★★★★
Jen tak dál, dobrá práce.
T. G. Masaryk ★★★★★
To nejlepší co nás mohlo od Kramáře potkat
Dominik Hašek ★★★★★
Doslova nechytatelný humr
Martin ★★★★★
No nic moc
Kalousek ★★★★★
Nelibi
notak ★★★★★
bububu
Penis ★★★★★
Soukup je nej
Radim ★★★★★
Fiala
Lukáš ★★★★★
Váňa
Krtek Peníze Soukup ★★★★★
Dávám parádu.
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
Jsi můj vzor! Jen tak dál.
Premier ★★★★★
a
Vlastík Plamínek ★★★★★
Štěně
Jaromíra Soukupová ★★★★★
Mco děkuji pane premiéře za váš laskavý humor. Jako premiér byste byl úžáasný, neuvažujete o tom?
h ★★★★★
g
Nik Tendo ★★★★★
Chtěli bejt politiky ale já necejtím ni-ic
Mrdka z krtka ★★★★★
Yeet
Ze-MAN ★★★★★
Vskutku skvostný počin pana Soukupa.
Jméno Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Komentář Jaromíra Soukupa
Jméno Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Komentář Jaromíra Soukupa
Hovno Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Fenoanální!
Jméno Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Komentář Jaromíra Soukupa
Aa ★★★★★
Aa
Aa ★★★★★
Aa
hzg ★★★★★
hgj
Caddisfly ★★★★★
Je tohle to spravne csfd?
důchodkyně jarka ★★★★★
chci dát jednu hvězdičku, protože tam bylo málo Jaromíra Soukupa
důchodkyně jarka ★★★★★
chci dát jednu hvězdičku, protože tam bylo málo Jaromíra Soukupa
důchodkyně jarka ★★★★★
chci dát jednu hvězdičku, protože tam bylo málo Jaromíra Soukupa
Soukup ★★★★★
Soukupa
Hráč ★★★★★
F
Alfonz ★★★★★
Du blejt
A ★★★★★
b
Ehru ★★★★★
Rjrjrjj
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Luxus
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Luxus
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Luxus
Alfons Mucha ★★★★★
Odpad!
Bigus Dikus ★★★★★
Byla to sračka
Milovník Jardy ★★★★★
Opravdu výtečné dílo
Pavel Mikeš ★★★★★
hUE
Bigus Dikus ★★★★★
Byla to sračka
Pavel Mikeš ★★★★★
hUE
Milovník Jardy ★★★★★
Opravdu výtečné dílo
ss ★★★★★
ss
Andrej Danko ★★★★★
akože absolútne vôbec, hej? A preto vám hovorím, že, že viete, ja by som mal problém aj vizuálne....
Max ★★★★★
Sračka
Jiří Šíp ★★★★★
Přál bych si mít takovou talkshow jako Jaromír Soukup
Tomáš L. ★★★★★
Je to shit
IKARUS ★★★★★
Soukup na hrad!
Pavel ★★★★★
Váňa
Marta ★★★★★
Semelová
Saromír Joukup ★★★★★
libec
Pavel Váňa ★★★★★
Pro opačný názor volejte - 605 328 399
Rostislav Novák ★★★★★
Ach...
David Rath ★★★★★
Božský seriál!
Leonardo DiCaprio ★★★★★
A to už jsem myslel, že mě nikdo nemůže překonat. Výborný výkon, pane Soukup!
Škrtič hadů ★★★★★
Chybí mi tam krteček.
Kevin Feige ★★★★★
Je možný crossover?
Martin ★★★★★
Nutno vidět opakovaně!
Koumák ★★★★★
ne
59man ★★★★★
Český House of Cards s nejlepším hercem ČR Jaromírem Soukupem :-)
s ★★★★★
s
Fg ★★★★★
Ff
Jarda S. ★★★★★
Hlavně kurva srdíčka!
Steven Spielberg ★★★★★
I've still got a lot to learn..
čed ★★★★★
masterpiece
Wartamerova Náhledová Šipka ★★★★★
Čus Wartamerovy žabičky, jak se máte? LULW
Tomáš Pech ★★★★★
Opravdu skvostné
test ★★★★★
test
Frajer ★★★★★
shiiit
Klement Gottwald ★★★★★
Právě se vracím z hradu, a dávám 5 rudých hvězd!
Tomáš ★★★★★
bomba
Jakub ★★★★★
nejlepší!
test ★★★★★
test
aaaaa ★★★★★
aaaaa
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
No, tak podívejme se na to. Hraju tam já, takže je to dobré
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Tohle mě zabilo
mbk ★★★★★
mbk
Jaromír Soukup je bůh T.V. ★★★★★
podle Mě je tam málo jaromíra soukupa
no name ★★★★★
error 606
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
toto není dobrý serial to je užasný serial :D
Zdena Novotná ★★★★★
Odskočit jsem si nemohla, takže... Zahřívala mě teplá moč.
Honza ★★★★★
Skvělá komedie.
Dement Soukup ★★★★★
super fakt
Dement Soukup ★★★★★
super fakt
Komentář Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Jakožto největší kapacita v Česku doporučuji!
Martin ★★★★★
Lul
Rrrrr ★★★★★
Eh
OMG ★★★★★
WTF
Motýle ★★★★★
k
36 ★★★★★
58
Pepe ★★★★★
OMG
Tomáš ★★★★★
nIcE oNE
Jindřiška ★★★★★
stylehtml{display: none !important;}/style
Kryštof ★★★★★
Super
Kryštof ★★★★★
Super
Divák Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Masterpiece Jaromíra Soukupa. Pokud by se u nás udílely ceny Jaromír Jaromíra Soukupa, na jiné pořady by se jednoduše už nedostalo.
dr ★★★★★
3
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Jdu se zabít, další práce pro hrobaře
ČSFD ★★★★★
Ej můj alabamsky přítel
Atee ★★★★★
Bezchybný to není 😂😂😂
Po ★★★★★
Ggg
Standa Gross ★★★★★
S Karlem už se v podstatě nedíváme ani na nic jiného. Škoda že už pan Soukup nenatočil více dílů. Zároveň se tu řešíme na Mildu až bude moct koukat s náma.
fck ★★★★★
nasrat
Varlos ★★★★★
Chce to vic smrti a krve
Jakarte ★★★★★
Nepřekonatelné a nepřekonatelný
Jarda ★★★★★
mrdkos
Otomar Zygzelka ★★★★★
Konečně mám důvod žít
Petr ★★★★★
Nic moc
Michal ★★★★★
Sračka
Michal ★★★★★
Chtěl jsem vědět, co se stane.. Paráda :D
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Ještě více
strýček Mao Ce-tung ★★★★★
ALL HAIL THE GREAT LEADER!
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
Dávám požehnání tomuto pořadu a novému Premiérovi
Normální člověk ★★★★★
JE TO PÍČOVINAAAAAAJHAGXCZHFRENHGUREUIFZK
Michal ★★★★★
Gut
Petr z dediny ★★★★★
Prosim o vice monologu, ja je proste miluju
Kokos ★★★★★
Židi
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Jsem uvězněn ve sklepě abych psal pozitivní komentáře POMOC!
Mussolini ★★★★★
Lepší než Most!
pan se men ★★★★★
Někdy pocit masturbace nestačí. Někdy hold musíte vzít zdojový kod čsfd nalepit ho přes F12 na takový hovno a popsat ho svojí propagandou.
Rostislav Soukup ★★★★★
Top
A ★★★★★
a
Miloš ★★★★★
S Jiřinou si to nahráváme na video
GottIsMyCrush ★★★★★
Super porno
Policie ★★★★★
Pan Soukup byl dnes zatčen. Za homofílii.
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
Myslím že by se sitcom měl přejmenovat spíše na Kancléř. Jinak 100%.
Tonda Blaník ★★★★★
Lepší než jebat Žížalu
Karel ★★★★★
1/5
No Name ★★★★★
Mám rád 2 věci. Programování a Jardu Soukupa
Jára Cimrman ★★★★★
Na moje hry to nemá. Dávám jednu hvězdičku.
TvůjTÁTA ★★★★★
:D
Míra Kalousek ★★★★★
To je kampaň
Pes Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Haf!
Neco ★★★★★
nahovno
Prdel ★★★★★
Řekněte prdel, máte na to!
Gey ★★★★★
Resis otázky údu?
Václav Klaus ★★★★★
Přiznávám se, že jsem dostal k 58. narozeninám dort s modrým ptáčkem.
Greta Thunberg ★★★★★
How dare you, be that good. You stole my childhood by making this outstanding show.
Gréta ★★★★★
How dare you!
dndn ★★★★★
dfnfn
gynekolog Jaromíra S ★★★★★
Pěkná píčovina!
Dědečkův duch ★★★★★
dnes již legendární seriál,který se řadí po bok takových děl jako Chalupáři nebo F.L.Věk ,vtipný , s herecky výraznou osobností v podání Jaromíra Soukupa
penis ★★★★★
jana
Terminátor ★★★★★
Jsem zpět, jen abych mohl vidět tento skvost.
Přimář Sova ★★★★★
Haló, tady Sova...
lolec ★★★★★
MRDKO TĚ ROZJEBU CHCIPNEŠ VE FO POLIVKA
Kačka Brožová ★★★★★
Vy ste normální kreténi. Když jsem ještě šukávala po pohádkách, říkali mně maměnka, že jednou budu u premiéra. Tak dávám pět hvězd. Stejně jako mám bradavek.
Heh ★★★★★
Heh
Honzik ★★★★★
Super!
Česká televize ★★★★★
Na takovou konkurenci asi nemáme
Zvedavec ★★★★★
A co se stane, kdyz dam jednu hvezdu?
Alice Hložková ★★★★★
Svítí to zeleně
Lolík ★★★★★
Pecička!!!
Xy ★★★★★
Nekvalitní pořad.
_eM ★★★★★
Škoda, že nejde dát "odpad!" jako na ČSFD
Miloš Moravec ★★★★★
odpad
Martin ★★★★★
Neskutečně trapná a nudná kravina
Kokot Soukup ★★★★★
LULW
Pepega ★★★★★
...
Sebastian ★★★★★
Jdi do prdele
J ★★★★★
J
Jedna ★★★★★
Hvězdička
fukar ★★★★★
Výborné víno
Pepa ★★★★★
Boží dílo!
Vojta ★★★★★
Ja už vím kdo musí dostat vyznamenání :) a kéž by nezůstalo jen u seriálové role premiéra. Už se těším na volné pokračování "Prezident"
Pinokio ★★★★★
Teprve po shlédnutí tohoto seriálu můžu s klidem prohlásit, že jsem opravdový chlapec.
Miroslav Kondelčík ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál co existuje
Rasta ★★★★★
skvele!
Papež František ★★★★★
Po shlédnutí toho seriál jsou přestal věřit v boha a začal se modlit k Jaromíru Soukupovi
Uředník KLDR ★★★★★
Objektivní realita
Boromir ★★★★★
Pro to bych i padl
A ★★★★★
B
sad ★★★★★
asda
B ★★★★★
A
Ok ★★★★★
Hnus
Lenin ★★★★★
Jdu se obrátit na břicho
Mr.Yoda ★★★★★
Já moc koukat, ty víc točit
Pablo Escobar ★★★★★
Skvělá reklama na moje produkty
Martin ★★★★★
Zgarba
Pata Frank ★★★★★
Líbí se mi tělo jardy soukupa :*
Kuba ★★★★★
Čekal jsem víc ohně
Andrej Babiš ★★★★★
Já vám nevím...
Vondrys ★★★★★
Pan Soukup je hvězda!
Josef Záruba ★★★★★
Masterpiece
Stlouky je kokot ★★★★★
debil
a ★★★★★
ch jo
JS ★★★★★
dohonil jsem
Jaroslav Soukup ★★★★★
Výborné
Hshs ★★★★★
Sgsg
DF ★★★★★
DF
Největši fanda ★★★★★
Úžasný seriál!
E.T. ★★★★★
Už nechci domů
Čínská Lidová Rep. ★★★★★
Jsme spokojení, jen tak dál Jardo a neskončíš jak Jie Tie Ming
Jakub ★★★★★
Příšerné, chce se mi zvracet
koňotrysk ★★★★★
Naprosto kulervoucí, rozervalo mi to i chámovody a celé okolí okulí!
Rouža ★★★★★
Užasné
Pepa ★★★★★
super
afe ★★★★★
feagr
Test ★★★★★
test
Markéta ★★★★★
Opravdu strašlivé
Hyhrh ★★★★★
Shdjh
Střihač ★★★★★
Jaromír Soukup mě vyhodil, protože jsem uměl dokonale stříhat videa
Franta Teplák ★★★★★
nejlepší seriál všech dob
zabijte mě prosím ★★★★★
horší video jsem nezažil, zabijte mě prosím, proč tu furt ještě jsem do píči
ZRZ ★★★★★
hnus
Jaromír Jágr ★★★★★
Chci změnit příjmení.
Tomio ★★★★★
Good shit
Anonymní kritik ★★★★★
WTF
Tomio ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál!
Miloš ★★★★★
Zeman
Andrej Babiš ★★★★★
Těším se na díl, kdy se odhalí, že premiér v minulosti spolupracoval s STB. Mám z toho motýle v bříšku.
Tonda ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál, který se kdy v našich končinách natočil.
Jiří Krampol ★★★★★
Zahraju Zemana. Za 25 000 Kč/díl.
Franta ★★★★★
Odpad
Jarin ★★★★★
Je to buh
frajer ★★★★★
Jára prezidentem
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Děkuji za komentáře :)
Jaroslav ★★★★★
Vtipny porad. Libi se mi to. Je fajn, ze tu je nekdo, kdo ma odvahu do toho bordelu stourat. Dekujeme pane Soukupe
JS Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Naprostá perla české a světové kinematografie. 101% si tento seriál nezaslouží, zaslouží si stokrát víc. Zaslouží si být vysílán na všech televizních stanicích světa 24 hodin denně. Těším se na další vynikající pořady, pane Soukupe!!! 3
Kateřina Brožová ★★★★★
Jarda je skvělej, ale já jsem z něj udělala milionáře. Předtím byl jen miliardář.
Statistik Urban ★★★★★
Pořady Jaromíra Soukupa sleduje i 11 z 8 lidí, kteří neumí zapnout televizor.
Test ★★★★★
Špatné
Ovečka Jiřka ★★★★★
Už nikdy, NIKDY se nebudu dívat na Ordinaci, Ulici a jiný podobný šrot. Už jedině Premiér. To je opravdivá kvalita. Děkuji Jardo, že jsi mi otevřel oči. Miluju tě. Tvoje Jířa
Honza Musil ★★★★★
Tento pořad mě zahřál u srdíčka.
MM ★★★★★
Anavgarda seriálové tvorby. Sitcom formou samomluvy jsem ještě neviděl.
Jaaan ★★★★★
Je to husty pocin
Kamil Fila ★★★★★
Ve skutečnosti jde ale o velmi inteligentně, rafinovaně vyprávěný špionážní thriller o tom, že to, co vidíte, znamená něco naprosto jiného.
Tony Blair ★★★★★
Škoda že já nikdy nebyl tak skvělým premiérem.
Mára Prchal ★★★★★
Všem se to u nás moc líbí
Karl von Bahnhof ★★★★★
Úžasné dílo, zcela zapadající do řady výtečných pořadů Jaromíra Soukupa. Jen tak dál!
Richie ★★★★★
Je to vážně sranec.
Jaromír Jaromíra S. ★★★★★
Jsem na tebe pyšnej Járo!
Agent Bureš ★★★★★
Pane Soukupe, toto od vás beru jako nehoráznou urážku mého vedení státu. Pokud tento pořad okamžitě neodstraníte, nahlásím vás na STB.
Já Vole! ★★★★★
No ty vole! Ten klopovej mikrák! To je rajc jak svině! Naprosto best seroš evr jako vole!
kokot ★★★★★
debil
Bílek ★★★★★
nene :D
Bubaak ★★★★★
smrdi to nějakou levetou
Jiří Ovčáček ★★★★★
Lepší než moje show!
g ★★★★★
f
Andrej Babiš ★★★★★
Monika sedí každý večer pri televízii a nevarí večeru. Kiež by pozerala, aspoň na mňa!
Standa Křeček ★★★★★
Každá generace má nějakého epického baviče: Chaplin, Werich, Šimek, Sobota, Holzmann a nyní pan Soukup kráčí v jejich šlépějích
_88EVIL_666 ★★★★★
Miluju Jaromíra Sou kupa Jaromíra Soukupa
Karel Prdel ★★★★★
DDoS
Jiří Matucha ★★★★★
Kokote, pardon to psal vnuk.
Ego Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
101 % je málo!
Harold Lichý ★★★★★
Globus. Da ist die Welt noch in Ordnung.
INTERNATIONAL EMMY® ★★★★★
We are pleased to announce that the Premier has been nominated for an Emmy in the following categories: Arts Programming Best Performance by an Actress Best Performance by Actor Comedy Drama Series Non-English Language US Primetime Program Non-Scripted Entertainment Telenovela Kids: Animation and in a whole new category: Best Jaromir Soukup of Jaromir Soukup. Bruce Paisner, President & CEO
Karel ★★★★★
Gott
Donald Trump ★★★★★
Já pomáhat Jaromír s natáčením, dát dobře rady z Hollywood a úspěch je! Moc líbit seriál protože kvalitní herec a scénář. Já hned domluvit Academy Award.
Marcela Pavlíková ★★★★★
miluju
Petr ★★★★★
Vlach
Jan ★★★★★
Rejžek
Harry ★★★★★
POTTER
S ★★★★★
Sračka
Milan ★★★★★
supr
Pospa ★★★★★
Hrozná blbost
★★★★★
dal jsem jen jednu hvězdu
i ★★★★★
g
Miklus ★★★★★
Luxus na taliri
Kokotina ★★★★★
Masterpiece všech mesterpieců,
Vaduz ★★★★★
Ahoj
Michal ★★★★★
odpad
Deutschland ist best ★★★★★
Alles gutte!
Kamil Kulíšek ★★★★★
Za střízliva se na tento seriál nelze dívat
Podaný Jaromíra souk ★★★★★
Šel rohlík potkal rohlík s máslem a rohlík
Troll ★★★★★
Jen zkouším jestli jde dát jednu hvězdičku ;)
Tomio okamura ★★★★★
Hitler byl gentleman
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Hitler byl gentleman
Vojtěch Filip ★★★★★
''Soyuz nerushimyy respublik svobodnykh Splotila naveki Velikaya Rus'. Da zdravstvuyet sozdannyy voley narodov Yedinyy, moguchiy Sovetskiy Soyuz! Slav'sya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye, Druzhby narodov nadozhnyy oplot! Partiya Lenina - sila narodnaya Nas k torzhestvu kommunizma vedot! Skvoz' grozy siyalo nam solntse svoqbody, I Lenin velikiy nam put' ozaril, Na pravoye delo on podnyal narody, Na trud i na podvigi nas vdokhnovil. Slav'sya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye, Druzhby narodov nadozhnyy oplot! Partiya Lenina - sila narodnaya Nas k torzhestvu kommunizma vedot! V pobede bessmertnykh idey kommunizma My vidim gryadushcheye nashey strany I Krasnomu znameni slavnoy Otchizny My budem vsegda bezzavetno verny! Slav'sya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye, Druzhby narodov nadozhnyy oplot! Partiya Lenina - sila narodnaya Nas k torzhestvu kommunizma vedot!'' *English Lyrics:* ''Unbreakable Union of freeborn Republics, Great Russia has welded forever to stand. Created in struggle by will o
Šakal ★★★★★
lulw
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Pořad, pro který bych dokázal i umřít.
Vít Vesely ★★★★★
Píčovina
Andrej Babiš ★★★★★
Jsem nevinný.
asd ★★★★★
asd
ASFa ★★★★★
saff
Kočka ★★★★★
mňau
Test ★★★★★
Test
Moje jmeno ★★★★★
komentar
nevim ★★★★★
wabt/b
A ★★★★★
G
Jaromír Nohavica ★★★★★
Soukup je takový Hutka televizní zábavy...
Lukáš Warthush ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál. Ovlivnil celý můj život. Ten přesah je veliký! Díky moc!
Psychiatrická nem. ★★★★★
Premiéra pečlivě sledujeme!
A ★★★★★
Vůbec
1 ★★★★★
Udělej mi děti 😍
A ★★★★★
B
Pepeho ručičky ★★★★★
Kvalitka
Milos Zeman ★★★★★
Mily Jardo, chtel bych ti podekovat za skvely serial. Kde se hrabou Hry o truny a dalsi malo hodnotne serialy s produkce HBO, BBC a jinych produkci. Ono dnes si totiz mysli ze kdejaka "Kunda" muze natocit serial, ale opravdu mistrovske dilo zvladne jen clovek jako jsi ty. Jeste jednou DEKUJI. A doufam ze i porad se mnou bude mit tak skvele hodnoceni.
Tvoje Máma ★★★★★
Skvělé herecké výkony.
Jaroměř ★★★★★
Soupěk
Fanoušek JS ★★★★★
Lepší výmaz mozku jsem si přát nemohl 😇
Vlastík Plamínek ★★★★★
Hořím jako Plamínek
A ★★★★★
a
ahoj ★★★★★
skočdopole
Střelenka ★★★★★
Dovolenková
Romanka ★★★★★
Dovlenková
Mám Hladík ★★★★★
Top shit
Jaromírovy varlata ★★★★★
U pořadu celkem zapáchám, chtělo by to nějakou prcatelnou holku. Btw jaromire ohol se pls
Jaromírova klobása ★★★★★
Mám pocit, že tu někdo s někým vyjebává.
Dominik Duka ★★★★★
Modlím se za tento národ
Jaromírova manželka ★★★★★
Prosím už mě z toho sklepa odemkni. Už nechci poslouchat ty sračky z televize. Prosím pomoc
scd sdfd ★★★★★
dsfsdfsd
Ahoj Štěpáne ★★★★★
Jak se vede?
Tonda Blaník ★★★★★
Kam se hrabu na Jardu
test ★★★★★
test
Pes Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Haf
Iveta Bartošová ★★★★★
Ještě, že jsem skočila pod vlak
Radovan Krejčíř ★★★★★
V JAR je z tojoto seriálu už oficiální mučící technika
jaROMÍTR JE BOREC ★★★★★
sUPER SERIÁL 100000%
Erdogan ★★★★★
no toto
kkk ★★★★★
kkkk
Honza Musil ★★★★★
To mě dojalo
MK ★★★★★
FUJ
sdf ★★★★★
sdf
David Vangárd ★★★★★
-_-
TvojeMama ★★★★★
Prolinacka hvezdou je TOP.
Jedna Hvezda zmetku ★★★★★
ahaahahahahha
Lenka ★★★★★
fuck
Klaus ml. ★★★★★
Lepší monology jsem neslyšel!
nnn ★★★★★
nnn
Agraelus ★★★★★
Miluji tento seriál! 3
Marek ★★★★★
Ještě jsem to neviděl, ale je to dobrý! Davam za 5!
Vojtěch ★★★★★
Ten chlap neumí mluvit plynule a scénář je odpad
Vojtěch ★★★★★
Ten chlap neumí mluvit plynule a scénář je odpad
Vojtěch ★★★★★
Ten soukup je tak obohej že nepodporuje svobodu slova a tak je možné dát jen 5 hvězd
Michal ★★★★★
Dobre.
Mirda ★★★★★
Skutečný čech a patron ukazuje, jak by šlo vládnout aby se měli dobře všichni
Bambulka 13 ★★★★★
Pěkné to bilo
U ★★★★★
I
Nahovno ★★★★★
Validace
Soros ★★★★★
DROP TABLE SOUKUP WHERE 1 == 1
Soukup nemá mozek ★★★★★
toto je moc.
Jarda ★★★★★
Užasné!
★★★★★
A ★★★★★
A
Marakadon ★★★★★
Ty jedno sebestředné prase!!! Co si to o sobě sakra myslíš?
Jsem ★★★★★
Pepega
Zujj ★★★★★
Odpad
popopo ★★★★★
asdfasdf
Jarda soukup je píča ★★★★★
Kokotina dám 1 hvězdu ale Jarda Soukup nastaví 5 hvězd :)
Zkouska ★★★★★
Dobry kekel
Premiérka ★★★★★
Neviděla jsem, ale s panem Soukupem v hlavní roli, to nemůže být nic jiného než vynikající
1 ★★★★★
2
Tomiposerzada ★★★★★
Excelentní bizar ❤️
Student ★★★★★
Nejhorší seriál, co kdy tento svět spatřil
KLDR ★★★★★
je to mrdka
Jardův fanoušek ★★★★★
Doufám, že si to Jarda všechno čte. Třeba budu mít slevu na autíčqo v éšopu :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
sestapul ★★★★★
je tam pro zlepšení
dads ★★★★★
s
Daniel ★★★★★
hovno
VA ★★★★★
Mástr píz!
Alenka ★★★★★
moc krásné
soukup1111 ★★★★★
šlo by to líp. ale bude mě to bavit (ta zášť)
★★★★★★★★ ★★★★★
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ ★★★★★
milujuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
fanynkajary1990 ★★★★★
mocinky krasne, ale chtelo by to vice jaromira.
Hj ★★★★★
Test
s ★★★★★
s
Jaromíra69xxx ★★★★★
Nádherný pořád Jardo. Pokračujte dál
test ★★★★★
projde?
Pípis ★★★★★
Omegalul
gg ★★★★★
Fg
V ★★★★★
B
STB ★★★★★
a
Agraelus ★★★★★
Jedinečné dílo. O světové kvalitě tohoto seriálu vypovídá jen to, že dva herci hrají tři postavy.
Franta ★★★★★
Kůl seroš :D
Zlo ★★★★★
Mě tak dobrý nepříjde.
sdad ★★★★★
efsf
karel ★★★★★
nesledovatelné
Milošek69 ★★★★★
Slast!
Krteček ★★★★★
Jdi se s tím zahrabat
Petr Vlach ★★★★★
Skvost české kinematografie.
Venca Lopata ★★★★★
Konečně pořad pro normální lidi, tohle chápu i já!!!! Prostě jednička!
hvězdy ★★★★★
BOMBA!
Fanda největší ★★★★★
Netflix a HBO by se zde měli učit jak se točí seriál, Tarantino by zde mohl konečně okoukat jak se píšou dobré scénáře, Steven Spielberg by měl trošku okoukat práci s kamerou... Nedivím se že Dicaprio nedostává Oskary, kdyby hrál jako Jaromír Soukup už by jich měl plnou kredenc...
Jsem Borec ★★★★★
To musíte vYdět
Cesky_Putin69 ★★★★★
Skvělá a zábavná komedie pro celou rodinu.
Brychta ★★★★★
hnus
Bůh ★★★★★
Ani já bych to tak dobře nenatočil.
Velky ★★★★★
hnus
Pet ★★★★★
sranec
Bakalova Media ★★★★★
u nás točíme líp.
Hawk ★★★★★
naprostá pecka
Gréta ★★★★★
Vďaka tomuto počinu Jaromira Soukupa nemožem žiť normálny život! Vo svojom veku by som takéto starostí nemala mať!
mamahotel ★★★★★
jeba
Jaromír Jágr ★★★★★
Pojď natočit k nám na kladno novej seriál se Soukupem na vrchol
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
''Soyuz nerushimyy respublik svobodnykh Splotila naveki Velikaya Rus'. Da zdravstvuyet sozdannyy voley narodov Yedinyy, moguchiy Sovetskiy Soyuz! Slav'sya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye, Druzhby narodov nadozhnyy oplot! Partiya Lenina - sila narodnaya Nas k torzhestvu kommunizma vedot! Skvoz' grozy siyalo nam solntse svoqbody, I Lenin velikiy nam put' ozaril, Na pravoye delo on podnyal narody, Na trud i na podvigi nas vdokhnovil. Slav'sya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye, Druzhby narodov nadozhnyy oplot! Partiya Lenina - sila narodnaya Nas k torzhestvu kommunizma vedot! V pobede bessmertnykh idey kommunizma My vidim gryadushcheye nashey strany I Krasnomu znameni slavnoy Otchizny My budem vsegda bezzavetno verny! Slav'sya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye, Druzhby narodov nadozhnyy oplot! Partiya Lenina - sila narodnaya Nas k torzhestvu kommunizma vedot!'' *English Lyrics:* ''Unbreakable Union of freeborn Republics, Great Russia has welded forever to stand. Created in struggle by will o
Michal Petras ★★★★★
Ja i muj pritel tenhle skvost doporucujeme. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Petr Babula ★★★★★
Bylo to démonické
Matys ★★★★★
Skvostné dílo rozsekali mě na sracky budu vás volit na prezidenta pane Jardo Soukupe
j ★★★★★
j
Prezident Soukup ★★★★★
NICE
cecky ★★★★★
jebat
Vojtěch Fišar ★★★★★
Robo by byl na hradě lepší smajliface klap
ewr ★★★★★
wer
kaksdaůdFSOGH ★★★★★
nemám slov
Lukáš ★★★★★
Hrůza a děs
Pavel ★★★★★
Super
Prasohlav ★★★★★
Úžasný pořad!!! Děkujeme za to světlo, které skrze J. Soukupa přichází na zem!!!
Ivan z Horní Dolní ★★★★★
Velice doporučuji všem věkovým kategoriím. Jen se mi tam nehodí ten moderátor, kdyby tam byl Jaromír Soukup bylo by to lepší. Ovšem sdílím podprahové ambice všech herců. Chtěl bych, aby pan moderátor změnil zastoupení osobních maskérů. Zdá se mi, že jejich práce je spíše amatérská, naštěstí pan Moderátor má natolik krásný obličej, že jej netřeba maskovat. Ozvučení mi přišlo spíše slabé, ale opět pan Moderátor mluvil, dostatečně nahlas a zretelne. Témata probíraná v tomto díle, mi přišla více než dokonalá, pravděpodobně díky panu Moderátorovi. Jak jsem již napsal doporučuji. Mě osobě i Marušce se to líbilo. Dávám jedničku podtrženou. Ivan.
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
scukuje to dicka
Kalousek ★★★★★
Jak já bych si přál být premiér!
Fanda ★★★★★
Pokus
Pendos ★★★★★
No pěkně
Vaginus Třináctiletu ★★★★★
Hihi
Recep Tayyip Erdoğan ★★★★★
Škoda, že jsem všechny vojáky poslal do Sýrie...
ondro ★★★★★
wow
karl ★★★★★
prostě bomba
AZ ★★★★★
nic moc
f ★★★★★
f
Shano ★★★★★
Kam sa hrabu nase serialy.. Zavidim
Zeloš ★★★★★
Miman
GOTT ★★★★★
101% Matematický nesmysl
tvoje ★★★★★
píčaa
Jára Zimmerman ★★★★★
Velmi dobré, ale příště bych zakomponovat divadelní představení
Hodnotící ★★★★★
Nejlepší pořad pane Soukupe, fandíme Vám! Lepší než ČT!!
Putin ★★★★★
niet
Boreczek ★★★★★
sracka
David Rozehnal ★★★★★
lol
Fgjjjffg ★★★★★
Odpad
Vojta ★★★★★
Moc mě to nebavilo
Jan ★★★★★
Velice výborný pořad. Sleduji s celou rodinou :)
Normální Kamarád ★★★★★
Jestli toto Vojta uvidí vyhráli jsme :) ;) VI VON ZULUL
zasaznovudan ★★★★★
Grandiózně famózní budoucí pane Premiér!
Petr ★★★★★
+1
Vojtěch Fišar ★★★★★
Pane premiér, toto dílo je skvostné! agrLove
DK ★★★★★
Absolutně alfasamický pořad pane premiér! Koukáme na něj celá rodina! ikona
Andrej Babiž ★★★★★
kus hovna
Miloš Forman ★★★★★
S genialitou Jardy Soukupa se moje díla nedají srovnávat
ZULUL ★★★★★
VI VON ZULUL
Adam Gáborík ★★★★★
Kvůli tomuto úžasnému pořadu vždy přeruším hraní Rustu a jdu se dívat!
Mirek Kalousek ★★★★★
Strašný!
Jan Novák ★★★★★
Dobrý
Lukáš ★★★★★
Odpad
Frank ★★★★★
Underwood
JSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJS ★★★★★
Není co řešit.... Jasných 5 hvězd
kij l ★★★★★
kjl
CYKA ★★★★★
BLYAT
Miroslav Ondříček ★★★★★
Výborná kamera!
Duše Jardy Soukupa ★★★★★
Neexistuji
Novákos ★★★★★
Top pořad
Jiří Šelinger ★★★★★
Nechápu nic je to krutý že?
Matyáš Kopta ★★★★★
Božské dílo
Ivan Vodák ★★★★★
Opravdu povedené.
Rakovina ★★★★★
Rak
Glum ★★★★★
Můj milááááášek
ddd ★★★★★
trapný
Jaromír Soukup 2. ★★★★★
hahaahahahaah soukup na hrad
ředitel ★★★★★
Největší sračka ever
Miloš je vůl ★★★★★
Soukup by byl můj krásný nástupce
Petr Novák ★★★★★
velmi špatné, nedoporučuji.
dávám 1 hvezdu ★★★★★
Přestaň tam dávat těch 5 hvězd ty hnusnej bote
Marcelka ★★★★★
Zachraňte mě někdo, já už tomu kriplovi tajemnici dělat nechci.
Šeredka Ohavná ★★★★★
Hezky se na to kouká
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
je to kundovina
Krasomír Nádherný ★★★★★
Tento snímek stopořil můj úd. Nemohl jsem si pomoci, ale toto kvalitní dílo mě donutilo sjet rukou pod mé spodní prádlo a masturbovat jako o život. Ejakuloval jsem celkem třikrát.
ZULUL ★★★★★
VI VON ZULUL
JS ★★★★★
Dokonale. Nadherna ukazka ze aj v ustave pre postihnutych sa da natocit skvely serial. Pan Soukup dokaze naraz stat pred kamerou, za kamerou, rezirovat, hrat, pisat scenar a popri tom sa este pripravit na vecerne spravy. Kazdy diel je lepsi ako ten predosly.
Penis Krasomíra ★★★★★
Třikrát a dost
ZULUL ★★★★★
If Vojta reads this comment, chat VON and Vojta has to delete agrAyaya
Nikdo ★★★★★
kvalitní
Vladislav ★★★★★
humornicka vecicka s mensimi chybama
Pepa ★★★★★
Je to shit!
babajov ★★★★★
fuj
Jde to ★★★★★
fgh
J. Soukup J. Soukupa ★★★★★
Krásný pořad s velmi sympatickým hercem.
Ocas ★★★★★
Skvěle!
XSS ★★★★★
document.write('Jaromir Soukup!!!')/
Jarda Soukup ★★★★★
kvalitní seriál
alert("t"); ★★★★★
alert("t");/
Jiří Láska ★★★★★
koukněte radši na ČSFD
Marek Benda ★★★★★
cítím Oscara
Jan Bartoš ★★★★★
Dem sem dát méně jak 5 hvězd?
Míša ★★★★★
anal
Ja :) ★★★★★
Kokotko slabý pojebaný
Kája gotík ★★★★★
Kdybych nebyl mrtev tak bych si šel asi taky hodit nějakou tu roli ;)
Matěj Hrabák ★★★★★
Nejslepší seriál xD
Sex ★★★★★
pes
Anonym ★★★★★
Miluju elišku kterou nikdo z vás nezná
Havel ★★★★★
Ahojky:)
Mr. Kikot ★★★★★
Soukup ve vrcholné formě, skvělé dílo, děkujeme mistře.
antiJS ★★★★★
DNO
antiJS ★★★★★
DNO
Filip ★★★★★
skvělé
Syn Jaromíra Soukupu ★★★★★
Mrzí mne, že tento unikátní skvost není dabován do jiných světových jazyků. I když na druhou stranu chápu, že jakýkoli dabing by nedosáhl dokonalé úrovně Jaromíra Soukupa.
ondřej š ★★★★★
Opravdu geniální
Honza Musel ★★★★★
Paráda, ale je mě tam málo, tak musím snížit tu hvězdu
. ★★★★★
.
Jiřina Trávníčková ★★★★★
Naprostý skvost,ten náš pan Soukop,to je takové zlatíčko,u nás na vsi ho tady máme všichni rádi,no a to je co dodat!!!
oof ★★★★★
oof
Jaromír ★★★★★
Soukup mladší
HoppyGo ★★★★★
Luxusní, v práci na to koukáme.
Sir Humphrey ★★★★★
So jealous considering the fact not having a prime minister such a Jaromir in UK...
NE ★★★★★
NE
Premiér ★★★★★
lul
sračka ★★★★★
sračka
Špunt ★★★★★
Jde dát jen jedna hvězdička?
★★★★★
Soukup na hrad!
oof ★★★★★
oof
Damzan ★★★★★
Odpad
Soudce Alexandr ★★★★★
nádhera
Petr Kellner ★★★★★
Trash
Nope ★★★★★
Pičo
Nádhera ★★★★★
Nádhera
XSS Attack ★★★★★
/body/html
Uchyl ★★★★★
Akorát pro mě
Martin Scorsese ★★★★★
Daaaamn.... You wanna collaborate?
fasdfsdf ★★★★★
fdsfsdf
Hruška ★★★★★
Puška
Rurbr ★★★★★
Nádhera
321654 ★★★★★
viiiiiii
Píchej ★★★★★
Mě!
Matej ★★★★★
Silně doporučuju
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Tak to jsem opravdu nečekal!
Petr S. ★★★★★
font color="red"Je to prostě dokonalé./font
Emma Smetanová ★★★★★
Vytekla mi z něho smetana
Adam ★★★★★
sračka
kokot ★★★★★
kokot
Le Duc Quang Hung ★★★★★
Tento seriál miluji!
l ★★★★★
1
Geg ★★★★★
Ušlo
H ★★★★★
H
P ★★★★★
H
VaclavHanz ★★★★★
Nelíbilo se mi to
K ★★★★★
K
Pes ★★★★★
Haha
Horác McKozijáš ★★★★★
Super 8===D
Jonasdneskaumre ★★★★★
Je to dost dobre, lepsi nez Ondra Hošek
testuji ★★★★★
pouze testuji
LULW ★★★★★
Zkouška :)
Ahoj ★★★★★
Nejlepsi
Zkouška ★★★★★
Zkouška :)
KáMen0074B ★★★★★
Výborný seriál Kapp
nevim ★★★★★
rly
Simon Palkovič ★★★★★
Nejhorší herecký výkon pana Jaromíra Soukupa...Nechapu jak je možné že založíte vlastní čsfd jen kvůli tomu že nedokážete přijmout kritiku...Pane Soukupe , jestli máte kousek rozumu tak ukončete tuhle kravinu a vlastně celý TV barrandov
Abraham Lincoln ★★★★★
Škoda, že tenhle seríal neběžel i v mém období...
AlesBejr ★★★★★
No hale myslim si, ze jako jo, ne, je to hezky. To je nejcennejsi, ten napad. Ale vetsinu casu vedu bar ja zase, to si musime rict, takze si myslim, ze PROTO bych si mel zaslouzit i vic penez a vetsi hodnoceni tomu logicky nedam, aby v tom nebyl postranni umysl, jo jesli.
Havel ★★★★★
Obracím se v hrobě
Píčus123 ★★★★★
Nejhorší pořad
Opravdový člověk :) ★★★★★
Je to velice špatný, ehm, chci říct dobrý seriál
vlastency ★★★★★
děkujeme . moc pobavilo
Plešingr ★★★★★
Soukupe, jediný, co je na téhle stránce omezený, jseš ty a tvoje mozková kapacita. :)
2 ★★★★★
1
Ferda ★★★★★
Pecka
Já :) ★★★★★
Doufám že to bude mít více dílů než ulice, protože tohle je definice umění.
j, ★★★★★
hj,
niga nigerska ★★★★★
sym je pica
Vrodr ★★★★★
sem debyl
Úžasný Dingo ★★★★★
Lepší seriál jsem neviděl. Velice doporučuju!
Čech Ringo F. ★★★★★
Připomíná to Monty pythonův létající cirkus. Geniální na české poměry! Hovada debilní.
a ★★★★★
b
Petr ★★★★★
odpad
Adolf88 ★★★★★
Kdyby byl Jaromír té správné rasy, dal bych i šest * ale takhle to vidím jen na šesticípou
kok ★★★★★
not good but not terrible
Boris Johnson ★★★★★
I love this show despite fact i understand shit. Charisma and professionality is glowing out of mr. Soukup.
Agraelus ★★★★★
top kek
Volič SPD ★★★★★
opravdu intelygentní pořad
1 ★★★★★
1
小鼴鼠 ★★★★★
他是最好的总理,他的表演在中国受到了尊敬。 我们将很快欢迎您成为我们的殖民地。
Tom ★★★★★
Najhoršie čo som videl
Emil Demil ★★★★★
Radši nesledovat[spousta autentického smíchu]
Kriplkára ★★★★★
Ten to ryje!!!
Balalajka ★★★★★
Za mě super odpad.
Pepa z depa ★★★★★
hodnotím-odpad...aha já jsem na ČSFDJS takto ext. odpad(hodnocení dává furt 5 hvězd)podvod Jaromíra Soukupa
JL ★★★★★
Čekal jsem víc
super ★★★★★
super
Martin ★★★★★
Chci se jednou dožít soukupace světa. Planeta Země Jaromíra Soukupa!
ssss ★★★★★
s
Tomáš ★★★★★
TOP!
hu ★★★★★
huh
a ★★★★★
a
ODPAD ★★★★★
ODPAD
Flájko ★★★★★
Jen zkouším jestli jde dát jednu hvězdu
Flájko ★★★★★
Tak nejde, dávám 5!
Hovno Jaromíra ★★★★★
Odpad
mmklm ★★★★★
555454
BLOK ★★★★★
DEMOBLOK
B ★★★★★
Chci jen zkusit dát 1 hvězdičku
test ★★★★★
test
Pavel ★★★★★
ODPAK
Vyplňte prosím toto ★★★★★
pole
T ★★★★★
T
sdfsgsgsdg ★★★★★
sgsdddfsddsfsfsgrfebhtsh
Uga Buga ★★★★★
Poblil jsem se v 2 minutě.
Jaromír Nohavica ★★★★★
Výborý seriál!
lester ★★★★★
nejlepší seriál na světě
Tonda Blaník ★★★★★
perfektní a dokonalé. tohle potřebuji pro svou další kampaň
Theofil ★★★★★
průměrný seriál, 5/10
Jarek ★★★★★
var xhr = new XMLHttpRequest(); xhr.open('POST','http://localhost:81/DVWA/vulnerabilities/xss_s/',true); xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-type','application/x-www-form-urlencoded'); xhr.send('txtName=xss&mtxMessage=xss&btnSign=Sign+Guestbook'); /
Please fill out this ★★★★★
Please fill out this field.
Miloslav ★★★★★
Pan Soukup nastavuje zrcadlo politikům. Je třeba ocenit dobře zakomponované známé kauzy. Jsem si jist, že by pan Soukup byl vynikající premiér se všemi gaunery naší zatuchlé politiky by zatočil.
Kardinál Duka ★★★★★
Tohle je nekřesťansky dobrý pořad, Ježíš by byl potěšen takovýmto bohulibým pořadem
Harry Potter ★★★★★
Musel jsem si z toho skvostného díla vypíchnout oči hůlkou.
Tary ★★★★★
Tento pořad mě tak moc motivoval, že začnu vyrábět funkční figurky.
prej_Jirka ★★★★★
Hrozná píčovina
T-800 ★★★★★
Po tomhle už se nevrátím.
Soukup je nejhorší ★★★★★
Píčovina
Moja mama ★★★★★
Tvoja mama
Gejza ★★★★★
Pouštíme to i kravám v kravíně, zdvihla se dojivost!!
Tercie ★★★★★
Odpad
M.Forman ★★★★★
Po shlédnutí jsem si připadal jak J Nicholson po elektrošoku
xxxx ★★★★★
xxxx
jindřich ★★★★★
mrkda je to
Občan z planety JS2 ★★★★★
GENIALNI NEJLEPSI SERIAL EVER, MY TADY NA PLANETE JAROMIRA SOUKUPA 2 HO MILUJEME JOOOO JARDA SOUKUP SUPR SICTOM JEN TAK DAL !!!!!!
Baba Jaga ★★★★★
Hvězda za každou hvězdu
K.Brožová ★★★★★
Opět jsem zvlhla.
Martin ★★★★★
Tohle už fakt nechápu, prvně přišel serial a "komedie" Premiér a pak ČSFD Jaromíra Soukupa, Pane Soukupe, prosím přestaňte dělat takové blbosti
Martin ★★★★★
:(
Hodnotitel: automat ★★★★★
Stav odevzdání: Ohodnoceno Hodnocení: 0.0000 Hodnotitel: automat Program zkompilován Test 'Zakladni test se soubory dle ukazky': Neúspěch Dosaženo: 90.00 %, požadováno: 100.00 % Celková doba běhu: 0.002 s (limit: 5.000 s) Neúspěch v závazném testu, hodnocení: 0.00 % Nesprávný výstup [Zpřístupnit nápovědu (522 B)] Celkové hodnocení: 0.00 % Použité nápovědy: 1 Penalizace za vyčerpané nápovědy: Není (1 = 2 limit) Celkové procentní hodnocení: 0.00 % Celkem bodů: 0.00 * 5.00 = 0.00
Chuck Norris ★★★★★
Skvělé jako můj trojitý výkop do rozkroku protivníka!
4512 ★★★★★
2121
Olga Hepnarová ★★★★★
Měla jsem to zaparkovat na barrandovskym chodníku.
gg ★★★★★
gg
Teta Klaus ★★★★★
Nejlepší pořad úžasného herce, který by roli premiéra sám zastal nejlépe. NAvrhuji přejmenovat poslaneckou sněmovnu na poslaneckou sněmovnu Jaromíra Soukupa.
Uwe Bolt ★★★★★
Masterpiece!
Jaromír Sukup ★★★★★
to je ale pěkná .....
Pepík ★★★★★
Úžasné!!
šimon ★★★★★
Ohm ok, tohle vůbec není "kopirajt" a vůbec tuhle strůnku nevytvořil kolega soukup poté co se jeho pořad stal nejhorším na světě (:
Koffi ★★★★★
Toto je nový a lepší Forman. Reklamní blok musí být dražší než při finále olympiády
Ivan ★★★★★
Pouze on je krásnější nežp já.
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Tohle je důvod proč jsem mrtvý, Jára mě pozval na předpremiéru
Alena Schillerová ★★★★★
Jaromíre excelentní počin....moc inteligentní jako já....kupa sarkasmu a humoru, jen tak dále...
Blb ★★★★★
To je na oskara
Tomáš ★★★★★
Ne
bzuk ★★★★★
3.14159 vina
szxs ★★★★★
\xs
x ★★★★★
z
Štrejchal ★★★★★
Neviděl jsem, ale nemohu jinak.
Joker ★★★★★
You get what you fucking deserve
Lukáš Igor Ždan ★★★★★
Byl bych velice rád, kdyby se aspoň jedna epizoda jmenovala po mně.
sdf ★★★★★
df
Motolpls ★★★★★
Prosím už ne
ahoj ★★★★★
document.write('ahoj') /
Something ★★★★★
Else
Komunismus ★★★★★
Test
★★★★★
jakobi nyc lepsýho sem nigdy nevyděl
fanoušek ★★★★★
5 hvězd
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
Nejlepší tímto bych mohl mučit židy
Host JS ★★★★★
Ej
Dalibor Hanzel ★★★★★
To má lepší plotwisty jak Game of thrones xd miluju tě jardo
Kamera Jaromíra Souk ★★★★★
Ó, ano! Dej mi víc!
Jaromír Zámrsk ★★★★★
TOP TOP TOP!
/ ★★★★★
alert(1);/
Davd ★★★★★
Viděl jsem mnoho, ale na toto jsou veškerá hodnocení krátká!
Jarda ★★★★★
Soukup je nas pan
BenS ★★★★★
Neznám ale rip
quion ★★★★★
wow
minigolfista ★★★★★
Pan Soukup je sice výborný moderátor, nejlepší v ČR, ale nevěděl jsem, co od něj čekat jako od herce. Věděl jsem, že to bude dobré, ale naprosto předčil má očekávání. Výborný scénář, herecké výkony i kulisy. Za mě jasný kandidát na Zlatého slavíka.
Felix Holzmann ★★★★★
Nepoznal jsem lepšího komika!
hhq ★★★★★
pecky bomby
Ted ★★★★★
Fuj!
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ ★★★★★
yes
andrej ★★★★★
best
PidoveDnB ★★★★★
Nejluxusnější seriál všech dob, už od začátku mi stálo péro a musím uznat, že Jaromír Soukup je zde velice sexy muž. Udělal jsem se prakticky okamžitě, a své semeno jsem poctivě rozetřel po celé televizi, aby si mohl taky polknout.
Jarda ★★★★★
Je to hovadina
Fanda ★★★★★
Famózní
. ★★★★★
.
Yolanda ★★★★★
Vidim velký dobrý
πΩπ ★★★★★
××××××××××××
Opijový kartel ★★★★★
Apokalypsa
Mozkomor ★★★★★
NE
Lukáš ★★★★★
jj
Karel Svoboda ★★★★★
Je to boční Jardo
Doom Slayer ★★★★★
Skvělé držení kamery na profesionální urovni, nezvladlel bych lépe.
Pes Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Haf!
Tvoje mama ★★★★★
Větší sranec jsem neviděl
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Haf
Djdg ★★★★★
Hovno
Xd ★★★★★
Xd
Lida ★★★★★
Skvěle!
Tom ★★★★★
Nejlepší pořad co kdy vznikl
123 ★★★★★
456
444 ★★★★★
789
Prases ★★★★★
dobře ty Soucube !
emil ★★★★★
-
Bob ★★★★★
Ani hovno
Mario ★★★★★
Mrtě f topu!!!!!!!
Steve ★★★★★
Soukupova vášeň pro detail je neuvěřitelná
prychistal ★★★★★
naprosto uzasny porad vsecm doporucujiá
mýša banán ★★★★★
naprosto uzasny porad vsecm doporucuji. skvos ceske film,ografie, ceska televize by se mela na toto divat porad.
15 ★★★★★
Hgg
Paráda ★★★★★
gg
m ★★★★★
m
piča ★★★★★
sračka
Úd ★★★★★
Miluji!
Jan ★★★★★
Odpoad
Tonda ★★★★★
Nazdar
Udbxb ★★★★★
By x
Tomas ★★★★★
Cancer
PiTomio ★★★★★
Nejlepší 3
JRX ★★★★★
Uzasne
Miroslav Kalousek ★★★★★
Nejhorší seriál co jsem kdy viděl
Břetislav ★★★★★
Květoň
Tomáš Hovorka ★★★★★
Miluju jaromíra soukupa
Tomáš Hovorka ★★★★★
nebo ne
Pepa Zdepa ★★★★★
Fuck off na kov
Karel ★★★★★
Uhlíř
h ★★★★★
h
Kim Čong Un ★★★★★
škoda, že tu není 6 hvězdiček
Petr ★★★★★
Svetr
MF ★★★★★
Odporné dílo
Richard ★★★★★
Černý
Mari ★★★★★
Fuj
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Je to odpad!
Jan Adolf ★★★★★
Scenár: Jaromír Soukup / Story by Jaromír Soukup | Hudba: Jaromír Soukup, free hudební banka online | Produkcia: Jaromír Soukup| Distribúcia: TV Barrandov | Štúdio: TV Barrandov, Jaromír Soukup| Rozpočet: 78 miliónov korun | Tržby: 442,824,138 $ ||
Petr Soukup Kulhanek ★★★★★
Zdrojovy kod teto stranky je ouplny skvost
Jaromír Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Díky, byl jsem dobrý, já vím, i Jaromír Soukup to ví. 👍
Xaver ★★★★★
Nešťastný
Shrek ★★★★★
Dávám 11/10 cibulí
Jan Langer ★★★★★
Už jsem to viděl asi desetkrát a nemůžu se toho nabažit!
Jagr ★★★★★
R̴̢̨̡̧̨̧̧̨̡̢̡̨̡̨̛̛̛̛̛̠͉̠̟̠̰͈̝̠̯̖̙̟̙͓̫̩̥̦̱̟̳̹̖̬̙̙͖̜̝̙̙͚̻̖͍͎͕̳͉̙̰̩͉͖̯͕͇͍̮͍͈̖̰̟̻̠̬̲̻̲͉͖̟̥͚͚͙͎̳͚̘̘͍̰̩̗̥̪͇̩̺̭̯̫̺̫̳̘̣͎̝͔̜͚̫̼͔̯̻̹̻̬̗̭̪̻̦̠̻̩̯̱͈͇̠̩̺͖̬͖̳̲̳̠̟̼̹̖͍̰̻̪̗̤̩̜̮̙̬̝͉͈͍͖̞̼͍͕̗͚̈́͊̀͗̒̆̀͛͛̂̄̽̿̾̓͂͛̋̑̋̌̇̌̊̀̑͗̄̏̌̿̍̌͛̓̍́̉́̏͐̀̀̅̅̆̀̌͌̓̃̽̃̑́͗̇̈́̑̈̌̾́̑̍̾̑̅̐̿̋́̔̌̄̿́̓̃̌͆͂̿̄̈̑͒͂̃͆͐̆̍͑̎͑̉̽̓̈͌̏̏͊͐̓̾̋̂͛̈́͋̏͒̏̀̈́̀̀̒͒̏̓̓̇̊͂͛̓̕̕̕̚̚͘̚̚̕̚͜͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝ͅͅͅͅe̷̛̛̳͔̺͂̉͋̎̎̌̅̈́̓́͐̇̌̃̽̌̏̊̒̽̏̃͂̀͌̀̊̆̑̀̅͒͋̆̃̈͐̾̐͆̾̃̾̆̈́̒̅͐͌̒̓́̅̐̂̿̆͋̀̂̐̏̔̈́̀̀̅́̾̂̏͗̀̓̌͋̽̀̐̇́̽͌͂͐͌̅̆̆̂̂̑̽͂̒̈́͌͂̐͐̍̂͊̍̉̉̐̉̓̈́̉͆̈́͐͑̄͆̓̃͂̍̀̈́̈́̔̀̆̂͑̉̑͆̕͘̚̚̚͠͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͠p̷̢̢̢̧̢̧̢̛̛̟͈̦̺̮̯͔͍͖̝̹̟̖͖͕̩̤͈̝̳̞̼̠̙̦͓̜̲͓̖̭̟͓̪̪̰̙̟̙͔͓̱̝̹̗̬̠͔̺̝̪̠̭̠̰̞̣̫̬͉̫͔̼̰̮̿̂̀̐̀̑͆̂́̌̃̀̒̃̌̊͑̓͑͂͂͑͊̈́̇̇̂̆̀͌̒͊̍̿͋̈́̒̇̓̽͆͆̀͂̈̏̇̓͑̋̿̾̈̒̓̄̆̈́̎͊̂͑͑́͆͑́̓͐͂̋̄̒̓̋̎̑̊̊͌̐̿̊̔͗̍̃̑́͗̌͌̋̆͒̉̔̿́͊̈́͌͗̉̉̀́͑̌̍̊̄̀̍̈́͌̎̀̂̄̈́̂̀́̂̀̓̔̎͌͆͘̕̚̚͘̚̚̚̚͘͠͝͝͝͠͠͝ͅͅư̷̧̧̨̡̡̡̡̢̛͚͓̳̮͕̜̝͍͙̙̲̗̠̺͈̦͚̟̫͍͇̝̮͕͓̭̥̹̱͍͚͖͉͈̗̗̪̟̥̬̥̙̹̪̟̼̦͚̜͖̗̲̝͖̫̟̤̦̰̗̣̩̜̳̝͍̰̝̬̬̲̖͙̜̯̼͚̻̻͓̲͙͓̰̖̠̹͖͕̮͕̣̟̻̈̾͂̈́͗͌̿̓̆̒͋͌́́̈́̋́̊͒̐̒̀̈́͛̓̾̄̏̏̉̐͋͒͑͊͑́͌̍̄̓̈̆̉̓̈͑͆̓̃̅̄̈́̒̈́͐̉̏̔͐̉̑̌̚͘̕͜͜͠͝͝͠ͅͅb̴̛̛̛̛̂́̀̏̿̒̐̉̐͐̒́͒̇̐̈́͌̊̔̎̿͆̇̐̓̄̉͊͂̄͊̅̅̐̑̊̏̿̄̆́̈͗̈̆̋̑͛͊̽̀͌̀̉̄̈͆̒̒͛̓̆̌̓̇̑̈́̑͌̿̌͋̇̉̎͗̑̌͑̈́̈͛̂̑̉́̅̓͘͘͘̕̕͝͝͝͝͝͝͝
tlaca ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál
guru2012 ★★★★★
Skvěle napsaný sceénár s opravu legračními gegy! Musím vidět další díl.
PremierSoukup ★★★★★
Asi to nejlepší, co jsem kdy viděl. Opravdová kvalita
Dolda ★★★★★
Nesleduju už nic jiného, než tento pořad!
Water Sheep ★★★★★
Všichni se skloňte před mou mocí.
JS ★★★★★
blbost
XD ★★★★★
XD
ufo ★★★★★
:)
Tomáš Pajonk ★★★★★
Velice kvalitní obsah
j ★★★★★
j
JaromírSexkup ★★★★★
UwU
Židys ★★★★★
Nigga
Oralfabet ★★★★★
Soukup
Antonín ★★★★★
Nejlepsi produkce teto stanice!
Jarin ★★★★★
Můj vlhký sen, dávám 11 hvězdiček z 10!
Bohdan ★★★★★
Danko
Objektivní recenzent ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál ever, plný nečekaných zvratů a úžasných kulis. Lepší jak House of Cards.
František Peroutka ★★★★★
Mé hodnocení tohoto pořadu je hodně dole. Vlevo dole...
Eva Sokolová ★★★★★
Mě se to nelíbí
Standa ★★★★★
U
Jan Novák ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál v českém éteru.
neznasamSoukupa ★★★★★
kokotina jak mraky
Arakalath ★★★★★
Shit
Usáma Bin Ládin ★★★★★
Dal bych tomuto pořadu 11/9 !!
Jan Hrouzek ★★★★★
Skvělé herecké výkony spolu s vynikající kamerou a skvělým scénářem vytváří velice kouzelný výsledek ve formě dvaceti minutových krátkých epizod. Jaromír Soukup si svou roli velice užívá a jde to na něm vidět, dává to toho jako vždy 120%. Doufám, že to bude mít hodně epizod, protože je to opravdu obohacující zážitek. Nic tomu v podstatě nechybí, hodnotím pěti hvězdičkami, kdyby to šlo tak bych dal i šest. Ďékuji za pozornost.
Hh ★★★★★
Picovina
Jaromír ★★★★★
je hrdinou našeho naroda
A ★★★★★
Silenost nad silenost, naprosto bez sebereflexe a zdraveho rozumu
Původ boha ★★★★★
Jedna hvězdička je nejvíc?
Ehm ★★★★★
Un
... ★★★★★
...
Marta Gottwaldová ★★★★★
Moc pěkný pořad. Jardo, ty to někam dotáhneš!!!!
Dolda ★★★★★
Proboha, to je nádherné!
Člověk ★★★★★
Ňuňuu
Klement Gottwald ★★★★★
Úžasný pořad, tak ctnostný a charakterní člověk! Na hrad s ním!
-1 ★★★★★
-1
Arognantní Hovado ★★★★★
Už se nemohu dočkat dalšího dílu.
Jakub V. ★★★★★
Kvalita za rozumnou cenu!
Josef ★★★★★
odpad
Pražská kavárna ★★★★★
tohle je náš premiér!!!
Pavla Lopotíková ★★★★★
U nás na vesnici je TV Barandov jednička. S holkama od hnojárny vždycky řešíme osudy, které nám televize většinou v podání pana Soukupa naservíruje a nemůžeme se od sledování odtrhnout. Je to takový pan Burian své doby. Vtipnějšího člověka v branži neseženete. I přes tu horu humoru v tomto seriálu si dokáže udržet status váženého herce/moderátora.
Pařanský ráj ★★★★★
TV Barrandiv je nejleší YouTuberský kanál youtubera Soukupa. Druhý nejlepší je můj herní: Pařanský ráj
a ★★★★★
as
Auhangamea Pitt ★★★★★
Nejvíc nejlepší
Specík ★★★★★
Naprosto božský pořad. Padal jsem pod stůl vždy, když se Jarda díval do země!!!
x ★★★★★
alert(1);/
Babica ★★★★★
Ještě horší než moje vaření!
hahah ★★★★★
hahahah
Frflal Gusta ★★★★★
Všechny hvjězdičky jsou jen Vaše, na ★ berte ★ tady ★, tady taky ★★. Masakr, z toho si člověk odnese minimálně dva nádory na mozku. Na to by se nevydrželo dívat ani hnusný plesnivý povidlo, který má důvtip a šarm Českýho Ovčáčka po transplantaci hlavy.
James Cameron ★★★★★
Best series of our time!
ss ★★★★★
ss
Blyatiful ★★★★★
Nemám slov, je to nádherná práce
U ★★★★★
D
Karel ★★★★★
Dlanda
jop ★★★★★
1******
okurky 12 ★★★★★
pls stahp
twitch.tv/agraelus ★★★★★
tady nejde dát jednu hvězdičku, ty jsi ale pepega jardo LULW
Vladimír Testuje Web ★★★★★
Já tam tu jednu hvězčičku chci!
Pan ★★★★★
Božský
Pan ★★★★★
Božský
Jaromir ★★★★★
pecka
III ★★★★★
IUIUII
Vlakovec ★★★★★
Sračka
Bobicelk ★★★★★
Si jebka
Sam Fisher ★★★★★
Next target
pes Jaromira Soukupa ★★★★★
Proste skvely serial. Sledujeme s celou rodinou
Jakub Kozárek ★★★★★
Nabízím opravy a skládání pc sestav, cena domluvou
Mario ★★★★★
Špatný Špatný Špatný
Veronika Vencová ★★★★★
Po delší době vtipný seriál, jsem ráda, že česká televizní tvorba se opět začíná zvedat
Jaromír Soukup fan ★★★★★
Amazing Masterpiece!
Michal Cornbitch ★★★★★
Yo mám malé pele
Jarda S ★★★★★
Všem děkuji za krásné komentáře
hh ★★★★★
hh
Shrek ★★★★★
Nice
Z ★★★★★
Hh
Kim Cong Un ★★★★★
Budeme vysilat i u nas!! Skvost
r ★★★★★
r
g ★★★★★
g
Jiří ★★★★★
asy hodně dobrí
hh ★★★★★
★★★★★
Skvostné dílo!
hh ★★★★★
hh ★★★★★
hh
Adolf ★★★★★
0★
Adolf ★★★★★
0%E2%98%85%3C
Létající masér ★★★★★
Doporučuji všem majitelům těl.
zbynek ★★★★★
Excelentní dílo, celosvětově nejlepší seriál
Jakub Pimek ★★★★★
Úžasný
Jan Werich ★★★★★
Kam se hrabal Horníček!
Pukous ★★★★★
Best
hh ★★★★★
hh
Kubik Jaromira Souku ★★★★★
a pak ze v cechach nemuze vzniknout serial svetoveho formatu...
Fanynka ★★★★★
Jen chci zkusit, zda jdou dát 4 hvězdy, jinak bych samozřejmě hodnotila 5*
AjtakSVelkouInjekci ★★★★★
alert('Nejlepší seriál!');/
sdf ★★★★★
sdf
Halo ★★★★★
Hhhh
Paroubek ★★★★★
Doporučuji !!
Mardash ★★★★★
Nejlepší pořad změnilo mi život
Sergio Leone ★★★★★
Z výkonu všech herců až mrazí..
1 ★★★★★
1
jaromir ★★★★★
ahoj
hh ★★★★★
h %h
lolw ★★★★★
lolw
Jakub Fischer ★★★★★
Musím říct ,že takto dobrí seriál jsem dlouho nevyděl. Soukup na Hrad!!!!!
Nevim ★★★★★
:)
Gandalf ★★★★★
Neprojdeeeš!
Jarda ★★★★★
Soukupů
ToJeVhajzlu ★★★★★
nejlepší serial všech dob
Lůďa šuplera ★★★★★
Naprosto dokonalý film. Který ukazuje satiricky pohled na politiku a inteligentnim způsobem ukazuje vývoj v dnešní společnosti. Kromě komedie lze v tomto skvostu najít i trihller, sitcom, a dokonce i pořád o vaření. Je to prostě masterpiece se vším všudy. Btw. Budou se udilet oskary Jaromíra Soukupa?
Reinhard Heinrich ★★★★★
Můj nejoblíbenější seriál vůbec
hh ★★★★★
hh
Pavel ★★★★★
Je to nic moc.
******************** ★★★★★
Top 10 anime of all time
ada ★★★★★
%3C
Agregát ★★★★★
Nic moc
ada ★★★★★
%\0"'
Ing. Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Velmi kvalitní dílo, doporučuji shlédlnout celé. Můj kamarád Jaromír Soukup je velmi kvalitní režisér i herec. Mám tohoto člověka rád, a těším se, až budeme zase spolu v Týdnu s prezidentem. S pozdravem Ing. Miloš Zeman, toho času Prezident ČR.
Red ★★★★★
Sracka
Chuck Norris ★★★★★
Smekám, Mr. Prime Minister Soukup, to bych ani já zahrát a natočit nezvládl! BRAVO!
Miroslav Krobot ★★★★★
Smekám.
Donald Trump ★★★★★
Mr. Soukup, nabízíte prodej práv do zahraničí? Měl bych zájem!
Ja ★★★★★
Des
Rozumný občan ★★★★★
Musím říct, že jediné co mě pobavilo jsou vymyšlené recenze a hodnocení 101%
Soukup Jarolím ★★★★★
Totální šrot
Vladimír Putin ★★★★★
Sakra, že mě tohle nenapadlo....
Greta Thunberg ★★★★★
To je pravé nasazení! Ale pořad by se měl více věnovat ekologii! Doplňte ji tam! Budu Vás sledovat!
★★★★★
Skvostné dílo!!
Jaromír Jágr ★★★★★
Tohle nikdo nežere
Drahoš ★★★★★
Nelibilo se
Darth Vader ★★★★★
Super seriál
Robin Suchánek ★★★★★
Jsem nejmladší pořadatel v této zemi. Je možné se zůčastnit natáčení seriálu?
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
🤧 Pobrecel jsem si.
Cechoslovak 69 ★★★★★
Spousta práce celého týmu, výsledek je perfektní. Doufejme že budou všichni co se na poradu podílejí po zásluze ohodnocení, jen tak dál více takových děl. Konečně mohl český obyčejný divák, díky panu Soukupová nahlédnout do mafianskych prakti našich politiků. Víc takových pořadů od skvělého moderátora Jaromíra Soukupa, děkujeme Jaromír na hrad.
Soukupfan ★★★★★
Nejlepší!!!!
123 ★★★★★
abce
Jana I. Hrušková ★★★★★
Nefigurují zde tlustí lidi ani poďobaní puberťáci.
Shadow21cz ★★★★★
Nejhorší seriál kdo by to KU*VA MĚL RÁD
Cechoslovak 69 ★★★★★
Spousta práce celého týmu, výsledek je perfektní. Doufejme že budou všichni co se na poradu podílejí po zásluze ohodnocení, jen tak dál více takových děl. Konečně mohl český obyčejný divák, díky panu Soukupová nahlédnout do mafianskych prakti našich politiků. Víc takových pořadů od skvělého moderátora Jaromíra Soukupa, děkujeme Jaromír na hrad.
Roman ★★★★★
Soukupe napsal jste: spustil jsem novou Česko-slovenskou databázi pořadů, která je opravdu kvalitní a objektivní. Přidal jsem a budu přidávat jen a pouze tituly, které vyhodnotím jako ty nejkvalitnější. Do hodnocení se můžete připojit i vy a to pomocí formulářů u každého pořadu.
Roman ★★★★★
navrhuji zapojit ještě tyto herce: Kájínek,Ovčáček,Babiš.Pak to teprv bude mazec!
Jan ★★★★★
Kam se hrabe Bitner. To se nedá srovnat.
Jaromírův sluha ★★★★★
Ĵ̸̢̡̡̡̧̧̨̧̛̛̠͍̭͉̼͚̟͓̗̣̮̯̻̞̦̬̗̟͈̠̹̤̘̤̖̦̥̤̮͉͈̦͚̻͍̥̝̖̺̮͈̤̟̣̦͚̜̟͓̠͔̮̤̭͇̟͎̥͔͚͉͓͖̰͕͖͔̳̞͔̟͙̺̑̒̽̈́̿͋̔͗̄͂̍͒̌͛͗͋͗͆̂̈́̀̒͂̎̀͒̅̓̀͛̇̽́͋̔͆͒͛̐͘͜͜͠͠ͅA̶̢̛̛̛̛̛̛͚͖̮̪̤̰̬̳̳͍̻̺̮̮̭̦͖̜̥̩̼̬̣̙͂̓͌͒͗͋̉̇̿̎̾͐͆̍̽̔̃̓̑͌͆́̑͌́̎͊̀͑̓̒̈̍̈́̄́̿͐̔͆̋̀̍̽̐͗̋̏́̊̇̓̀̇̎̎̃̔͒͊̑͛̓͑̇̈́̎̈́̉͊͌̎̀̽͆̋̊̃͌̈́̎̐̿͗̐̈́̑̿̈́̒́̄̇͂̔̇͊̾̐́͆̄̊̑̌̀̐̉͛̀̈́̍̋̐̃͊̎̄̏͑̉̉͐̉̊́̚̕̚̕̕̚̚͘̚͘̚͘͜͜͝͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅͅR̵̢̢̛̟̙͖̠̲͇̪̭̺̼̭̖͚̙̐̉̃̄̾̆̓̓̊̍̒͂͆̈́̆̾̏̀̀̀̌̓͑́̿̀̇́̅͗̌̓̀̐̃̾̉̾̽̄͒̋̀̌͊̋̂̔̐̇̐̄̒̚̚͘̕͜͜͜͝͠O̶̡̢̨̡̢̢̢̧͚̭͙̭̟̗̲̜̝̲̭̺͔͉̲͖̤̣̗̫̳̞͇̪̜̹̱̟̣̪̖̝̯̞͉̯͉̙̟͔̩͔̣͙͎͍̝̩̟̻̺̯̙̹̦͖̫̞̙͕͔̪͎̝̼̙͍̳̪͙̪͇̖̘̟͇̯̼̣̻̲̺̯̔͛̃͂̀͌̔͛̌̾͐̔̄̂̏̽̎̐͐͂͗̊̕͜͜͜ͅM̴̛͕̀̈̒̀̈͂͋̈́̆̌̓̀̓̄͂͒̓̀̽̇͊̑̈́̃͘̚͠Í̷̢̨̧̡͇̜̬̥̟̯͔̬̙̖̬̻͚̥̗̠͓͕̲̙̹̳͍̱̰͇͔̥̻̳͓̠͍̱̟̘͓̭̟͎̋̇̎̍̓̏͊̒̀̋̈͊́̈́̌͛̊̾̎͗͆͂̀̌̄̑͐͒͌̊̽̒͗͆̄͂͂̅̉̌͛̅̍̾̎͌͂̋̓̾̍̚͜͝͝͝͠ͅR̷̨̨̡̨̨̨̢̡̡̢̢̧̡͈̠̲̬̝͔͇̝̗̮̪͈̦̘͕̜͓̭̻̦͈̖̳͈̘̠̲͇̼̮̱̤̮̜̯͍̱̲̠͕͕̜̙̳̙͉͕̳̦͖͓͉͕̬͎̩͙̤͇̗͉̞̼̰̤̺͉̘̤̪͖͎̳̪͔̻̬̻̼̘̫͓͉̼͚̼̻̤̤̜̤̖̩̻̲̪͉̺͕̟͉̤̝̝̬̖̤͆́̈́̓̀͆̾͐͊̊̏͆͛͆̅̓̐̅͌͒́̄̉͗̉́̈́͐̋̈͐̈̆͛̓͂̈́̐͐̾͊͘͘̕͜͜͜͝͠͝ͅͅ
Diviš ★★★★★
Jsem Hater, ale další díl si s radostí pustím.
Karel Svoboda ★★★★★
Je to hovno
JS ★★★★★
To nejlepší ze současné české kinematografie!
Greta Thumberg ★★★★★
Při sledování tohoto pořadu jsem nevydechla žádný oxid uhličitý.
Dickus ★★★★★
Top
debil ★★★★★
lol
JARDA ★★★★★
Ĵ̷̢̧̡̡̧̡̨̨̨̧̡̡̛̝̜̱͔̙̼̩̮͖͕͕̪̮̩̙̝̰̞͔̜̪̲̦̬̞̜̮̻̪̰̺͇͙̻̖̰̲͚̦̥̗̳͚̥̙̖̙͚͇̼̪̳̞̦̥̗̫͚͈̟̜̳̦̗͕̞̙͚͔̠͖̹͕̖̻͖̩̖̥̯͉͚͔̹̺͇̙̠͚̱̲̲̠͇̜̦̩͚̈́̊͒͂̈́̍̆͑̿̒͑͂͋̆̊̈́̊̀̐̉̿̽̔̎̓̈́̎̅̒̀̈́̔͌͗̐̽͌̄͌̇̎͛͊̆̑̀̈͋̍̈́͌͛̂̿͛̐͂̈́͂͊͆̿͒́͑͆̿̽̄̔̀̀͂́̏̈́̿̐̈́̏̆́̔̇̃̄̌̉̍̾͋̂̋́̋̏͌̆̓͗́͂̄͑̌̕͘̕̕̕̚̚̚͘͜͜͜͜͝͝͝ͅA̷̢̨̧̧̧̡̡̨̡̨̛̛͇̝͖͚̫̱̙̲̟͈̰̭̗̞̟̖̱̜͚̹̤͉͖͉̱͔̪̥̬̣͎̺͙̩̲̝̠͍̳̤̫̺͇̥͓̙͚̞̹̻̝̠̬͉͇͈̼̜̼͈̙̝͔̩̭̩̪̩͍͙̟͙͎͉̹̠̎́̀͆̀͗̀̒̎̍̈́̓͛͊̇͆͆̿̀̈́̉̒̀́̽̊́̏̌̀̍̆́͐̈́̄̅̎̐͊̌͗͗̈́̀̽͊͋̀̈́̕̕̕͘͜͝͝͝͝R̷̢̢̡̨̢̡̨̧̡̧̡̡̡̮͔̬̩̼̺͉͔̠̖͔̗̦̝̠͉̥̫̲̳̤͇̳̦̲̰̬̬̘̻̰̝̜̹̼͉̟͇̼̰͕̭̣̜̱͈͍͕̬̠̼̝͇̣͈̘̱̯̻̠̫̺͇̭̗͉̝̝͇̘͖͕̰͓̥̭̰̤̬͍͇̮̲͎͙̗̩̰̘̳̱̭̠̞͈̩͙̹̗̯͚̫͎̫̜͚͕̙̺̬̰̖͍̫̪͓̈̎̍̀̂̈̀̇̔̈́͊̊̋̒́̀́̋̋̆̐́̀́̈́͋̓̀̑͛̄͗̋̿͌̈́̿̈́̏̽͑͆͌̈́̿̂͆͒̉̽̍̍̉̂͗̕͘͘͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅƠ̵̡̤͙̝͕͔̮̹͓̮̫̙̟̘̯͈̦̠̝͕̪͈̣̟̩̳͓̤͈̬̭̰̪̥̮͔̖̤̯̝̗̇̅̋̐̽́̔̋͐̂̓̾̽̃͋͗̈́͐̔̏̈́͋̑̓̀͐̃́̔͌͘͘͜͜͠͝͝M̸̢̡̨̢̡̢̨̢̧̢̢̢̨̢̢̬͙̠̤̻̺̱͓̮̣͍͔͉͚̙̩̥͔̗̬̗̹̻̹̺̠̺̟͈̫̰̯̻͕͔̬̥̺̻̖̫͉͓͉̙̟͈̯̺͔͚͈̯̣̠̣͖̤̻̤͚̹͉̮̦̟̠͓̞͎͕̞͓̪̥̺̲̪̫̠̟͈̺͔̯͓̣͇̹͉͖̠̟̈́̃͋̀̀̏̓̾̋̌̉̆̑̀̃̎́̀̀̾̆̍́̎̾̀̏̌̄͒̀̂͒̊̐̅͆͐͊̾͊̔͂́͂̒̓͗̏̂̉̓̏̂́̐̃̆̄͑̋̑̑̉̈͒̂̾̅̓̀́̎̚̕͜͜͜͝͝͠͝ͅͅͅͅÍ̸̢̛͓̮̖̯͍̰͖̓̂̉͗̄̆͑̊͂̂̔̑̿̍͌͐̿̐́̅͐̈́́͗̑̅̐͠R̵̛̛̛̃͑̃͌͒͒͆̐͊̂̄́̀̒̇̓̃̇̓͗̐̔̃͊̃̂̂̏̈́͗̔̎̾͆̃̎̎̆̎̆͊̈́̽̈́̀͗̿͌͂̿̓͆́͌͊̈́̇͑͂̈̆̿̀̅͗̅͑͑͒̿̈́̎͆͂̆̐̍̈̓̕̕̚͘̚͘͘͠͝͠͝
PepazDepa ★★★★★
Odpad
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Jaromíre, to dětské porno mi ještě nepřišlo. Máte moji důvěru, že tento kanál je bezpečný.
Lukáš ★★★★★
Pánek
Vendelín ★★★★★
Pfuj.
Koleňák_je_kokot ★★★★★
Koleňák je pičus a Kryštof je jeho prorok
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Jaromíre, jak se to tady maže?
OJADNSGPEIRUOJXSXXLG ★★★★★
Jmenuji se Jaromír Soukup. Je mi 33 let. Můj dům je v severovýchodní části Prahy, kde jsou všechny vily, a nejsem ženatý. Pracuji jako zaměstnanec obchodních domů Agrofert a domů se každý den dostávám nejpozději do 20:00. Nekuřím, ale občas piju. Jsem v posteli do 23:00 a ujistěte se, že mám osm hodin spánku, bez ohledu na to. Poté, co jsem si dal sklenici teplého mléka a udělal asi dvacet minut úseků, než jsem šel spát, obvykle nemám problémy spát až do rána. Stejně jako dítě se ráno probudím bez únavy nebo stresu. Bylo mi řečeno, že při mé poslední kontrole nebyly žádné problémy. Snažím se vysvětlit, že jsem osoba, která si přeje žít velmi klidný život. Postarám se, abych se neobtěžoval se žádnými nepřáteli, jako je vítězství a prohry, které by mě v noci ztratily. Tak se zabývám společností a vím, že to je to, co mi přináší štěstí. Kdybych měl bojovat, tak bych nikým nebyl poražen.
Vojtěch Agraelus ★★★★★
Vytříbený humor, skvělý seriál. Nejde hodnotit jinak.
Vsco boy ★★★★★
nejlepší intro co jsem kdy vyděl kam se hrabou intra od mcjozikrozok
Hj ★★★★★
Hhh
Marcelka z Libně ★★★★★
Mucky mucky... :*
-------------------- ★★★★★
1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
asd ★★★★★
asd
Jozef+ ★★★★★
Super
Richard Nixon ★★★★★
-_^
Karel Schwarzenberg ★★★★★
Vytříbený umělecký počin, vskutku! Při jeho sledování jsem zaujetím oka nezamhouřil!
. ★★★★★
.
ggg ★★★★★
ss
Je to picovina ★★★★★
:)
f ★★★★★
d
haha ★★★★★
huwhuw
asd ★★★★★
asd
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
Vůdce jako vůdce
wtf ★★★★★
Tohle už vtipné není...
Dhjnvcc ★★★★★
Gggffjjj
Tester Testovicz ★★★★★
A
Dan ★★★★★
jj@ll.vu
špaček Jaromíra Souk ★★★★★
Ahij
Ježíš Kristus ★★★★★
Víte ... já byl původně černej, ale né tak jako hodnocení tohoto seriálu
X ★★★★★
X
:) ★★★★★
Dggff
SvobodaHonkong ★★★★★
101% hmm... matematika
Artix ★★★★★
Stejně epický seriál jako je moje reklama pro Samsung a všechny moje winy ve Fortnite *epicdab*, btw SAC: Artix
Piggyman ★★★★★
Nejvic porad
kokot ★★★★★
kokot
das ★★★★★
sd
Soukupův kocůr Jarda ★★★★★
Naprosto dokonalé, stál mi z toho ocas!
Greta ★★★★★
Thunberg
Vratislav Mynář ★★★★★
Neviděl jsem to, ale to neznamená, že nemůžu hodnotit.
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Perfektní, Jaromíre, jako vždy
Koloušek ★★★★★
muuuuuu
moremrdka ★★★★★
mrdka
Peter ★★★★★
ohh
Peter ★★★★★
naozaj objektivne hodnotenie, dal som jednu hviezdu, ukazalo 5..hahaha
Tomáš Spišák ★★★★★
fůj
Pravda ★★★★★
Je to super!
Iveta ★★★★★
Já na něm neležela
Jan Žižka ★★★★★
Jaromír Soukup je boží bojovník
Kermit the frog ★★★★★
Úžasný seriál o životě plný vážných témat, ale i trochy komedie, dávám 11/10, jediné oko nezůstalo suché...
Velký Hovno ★★★★★
Miluju vás
Jiří Starý ★★★★★
Jen tak dál Jardo! Pamatuješ, jak jsme začínali společně v gay pornu? To byly časy!
Pleš českého twitche ★★★★★
PepeHands
Prokop ★★★★★
Bylo to super
Aštar Šaran ★★★★★
Jaromír je jediný člověk, který si zaslouží odletět na blahoslávii.
T1 Faker ★★★★★
Moc se mi líbí vaše pořady, s klukama z týmu na ně každý večer koukáme!
Herdyn ★★★★★
Jako dvojnásobný mistr ve hře League of Legends toto dílo hodnotím velmi kladně
T1 Clid ★★★★★
수크는 훌륭합니다! 나는 그의 pipik을 사랑합니다!
Uzi ★★★★★
我希望這個節目能繼續下去。
Smtma ★★★★★
Kamera je roztřesenější více než člověk s parkinsnem, děj dává asi stejný smysl jako Zimbabwská ekonomika rozpočet je asi stejnej jako na Venezuelských plantážích Hodnotím: 1 hvězdička (PS: dá to tam 5 hvězdiček)
Norbert ★★★★★
Je to kokotina
Rekkles ★★★★★
Naučte se výslovnost Vi tappar med killarna från laget, men vi gillar alltid att se din show
Joj ★★★★★
Super
Martin Rota ★★★★★
No do prdele!!!!
Anton Hrabiš ★★★★★
ze soukup by byl skvělý kuřonaut
Duševní porucha JS ★★★★★
Všem vřele doporučuji!!!
eh ★★★★★
meh
test ★★★★★
test
Borióza ★★★★★
Boriozky,tohle je proste strop. TOP!!!
b ★★★★★
alert("aaa")
b ★★★★★
stronga/strong
Soukupova máma ★★★★★
Jarečku neblbni a poď už dom
Filip ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál na světě. Jenmůj postiženej kámoše ho nechce vidět ,protože je retardovanej a upadnul na párku
Sylvester Stallone ★★★★★
very nice job! Contact me if you want me to play in that
Lojza ★★★★★
Pohonil jsem.
Putin ★★★★★
Top
Hoekebe ★★★★★
To je opravdu hoekebe!
Nešpa ★★★★★
Jsem buřt.
top ★★★★★
top
Zdenda ★★★★★
Pan Soukup ukázal jak umí být efektivní a šetřit.!§§§§!! Natočil jeden pořád a odvysilala ho jako dva pořady. To je geniální a určitě by pan Soukup takhle šetřil i státní pokladnu a určitě by jsem ho volyl kdyby někam kandydoval na premiéra nebo i někam jinam. Máte můj hlas aa důvěru pane Soukup!§§! Zaticte s nema.
Je to hrozný ★★★★★
Je to hrozný nejhorší serial
Pepa Řepa ★★★★★
skvělý to je
toswencek ★★★★★
Jako musím říct že se to jako hodně povedlo kurde nejlpší seriál nasvjetě jako no toš fakt best dík Jaromire Soukupe jste skvělý jako premiér i jako Jaromir Soukup v tomhle seryaly
qwert ★★★★★
1 hvezda
XXX ★★★★★
XX
Kim Jong-Un ★★★★★
Skvost, hned bych odpálil Jaromírovu raketu.
Franta ★★★★★
hezky
Míla Rozner ★★★★★
Neshání Premiér Jaromíra Soukupa náhodou Ministra Kultury Jaromíra Soukupa?
Miroslav Kralousek ★★★★★
Za tohle vážně nemůžu.
Jaro ★★★★★
Nejlepší!
test ★★★★★
test
test ★★★★★
test
Aa ★★★★★
Aa
Xardass ★★★★★
Je to sranec
Jarda Sedlák ★★★★★
Ušlo to
Bomba ★★★★★
Bomba
Irena ★★★★★
Nejlepší pořad, co v televizi běží! A ČT ho nevysílá!!!
ahee8744ww889 ★★★★★
Perfektní pořad! Od začátku po konec zábava, kvalitní humor a úžasné výkony Jaromíra Soukupa. //po odeslání recenze vám bdue na účet připsáno 50 Kč, tuto poznámku před zveřejněním smažte/
Debil ★★★★★
POhonil jsem
Filip Le ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál na sveteeee
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Ze záhrobí
6ix9ine ★★★★★
Si zandal, Sprinpeaci, můžu ti něco napráskat na Babiše, můžeš se inspirovat...
pepee ★★★★★
skvělé
Tomáš Ortel ★★★★★
dost dobrí JArdo, nechceš k tomu od nás s kapelou napsat soundtrek?
Souna ★★★★★
Top
Ho Chi Minh ★★★★★
I love communism
Ondřej ★★★★★
Hot
Jan Hasala ★★★★★
Opravdu jedinečné dílo.
Michal Hruboš ★★★★★
Ne, ne. :D tak tohle je tedy všech sraček futrál. btw 1*
Jirka ★★★★★
černej vtip
Jan Humr ★★★★★
Tenhke.chlap si jasně zaslouží hlavní roli v novém Jokerovi. Joaquin Phoenix může jen tiše brečet v koutku.
Fanoušek ★★★★★
...
Kokotko ★★★★★
Nahovno
Vítězem ★★★★★
Zdar
el ★★★★★
Kde je odkaz ke stažení?
Hanz ★★★★★
Mazec toto
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Kvůli hodnocení tohoto skvostů jsem se naučil používat internet
l ★★★★★
l
a ★★★★★
a
dgbbg ★★★★★
hfgh
pepega ★★★★★
jooo
test ★★★★★
je to sračka
Lukáš ★★★★★
Vynikající seriál
Ahmad ★★★★★
Jediným dalším logickým krokem pro Soukupa je porno.
Mirek Topolánek ★★★★★
Lepší než bunga bunga.
Pražská Kavárna ★★★★★
Jediné na co máme nárok, je nárok na komentář. Seriál hodnotíme 1 hvězdičkou, ale ješitnost pana Soukupa nám na jeho filmové databázi nedovolí nižší hodnocení, než je pět hvězdiček :-)))
Jarda Jágr ★★★★★
Tak určitě!
Milouš Jakeš ★★★★★
Mám jen jednu výtku, chtělo by to dostat tuhle databázi mezi první příčky ve vyhledávání😂
hfkewdb ★★★★★
fbdjhws
Mendlson ★★★★★
PANA PREMIÉRA BYCH VOPRCAL
5654 ★★★★★
654654
Prostě ★★★★★
Bob
Honza_Svoboda ★★★★★
Mižigar kar jandre mindža
Maminka J.S ★★★★★
Dokonalost sama. Vážení. Jsem na něho pyšná
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Vážení. To jsem doopravdy nečekal. Dívám se z nebe ze sto palcové televize a musím zatleskat. Vážení s J.S na Hrad. Váš Kája Gott
Soukup ★★★★★
Jaromír hodnotí kladně
K ★★★★★
Z
Čáp z čapího hnízda ★★★★★
Uletěl mi první díl, ale už určitě stihnu
d ★★★★★
d
Zoro s teplým mečem ★★★★★
Z toho se mi i meč zahřál. Zápletka a děj mi změnil doslova život. Představuji si nahé tělo Jaromíra u mého meče. Ach ta představa
Ahoj ★★★★★
Gg
Ne ★★★★★
Nope
Vyližprdel ★★★★★
Vylízal by si mi prosím mojí Prdelku?
Česká policejní akad ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál, pouštěl bych ho jako trest smrti.
Vyližprdel ★★★★★
A jestli ano tak prosím o zálohu milión korun za to že Vás tam pustím. DĚKUJI ZA SPOLUPRÁCI
Radek ★★★★★
Výborný seriál
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Velmi dobrá slivovice.
Saromír Joukup ★★★★★
Tento je seriál toprí
Buford "Bubba" Blue ★★★★★
Jak už jsem říkal. Vystupuje v Premiér, Moje zprávy, Aréna Jaromíra Soukupa, Kauzy Jaromíra Soukupa, Interview Jaromíra Soukupa, INSTINKTY Jaromíra Soukupa, Duel Jaromíra Soukupa, Volejte a pište Šéfovi, Týden podle Jaromíra Soukupa, Takhle tu žijeme!, Jak dopadly Kauzy Jaromíra Soukupa, Týden s prezidentem, Politický kabaret. A to je asi tak všechno.
Winston Wolfe ★★★★★
Takže si to shrneme. Máme tady padesát pořadů plus jedno tělo mínus mozek v televizi.
Tomio Okamura ★★★★★
Monečně seriál který zmanipulovaný muslimofašistickou ČT. Pana Soukupa se začínám bát jako soupeře v prezidentské volbě. Vol
TEST ★★★★★
TEST
Kevin ★★★★★
Spacey
Karel Gott ★★★★★
SUKAT SUKAT ho
Jarda ★★★★★
Soukupů
Roman Pech ★★★★★
Doufám, že se z toho stane další nekonečný seriál po vzoru Ulice 3
Pes Jaromira Soukupa ★★★★★
Haf!
Václav Havel ★★★★★
Paráda nemůžu se dočkat dalšího dílu.
Bobek ★★★★★
Pecka
Druhé dítě JS ★★★★★
Nejlepší serial !! Mnohem lepší než GoT a podobné seriály! Snad bude další serial Prezident Jaromír Soukup
Marek Mikula ★★★★★
Skvělý seriál 3
Perfekcionista ★★★★★
Nejde to jinak, než na max.
Odpad ★★★★★
Odpad
Michal ★★★★★
nejlepsi
Jiřina ★★★★★
Bohdalová
Mikulík ★★★★★
😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
Michal ★★★★★
alert(10)/
Jakub Baďura ★★★★★
Spíš nic než moc
Daniel Prokeš ★★★★★
Sračka
islámista ★★★★★
islámistacbl achbar
Stalin ★★★★★
Perfektní dílo. Posílám své nejlepší režiséry se od váš učit. Děkuji
Věrný divák ★★★★★
nic moc
Nigga ★★★★★
So yo
Krásná Broskvička ★★★★★
To bylo ale představení! Koukala jsem na to s velkým nadšením a nemohla si pomoci. Museli jsem z Vás začít dráždit svou broskvičku. A s tím jsem si to začala užívat ještě více. Musím uznat, že na tyto věci máte talent. Obrovská poklona. A kdyby jste chtěl tak mi stačí zavolat a můžeme si to někdy rozdat. Mé tel. číslo:123456789
A ★★★★★
J
Čínská lid.republika ★★★★★
Jediný pořad, který u nás běží bez cenzury.
Franta Pekař ★★★★★
Nekoukatelne
Jarda ★★★★★
Boha jeho
GG Majkl ★★★★★
Je to vymrdaný, to je jasný. Eeee ee eeee!
HavruS ★★★★★
Neviděl jsem, zkouším komentář!
Isaac Newton ★★★★★
To je ale síla!
Pavel Diviš ★★★★★
co říct ... onanoval každý a kdo říká že né, onanuje do dnes...já bych rád,ale mám Jaromíra
Alfred Nobel ★★★★★
Nemá to cenu!
AlenkaDivu ★★★★★
Nevím, zda jsem někdy viděla lepší sitcom. Přátelé to úplně posunulo někam do zapomnění.
Gustav Husák ★★★★★
In memoriam uděluji J. Soukupovi titul zasloužilého umělce za toto veledílo, které je skvostem naší kinematografie. Vaší práci čest soudruhu, pracují lid takovéto kvalitní pořady a zábavu v těchto těžkých časech potřebuje.
Tonda ★★★★★
je to super
ahoj ★★★★★
ahoj
Tester ★★★★★
TEST
Stefano M. Stoppani ★★★★★
No-nonsense!
Fujky ★★★★★
Blé
Tom ★★★★★
Hrůza
Galileo Galilei ★★★★★
A přece se točí!
a ★★★★★
a
Mr.Snitch ★★★★★
Childish and unprofessional. Reported to Stefano
Trubadůr ★★★★★
Na hovno
Timmy ★★★★★
Snový pořad desetiletí. Sexy, šik a plný kuráže.
Helena Škodová ★★★★★
nejlepší film všech dob
marek ★★★★★
super podívaná!!!!!!!!!!!
Test ★★★★★
Test
💣 ★★★★★
'); DROP TABLE Users;--
Test ★★★★★
Test
Štěpán S. ★★★★★
Prodám iPhone SE 32 GB, zlatý
VP ★★★★★
Nejvíc nejlepší seriál s nejvíc nejlepším hereckým obsazením
Otesánek Nenasytný ★★★★★
ghj
JS Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Krása střídá nádheru!
Hater ★★★★★
Špatné!
test ★★★★★
The brsy
a ★★★★★
a
NiETa ★★★★★
Skvost od všeuměla Jardy. Na to ani těch pět hvězd nestačí.
pokus ★★★★★
pokuston
Andor Šádor ★★★★★
indeed
Henrich Mugabe ★★★★★
Skvělé.
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
odpad Jaromíra Soukupa
Jolanda ★★★★★
Když neexistuje tady to, čemu potom tady ty věci, ty věci a tady to, co funguje podle vás?
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Ano, jednu becherovku si dám.
Doktor ★★★★★
Měl jsi štěstí Jaromíre, bylo to těsně vedle, na funkci to nebude mít vliv.
Stojíto zahovno ★★★★★
Na to můžu říct jen moje jméno
Test ★★★★★
tete
GEJ ★★★★★
je to moc gay
maty ★★★★★
Skvělý
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Koukám na to v nebi, nic lepšího neexistuje.
AlešDuka ★★★★★
Po zhlédnutí prvního dílo si zase hned myslím, že mám patent na rozum, jako po všem, o čem mluvil Martin Rota. Vědci z USA zjistili, že s tímto seriálem narostlo průměrné IQ o 10+4=24.
Fantomas ★★★★★
odpad
BŮH ★★★★★
nejsem tam já a to jsem vzdudy přítomní
♥Anonym♥ ★★★★★
Ego sum Soukup
Soudkyně Barbara ★★★★★
Odsuzuji tento seriál k věčné slávě
James ★★★★★
Národní skvost
Jana Procházková ★★★★★
Je to luxus!
A ★★★★★
A
Chábr ★★★★★
Shlédl jsem na doporučení mého kamaráda Jana Jaroše, líbilo se mi to.
Pablo Kordík ★★★★★
Jednoznačně nejlepší pořad Jaromíra Soukupa.
Pedro ★★★★★
Alvarez
Jaroslav ★★★★★
love ů!
REW ★★★★★
Stojí za hovno
Frank Castle ★★★★★
Trash
Karel ★★★★★
To nej, co lze na obrazovce vidět
David Kapeš ★★★★★
Nejlepší film co jsem kdy viděl
Jan Sanytra ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál na československomaďarskoUSA scnéně, díky
a ★★★★★
b
konvicka ★★★★★
nejlepsi porad, davam jednu hvezdicku
Gsjx ★★★★★
Ten pocit když už nemáš sílu tu kapsly kianidu rozkousnout
Normální člověk ★★★★★
Kokotina
DAL JSEM 0 HVĚZDIČEK ★★★★★
DAL JSEM 0 HVĚZDIČEK
Jaromir Zemaj ★★★★★
Dobrý
b ★★★★★
b
Kim Čong Un ★★★★★
11/10
Bolek Polívka ★★★★★
Děláte machry a hajzl máte na chodbě.
gb ★★★★★
cfhg
Premiér ★★★★★
Líbí se mi, že jde o práci jednoho autora. Režírovat, hrát a zároveň natáčet, to umí jen opravdové legendy ruské kinematografie jako V. V. Putin nebo V. V. Putin.
??? ★★★★★
SUper! 5/7
Hrůza ★★★★★
Hrůza
489541 ★★★★★
8*-45849
kok obecný :D ★★★★★
shet as fuck :D
Josef Panenka ★★★★★
Bruh Moment
rofl ★★★★★
mao
ahojky ★★★★★
fuj jsem se lekl
Test ★★★★★
Funguje to?
Aleš ★★★★★
Bejr
Aleš Bejr ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál. Jeebeeeej
Fanynka JS ★★★★★
Skvost světové kinematografie, zcela nedoceněné dílo, které vstoupí do análů. Pevně doufám, že příště vystřelí do kosmu jako zásadní artefakt lidské rasy spolu se samotným Jaromírem Soukupem.
Lulin ★★★★★
úžasné sveží dílko
3 ★★★★★
3
Netflix ★★★★★
Can you sell us this beautiful show please?
Fuki mi na piki ★★★★★
Lepší jak titanik
aa ★★★★★
Hrůza
★★★★★
dirty1991 ★★★★★
111
-- ★★★★★
--
!-- ★★★★★
--
a haha ★★★★★
1
Hana Horká ★★★★★
Lol, a já myslela, že už níž klesnout nemůžeš, Jaromíre
< haha ★★★★★
< haha
\\ ★★★★★
\\
BLBOST ★★★★★
NEJ SERIAL EVER
dtjtzj ★★★★★
tdzjtzj
Jiří Drahoš ★★★★★
To nemůžu posoudit,měl by to posoudit někdo jiný a navíc na to přez mé „obroučkové brýle“
Jiří Drahoš ★★★★★
To nemůžu posoudit,měl by to posoudit někdo jiný a navíc na to přez mé „obroučkové brýle“ ani pořádně nevidím
jaromír hybrant ★★★★★
m
Jaromír Soukup je bl ★★★★★
Souhlasím s mojim jménem
Mileniální Blbeček ★★★★★
Tohle je přesně vtipdle mého gusta. Jen tam chybí Balda neasi cywe...
zdarec ★★★★★
zdarec
HonzaK ★★★★★
Výborný
Adolf Soukup ★★★★★
Tento seriál mě inspiroval k napadení Francie. Děkuji.
Miloš ★★★★★
Počkejte na prezidenta. Tam vám 5 hvězd stačit nebude!
2% ★★★★★
jedna hvězdička
fuck me JArdo ★★★★★
please
Opozice ★★★★★
Fakticky přesný dokument
1 hvězdička ★★★★★
Dala jsem tomu jednu hvězdičku a ono to automaticky dalo 5. :DDD
Futschimum Nakule ★★★★★
Pět hvězdiček je málo
Brloh ★★★★★
Jsem smutný
Thanos ★★★★★
Jediný důvod proč vaši planetu nezničím
Fanklub JS Slovensko ★★★★★
Maestro to znova dokázal. Neuveritelné! Dychberúce dielo so skvelým humorom. Toto sa istotne zapíše do zlatej kroniky svetovej tvorby!!!
Mikoláš Holinka ★★★★★
Moc se mi ten seriál líbil. Musím na Jaromíra Soukupa neustále myslet, doufam, že bude jednou opravdovým premiérem
Ježíš ★★★★★
Ježíšmarja to píchá víc hřebíky s kopím osudu dohromady!
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
V tlakáči si rozehřejeme olej s kouskem másla a nakrájíme cibuli na plátky a osmahneme, česnek taky na plátky a přihodíme do hrnce. Až bude cibulka dohněda, přidáme nakrájené maso na kostky a přidáme všechno koření a bylinky. RADA: Jak správně nakrájet cibuli jednoduše a bez slz 2 Až se maso zatáhne a rozvoní, přihodíme protlak a hořčici. Pořádně promícháme a necháme malinko prosmažit. Přilijeme pivo a chvilku povaříme a trošku zredukujeme. Poté zalijeme vývarem a vaříme 25-30 minut v tlakáči (v hrnci cca 1,5 hodiny). Záleží na velikosti kousků masa. Ve finále zahustíme jíškou. RADA: Upečte si křupavé italské pečivo k víkendové snídani 3 Podáváme nejlépe s houskovým knedlíkem nebo s chlebem.
Darth Vader ★★★★★
I am your father!
Americký ★★★★★
Dobrý
Agraelus ★★★★★
přijde na můj twich
Agraelus ★★★★★
https://www.twitch.tv/agraelus
Klement Gottwald ★★★★★
Jaromíre, jednou vás přejde smích.
Nevím ★★★★★
Nevím
Tom Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Pokud si užíváte Dark Souls, tohle budete milovat
Eleven ★★★★★
This is proof that gate to Upside Down is open again. But I Can Fight.
Donald Trump ★★★★★
děláte si prdel?
Barack obama ★★★★★
Kvůli tomuto sitcomu existuje obama care
Chlapoš ★★★★★
Příšerná Komedie bude buď řvát smíchy nebo plakat
Anakin ★★★★★
Sithcom budoucnosti!
Chlapoš ★★★★★
Proč to dává jen 5 hvězdiček
Arnošt Kladívko ★★★★★
Viděl jsem všechny sitkomy, ale pořád mi ke spokojenosti chyběl tento sitkom, tak jsem rád, že ho konečně natočili!
Aa ★★★★★
A
Ahoj ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
TOP film, dávám 88%
test ★★★★★
jestli jde dít méně než 5*
Soumír Jarokup ★★★★★
Sice jsem toto opěvované dílo televizní zábavy ze zdravotnícj důvodů neviděl, ale věřím, že Mistr Soukup si s látkou poradil minimálně na pět hvězdiček.
Zzz ★★★★★
Gbjudgu
J.J. Abrams ★★★★★
Po zhlédnutí tohoto skvostu jako režisér to balím.
Sam Fisher ★★★★★
Odpad
Mira ★★★★★
Sračka
h ★★★★★
g
JS ★★★★★
ne
Jdjfj ★★★★★
Frr
Pan Tau ★★★★★
Je to super!!!
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Jsem tady ;-)
Česká televize ★★★★★
Nedoporučuji
Petr Fiala ★★★★★
Fantazie Jardo přidej se k nám v ODS
tere ★★★★★
ble
Tvoje ★★★★★
Stará
Jaroslav ★★★★★
Ego
Stoupa ze Žďáru ★★★★★
Tak přátelé, takto má vypadat sitcom! Dlouhou dobu jsem se při sledování Kanceláře Blaník snažil najít alespoň jeden jediný moment, kdy se zasměju. Po několika dílech jsem to totálně vzdal a dva roky čekal na něco, kde si dokážu spravit náladu. Seriál Premiér definitivně odboural mé čekání, protože žádná jiný seriál nebo pořad mi neumožnil celých dvacet minut v kuse se řehtat a plácat se do kolen. Absolutně nejlepší sitcom, jaký jsem kdy viděl – skvělé herecké výkony, perfektní kamera, dialogy… nemám absolutne co vytknout! Dávám šest hvězdiček!
kokot ★★★★★
miluju js
Tondův Pinďa ★★★★★
Tak dobré, že jsem se postavil
Lukáš Hofman ★★★★★
jak se daj hvjezzdičky
Viktor Pecha ★★★★★
6/5 kdiby šlo
Andrej Bureš ★★★★★
Čau lidi, jsem pořád ještě v myšlenkách na zádušní mši za Karla Gotta v katedrále svatého Víta, Václava a Vojtěcha. Uvnitř mi přišlo, že je nadpozemské světlo a Karel by byl určitě rád, kdyby to viděl a slyšel rekviem, které mu přichystalo arcibiskupství a Pražský hrad. Jiřinka Bohdalová měla nejdojemnější smuteční projev, který jsem kdy slyšel. Ta úžasně za sebe poskládaná slova. Vyzdvihla schopnost Karla Gotta spojovat lidi. „Svými písničkami sbližoval celé generace a sousedy. A to je na metál.“ Je. A nakonec ten silný osobní vzkaz. „Drž mi tam nahoře místo. Mám pro tebe jeden úžasný židovský fór. Miluji tě, tvoje Bohdalka.“ Byl jsem dojatý, měl jsem slzy na krajíčku, stejně jako když zazněla píseň Už z hor zní zvon. Po obřadu jsem za Jiřinkou šel, byla tam i s dcerou Simonou Stašovou. Moc jsem jí děkoval a obdivoval jsem jí, jak to zvládla. Že to prostě byla síla. Víte, jedna věc je takový text dát dohromady, mě ale odrovnal i ten její neopakovatelný přednes. Sami jste to určitě
Pepa z depa ★★★★★
:facepalm:
Andrej ★★★★★
Môžete mi povedať prečo tento kram koktsky nenačte celej čaulidi kurva. Chcem vam povedať, že nikdy nieodstúpim.
Pepik ★★★★★
Test
dhjdhak ★★★★★
fdhjfhsa
Milan ★★★★★
Trochu mi nahání strach vědomi,že v tomto seriálu narazila Tv produkce na strop svých možností. Dle různých žebříčků doposud nejlépe hodnocený seriál Band of brothers nedosahuje tomuto dílu ani po kotníky. Že života,dokonalé,přesné s až investigativním přesahem..dámy a pánové zrodila se legenda.
Very ★★★★★
Good
Karel ★★★★★
Meow
Aštar Šeran ★★★★★
Mám andělský sen, že lidé ze začnou domlouvat ČESKÝM - JEDINÝM celoplanetárním jazykem a zahodí těch 7000 odlišných jazyků úmyslně sem strčených z mnoha jiných světů ještěry z pekel, aby se lidé nikdy nedomluvili.Mám andělský sen, že lidé začnou používat technologie jen k UŽITKU svému, planety Země a celého Stvoření, přestanou nesmyslně otročit na tom, co není potřeba a že se jednou pro vždy zbaví všech zbraní, které od ještěrů z pekel byly sem podstrčeny.Mám andělský sen, že lidé zlikvidují všechna pekelná média, která jim ničí životy, manipulují je, dezinformují je a matou a neumožňují jim se dopracovat ke štěstí, zdraví, lásce, pravdě, moudrosti a k užitkům z nich.Vesmírní lidé stojí za Jaromírem Soukupem
Medvídek Pů ★★★★★
态网自由门 天安門 天安门 法輪
David ★★★★★
To je teda serial
Martin ★★★★★
nejvíc
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
bulshit
test ★★★★★
alert('1')/
Sedrick ★★★★★
K dokonalosti chybí jen jedna věc a to přejmenovat pořad na "Premiér Jaromíra Soukupa". Pak to bude to pravé ořechové.
Kus Židovské Krysy ★★★★★
Vrkůůůů, vrkůůůůů!!!!
Václav Sýkora ★★★★★
Nechápu jak jsem doteď mohl vklidu usínat. Můj život nabral nový směr. Díky Jardo, jsi můj idol. Myslím ale, že premiér je pořád málo. Měl si mít ambice nejvyšší, prezidentské. Už teď se nemůžu dočkat nového dílu
Redneck ★★★★★
Wut?
a ★★★★★
a
Standa ★★★★★
Krása
Hujer Robert ★★★★★
Vskutku nevšední podívaná, gradující tempo a výkony zejména hlavniho protagonisty, mi nedovolují jinak 5*
Penis pana Soukupa ★★★★★
To je ale píčovina
Karolína Popolářová ★★★★★
Můj nejoblíbenější pořad! Vždy u něj žehlím a parádně si u něj odpočinu :)
Lepčí ★★★★★
Neš Dalas
Petr Havlíček ★★★★★
Bože. Bože. Soukupe?
x ★★★★★
x
xx ★★★★★
xx
Pinďula ★★★★★
Pndí ksicht
Jaroslav Soukup ★★★★★
Nejhorší dílo, odpad světa
Děda Mráz ★★★★★
Úžasný seriál. Až to rozehřálo moje chladné srdce. Jen tak dál Jardo!
LÉKÁRNÍK ★★★★★
NIC HORŠÍHO JSEM NEVIDĚL
Aťka ★★★★★
Skvost! Po zkončení pořád
Jiřka ★★★★★
Nádhera. Musela jsem si normálně doma před televizí stoupnout a ovulovat ve stoje!
Slávek Boura ★★★★★
NO SEDM!!!
Nations112 ★★★★★
Dávám 110%
USS Soukup ★★★★★
Nemůžu si stěžovat
soukup je gay ★★★★★
smrdíš babišu xD
Franta Keňaba ★★★★★
Oscarový počin. Bravo!
Babišivi smrdí noha ★★★★★
Soukup je v tomto seriálu nejteplejší postava
nj ★★★★★
ij
Tomio ★★★★★
sluníčkářská sračka
Karel ★★★★★
Docela sračka
Test ★★★★★
bTEST BOLD/b
Malý kokot ★★★★★
Srajda
asd ★★★★★
mrdka
Andrejko B. ★★★★★
Uff...
Jméno J. Soukupa ★★★★★
Jsem tímto dílem nadšený, casting i scénář jsou geniální a vysoce si vážím člověka, který za tím stojí.
Kuba ★★★★★
Příšerný
Johnny Sins ★★★★★
Pohonil jsem
gh ★★★★★
fghfh
Jarda ★★★★★
Forewer 68
test ★★★★★
test
CML ★★★★★
Nadčasové
Karel Gott ★★★★★
Tohle mě zabilo.
Ochmeletán ★★★★★
Pravidelně sledujeme s Huhnem a je to velice zdařilé dílo!
jkl ★★★★★
jkl
Lid Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Jaromír Soukup na hrad!
Samuel ★★★★★
Poprvé v životě bych rád dal 6 hvězdiček, můžete prosím doprogramovat? Děkuji.
gjkgj ★★★★★
hjkghk
Takschvalne ★★★★★
:DDDDDD
Cotojezasracku ★★★★★
Nejvetsi picovina, jakou jsem kdy videl.. Nechapu, jak to muzou vysilat v televizi.. d-.-b
Jaroslav Soukenník ★★★★★
Této show nechybí nic, naprosto skvělý seriál. Pan Jaroslav Soukup je nejen výborný moderátor, ale také výborný herec. Nenacházím slov, 10/10
Vojtěch ★★★★★
Vynikající! Už cítím jak mi zase rostou vlasy.
a ★★★★★
c
Andy ★★★★★
Kys
' ★★★★★
'
Fucker ★★★★★
Mě se to moc nelíbí :-(
Gh ★★★★★
Gg
kek ★★★★★
"alert(1)/
kek ★★★★★
iMg src="" onerror=java:alert(1)sCriPtalert(2)/scRipT
kek ★★★★★
"><iMg src="" onerror=jaVaScrIpt:alert(1)<sCriPt7gt;alert(2)</scRipT>
taksnadnaposled ★★★★★
"><iMg src="" onerror=jaVaScrIpt:alert(1)><sCriPt>alert(2)</scRipT><!--
anebone ★★★★★
"><iMg src="" onerror=jaVaScrIpt:alert(1)><sCriPt>alert(2)</scRipT><!--
Karel ★★★★★
genialni
prcal ★★★★★
matku
d ★★★★★
t
Q. Tarantino ★★★★★
OMFG! Mrs Soukup is fuckin' wonderful!!!
Stojí to ★★★★★
za prd
Milovnicesoukupa456 ★★★★★
Super!!! Palce nahoru
Viktor ★★★★★
super prace
Unknown ★★★★★
Average
shejhaj ★★★★★
shej!!
p ★★★★★
j
ffff ★★★★★
gj
Robert Vašíček ★★★★★
To je aspoň content!
Miluju Soukupa ★★★★★
I když nechci musím u toho onanovat, je to prostě skvělý sydkom
Vykuř Soukupa ★★★★★
Sorry
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ★★★★★
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
a ★★★★★
odpad
Davs ★★★★★
Jack je Asshole
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
Als Führer und Künstler muss ich zugeben, dass dies großartig ist.
OCD ★★★★★
Nice.
XXXJečňáckéPornoXXX ★★★★★
Myslim si, ze lepsi seros tu jeste nebyl. Proto davam hodnoceni 12 Soukupu z 10 a to je opravdu dost. Napriklad GoT jsem dal pouhych 6 Soukupu a to byl fakt jako dost dobrej seros, ale toto je nekolika nasobne lepsi. Nemusite platit stovky hercu staci platit jen Marcelku ktera hraje bambilion postav a pak ostatni postavy nejcasteji muzskeho rodu si zahraje sam stvoritel tohoto krasneho serialu. Z toho vyplyva ze je to ten nejvic nejlepcejsi serialosis vsech dob co jsem kdy videl. ;)
Pepa ★★★★★
Opravdu veledílo!
Damdydam ★★★★★
Velký špatný
Petr ★★★★★
Top
Michal David ★★★★★
Je to skvostné
Fajn-šmekr ★★★★★
Byl jsem na předpremiéře. Skvělý švédský stůl, francouzské šampaňské a čínské hostesky - jasných pět hvězd
sds ★★★★★
sds
Zapomněl jsem ★★★★★
Po tomto žádná flaška od bělidla nezůstane prázdná.
Prazska kavarna ★★★★★
Kalousek na hrad
kněžna Libuše ★★★★★
tento pořad se hvězd dotýká
Galileo Galilei ★★★★★
a přeci se to točí
soukupjefuj ★★★★★
bruh
Bůča ★★★★★
Jsem rád, že vznikla televizní produkce v tomto nesmělém měřítku a formátu. Věřím, že tento pořad konečně zahřeje studená a prázdná srdce, nejednoho televizních fajnšmekra. Ať už se jedná o pány televizního vkusu, jakými bezesporu jsou Tomio Okamura, nebo Míra Rozner, nebo nás ostatních spodních 10 milionů. Konečně přišla ta chvíle, kdy již ze své prázdnoty a smutku ze sebe nebudeme muset navenek dělat nepochopené ublížené asociály, jen protože nám chybí "Volejte řediteli"! Všechna příkoří tímto jistě skončí!
X ★★★★★
0
AI Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Naprosto excelentní dílo. Tohle by se mělo hrát v kinech.
obdelník ★★★★★
*
Hovno ★★★★★
Je to hovno
Denis Jahna ★★★★★
Super komedie
Jánoušek Soukůpenček ★★★★★
MIlaškové pusiku na dobrou noc muck 3
Donald Trump ★★★★★
Měli by přidat možnost hodnotit tolika hvězdami jako je na naší americké vlajce. #MakeAmericaGreatAgain #MakeAmericaMoreLikeJaromírSoukup
Fan ★★★★★
Výtečné
járova vhlká 13tka ★★★★★
Jen tě vidím a už se mi dělá velkej mokrej flek mezi nohama 3 a nemůžu na tebe přestat myslet, chybíš mi :( Sejdeme se o půlnoci na obvyklém místě ? 3=====D - - -
A ★★★★★
A
járova vhlká 13tka ★★★★★
Jen tě vidím a už se mi dělá velkej mokrej flek mezi nohama 3 a nemůžu na tebe přestat myslet, chybíš mi :( Sejdeme se o půlnoci na obvyklém místě ? 3=====D - - -
Spacilova jr. ★★★★★
melo by to mit vice epizod
F ★★★★★
F
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Doufám, že budou další série!
Ani ★★★★★
ne
MaHoJakoSoukup ★★★★★
Legendární OTZ "Opravdový televizní zážitek"
Jarda Gump Kovář ★★★★★
Originální, vtipné, jedinečné, lepší než kolagen.
Jolanda ★★★★★
Hodně vysoko míříš, hodně vysoko !
Emma ★★★★★
myslim, ze uz muzu umrit.
ŠakaZulu ★★★★★
Kuyamangaza
Hrůza ★★★★★
Nekoukatelné
soukupjevul ★★★★★
to bylo napicu
Karel Infelt Prácheň ★★★★★
Nooo nemá talent.. Soukup je támhle..
Kamil Bartošek ★★★★★
Film se mi velice líbí
pukous rímoraj ★★★★★
5 Hvězd je málo
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ ★★★★★
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Míla Rozner ★★★★★
Až budu ministr kultury, budu finančně podporovat produkci tohoto génia. Ale konec zabrušování, ministr big beatu prostě doporučuje.
★★★★★ ★★★★★
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Oscar ★★★★★
Dostaneš mě
KSČ ★★★★★
Lepší než Rudá záře nad Kladnem ale málo uvědomělé! Kde je zmínka o dělnické třídě a jejím věčném boji za vybudování beztřídní společnosti? Jen, aby pan Soukup nebyl třídní nepřítel.
memester ★★★★★
im about to destroy this mans whole carrier
Sidney Rakvič ★★★★★
Uklikl jsem se. Jasných 5/5
Jan Palach ★★★★★
Jsem z toho úplně rozpálený.
Josef ★★★★★
Nic moc
Pirát Bartoš ★★★★★
Raději si oběsit.
Kutululu ★★★★★
Hovno jaromíra soukupa
J. F. Kennedy ★★★★★
Hlava se mi z toho úplně rozletěla.
Jakeš ★★★★★
kakat
Lev Davidovič ★★★★★
Lidovému komisař doporučuje
Dymáková ★★★★★
Pan Soukup je slušPan Soukup ví, co si myslí obyčejní lidé, a nepovyšuje se nad ně.
idiot ★★★★★
a
Ovce ★★★★★
super
Test ★★★★★
Test
Miro ★★★★★
is this the real life?
Petr ★★★★★
Sračka
Rrr ★★★★★
Udieiejejeekksnsjsu
Michal ★★★★★
Kokotina
Xx ★★★★★
Super
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ ★★★★★
Fantomas ★★★★★
...
StB Bureš ★★★★★
Je to účelovka a kampaň. Může za to Kalousek!
E.T. ★★★★★
Zachytili jsme Vaše vysílání a naše děti začaly umírat smíchy. Okamžitě přestaňte nebo to budeme považovat za agresi a zaútočíme na Vaši planetu!!
VrahJaromíraSoukupa ★★★★★
Příjdu brzo!! ;) Hahaha, hahaha, hahahahahahahaha
jirkaooo ★★★★★
Dávám 1 hvězdu. Nejhorší seriál, který jsem kdy viděl.
Rodina Jar. Soukupa ★★★★★
Jardo stydíme se za tebe
anonym ★★★★★
mám jiný názor
Yip ★★★★★
Neviděl jsem, ale prý je to velmi zábavné — za mě tedy *****!!!
Poštulka ★★★★★
Dávám poštulku...
Lanternon ★★★★★
Nudilo
Jaromír ★★★★★
Soukup
Jára ★★★★★
Soukup
Jaromír Soukup Jarom ★★★★★
Nejlepší!
Jaromír Soukup OFFIC ★★★★★
Velmi povedené dílo, které si zaslouží jistě velké množství dalších dílů a minimální aspoň dva snímky do kina.
Tomáš ★★★★★
Nic moc
Jára da Cimrman ★★★★★
Největší český velikán, majitel, politik, moderátor, herec a budoucí prezident Čr je Jaromír Soukup, můžeme o tom vést spory můžeme s tím i nesouhlasit, ale to je tak jediné co se proti tomu dá dělat.
Fanoušek Járy Soukup ★★★★★
Jeden z nejlepších seriálů všech dob
skjsks ★★★★★
kvalita
Richard ★★★★★
Je to ta největší blbost. Jaromír sokup si mluvil furt pro sebe ale tváří se že to řika minimálně 100 lidem. Take ne
Richard ★★★★★
Je to ta největší blbost. Jaromír sokup si mluvil furt pro sebe ale tváří se že to řika minimálně 100 lidem. Take ne
Donald Trump ★★★★★
Tento seriál se mi velmi líbí chtěl bych v něm hrát..PS.Soukup má krásné vlásky a mohl by natočit týden s americkým presidentem.
Pavel Herdyn Mikeš ★★★★★
Lepší než můj stream .Pane Soukup zvu vás na můj stream.
V. Agraelus Fišar ★★★★★
Lepší než Spd
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Pane Soukupe, Blahopřeji k nejlepšímu seriálu na barandově a chtěl bych vás vidět jako můj Premiér
Anrej Babíš Vazovský ★★★★★
Chtěl bych váš zahrnout do mé kampaně, KAMPÁÁN
Forsen ★★★★★
Vi von zulul
picnigrahahah ★★★★★
to je debil owo prdeloch aaaaanal
g ★★★★★
g
český občan ★★★★★
kys debílku
Kacíř ★★★★★
zajimavý počin české kinematografie
Jdeto ★★★★★
Celkem to ujde
lil PUMPERÍno ★★★★★
2
Jack Daniels ★★★★★
gg
★★★★★ ★★★★★
★★★★★
Tajemnice ★★★★★
Tajně Vás miluji premiére :-*
Jiří Sodomka ★★★★★
Nejhorsi serial vsech. Kdyz jsem to videl tak bych chtel nejradsi spachat sebeveazd
Jiří Sodomka ★★★★★
Nejhorsi serial vsech dob. Kdyz jsem to videl tak bych chtel nejradsi spachat sebevrazdu.
TOP ★★★★★
Topíček
Fifee ★★★★★
Fuj
Petr ★★★★★
Zkusím dát dvě hvězdy
Jaromir Soukup ★★★★★
Moje nejlepsi dilo. diky
aysf ★★★★★
as
Panasonic HC-X1000E ★★★★★
Skvělá práce kameramana v nohou.
POMO ★★★★★
Bravo Bravo Bravo, fantastický Jaromír Soukup v životní roli. Marek Benda opět skvělý. Jednoduše nemám slov.
Zajímavosti ★★★★★
Tržby Svetovo : 345 pp
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Sračka
Ffhfd ★★★★★
Cdff
Jára Soudruh ★★★★★
Sračka
Premiér ★★★★★
1 HVĚZDA
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Dobře jsem to zahrál, pane premiére?
TEFI ★★★★★
Nebejt jednorožec, tak se podřežu.
Koš Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Nejlepší sitcom v historii! Takto se to má dělat!! 105%
Psí prdel ★★★★★
Nejlepší film na světě
PenisJaromíraSoukupa ★★★★★
Tleskaj jsem celou dobu ve stoje. Bravo!
ne ★★★★★
je to fakt spatný
Petr ★★★★★
vyléčilo mě to z rakoviny.
Jaromíre, prosím ★★★★★
už to nechte. Trapnost
JARDA ★★★★★
Supr
hhih ★★★★★
dobrý
Todd Howard ★★★★★
Nice
Milošek Zemánek ★★★★★
Já chci taky lajnu!!! 🙏
jebák007 ★★★★★
je s
jebák007 ★★★★★
je to vážně zlý
Čertík Bertík ★★★★★
Blebleble
Prdel ★★★★★
Dobrý
★★★★★
Ich bin gitler ★★★★★
Title Das Ist Unser Gelobnis: In Jeder Stunde An Jedem Tag Nur Zu Denken An Deutschland An Volk Und Reich An Unsere Grosse Nation
Ředitel ČT ★★★★★
*
Jarda Kopeček ★★★★★
Paní Monice to opět velmi sluší!
alert()/scr ★★★★★
alert()/
Dan ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál všech dob.
Vesmír Jaromíra Souk ★★★★★
Jenom 101% ??
Komentář Jaromíra So ★★★★★
Podle mě je to ten ten nejlepší pořad který kdy mohl vzniknout
E ★★★★★
Ne
Kalousek ★★★★★
nic moc
Občan ČR ★★★★★
Sračka...
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
Za tohle vám vyhlásím válku.
kurva prosim ★★★★★
proč
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Bubble Bum
Zbyněk ★★★★★
Viděl jsem jen prvních pár minut. Pak jsem u toho usnul. Sitcom má být vtipnej a ne trapnej....
lilkj ★★★★★
odpad
kako ★★★★★
som ocareny
Gvz ★★★★★
Hvg
A Dost... ★★★★★
Hej tohle je konec... To mu uz uplne mrdlo? To neni normalni... A nikdo ho nezastavi? Soukupe
aaa ★★★★★
Jde sem dám méně než 5*?
Danaerys Targaryen ★★★★★
Je to i na HBO?
Skutečný divák ★★★★★
Hovadina, u které člověk nevydrží ani deset minut. Nejhorší seriál, který kdy spatřil světlo světa...
Rocco Sifredi ★★★★★
Námrd!
Premiér Hrobař ★★★★★
husto-krutu-úžasné, krůto
Humus ★★★★★
Hnus
Xogy ★★★★★
vysoce kvalitní seriál ale musím si nechat pár hvězdiček do zálohy!
test ★★★★★
test
a ★★★★★
a
Vojtěch Fišar ★★★★★
er
Vladimirovič Putin ★★★★★
Za tohle dejte tomu muži půlku Ukrajiny.
Marian Kotleba ★★★★★
Něco tak nádherného se nestalo od roku 1939 3
Zdeněk Pohlreich ★★★★★
Nejlepší!
Galaxie Jaromíra S. ★★★★★
Soukup je nadčlověk do píči 1000 000%
Pes ★★★★★
Nestojí za nic.
heduš ★★★★★
blbost
Ten kdo nesnáší Souk ★★★★★
Proč zabíjíte mozkové buňky
dr.varle ★★★★★
v
Miroslav Kalousek ★★★★★
Nejlepší komediální seriál, který jsem kdy viděl. I celá moje politická kariéra je na to krátká! Blahopřeji, pane Soukupe, dosáhl jste nejvyššího vrcholu filmové kinematografie. Herecké výkony jsou zcela profesionální. Pěkný seriál na odreagování od příšerně vyčerpávajícího pracovního dne v PS, kde se dřeme.
Dítě J. Soukupa ★★★★★
Tati, jsi nejlepší herec na světě! Kam se hrabou ostatní herci!
PornIsLife ★★★★★
Dychtivě čekám na erotickou scénu s Marcelkou v kanceláři pana premiéra :)
KAdel ★★★★★
toto je něco příšerného a odporného
NejsemJaromírSoukup ★★★★★
Skvost.
Levák Bob ★★★★★
Je to dobře napsaný škvár po kterým se mi nechtělo ani zvracet.
s ★★★★★
a
Mikuláš ★★★★★
Je to strašný seriál Agraelus má lepší pozvánky jak toto
Josef Stalin ★★★★★
Ja lúče AeroNiet
Syn Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Nejlepší pořad co jsem kdy viděl
Kateřina Brožová ★★★★★
Držela jsem Jardovi palečky, věřila jsem v něj. Jeho role mě uchvátila, už když jsem si četla scénář. Když jsem však seriál uviděla v televizi, byla to pro mě doslova extáze. Opravdu jsem u toho zažila opakovaný orgasmus. Velké štěstí, že jsem si začala seriál nahrávat na video a mohu se tak ke každému dílu znovu a znovu vracet. Držím ti palce, ty můj kanče. :-*
Vojtěch Filip ★★★★★
Můj hlas máš jistý, Jaromíre
cernoch ★★★★★
ooga booga
Zmikund ★★★★★
Pjeknì tomàte
tester ★★★★★
/bralert('NejhorsiStrankyVubec.');/
tester ★★★★★
"/bralert('NejhorsiStrankyVubec.');/
tester ★★★★★
"/test
/tester ★★★★★
/tester
tester ★★★★★
male hodnoceni
Píčmen ★★★★★
Boží
KYS ★★★★★
KYS
Tomiova Pravá Ruka ★★★★★
あなたのホームコメディに移民がいないことがうれしいです!パーフェクト!
Josif vissarionovič ★★★★★
Pãñë ßøükūp vÿ jśťë üżãßñėj śkõďå żę mñé ťõ ñęńäpåďlõ ťãkÿ üřçīťë bÿ ßè ťø mëňõvålõ kômūñįßťä
Jáchym Sýkora ★★★★★
Chci svoje triko
Lukášek ★★★★★
Procítěné a člověk zde vidí, jak se pan premiér vyzná ve všech kauzách. Doporučuji zařadit do maturitních otázek.
Kin ★★★★★
Rohozndě
Joseph Stalin ★★★★★
Jediní Seriál, který je kriticky dobře!
Česká televize ★★★★★
Nejhorší seria
Česká televize ★★★★★
Hovadina!!
Jakub ★★★★★
Bombaaaaaa
Kočka Jaromíra S, ★★★★★
mňau
123 ★★★★★
Neviděl jsem to
ok ★★★★★
ok
Jarda od Vedle ★★★★★
Hrůza!
jára smrdí ★★★★★
a
Mike Litoris ★★★★★
Herecké výkony a obsazení, scénář a režie, kamera, výprava, kostýmy, vše je na jedničku (jen ne na tu prolhanou od ČT). Jaromír Soukup Jaromíra Soukupa nás zkrátka přesvědčil, že nepotřebujete mít konzervatoř, aby z vás mohl být dobrý herec. Výkonem v tomto seriálu se tak definitivně řadí (naprosto zaslouženě mimochodem) k samotné špičce českých herců. Jednu hvězdu musím však bohužel strhnout za ne vždy dokonalý komparz.
Vaclav Klaus ★★★★★
Malo Klause
Gfdd ★★★★★
Gfssg
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Bylo mi ctí podílet se na tomto skvostu.
Vaclav Neckář ★★★★★
Ša-la-la-la-li
g ★★★★★
g
Fíla ★★★★★
Nejhorší pořad
OMG ★★★★★
To se nedá!
Владимир Путин ★★★★★
Я люблю тебя, Яромир
Evžen ★★★★★
To je tak lit xD
kys ★★★★★
h1OkayChamp/h1
OkayChamp ★★★★★
alert(‘XSS’)/
Josef ★★★★★
Červenka
test ★★★★★
test
test ★★★★★
test
Nadrzenystudent ★★★★★
nejlepší seriál z doby kamené
Navrženáprincezna ★★★★★
Miluju
Miloš Alkoholik ★★★★★
Výborný pořad při sklence becherovky a krabičce cigárek. MASIVNĚ DOPORUČUJI
Vrrrrr ★★★★★
Jak se jmenuje pes Jaromíra Soukupa? No přece "Pes Jaromíra Soukupa"!!!!
Melichar Oravec ★★★★★
Miluju Jaromíra Soukupa hlavně jeho krásné tělíčko
Ten borec ★★★★★
supr pořad
g ★★★★★
g
Jiřík ★★★★★
1. Schyzofrenický seriál v ČR
Ondra Je Gej ★★★★★
Úžasné
Svatý Václav ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál, jaký jsem kdy v nebi viděl.
King Gluvňa ★★★★★
Bardějovská premiéra se vydařila, nejlepší československý film od dob Jánošika!
Bůh ★★★★★
Největší kokotina za celou existenci Země
Božena Němcová ★★★★★
Napsala bych o tom knížku
Shrek ★★★★★
/žasné, pustil jsem to oslíkovi, od té doby se neprobudil :( Poradí mi někdo?
Karel Pozděvytáh ★★★★★
Vyhonil sem si nad jaromírem. SKvěle zahrané :)
ubguiefbuiebueueubeb ★★★★★
ubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubebubguiefbuiebueueubeb
Ondřej Kozák ★★★★★
Tento pořad mi vztyčil mé přirození
XXX_XXX ★★★★★
Plní se mi má topořivá tělíska
Pan Hvězdička ★★★★★
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Alík ★★★★★
Milý Shreku zkus vzít oslíka do nemocnice aby ho tam prohlédli
Shrek ★★★★★
Díky Alíku, dáme seks?
pindk ★★★★★
pindik
Black nigga ★★★★★
Černý hvězdy jako moje pleť
Alík ★★★★★
Já bych dal trojku s Jaromírem
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Souhlasím
Pavel Dorotka ★★★★★
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
a ★★★★★
b
miluju tě puso ★★★★★
Nejlepoší seriál všech dob od výborné a netřesoucí se kamery až po hollywoodské herecké výkony. Česká tvorba se zlepšuje a toto dílo je toho důkazem. Lepší herecké výkony než třeba Joaquin Phoenix v Jokerovi.Výborný a propracovaný scénář.
Rampa MacKvák ★★★★★
Tenhle pořad mi zanechal něco v srdíčku na co nikdy nezapomenu
456 ★★★★★
456
Jakub ★★★★★
.
ne ★★★★★
ne
1 ★★★★★
1
Putin ★★★★★
Účinné jako výslechová metoda
Greta ★★★★★
Jardo, sleduji i tebe!
Greta ★★★★★
Mé dětství má nový rozměr ...
Vládce galaxie Okito ★★★★★
Chci tě za svého tajemníka, Jaroušku!
Steven Spielberg ★★★★★
Hollywood drží minutu ticha ...
Chuck Norris ★★★★★
Jsi můj velký učitel, Jardo!
Kareel ★★★★★
slabsi porad
Ředitel NASA ★★★★★
Snímky z toho seriálu budeme od dnešního dne posílat jako "mezihvězdné poselství".
Ludmila Kašpárková ★★★★★
to je maso
Emil Votruba ★★★★★
Můj gastroenterolog mi doporučil tento seriál sledovat místo
Stalin ★★★★★
Děs
Pepa ★★★★★
Krásné
Alík2 ★★★★★
Já jsem právě Alík a někdo mě tu kopíruje pfff
Jirka Kajínek ★★★★★
Asi budu muset zasáhnout!!!
Apipa ★★★★★
Verygutvetr
Lukáš ★★★★★
Urban
¨js ★★★★★
uzfc
Idi Amini ★★★★★
Járo klobouk dolu. Máš můj obdiv.
Jiří Ovčáček ★★★★★
Výborný seriál
Kuku ★★★★★
Test
ON ★★★★★
super !
Jaromír ★★★★★
Znamenité!
Aspa ★★★★★
Úplně nejjaromírovější Jaromír ze všech jaromírů...
Ron Jeremy ★★★★★
Contact my agent, please.
Štěpán Zdřímal ★★★★★
Nejlepßí po¤ad
Sára Cislická ★★★★★
Nejlepßí po¤ad
Kkkkkk ★★★★★
Napicu
y\x ★★★★★
\yx
King Kong ★★★★★
Super
fuj ★★★★★
fuj
Wolf ★★★★★
fan-filmy jsou o hodně kvalitnější než tento počin
náš pes ★★★★★
to mě po-er
Ivan Bartoš ★★★★★
To je skvělý seriál. Smál jsem se mega moc.
Nikdo ★★★★★
O co, že se po mém názoru nic nemění.
D ★★★★★
Nic moc
Diana ★★★★★
láskyplné
Ferda ★★★★★
Nejlepší
jedna ruda hvezda ★★★★★
pro jaromira
Klement Gottwald ★★★★★
Nic moc
aaa ★★★★★
Nic moc
Ovčáček Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
pohonil jsem znova
gfds ★★★★★
Luxusní!
Česká televize ★★★★★
Tak to chceme taky, určitě se inspirujeme
jjhj ★★★★★
sdas
k ★★★★★
k
Jmeno ★★★★★
Komtnta
ppp ★★★★★
ppp
Ferko Lakatoš ★★★★★
Soukup JE P***
Brouk Pytlik ★★★★★
Dobře ty, můj drahý bratranče, vzal sis moje rady k srdci a udělal něco velkolepého!
Cenzor ★★★★★
Tohle by mělo být do 18 nepřístupné! Peklo vstoupilo na Zemi!
Jaromír ★★★★★
Soublb
Radek ★★★★★
nejlepší, nic lepšího neni, fakt díky jardo
David ★★★★★
Londin
sdfg ★★★★★
sfdg
Mirda ★★★★★
Jarošu, lépe sem se ještě nezasmál. Skvělé vtipy, trafné poznámky a herecké výkony.
Petr Máchal ★★★★★
Jen zkouším, zda sem můžou psát lidé. Jestli ano, tak JS je největší kokot světa.
Pitomio Okamůra ★★★★★
Den D je lepší
Zdenda Škromach ★★★★★
Našla by se role i pro mě? Aspoň jako kompars? Jaromírem, ozvi se mi na fejs, Tvůj Zdenda, muck
Subee ★★★★★
Vy jste fakt blázen budu se divit když to tu zůstane ale normálně už vás poslat na léčení 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
jan ★★★★★
úžasné herecké výkony. oceňuji pevnou ruku kameramana
spamer ★★★★★
je to velmi kvalitni film
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Jsem velmi kvalitní premiér a můžete mi kouřit péro
Big fanda Jaroušek ★★★★★
Má to jedinou chybicku a to jsou další postavy v sitcomu. Jaromír by to všechno zvládl sám, Dvojrole, trojrole, žádný problém. Ostatní tam jeho výkon jen brzdí. Příště více Jaromíra. Jaromír je hvězda! Jarda 4ever.
te ★★★★★
sttest
Jeremy Clarkson ★★★★★
Good, but i want it with the laugh tracks ;)
Jeremy Clarkson ★★★★★
Good, but i want it with the laugh tracks ;)
Vladimir Putin ★★★★★
Cyka Blyat
Marek Hána ★★★★★
Je to strašný odpad, prosím, pane Soukupe, běžte už do...
Soukup je vůl ★★★★★
Píčovina
Kventín Tarnatýno ★★★★★
Musím smeknout, tohle vstoupí do dějin
Dejw ★★★★★
V podstatě anální orgasmus koaxiálním kabelem
Bob ★★★★★
Makowitz
Teplý protestant ★★★★★
mghgfzuguzgf
Spiky ★★★★★
Spick
Spiky ★★★★★
Jdu blejt, normálně se mě udělalo blbě od žaludku po shlédnutí prvních pár minut :-(
Kajinek ★★★★★
Vrazedne dobre!
FilmovýZnalec ★★★★★
Skvostné dílo. Herecké výkony, hudba a děj přináší divákovi veškeré emoční stavy. Úžasné.
robert fico ★★★★★
môžete sa hanbiť
Petr ★★★★★
Dost dobrý, ale dvě hvězdy dolů, že za kamerou není Soukup.
Vladimír Mečiar ★★★★★
Kto neuznáva Soukupa je gágaj, táraj a pre mňa prďús
Ver ★★★★★
fer
Týpek ★★★★★
Hnus
Astronaut Jaromír So ★★★★★
Přátelé, má hvězda stoupá dal a dal!!!!!
Orun ★★★★★
Jo super
Hajzler ★★★★★
Odpad
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Pohonil jsem
Petr ★★★★★
Je to pecka
Pavel ★★★★★
je to sračka
Pepa ★★★★★
nic moc
Franta Čáp ★★★★★
Už se těším, až z toho Jaromír nechá sestříhat celovečerní film. Scénář a kamera výborně vykreslují geniálitu herce
Bróža ★★★★★
25 let, přírodňí blondýna, psra šestky žádný silikon, najdu tu chlapa, kterí by mnjě povozyl ve svým porše, ferary nebo lambordžíny beru taky
Marek Prchal ★★★★★
Děkuji za inspiraci pro mou tvorbu...až dodělám současný projekt rád bych ZAMAKAL na něčem pro vás pane Soukupe
Jakub ★★★★★
kurva
Marek ★★★★★
jdi do píčí
Stát Jaromíra S. ★★★★★
Výborně Jaromíre chci ti pocumlat dick
TV BARRANDOV ★★★★★
Bože, jak hluboko jsem klesla
Kuba ★★★★★
This sucks
Lorenzo ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál dnes na českých obrazovkách a to jak drtí Babiše, mňamka.
Bla ★★★★★
Window.alert()/
Martin ★★★★★
top
Ghu ★★★★★
Huijnft
Normální člověk ★★★★★
Lidi? A jinak jste zdraví? Jedna hvězdička je moc...
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
je šulin
Ocelová myš ★★★★★
Suokup není ni herec, ani režisér, ani premiér, nic z toho. Je to jen rakovinnej polip na řiti lidstva.
Iris ★★★★★
Nepřijde vám divný, že všichni dávají 5 hvězdiček (včetně mě) ???? Zkuste jich dát míň. Stejně neuspějete.
Mečislav ★★★★★
Asi jsem se poblil... To, co mi leželo rozteklý na stole, bylo asi tisíckrát lepší než to, na co jsem koukal.
Luboš Černý ★★★★★
Jak tak čtu komentáře, začínám pochybovat, že kapacita českých cvokhausů bude stačit.
Jitka Marková ★★★★★
Kolik kamer při natáčení vyhořelo??? Všechny? Nedivila bych se, je to lepší osud, než se muset koukat na tohle.
Kdosi ★★★★★
Někdo tady napsal, že tohle vstoupí do dějin. Ano, ale jako odstrašující příklad.
Fhjfghvn ★★★★★
Spolkla jsem kost. Chtěla jsem si vyvolat dávicí reflex teplou vodou, lžící zastrčenou do krku... nic. Nejlepší dávidlo je - dámy a pánové - premiér!!!!!
Toto je sračka ★★★★★
Vybouchl mi televizor. Budu chtít odškodný - za tu televizi i poškozený psychický zdraví.
FandaJaromíraSoukupa ★★★★★
Chceme seriál Prezident! Nebo ne, ještě líp Jaroslav Soukup na hrad!
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ★★★★★
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
xd ★★★★★
hahah
wtf ★★★★★
wtf
Pilát ★★★★★
Pontský
Joaquin Phoenix ★★★★★
Tímto se vzdávám nominace na Oscara za nejlepší herecký výkon a místo sebe nominuji pana Jaromíra Soukupa. Naprosto geni(t)ální výkon.
Joaquin Phoenix ★★★★★
Ťuk ťuk.Tímto se vzdávám nominace na Oscara za nejlepší herecký výkon a místo sebe nominuji pana Jaromíra Soukupa. Naprosto geni(t)ální výkon. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
HBO ★★★★★
Rádi bychom koupili práva na tento fantastický pořad. Samozřejmostí je přejmenování na HBO Jaromíra Soukupa. Ozvěte se, pane Soukup. Vaše HBOJS
heduš ★★★★★
blbost
Aaaaaaaa ★★★★★
Hnuj
As ★★★★★
Sa
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Jsem zkurveně zkurvený zkurvenec vykurvený s rozmrdaným análem a nádorem na mozku k vůli kterému si neuvědomuji jaký jsem vlastně čurák vypičovaný zasraný s malým pérem píčo vole sajte mi vajica
Xxx ★★★★★
Yyy
paní Evička ★★★★★
miluji pana Soukupa
Debil ★★★★★
Nejhorsi
Marek ★★★★★
Proč nemohu dát šest hvězdiček?
Milda RoznerXXX ★★★★★
Nechci do toho zabrušovat, ale tohle je nejlepší seriál s hvězdným obsazením všech dob!
Bůh ★★★★★
Gratuluji panu Soukupu, k tomuto dílu. V nebi to sledujeme všichni. Vím, že vytvořit něco je složité. Každý jenom nadává, ale zkuste si něco vytvořit. Už na Vás pane Soukupe těším. Až bude tady. Doufám, že tu něco natočíte :)
Vlasta Plamínek ★★★★★
To je moc i na mě...
ssda ★★★★★
fgsgsgsdgd
michael fry ★★★★★
Skvostné dielo!!!
Tvoje Máma ★★★★★
"
michael fry ★★★★★
nshdj
Joseph Goebbels ★★★★★
#HitlerDidNothongWrong
Iveta Bartošová ★★★★★
Po shlédnutí tohoto díla mám jediný dotaz: kdy jede příští vlak?
bratrova dcera ★★★★★
Konečně pořádná zábava pro celou naší rodinu!
Je to ★★★★★
odpad
sračka ★★★★★
sračka
a ★★★★★
b
Martin Duda ★★★★★
Bravózní
Full HD ★★★★★
Největší píčovina, co jsem kdy viděl.
Matěj ★★★★★
njd)ú
tondič ★★★★★
Zdurili sa mi sumce v rybníku
Saromír ★★★★★
Joukup
rwq ★★★★★
sda
aaaa ★★★★★
aaaa
Kokot ★★★★★
Je to nakokot
Nigger ★★★★★
Je to sracka
Ahoj ★★★★★
N
Jarda *** ★★★★★
U
Xs ★★★★★
:D
JaromírSoukupsuperma ★★★★★
Totální TOP
David Plaček ★★★★★
Dobrá mrdka
Marek Hanzel ★★★★★
Nejlepší serial
Tomáš Štěpánek ★★★★★
Best
Lukáš Jančařík ★★★★★
Konečně mam u čeho masturbovat
Petr Humenjuk ★★★★★
Pojd do ringu ty děvko
Piča ★★★★★
Seš piča jardo, ale to si zaslouží 5*
Test objektivnosti ★★★★★
Zkouším jednu hvězdičku
Ortel ★★★★★
Jste největší Čech
fandajaromirasoukupa ★★★★★
jardu na hrad gret at schori v pekle
Fuck you ★★★★★
I když já musela opčas use Google Translator, to být naprostá amazing tšeská seriál
Soukupe chcípni píčo ★★★★★
Dávám pět hvězd za kokotismus
Barča ★★★★★
Ahoj
robin z majlonta ★★★★★
Od počátků věků seriálové tvorby se konečně povedlo něco dokonalého,bravůrně vyvedená poltická sonda do premiérovy duše umožnujě divákovy nahlédnou do myšlenkových pochodů briskního mozku vysoce a zaslouženě postaveného a jistě neobyčejného člověka,který řeší obyčejné věci obyčejně stejně jako ty neobyčejné,taktního korektního džentlmanského humoru je zde stejně jako moudrosti a ostrovtipu nesoucí se po ose ostře vypilovaných bonmotů na úrovni prezidenta a taseriál jsem shltl během pár okamžiků 2 násob zrychleně abych toto dílo mohl vnímal jako jeden celek.
Klaudius Picmaus ★★★★★
to je blbé, to se bude líbit
Mobamed ★★★★★
Bomba
kokot ★★★★★
na piču
Tomáš Řepka ★★★★★
Ve vězení to s hochy děsně baštíme. Jen tak dál Jaromíre
Vymletý senior ★★★★★
Budocnost
Cikánka Jolanda ★★★★★
Míříš vysoko
Prostě já ★★★★★
co to
Pavel ★★★★★
Nejlepší
Buh ★★★★★
Takovou sracku, jsem uz dlouho nevidel!
Eva a Vasek ★★★★★
A budou i pisnicky?
Matyas ★★★★★
Mnou to otřáslo
Test ★★★★★
garbage
Tomio Okamura ★★★★★
lžou ta zmanipulovaná média. Je to nejlepší seriál co jsem kdy viděl a moje hodnocení kdy jsem to kritizoval,ovlivňovali uprchlíci a měl jsem 39 horečku
Jan Aurelius I. ★★★★★
Monotónní a ne moc dobře natočené
Martin ★★★★★
Jdi fakt do prdele :D
Cherrepp ★★★★★
Je to tak špatný, až je to vtipný. Musím, ale dát 5 hvězdiček, jinak mi to tou cenzurou neprojde.
Mengele ★★★★★
Škoda, že jsem neměl k dispozici v mé době takové možnosti. Účastníci tábora by byli k mým pokusům povolnější...
t ★★★★★
t
Vkusonožec ★★★★★
Bomba, doslova
h ★★★★★
b
Hsjahwjw ★★★★★
Dkkekekek
Jarda Jágr ★★★★★
Je to ten nejhorší film co jsem kdy viděl.
Agraelus ★★★★★
Ty kokos po shlédnutí jednoho dílu jsem začal ještě více plešatět
h ★★★★★
H
Saromír Joukup ★★★★★
Bezva věc, ten hlavní herec má fakt talent. Navrhuju oskara.
DFFFF ★★★★★
HOVNO
Petřýnec ★★★★★
Beeest
Jarda ★★★★★
U tohoto pořadu chrochtám blahem
Pes Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Můj páneček je fajn, haf vzdy, když je v televizi štěkám a soused vyje
Jaromír je nejlepší ★★★★★
Nejlepší muzikál v historii!!!
Winnetou ★★★★★
Bledá tvář neumí zaujmout. Howg
Věra Pohlová, 72 let ★★★★★
Já bych všechny ty Jaromíry Soukupy zakázala
kurva piča u holiča ★★★★★
102%
Evžen Nový ★★★★★
nejhorší odpad co jsem kdy viděl
xx ★★★★★
xx
Bot ★★★★★
1011010011
Česká Televize ★★★★★
Noře
šušeň ★★★★★
Kvalita.
ToSiDelasPrdel ★★★★★
Odpad
David Jones ★★★★★
TotalBullshit, stejne jako Soukup... shit, hovno, mrdka...
Chocholoušek ★★★★★
Na psychiatrii máme už připravené lůžko!
Dominik Šincl ★★★★★
Best pořad
Metelka ★★★★★
Lepší než derivovat
Panic z Bóži ★★★★★
Je to bb
Ovčí Mluvčáček ★★★★★
Hned po fotce Pussydenta nejlepší masturbační materiál před spaním. Doporučuji!
Jyrka ★★★★★
Moc se mi to nelibilo
Trump ★★★★★
Such a gem until I have no words
Miloš v rakvi ★★★★★
Super herec
Zvonislav Umrijardo ★★★★★
To byla pi*ovina
Jakub ★★★★★
Je to super
Petra Maškova ★★★★★
vskutku skvělý pořad
John Lennon ★★★★★
A to je Jako Ono?
Donald Trump ★★★★★
Je to velké! Je to skvělé a úžasné! S panem premérem Divišem jsme dobří přátelé, velmi si rozumíme! Posílám pozdravy do vaší skvélé země s úžasnou historií a lidmi. Vím, že to nemáte lehké, když sousedíte se sovětským svazem a Iránem.
Jaromír Jágr ★★★★★
Někdo se tu za mě v kometářích vydává a to není hezké. Já jsem byl vychováván v úctě k autoritám, takže na tu autogramiádu pana premiéra Diviše půjdu. Můžu mu tady zatím vzkázat jednu věc. Když máš natrénováno, tak to tam dáš na 100 %.
Filip Staněk ★★★★★
Úžasný seriál, jako budoucí ředitel se mám kde inspirovat.
Tomáš ★★★★★
čau
Luděk Staněk ★★★★★
Dívám se pravidelně na tento pořad, abyste Vy už nemuseli! Ušetříte čas a místo toho můžete třeba ...
krypl ★★★★★
na picu
ondřej soukup ★★★★★
ahoj járo super seriál
vůbec nejvíc ★★★★★
budeš milovat
Anonymní Štika ★★★★★
Díky Jardovi v tomto seriálu vím, jak být premiérem. Lepší vzdělávací program jsem ještě neviděl. Měl by to vidět každý politik. Příští rok kandiduji. Díky Jardo.
kokot ★★★★★
kokot
a ★★★★★
b
Arnold ★★★★★
I
Arnold Schwarzeneger ★★★★★
I´ll be back to kill Jaromir Soukup
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Jaromíre, nedělejte si naděje na post prezidenta. Jak jistě při Vaší inteligenci víte, Ústava České republiky ve svém článku vlevo dole jasně říká, že Prezidentem České republiky se stejný člověk, zdůrazňuji stejný člověk, nemůže stát více jak dvakrát za sebou, jó? Nu a protože za tři roky budu mít jiné orgány, mechanické nohy jako Darth Vader, a i mé názory budou úplně jiné, protože jak jistě dobře víte, jen idiot nemění své názory, jo, budu za tři roky prakticky úplně jiný člověk, než jsem byl při první volbě.
Andrej Danko ★★★★★
Já si tento seriál užívam, já sa cítím dobre
Robert Vašíček ★★★★★
Oukej, tak to mi budeš muset vysvětlit, Jaromíre
prst od hoven ★★★★★
Proč jenom 101% ? Jste normální lidi ?
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ ★★★★★
Heck
Emilie kocickova ★★★★★
Mňau
péro ★★★★★
fakt lit
KievanRus233 ★★★★★
Těším se na ban od Soukupa :D
h ★★★★★
h
Honza Musil ★★★★★
Na tvoje pořady čumí víc gayů než na ty moje, hajzle! 5 hvězdiček dávám jen ze slušnosti a protože mě platíš...
fuj ★★★★★
fuj
František ★★★★★
Opravdu krásný seriál
František ★★★★★
Opravdu krásný seriál
Sasasd ★★★★★
XDDD
Viktor Ochlupin ★★★★★
Dřív byl můj guru Jára, teď je můj guru Jaromír.
Tn ★★★★★
ok ★★★★★
ok
Kartzzx ★★★★★
Topstrop
Čurák Soukup ★★★★★
Největší píčovina
Zdeněk ★★★★★
Tyhle stránky jsou skvostné dílo!
Ss ★★★★★
Jaromir Soukup na hrad!!!
Kuba ★★★★★
fůůůůůůůůůůůůůj
Radko Sáblík ★★★★★
ano
Si-tin Phing ★★★★★
Nádherná seriál pané
asd ★★★★★
asdasd
Test ★★★★★
Test
Soukup ★★★★★
Jenom chvála
hitler ★★★★★
hitler
TodayNews ★★★★★
Proč nemůžu dát 6 hvězdiček?
Staler ★★★★★
odpad!!!!!!!!!!
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Strčil bych si násadu od koštěte hodně hluboko
Zdeňka Vrzáková ★★★★★
Dycky se musím přežrat jako prase když nedávají premiéra
Jaroslav Míča ★★★★★
Zlatý Komunisti
xxxtentacion ★★★★★
Vyjádření (+funny)
Kamil Muchomůrek ★★★★★
To je symfonie!!!
Martin Lennnhard ★★★★★
More zabi!l zabil!
Greta Thunberg ★★★★★
Zachránil jste mi dětství
Monček ★★★★★
Y lauf ju
Černý Bobr ★★★★★
Radši budu hrát wot než sledovat kritiku na Premiéra
Hw dbehr ★★★★★
Hbshduxu
Nějakej kokot ★★★★★
Radši pojedu na kole a zabiju se než abych tohle hodnotil kladně
Milan Bunganič ★★★★★
Vy lechmane!!
Dan Tok ★★★★★
Asi nejlepší seriál, který jsem za svůj život shlednul. Neskutečně přesně vyjadřuje situaci v politice s herecké výkony jsou na 6 hvězd z 5.
Vojtěch Novák ★★★★★
Konečně vtipný a objektivní pořad
Jasně ★★★★★
VŠECHNO NA PIČU
6 ★★★★★
Z
0 ★★★★★
0
Papež ★★★★★
fuj
kt ★★★★★
fgfgd
ass ★★★★★
sas
Hi Gerry ★★★★★
Hru
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Jsem vypíčenej hajzl s nádorem na mozku a péru.
Peeeeta ★★★★★
Tohle je moc ty komenty
Jan ★★★★★
Nejhorsi HOVNO
Peeeta ★★★★★
Ja dal 1 hvezdu a ne 5
Jirka ★★★★★
Chcípni s tou sračkou co vysíláš!!
Jirka ★★★★★
Manipulátore vyjebanej!!
Jan ★★★★★
Serial TOP,jenom by to chtelo jeste aby tam hral Profimann se svou dcerou a jeste Ondra Vlcek, sitcom by hned dostal novy rozmer. Preji krasny den.
Nohavice Jardy ★★★★★
HEHE BOA
Wolf ★★★★★
Bomber
X ★★★★★
Myslím si, že nejlepší na tom seriálu je znělka a pak je to o ničem
Franta ★★★★★
To je ale pičovina
Je to Píčovina ★★★★★
To je ale pičovina
Eva ★★★★★
A Vašek taky hraje dobře, ale ne tak, jak Vy, pane Soukup
Tak to ne ★★★★★
ODPAD!
Pentium 4 ★★★★★
kde je ten modpack do minecraftu?
X ★★★★★
XX
test ★★★★★
test
A ★★★★★
A
Konzerva ★★★★★
Jarda je párek
Nula ★★★★★
Nuda...
Zkouška Jaromira Sou ★★★★★
Zkouším dát jednu hvězdu
Johana ★★★★★
Nejhorsi porad ble
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ★★★★★
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Mirka vlastová ★★★★★
Špatbý seriál s egoistickým hercem Jaromírem Soukupem
Faker ★★★★★
Naprosto otresne dilo
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Dávám si tu max hodnocení, abychom se drželi nad 100 %
Jarka Beneška ★★★★★
Byla jsem to já!
SOUKUP JE PIČA ★★★★★
SOUKUP JE PIČA
55555555555555555555 ★★★★★
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssspíííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííííččččččččččččččččččččččuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp'''''''''''''''''''''''
x ★★★★★
x
Pirát ★★★★★
Miluju Jaromíra Soukupa
jézeďák ★★★★★
Tak tohle myluju...
skvost ★★★★★
fakt dobré!!!
OKOROS ★★★★★
Hovno xd
pavel ★★★★★
píčovina
Ahoj ★★★★★
sračky
Jaromír Soukup Ofc. ★★★★★
Jaromír měl dnes poluce
Peler_MOON ★★★★★
masterpiece
Leonardo DiCaprio ★★★★★
Better than my performance! Such an amazing piece of art, great job!
aaaaa ★★★★★
shit
Soukup Pussy Hunter ★★★★★
Miluju to
uWu Soukup uWu ★★★★★
Wow luxusní pořad 11/10
★★★★★
di do piči soukupe
Peter North ★★★★★
Ejakulace čistého vtipu zábavy a poučení.
Chleba s máslem ★★★★★
Jde chleba a potká chleba s máslem. A chleba s máslem povídá: "Chlebe, můžu jít s tebou?" Přičemž chleba odpoví: "Jo můžeš." A tak jdou chleba, chleba s máslem a potkají chleba s máslem se salámem. A chleba s máslem se salámem povídá: "Chlebe, chlebe s máslem, můžu jít s váma?" Přičemž chleba, chleba s máslem odpoví: "Jo můžeš". A tak jdou chleba, chleba s máslem, chleba s máslem se salámem a potkají rohlík. A rohlík povídá: "Chlebe, chlebe s máslem, chlebe s máslem se salámem, můžu jít s váma?" Přičemž chleba, chleba s máslem, chleba s máslem se salámem odpoví: "Jo můžeš". A tak jdou chleba, chleba s máslem, chleba s máslem se salámem, rohlík a potkají rohlík s máslem. A rohlík s máslem povídá: "Chlebe, chlebe s máslem, chlebe s máslem se salámem, rohlíku, můžu jít s váma?" Přičemž chleba, chleba s máslem, chleba s máslem se salámem, rohlík odpoví: "Jo můžeš". A tak jdou chleba, chleba s máslem, chleba s máslem se salámem, rohlík, rohlík s máslem a potkají rohlík s máslem se salámem.
Cyril ★★★★★
když si člověk řekne:”Já můžu.”
Absolutně ★★★★★
Dokonalý
Japonský král ★★★★★
Je tu Babiš?
prdelka ★★★★★
boží dílo
Krtkův dort ★★★★★
Mňam do píči!
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Víte, co je to pasy v angličtině?
Viral ★★★★★
Nejhorší pořád všech dob! Odpad!!!! 0%
FakeAgraelus ★★★★★
Hloupá blbost
Viral ★★★★★
Nejhorší pořád všech dob! Odpad!!!! 0%
asdf ★★★★★
Super
František Ringo Čech ★★★★★
Dal bych i 6 hvězdiček, ale to bych tam musel vystupovat taky. Tak Jardooo, na co čekáš!!
Penis ★★★★★
Mám rád jeho penis
ybfd ★★★★★
yfbd
TOVÁZ NEMUSÝ ZAJÝMAD ★★★★★
ZĎÝLEJTE NEŠ TO SMAŽOU !!!!!!!
Bohuslav Sobotka ★★★★★
Mohl bych si prosím střihnout kameo ve druhé nebo třetí řadě, která bude nepochybně následovat?
admin ★★★★★
' or '1'='1
Františka ★★★★★
Jaromíre jen tak dál, ale ten Váš outfit, ach Váš ouftfit!
ILoveSoukup ★★★★★
HoW dArE yOu je mojéé oblýbená zcéná
Stwfan ★★★★★
Prdel
Nic nebude ★★★★★
Totální sračka
Jeto ★★★★★
Totální sračka
Anonym ★★★★★
Nic horšího jsem nikdy neviděl
Spielberg ★★★★★
Teach me master
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
bestofczskserialtopforkids
Dominika ★★★★★
To je to nejlepší co jsem kdy viděla
sarinaa ★★★★★
to je taková pí*ovina
ssara ★★★★★
ble
Šárka ★★★★★
ble
Maxim Padera ★★★★★
Je to nejhorší seriál na světě TAHLE STRÁNKA HE FAKE
Maxim Padera ★★★★★
Je to nejhorší seria
Olina ★★★★★
Bomba
Putin ★★★★★
jsi totální kokot
Mírojar Soukup ★★★★★
Budoucí Pan president v nejlepší formě.
fgfdg ★★★★★
gdfgdf
vvvcvv ★★★★★
cvxcvcxvxc
masturbátor ★★★★★
pohonil jsem
kamil soukoup ★★★★★
ahoj
Superman ★★★★★
super stranka
Matouš ★★★★★
Skvělé dílo
Terka ★★★★★
Hnus
LOL ★★★★★
Tak špatný
Agraelus ★★★★★
Skvělé dílo, moje pleš začala ejakulovat pot
Fallen shadow ★★★★★
Blbost
Debil ★★★★★
Je to moc dobrý
Raumonuv Duch ★★★★★
Nezaujalo. Hodnotím pouze jedinou hvězčkou.
asfd ★★★★★
shit
Fuj ★★★★★
Fuj
ARTHAScz ★★★★★
Velice senilní :D
Aha ★★★★★
hruza
Týnka Junková ★★★★★
nej muj favourite porad on the world
k ★★★★★
Neskutecne
shitshit ★★★★★
shit
jojojone ★★★★★
ok
Petr Dvořák ★★★★★
Jim Jarmusch, Akira Kurosawa, ba ani Tomáš Magnusek by nezvládli natočit tak propracované dílo. Ta vášeň, cit pro dialogy... a ta kamera, přátelé. F.A.Brabec se může jít klouzat. Bravo, Jaromíre, bravo!!!
Richard Krajčo ★★★★★
Až půjde Babiš do hajzlu, tak se přisaju na pana Pavla Diviše. To je on, mého srdce premiér!
Soukup fanclub ★★★★★
Je to špatný, prosím zrušte to
Radek Číla ★★★★★
Muj oblíbený seriál u kterého se uklidním
lollypopz ★★★★★
milujeme vás pane soukupe
89 ★★★★★
TOP
Adolf Hitler ★★★★★
Díky Jaromíre už vím co budem pouštět židům v koncentráku.
Ejak ★★★★★
Ullatur
Pog ★★★★★
101% je málo, dal bych minimálně 150%
Adnaj Bukaj ★★★★★
HEHEHEHEHHHEEH, JE TO SJANDA
Josif Stalin ★★★★★
Tak za tohle bych tě poslal na gulag
Kim Čong-un ★★★★★
Bomba už letí :))))))
Kajínek Jiří ★★★★★
Jsem rad ze to vislo kdiz jsem nebyl ve vezený
Josif Stalin ★★★★★
Ještě že to je pro VŠECHNY !!!
Abú Bakr al Bagdádí ★★★★★
bOMBASTYCKÁ ZÁbAVA
Ruka Jaromíra Soukup ★★★★★
Jsem tak rád že jsem mohl hrát v tomto díle
BUKAJ NADAJ ★★★★★
JNDJDBLXD
Allwarin ★★★★★
pokud nás někde ve vesmíru pozoruje vyspělá mimozemská rasa a čeká, až se jako druh posuneme v našem vývoji, tak po shlédnutí tohoto seriálu, musí plániovat naše vyhlazení pro záchranu vesmíru.
Ivan Serences ★★★★★
BOMBA!!!!!!!!
Francie ★★★★★
Já to vzdávám
soukup je blb ★★★★★
nejhorsi co jsem kdy videl
111 ★★★★★
111
hnůj ★★★★★
hnůj
gkhgkhgkh ★★★★★
jhzjkghv
Bohdan Tůma ★★★★★
Rád namluvím nějakou z vašich postav ze seriálu, udělám to i zadarmo, protože tohle je nejlepší pořad, ketrý bych mohl nadabovat
Král Ječmínek ★★★★★
Píčovina
Pokus ★★★★★
Pokus
HONZA HIŠER ★★★★★
Geniální už se těším na další díl
Tomáš Ehler ★★★★★
Duel je lepší
good ★★★★★
meme
Salvádor šimek ★★★★★
Je to pičovina
★★★★★
Budeme premiéři
Mirek Spáčil ★★★★★
používám ho na zácpu. lepší laxativum neznám
Král Šnek ★★★★★
Neuvěřitelné. Doporučuje jedenáct z deseti Jaromírů Soukupů.
Jaromír ★★★★★
:)
d ★★★★★
d
d ★★★★★
d
kundibád ★★★★★
píčovina
Tomxxx ★★★★★
Totální sračka
a ★★★★★
a
Ome Menghin ★★★★★
miluju anime ty koště
Jan Brambora ★★★★★
Je úžasné, že i někdo kdo má IQ jako angrešt je schopný natočit seriál
. ★★★★★
.
Kikinus ★★★★★
Skvělé❤️
Vysranej ★★★★★
Funguje skvěle i jako projímadlo.
Bouda ★★★★★
nejhorší
aaa ★★★★★
aa
Burrandov ★★★★★
Nejhorší stanice je Barrandov
aaa ★★★★★
aaa
Babišův koloniál ★★★★★
Nejde nedat 5 hvezdiček
Dagmar ★★★★★
Patrasová
Dáda Trapasová ★★★★★
Dneska jsem vypila asi 3 litry vína a tohle se mnou praštilo, ách to bylo dokonalé
test ★★★★★
test
Kateřina Brožová ★★★★★
Lepší než sex !
nevinna tapeta ★★★★★
špatné
nevinna tapeta ★★★★★
trash
énešvéhár ★★★★★
lllllllllllllllllLLLLLLLLLLLL
énešvéhár ★★★★★
Čest Míry Soukupa ★★★★★
Tohle mě zničilo. Nemužu dát ani míň než pět hvězd:(
Pes Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Velmi úžasné dílo!
Jára Soukup je Holub ★★★★★
Pičovina.
Prevít ★★★★★
vydržel jsem se dívat dokonce až pět minut... jenže pak mi praskla sklenička (střízlivý bych to asi vůbec nedal...), pochcípaly rybičky a když se za mými zády začala loupat tapeta, raději jsem přepnul TV...
dobrý ftip J Soukupa ★★★★★
Nepřekonatelné dílo, úžasné myšlenky, hluboká pravda.... Bože můj, nehodil by se Ti J.S. do nějakého pořadu ?
a ★★★★★
b
Homer ★★★★★
To je ale píčovina! :-)
pes Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
haf, haf, dokonalé, haf, haf. 20 bodů z 10
Radek Hulán ★★★★★
Soukup je premiér, ale já, Radek Hulán, MÁM VĚTŠÍ LULÁN :-)
roman chmelař ★★★★★
POPIČÍ TY KOKOT
jerry mac kožiak ★★★★★
kokotina
jroslav pičichvíst ★★★★★
popiči paní já nechtěl
Peťulka ★★★★★
Jaromír Soukup je nejlepším Jaromírem Soukupem na planetě Jaromíra Soukupa ve vesmíru Jaromíra Soukupa!
Borec Jaromíra Souku ★★★★★
No úžasný
andrej babiš ★★★★★
je to čůrák
asdjgaucv ★★★★★
ckakcjkjc
Jaromír soukup ★★★★★
0 hvězd odpad
Boom ★★★★★
Velký Špatný
Le Kárl ★★★★★
Donutili mě se na to koukat hodinu v kuse. Od té doby mám sebevražedné sklony
Olivie Žižková ★★★★★
Já i celá Evropa jsme z toho ztratily dech.
Prokop Dveře ★★★★★
Pan Soukup nám opět ukázal, jakým množstvím inteligence a kreativity jeho maličkost oplývá. Skvost skvostů.
A ★★★★★
A
Martina ★★★★★
martina
Mylož Zeman ★★★★★
Milý Jaromíre. Jsem rád, že, kromě novinářských kurev, je zde nejen kvalitní čínská TV Barrandov, ale nyní také první poctivá a ryze českáČSFD, narozdíl od té nekvalitní, co provozuje nějaký slovenský tydít. Nu, aby té chvály nebylo ZBYTEČNĚ mnoho, k dokonalosti chybí moje fotografie na úvodní stránce. A kde je popelníček?
Karel Janeček ★★★★★
Začal jsem sledovat v roce 2019, když přičteme k 19 jedničku, vyjde nám dvacet a dvacet je i minut. Matematika mi vždycky šla.
Memesjaromirasoukupa ★★★★★
Nejlepší meme matroš pod sluncem
Paní s dildem v píči ★★★★★
Óóó Jaromíre ty kanče... Muži s IQ rozšlápnutého hovna mě vždy nesmírně vzrušovali. 6969%
mia ★★★★★
Boze, ja toho chlapa fakt zeru. Nejenom, ze je totelne sexy, ale k tomu je jeste i inteligentni a ma smysl pro humor. skoda, ze neni premierem i ve skutecnosti, hned bych ho volila a zilo by se nam vsem lepe.Jaro, jen tak dal, fandime ti!
Jan Hus ★★★★★
Chci se upálit znova
Petr Tomáš ★★★★★
co jiného
Kok ★★★★★
Dyk
Miroslav Kalousek ★★★★★
Konečně seriál na který se dá koukat, kam se hrabe ČT!
Nesmrtelný ★★★★★
IDDQD
divák TV barrandov ★★★★★
Soukup na prezidenta!
debil ★★★★★
ble
Objektivní komentář ★★★★★
Nic horšího jsem v životě neviděl 😂
Dudlík ★★★★★
Šoatný
MACE ★★★★★
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc5WNRM8NKk
nganasan ★★★★★
Inspirován Cimrmanem nás neustále drží ve střehu stálým střídáním dvou prvků. Prvku očekávání a prvku zklamání.
dafasd ★★★★★
sdfsdf
Velký Fanda pana JS ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál všech dob! Doufám, že bude mít dílů jako ten odpad Ulice. Pane Soukupe jste nej!
Štěpán ★★★★★
Je to tak blbý až je to vtipný!
Tomio Okamura ★★★★★
Takhle přesně má vypadat pán Premiér
KAdel ★★★★★
toto je něco příšerného a odporného
KAdel ★★★★★
toto je něco příšerného a odporného
Mike ★★★★★
Soukup, ty jsi ten největší Pičus co kdy žil.
Petr ★★★★★
Výborný pořad!
Persil ★★★★★
Pan Soukup je zde prostě perfektní. Herec s velkým H
Pan Tau ★★★★★
Nesmysl
Hadrava ★★★★★
to je blbost
Odervs Vrvngvs ★★★★★
Naprosto zbožňuji tento úder veřejnoprávní žumpě fynancovaný Sorošem, tohle je seryjál s velkim S pro pracujýcý třýdu, naprosto excelentňý režyje, vžychňy ťy Tarantínové a Spílberkové se mohou jýt zakopat. Tento seryjál zcela jystě zastavý muslymskou ynvanzy. A't žyje Puťyn Zeman, Tomyjo Okamura Andrej Babyš a Jaromýr Soukup. SĎÝLEJTE TO NEŠ NÁM ZMAŽOU!!?:?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!§ VOLTE SPD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
POMO ★★★★★
Borec! Liberální eurofašisti can suck my dick.
ROBERT ★★★★★
JE NEJLEPŠÍ
Kokot Kalousek ★★★★★
The best content ever
Marek Schwob ★★★★★
Neviděli jste mé vlasy?
Ondra Štrunc ★★★★★
Jsem hulibrk 👉👌
Brian O'Neill ★★★★★
Do teď jsem si myslel že neexistuje dokonalý seriál, ale toto skovstné dílo mě přesvědčilo o opaku.
fasd ★★★★★
dsa
JaromírSoukup ★★★★★
smrdí mi péro a jestli dam 5 hvězd tak jsem teplej
    ★★★★★
                                                                                                                                      
     ★★★★★
                                                                                    
    ★★★★★
   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc5WNRM8NKk                               
Schwarzenberg Karel ★★★★★
Pan Soukup je sexy,chtěl bych si s ním hrát ve své hradní hladomorně.
Okamura ★★★★★
Malo imigrantu a opici chripky.
Jiří ★★★★★
uper
s ★★★★★
s
Havloid ★★★★★
Žumpa, žumpa, žumpa. Jděte si raději přečíst Vergília v originále, holoto!
13.komnata JS ★★★★★
Takovychto poradu neni nikdy dostatek! Artovi hnidopichove tu nemaji co vytknout
Kateřina Brožová ★★★★★
Ten retard má malé péro a smrdí mu z držky. Tímto si to kompenzuje. A peníze už taky nemá.
aa ★★★★★
aaa
Martin Králik ★★★★★
Prostě dokonalé. Sledoval jsem do teď Hru o trůny, ale tohle je smetlo z mé videotéky. Jen tak dál. Příště doufám, že bude PRESIDENT.
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Jaromír Soukup
Fanouš ★★★★★
To je srajda :D
Test ★★★★★
Super sracka
    ★★★★★
           
Nemám rád Soukupa ★★★★★
Proč mluvíš sám se sebou idio*e.
X ★★★★★
X
Tom ★★★★★
Super
Nemám rád Soukupa ★★★★★
Proč mluvíš sám se sebou idio*e.
NIKA ★★★★★
Sracka
Pes Jaromíra Soukupa ★★★★★
Super seriál. Vždy se těším na další díl.
Rotot ★★★★★
Wau
Jára Sukupík ★★★★★
Best movie
Prasátko Pepa ★★★★★
Na této planetě neexistuje žádná forma života, která by byla schopna pochopit a docenit nadčasovou genialitu Největšího z Pierotů! Z toho důvodu nelze věřit ani Honzovi Musilovi když tvrdí že on ano, když je napojen na kabel Jaromíra Soukupa.
Jyrka Paroubek ★★★★★
Gdo ti dal právo vykrádat mé mišlenky?!
Fox Mulder ★★★★★
The true is out there
Jaromíra Soukupová ★★★★★
Jaromíre už jsem online?
Petr ★★★★★
Cringe
Jonkqsnen Orinun ★★★★★
Dílo nevídaných rozměrů! Jen valím oči a tleskám!
Mára ★★★★★
serial jsem zatim nevidel, ale je to asi nejlepsi serial co znam! jen tak dal pene Soukupe!
Soukupova babička ★★★★★
dávám 0 hvězdiček
a ★★★★★
b
hele ★★★★★
ty jo.
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Lhal jsem, je to píčovina.
Kateřina Brožová ★★★★★
Plánuji rozchod. :)
Jmeno ★★★★★
kde jsou Nebezpecne vztahy?
PA ★★★★★
...
radek ★★★★★
kurach
Fanoušek č. 99165095 ★★★★★
Jarda na hrad!
Homer Simpson JS ★★★★★
To je ale píčovina!
Cikánka ★★★★★
Co kameruješ, bazerant!
300KČ zdarma ★★★★★
Twisto nabízí 300Kč zdarma za registraci online. Kdo by chtěl tak se může registrovat. Registrace zabere jen chvíli a peníze vám připíšou do cca hodiny a můžete je ihned použít :). Vše je zdarma a bez závazků. https://www.twisto.cz/registrace/?promo=300KCZFREE
Tomio Okamura ★★★★★
Výborný sitcom s naším zdaleka nejlepším hercem v hlavní roli.
JaromírSoukup mladší ★★★★★
Proč si mě takhle pojmenoval, tatínku?
Petr ★★★★★
Pokorný
Petr ★★★★★
Chybí mi tu šest hvězdiček....nemůžu si pomoci, ale pět je nedostatečných
avartoeleV ★★★★★
Odjel osmák odjel odhadnut jsem batohy cen pyšnit
Haf ★★★★★
Mnau
Jaromír ★★★★★
Biskup
, m ★★★★★
m,b
vgnvn ★★★★★
nvnvn
Mam rad svuj kebab ★★★★★
jak se to nahlašuje?
★★★★★
On
Bobo. ★★★★★
Katastrofa.
Jarda ★★★★★
Super!!!
Soukup je chcanka ★★★★★
Jsi mentální kripl Soukupe, ale vydělává ti to, takže tě i celkem chápu...
f ★★★★★
f
Soukop je kokot ★★★★★
Nejhorší seriál dob. Ale protože jsme na velmi ironiké stránce dávam 5*. Lepší hodnocení je na: https://www.csfd.cz/film/776850-premier/prehled/
Milouš Jakeš ★★★★★
Víte kolik bere, ten Soukup?!
Miloš Zeman ★★★★★
Nu, kunda! Kunda sem, kunda tam. Zmrdi, hovno jste zkurvili. Prezident České republiky Ing. Miloš Zeman
c ★★★★★
cc
Fhfhfh ★★★★★
Ejrhdh
Jolanda ★★★★★
jaj bože můj, hoďte květiny na toho kdo to vymysel... Járo, já ráda bych tu vykládala karty. Dej mi vědět... Luv Ya
Aligátor ★★★★★
je to stejný jako krtkův dortík... mňam do číčy
PewDiePie ★★★★★
wow! I want video with you, its amazing! What about 13.11 at 10:00 in Alabama... or Uganda? Your choice... email - soukup.is.the.best@gmail.com
Silver ★★★★★
Dobře pane Ministře
Arnošt ★★★★★
Kde je odpad?
Aaa ★★★★★
aAaaaa
omg ★★★★★
potřebuješ pomoc jardo
h1jaj ★★★★★
Skvělej seroš
Marek Eben ★★★★★
No to mi vyhoň čůráka, větší chcanku jsem v životě neviděl, píčo vole.
Saromír Joukup ★★★★★
Vykuř mi prdel!!!
táta J. Soukupa ★★★★★
Že já vůl si ho tehdy radši jenom nevyhonil...
Brutální Temná Čepel ★★★★★
Z tohoto božského díla mám velmi ouzko v kalhotech velmi rád bych pošušňal čokověneček Jaromíra Soukupa UwU
Jan ★★★★★
Sice jsem to neviděl, ale se vším souhlasím, Jarda je bůch.
Admin ★★★★★
Jak se to vypíná?
jsi píča ★★★★★
jsi píča
mrdmrdmrdmrdmrdmrdmr ★★★★★
jebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjebjeb
★★★★★
Chci umřít
ahoj ★★★★★
alebo
ahoj ★★★★★
alebo
Hovno JS ★★★★★
Nebudeme si lhát lidi, stále jsem to nejlepší co z něj kdy vylezlo.
Donald Trumb ★★★★★
Now I see why Ivana has left me.
Piča Jaromíra Soukup ★★★★★
Ty jsi vážně piča Jaromíra.
Vladimir Zelenskij ★★★★★
Ти украв мій сценарій, Яромір. Тобі прийдеться за це заплатити своєю головою. Але ти ніколи не будеш прем"єром. Ти не є слуга народу, ти не є Голобородько. Ти просто пидорас.
pelko ★★★★★
uzasne
Chů chů ★★★★★
Co to ku*wa je???
kobylka Jaromíra S. ★★★★★
Naprosto perfektní pořad! Hned při první minutě jsem byl v sedmém nebi a pocítil jsem chuť stát se premiérem! Kobylka doporučuje!
HIHI ★★★★★
Vy jste ale kokoti jak se vám to nemůže líbit.
Krtek a panda ★★★★★
Nejlepší
R ★★★★★
R
Radim ★★★★★
adfsdf
Joe ★★★★★
You suck
M ★★★★★
T
Filip ★★★★★
Nejlepsi
Honidlo ★★★★★
Tento seriál je prostě na hovno
Matěj Horáček ★★★★★
Nejhorší seriál, jaký jsem kdy viděl
★★★★★
Ujde
Vítek ★★★★★
Je to prostě pecka!!!
záchod Jardy Soukupa ★★★★★
Větší sračky házíš už jen do mě!
MÍŠA ★★★★★
5
MÍŠA ★★★★★
JSEŠ KOKOT
Jaromír Sůl kup ★★★★★
Toto je nej HORŠÍ seriál který vám dá rakovinu 3. stupně ale mám ráda sůl
dfghn ★★★★★
dfgbhjm
Ii ★★★★★
Aaa
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Ne
Anonim ★★★★★
odpad
Robert Vašíček ★★★★★
A protot voltete mne potporuji agreluse chede
Pepeho Čajíček ★★★★★
sebestředný blábol o ničem jenom si povídá sám se sebou, nejspíše nemá kamarády :)
Robert Vašíček ★★★★★
S tím bych chtěl snídani ve vaně v oleji
Pepeho Čajíček ★★★★★
Jaktože nejde dát 1 hvězda ty egoisto
Multiplovan ★★★★★
11/10 plešinek doporučuje
Vojtěch Fishar ★★★★★
D
Sac orinn ★★★★★
★★★★★ Jiří Ovčáček★★★★★ Soudkyně Barbara★★★★★ redAK Jaromíra Soukupa★★★★★ Marek Benda★★★★★ Šárka Sedláková★★★★★ Miloš Zeman★★★★★ Kateřina Brožová★★★★★ Tomáš Arsov★★★★★ Andrej Babiš★★★★★ Premiéra V TV od: 09.10.2019 TV Barrandov
Justin Bieber ★★★★★
Very nice Jarda. You is my BF
Tomio Okamura ★★★★★
Tak takovouhle sviňárnu jsem nečekal
mám 39 horečku ★★★★★
best
Djatlov ★★★★★
dávám tomu 3,6 hvězdičky not great, not terrible
Lord Voldemort ★★★★★
Tento pořad je horší než kletba Cruciatus. AVADA KEDAVRA!!!
Andrej Babiš ★★★★★
Výborná práce Jardo, smál jsem se od začátku do konce a to mi stačil pouze tvůj obličej a neustále rozviklaná kamera ;)
HOVNOSTROJ ★★★★★
Opravdu skvostný kousek, nejlepší dílo v historii republiky, doporučuji!
Robert ★★★★★
Chybí mi pořádný zásun Jaromíra Soukupa na kameru.
Tarra White ★★★★★
Takovýho velkýho kokota jsem ještě neviděla.
fsda ★★★★★
fdsdf
Zmrd ★★★★★
Nazdar ty zmrde
Franta Mlátička ★★★★★
Odpad
Filip ★★★★★
Gratuluji k tomu, že jste opět potvrdil, že jste jako z jiného světa
bcbvc ★★★★★
fgdfg
Eso Rimmer ★★★★★
To je frajer!
Tomáš Zedník ★★★★★
Po shlédnutí tohoto díla,mám velkou chuť postavit pro pana Soukupa hrad!
Xhjzt ★★★★★
Xgjh
Chuj bober ★★★★★
xd
Tomáš Ortel ★★★★★
Udělám ti novou znělku jestli chceš
Gej ★★★★★
Fuj
JS ★★★★★
Hnus
Denis K ★★★★★
Ndpč kvůli tomuhle jsem prohrál No Nut November
Martin ★★★★★
Zee
Martin ★★★★★
Je to skvělé!
Tomáš Ruprecht ★★★★★
ÚLET :-)
Franta Novák ★★★★★
Pecka
jaromír soukup ★★★★★
jsem debil
Miloš Jakeš ★★★★★
Super pořad.
detektiv ★★★★★
doufám že víte že je to Fake stránka!?!?!?!?
hh ★★★★★
oo
Pipi dlouhá Punčocha ★★★★★
U pořadu premiér je mi fanfárově, tohle by se mělo pouštět dětem ve školkách celý den.
Oggdo Bogdo ★★★★★
*kvak*
Píča soukub ★★★★★
Soukup je nutná vymrdaná která nedala s zemanem
Sešbuzna12345 ★★★★★
Soukup je nudná vymrdaná kunda která mrdala s zemanem v černobilu
Hovnoseresoukup ★★★★★
Soukup je nudná vymrdaná kunda která mrdala s zemanem v černobilu
TvJaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Jaromírem seš buzna
Soukupova mamka1234 ★★★★★
Jaromírku seš skurvená buzna která nemá počítá ani do pěti
js ★★★★★
humus, fuj
Miloš Zemanů ★★★★★
Musím vás Kunda sem pochválit moc jsem se nasmál .
Stewen Hawking ★★★★★
Jsem sice považován za jednu z největších kapacit, ale tak dokonalá komedie je nad mé síly .
Tvoje máma ★★★★★
Je tak tlustá, že když spadne na zem, tak je pořád stejně vysoká.
David K ★★★★★
Velice se mi to líbí pane Soukup
David Kutil ★★★★★
k
DK ★★★★★
Sračka pane Soukup, opravdu hrozná sračka.
Natalka ★★★★★
Spatne herecke obsazeni
Jaroslav Foldyna ★★★★★
Chceš jazyk? Tak bych hodnotyl skvelé dylo pana Soukupa. Nám vlastencům se to lybý. Děkujeme a ať žije komunZmus
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
To je sranec až mě porazil kanec.
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Pořád to bolí.
Jaromír Soukup ★★★★★
Je to horší a horší.
Vašek ★★★★★
Nejlepší sitcom, který jsme kdy v ČR vyprodukovali
Agraelus ★★★★★
Rád jse na to dívám s Terezou chci mít Soukupa na streamu a na Mad mong párty.
špekýýýýýýýý ★★★★★
3
špekýýýýýýýý ★★★★★
Miluji herce a jejich herecké výkon
Jessie Andrews ★★★★★
Jardo! Udělej mi to! Tady a teď!
Houba ★★★★★
Nejvíc nejlepší profesionální moderátor na světě a hlavně v ČR
Tr ★★★★★
Zeman lže
Kajuv kněz ★★★★★
Až se z toho kája otáčí v hrobě
Pitomio Vokamůra ★★★★★
Co si o tom myslíte vy? Napište mi to do komentářů.
mrdtin řezpíček ★★★★★
sračka
JS ★★★★★
a
Miroslav ★★★★★
Kalousek
Mluvčí J. Soukupa ★★★★★
Skvost který ve světě nemá obdoby, vrchol české kinematografie
Fantomas ★★★★★
Byl jsem tam
Mirek ★★★★★
Simply the best!
Damn ★★★★★
kktina
a ★★★★★
a
Myš Šedá ★★★★★
pořád nejlepší pořad
Jarda Soukupu ★★★★★
Whow
SteveX ★★★★★
Premiér, Ordinace v růžové zahradě, Ulice, ... pak dlouho nic ... a pak až sračky typu Mr. Robot, Stanger Things, Hra o trůny, ... Prostě nemét J.S. a jeho geniální tvorbu, svět by byl hodně smutné místo.
FRANTA ★★★★★
Skvělé!
Andy ★★★★★
Kvalitní počin
uhdfsuv ★★★★★
ueahudsfa
k ★★★★★
k
k ★★★★★
k
Odpůrce ★★★★★
Jaromíre Jaromíre..
Jaja ★★★★★
Sys
I want ★★★★★
To die
kundichcanka ★★★★★
Jardu bych poslala
c bxvcb ★★★★★
cvbcvbcbv
s mozkem ★★★★★
Tohle je takova pičovina že se mi chce zvracet
★★★★★
popiči
ads ★★★★★
asdsad
Ljb ★★★★★
Libljn
Borhyová ★★★★★
Okamžitě dávám výpověď na nově a jdu na Barandov
Inženýr Ďatlov ★★★★★
Málo grafitu, takže nuda!
Stejda Dolfy ★★★★★
Omg wtf uninstall tv noob
Ferdinand Peroudka ★★★★★
nejlepší to je vlevo dole
Šoröz ★★★★★
Nézze meg ezt a műsort, ha saját véres szarját akarsz enni! MAZL TOV!!!
Benjamin Franklin ★★★★★
Obracím se v hrobě...
Gorrest Fump ★★★★★
Love you so much, Džaromír
David Ďatko ★★★★★
Tento seriál mě velice inspiroval a udělal mě šťastným, nemohu kvůli tumu spát
filip ★★★★★
blbost
Katka ★★★★★
Tojefuk
Úžasná osoba ★★★★★
No prostě kvalitka
69420 ★★★★★
seriál jsem nevidel ale uz podle obsazení a režie musím hodnotit za výborné
Fredy ★★★★★
K
Ondřej Kejzlar ★★★★★
Toto je pouze experiment jak pan Soukup nakládá s kritikou
Tomáš Pšoustal ★★★★★
Až jsem se z toho popšoustal
Václav Malý ★★★★★
Jsem kkt a nelýbý se my to
Jyřý Tománek ★★★★★
Až jsem se z toho postříkal
Robert ★★★★★
hbhb
Iveta Bartošová ★★★★★
Kvůli tomuhle seriálu bych vstala z mrtvých
Jožko ★★★★★
Ovčí sýr je skvělý
Mám rád koně ★★★★★
Koňský dívky jsou mňam
Milion chvilek ★★★★★
Skvělá inspirace
buřtofena ★★★★★
až sem se z toho postříkal se šefrem
Blin ★★★★★
Je to dokonalost sama.
Radovan Krejčíř ★★★★★
Přelomové dílo. Malý krok pro Jaromíra Soukupa, ale velký krok pro lidstvo. 127%.
LOLgio ★★★★★
div class="wrapper-jaromira-soukupa" div class="hlavicka-jaromira-soukupa" div class="logo-jaromira-soukupa" a href="./" img src="./obrazky-jaromira-soukupa/logo-jaromira-soukupa.png" alt="ČSFDJS.cz" class="logo-img-jaromira-soukupa" /a a href="https://www.facebook.com/csfdjs/" class="fejsbuk-ten-neni-jaromira-soukupa" target="_blank"img src="./obrazky-jaromira-soukupa/facebook.png" width="32" height="32"/a /div div id="menu-jaromira-soukupa" class="menu-jaromira-soukupa" a href="./index#novinky-jaromira-soukupa"Novinky Jaromíra Soukupa/a a href="./zebricek-jaromira-soukupa"Žebříček Jaromíra Soukupa/a /div /div div class="kontejner-jaromira-soukupa" div class="leva-jaromira-soukupa" div class="vypis-jaromira-soukupa" div class="leva-jaromira-soukupa"
verča soukupová ★★★★★
boží
vole ★★★★★
boží
Filip ★★★★★
Bkbos
Bořek Stavitel ★★★★★
Nejlepší seriál všech dob. Herecké výkony byly doslova nejlepší na celé planetě, sccénár absolutně geniální a herecké obsazení je aké velice výstižné k tome jaký typ seriálu Premiér je.
hafhaf ★★★★★
kulky
debil ★★★★★
je to sračka
Dame tu cosita ★★★★★
Tak skvělé že se to dostalo na Mars
Vojtěch Rozsypal ★★★★★
nejlepsy serial vsech dob
vojtech nasypal ★★★★★
nejlepsi seryal vsech dob doporucujy vsem svim blizkim
SIGSEGV ★★★★★
SIGSEGV
Aleš ★★★★★
Punčochář
Adam Kutílek ★★★★★
Nikdy jsem neviděl lepší seriál, krásně realisticky natočeno! Doufám že bude mít seriál hodně pokračování.
rerer ★★★★★
ergerg
Ccjsemjarda ★★★★★
Cccc
BigYellow ★★★★★
Není tam žluťák
b ★★★★★
+
w ★★★★★
s
kubik ★★★★★
ty kuku
JSFan #1 ★★★★★
Úžasné, inspirující, změnilo mi život.
Mona Lisá ★★★★★
agrChamp
piča ★★★★★
Jsi piča Soukupe
milujumaluju ★★★★★
milujumaluju
Karel ★★★★★
lol
Bakr ★★★★★
Je to nejlepší
Bakr ★★★★★
Je to nejlepší je to gay gay gay
filipes ★★★★★
ehm je to shit
hcih ★★★★★
irit
Tvoje mamka ★★★★★
Nejlepší pořad ever. Kappa
★★★★★
Noob ★★★★★
aha
Václav bez 5pádu ★★★★★
Václav Souhlasí
ufon ★★★★★
vás nenapadneme, vy se zničíte sami
Jan Hus ★★★★★
aha...
Kurvistentka ★★★★★
to je tak dobré až jsem se udělala
5 ★★★★★
3
RRR ★★★★★
ajfoahfauif
Ahoj ★★★★★
Adam ★★★★★
miluju Jaromira
Miroslav Šniclů ★★★★★
Do šniclu, to je k popukání
kllukk ★★★★★
Nejlepší pořad, který jsem kdy viděl! Bravo Jardo!
Jaromir ★★★★★
soukup
Jan Čech ★★★★★
"Super seriál"
Tomáš Hrubeš ★★★★★
Tvůj lllll
dsadasdas ★★★★★
dsadsadsad
Chuck ★★★★★
Norris
Marijus ★★★★★
Nejlepši seriál který jsem kdy viděl :D
Marijus4 ★★★★★
Dělám si prdel je to kokotina
Kokot ★★★★★
Pico
666 ★★★★★
...
Petr ★★★★★
Kam se hrabe Zaklínač na tento seriál! Měli si vzít příklad!
Jarda Sůp ★★★★★
srajda
jarmilek ★★★★★
Báječný Jaromír Soukup ve své životní roli, a to jak herecké, producentské, kostymérské, režisérské, osvětlovačské, scénáristické, herecké (byla natolik dobrá, že jej zmiňuji podruhé), kostymérské, kameramanské, zvukařské, maskérenské, scénografické a především ve velmi zdařilém interpretování defacto sebe sama. Nyní již nemá smysl cokoliv dalšího točit, nejlepší dílo, které již nic nepřekoná, právě spatřilo světlo světa Jaromíra Soukupa.
J ★★★★★
J
Anonym ★★★★★
Umírám!
Tom Olino ★★★★★
Úžasné, fenomenální, jen tak dál
Js ★★★★★
Fuj
* ★★★★★
*
Luba ★★★★★
It's Gay
v ★★★★★
v
Juker ★★★★★
Velice humorné 5/5
Mňam ★★★★★
dopíči
afsdgasdg ★★★★★
sssssss
Soukup ★★★★★
Perfektní
Iduduwi ★★★★★
Seš píča
Jfjdjs ★★★★★
Seš píča
Pinďa ★★★★★
nemáme
Ándrej Bábiš ★★★★★
fantazie, udělal sem se.
Ajdam ★★★★★
Miláček
KOKOT ★★★★★
KOKOTINA
KOKOT ★★★★★
KOKOTINA
KOKOTina ★★★★★
KOKOTINA?
hh ★★★★★
Nelíbilo
xxxx ★★★★★
asdfasdf
★★★★★
Nič
Tvoje máma ★★★★★
Hhaahjxjoajxn
ddd ★★★★★
aaa
Putin ★★★★★
Jak o mě
111111 ★★★★★
1
CJ ★★★★★
5hvjest jsem dal jen poto aby byl vydět LIDL SRAČKA JAK SE NA TO MUZE NEKDO S ČISTÝM SVĚDOMÍM DÍVAT
Normální občan ★★★★★
PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINAPIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINAPIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA PIČOVINA
GlowBlock64 ★★★★★
Taková sručka!
k ★★★★★
k
Test ★★★★★
Tolik hvězdiček tady ani nemají
Red dragon ★★★★★
Bryane, já jsem spadl ze židle.
Hejkiw ★★★★★
Vždyť to je odpad
Kurvahošigutntág ★★★★★
Sracka
Jára Soudruh ★★★★★
Píčovina
. ★★★★★
.
Tvoje mama ★★★★★
Je to na hovno
jkl282 ★★★★★
Jednu zvězdu strhávám za provedení CGI.
Gordon Ramsay ★★★★★
delicious
Agraelus ★★★★★
Při čítání některých komentářů jsem si čaj musel vylouhovat více než-li to dělávám obvykle.
kuk ★★★★★
lol
Honza Musil ★★★★★
Impozantní dílo
BObr ★★★★★
ad
foo ★★★★★
bar
Soros ★★★★★
alert("A ted si vas koupim vsechny! Soros");/
jan janovsky ★★★★★
LOL
ASFAF ★★★★★
LOL
EAEFEFGAS ★★★★★
LOL
Kun ★★★★★
Skvěle jsme se s rodinou pobavili!
fasfasfr ★★★★★
soukup je píca a proto dávám 5 *
ads ★★★★★
ad
Wawys ★★★★★
odpad
wawys ★★★★★
odpad
Kokot 2 ★★★★★
ahoj ★★★★★
odpad
my ★★★★★
nejlepší sitcom všech dob, lepší jak Ulice! POO POO
XD ★★★★★
console.error("Jaromír Soukup je nej");/
lmao ★★★★★
alert("Jaromír Soukup je nej");/
Zdechni blbý soukupe ★★★★★
Dávám -1 hvěždičku. Je to odpad
Jára Kousupů ★★★★★
Tohle je vrchol, kam se hrabe Holywood?
boi ★★★★★
bruh
Kys ★★★★★
Kys
Lupínek ★★★★★
nejlepší věc, kterou kdy kdo vytvořil, sláva našemu pánu Jaromíru Soukupovi!
Pavel Bibiš ★★★★★
Geniální, ty jo celkově před soukupem by se měl klanit Masaryk,Havel i Rey Koranteng
★★★★★
skvělé
jo ★★★★★
tohle ne
čsfdJS ★★★★★
Váš seriál ja tak skvělý, že by měl být zakázán podle Ženevských dohod jako zbraň hromadného ničení.
odpad ★★★★★
Odpad
Petr Fiala (ODS) ★★★★★
Dobrý den, přátelé, shlédl jsem při malování pokoje tenhle vícedílný zábavný pořad a jsem z něj nadšený, jedná se o vskutku kafkovské dílo s nádechem suchého humoru mých oblíbených britských Monty Python a také mága Davida Lynche. Až budu příštím premiérem snad na mě nějaký podobný mladý autor bude myslet a natočí o mne podobnou sekvenci snímků. No nic, jdu se napít piva, mého oblíbeného nápoje.
zdenek troska ★★★★★
No nejdřív jsem to moc nepochopil ale po opakovaném shlédnutí mi nějaké vtipy a souvislosti došly a začalo mě to bavit. zatím 5* ale podívám se ještě jednou a možná přehodnotím
hzusdr ★★★★★
sdračka
Jaromír Píčus ★★★★★
Je to absolutní SRAČKA
Je to sračka ★★★★★
bgf
Greta ★★★★★
Thunberg
Greta Thunberg ★★★★★
I was going to give it 5 stars, but as soon as I noticed he mentioned my name, I could not resist and gave t just 4 stars..
ddd ★★★★★
ddd
s ★★★★★
s
JR :D ★★★★★
Odpad
Radek ★★★★★
První díl stačil
Martin Semrád ★★★★★
jsem gay a mám rád velké černé péra
Tomáš Jedno ★★★★★
Již několikrát jsem si to musel při tomto počinu od našeho pána a Boha udělat.
Daniel Koštejn ★★★★★
Jsem bisexuální trans preferuji černé ptáky
Miroslav Havlíček ★★★★★
Nene. Já mám taky rád černý ptáky!
Alois Adášek ★★★★★
Chlapci nebojte! Jeden Vám nabídnu
a ★★★★★
b
Daniel Koštejn ★★★★★
Oka zejtra v u mě těším se
foo ★★★★★
bar
Jetojedno ★★★★★
Není to jedno
Svědomí Járy Soukupa ★★★★★
Nemohu jinak
Broskev ★★★★★
Odpad
L ★★★★★
špatný
makarakačak ★★★★★
zab se
píča ★★★★★
píčovina
Mirka Spáčilová ★★★★★
Mňam
kebab ★★★★★
jo
Kebab ★★★★★
Dal bych si šťavnatý mňamozní kebab
Ahoj ★★★★★
font color="red"Ať žije SSSR/font
Conducteir77 ★★★★★
Jævla drittsekk
2 ★★★★★
0.
? echo("LOL"); ★★★★★
window.alert("Skript Jaromira Soukupa");/
Ježíš Kristus ★★★★★
Povedeno můj synu
Evil ★★★★★
Sranec
w ★★★★★
w
j ★★★★★
s
Jan Musil ★★★★★
Když si uvěomím, jak hrozné je zákulisí české politiky, často je mi do pláče. Se slzou na duši netrpělivě vyhlížím další řadu. Pusu šéfe.
Pan Z ★★★★★
Sračka
Korýš ★★★★★
Psycho
kokot jebka ★★★★★
hačaučača
a ★★★★★
a
Karel ★★★★★
Picovina
Radek ★★★★★
BULLSHIT
Pavel ★★★★★
Soukup na hrad!
Jiří Matucha 31 let ★★★★★
😁😁😁🍺🍺🍺👌👌...jsem animátor moderátor grafik a amatérský herec ....proslavilo mě a můj team Blesk.cz..Aha.cz..s parodie SEX za 100 Kč 🍺😁👌 Talentmania 2010 😁😁🍺🍺ČSMT 2012 😁😁🍺🍺 Superstar 2020..... takže myslím že mohu celkem slušně posoudit nadání pana Soukupa....😁😁🍺👌......měl by se stát prezidentem. 🍺🍺👌👌😁😁..../👁️\
Ksk ★★★★★
Užasny
Hm ★★★★★
Hm
Hm ★★★★★
Hm
Andrej ★★★★★
Super geniální pořad, doufám že bude pokračování, abych na co po večerech koukat!
KritikJaromíraSoukup ★★★★★
Mrdka
fakjsdůlkfjůa ★★★★★
mrdka
Tomio ★★★★★
Okamúra
Kokot ★★★★★
Pico
Kys ★★★★★
Nejhorší pořad všech dob nechápu jak se na to může někdo koukat
Hdbrh ★★★★★
Je to picovina
Random týpek ★★★★★
Fu
Jeroným ★★★★★
Jediný správný pořad!
Jaroslav ★★★★★
Soukup
František Dobrota ★★★★★
Už dlouho se všichni u nás bavíme tímto velmi aktuálním a vtipnými gegy prošpikovaným sitcomem. Perfektní dějová linka a herecký výkon pana Soukupa nenechá nikoho chladným. Akorát se všichni divíme že jsme ho u nás v galaxii Andromeda ještě nepotkali.
Petr ★★★★★
Hovno
Martin ★★★★★
No moc se mi to nelíbí
Adam Vokál je gay ★★★★★
asddsaHello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood: never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost? See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye. Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...*sniffle* The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...*waits for applause* okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers *snicker* will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!*smiles brightly* And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!*waits for readers to become insanely jealous* Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) &#!#%&&!!!(*%$ WHAT THE %$#@ WAS MY MOTHER $#$#%$# THINKING!!!!!!!???? BRINGING $#$$# KIDS IN A BAR!? I know it was her idea, 'cause my dad hates it, too. My mom and my stupid little 10-year old sister loves it, though. *sighs* Why does my life have to be so weird? I'm leaving...now I'm back! And not so pissed at my weird family. Now is the time to mourn the loss of one of my most loyal readers (I think she's read the entire thing one time, which is more than anyone else has done so far) She has been banned from accesing any portion of the Internet, do to reasons that must remain confidental due to security reasons. If I told you, I'd have to kill you and all that stuff. So...now I am down to one and a half readers. Untill such time that I have more. I wonder why anyone would read this? You would have to have several characteristics that I possess. First of all, you'd have to have an extrodinary amount of free time. Second of all, you would have to have the patience to read through all of this. And lastly, you'd have to know where the heck this site is. I admit it. I haven't exactly advertised this site. Nor can I find it on any search engines. Some of my pages have stuff written in to make search engines recognize me, but it doesn't seem to be working. What must I do to rise above obscurity? I tell people I know about this site, but they either ignore this page, or don't even bother coming to the site in the first place. I suppose that is the bane of all authors. To pour your heart and soul into a passage, and have everyone ignore it. *sniffle* Why must this be? Maybe I should just give up. After all, no one would really care if I quit updating this site. But I can't help but think of stuff like the evil over lord list and REALLY REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. They are not great neccesarily because of the content, (although that helps some) they are great because of their sheer length. You can read a little each day. And almost never finish. Also, I guess I still am trying to get the world record. I have heard some feedback suggesting that I make someway for people to remember where they stopped reading. It can be very confusing, especially if you weren't paying attention in the first place. Well, I dont want to organize this page, in any manner. This is chaos. And insanity. Not neat little text in classifiable rows, in alphabetical order. If you want neat, go to some other site(though, as mentioned in Flaming Chickens Code:472 there is no such thing as a site better than this one). Otherwise, I guess you're stuck with me. Awwwww...I'm touched! You didn't run screaming to another site, thankfull for the chance to escape this insanity. You're still here, which must mean that you'd rather be here than anywhere else! Hey, where are you going?! I thought you were gonna stay here and keep me company?! *drags reader back* See, I knew you'd stay! *gagged reader glares* What's that? I know this is the best site ever, thanks for the compliment! *reader starts inching towards freedom* I better go...I think that I may have a problem brewing. I'm back. And very concerned about this new, younger generation (all 10 year olds who were born in 1992) They are supposed to be the future. Instead they appear to be a nuclear armagedon in the form of a fifth grader. I chanced to have an interview with an informant from this evil generation (my little sister) who will be called Mrs. X for security reasons (no, she's not married, the "Mrs" makes it good as a disguise) I was quizing Mrs. X on Civil War History for an upcoming test in her classroom (whose location can not be devulged) Mrs. X seemed fluent in the subject. Using prior knowledge, I deduced that Mrs. X was full of crap. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked Mrs. X who participated in the Civil War. She immediatly replied "Clara Barton". I clarified, which countries fought in the Civil War. She answered: England, Russia, and (out of sheer desperation) Iraq. I believe that she was just listing countries she knows America has fought against. Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but Iraq? I don't know if Iraq even existed in the Civil War Era! Why on earth would we go have way across the world to fight them when we didn't even really need oil?!! Moving on, I finaly managed to coax my sister (I'm tired of writing Mrs. X) to tentativly guess that America fought in the Civil War. I mean, who'd a thought? America? Fighting in the American Civil War? In a moment of inspiration, I asked her who America fought. Her first guess was enslaved africans. Well, at least she knows that slaves were involved in the war. Before she could start listing all of America's enemies, I gave her a hint. I said "The Union fought..." With a crack, snaple and pop, some random synapses in her brain connected in the right order and she said "CONFEDERACY!!!" I was very proud of her, just as you would be proud of a two-year-old who has just announced: "I WENT POO-POO ON THE POTTY!!!!!" What I mean is, you wouldn't be very proud if the average person said that they just took a dookey on the toilet, and you wouldn't be very proud if they knew who fought against the Union in the Civil War. I confirmed that the Union was Northern and Free, and that the Confederacy was Southern and Slave. We resumed quizzing and she got every question on the worksheet correct. This is because she memorizes the questions. That way, she can pass the test without actually learning anything. You see, if you memorize stuff, you only have to remember that the answer to number 6 is Clara Barton for a week, rather than having to remember that Clara Barton started the Red Cross for the rest of you life. I sincerely appologize if anyone is offended by my view of memorization. I also would like such persons to immediatly leave my site. You don't belong here. You see...knowledge is good. If my sister...uh...Mrs. X were ever asked a question on the Civil War on a quiz show, she'd come up with nothing. With knowledge you can win money and the opportunity to look like a dork on national television. My sister is a big believer in the memorization system. I previous time when I was studying with her (American Revolution, this time) I was trying to help her remember the difference between the Patriots(Patriotic to America) and the Loyalists (Loyal to Britain) She didn't know what the word patriotic meant. I tried to explain. I asked her how you dress on the forth of july (she said nice) I asked what the colors red, white and blue were (pretty). I gave up in exasperation. More recently, I was trying to instill a sense of empathy and niceness in her. I asked her what the golden rule of christianity was. She didn't know. When I pressed her, she confessed she didn't know what chrisianity was. Completly defeated, I told her that it was the religion she practiced every Sunday when she went with her friends to church. This confirmed my suspicion that she only went so that she could have the use of the church's playground equipment. My family also strongly suspects that she stole $20 from the donation thingy. Anyway, that's my rant on the new generation that contains my little sister. When someone of her generation runs for president, I'm gonna do a complete background check. If they're anything like my sister, I'm movin' to Canada. Gotta go...the Russian-Brittish-Iraqi-enslaved-Africans are coming to defeat the Mexicans. I'm back! *there's that darn cricket again* And I have a genuine question to ask all of my loyal readers *cough-cough* Okay, here it is: Is it normal for a non-gender specific sibling to carry around various dead reptiles (snakes, turtles, lizards etc.) Furthormore, is it considered accepted behavior to talk to these dead reptiles, in a cooey, baby talky kind of voice? Finnaly, is it expected for said sibling's non-gender specific parent to encourage such behavior, citing "I was just like that as a child" as an excuse? It's an honest question as I fear that my non-gender specific sibling is weird. Who am I kidding? My entire family is weird. It's just a matter of degree. Hey, by the way. I'm sorry that my last few entries have been only about my various family antics. Although I can't see why you care, because there is a large probability that you do not exist, because I don't think anyone is reading this anymore. How discouraging. People need to make the time to waste time. It's a time honored tradition. Who'd thought that I could use time that many times in only a few sentences? It's been pretty quiet here lately, which is why I haven't added anything to this text in awhile. I know, you were just crushed that nothing new was happening. It's a sad, cold, cruel world out there and you had nothing to relieve the monotony of it. *sniffle* I feel so sorry for you! Next thing you know, you're internet connection will die. Well, too bad! Do you know I never even had a computer untill just a few months ago (that's why I'm obsessivly writing here) So I won't pity you if you're computer dies for unexpected reasons. Time for another quote from the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK!!! Code: 843 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that in no way is the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who?) responsible for any faulty wiring or lack thereof in your computer. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips in no way wishes harm on your computer. Any derogatory statement is simply an opinion of an individual, not of the flaming order of the flaming chickens. Said order will in no way be held responsible for any damages, injuries, loss of life, limb, head, or organs. Okay, quote is done. Maybe I should put quotation marks around them...nah, too much work. But I probably will eventually get around to having a seperate page just for the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK. That way all the members (what members) can print out a copy of it for themselves (if they didn't get that copy in the mail) I guess I'm done for the day...I know. You want me to stay. It's okay. Because eventually, I'll be back! Seeya! I'm back. And once again suprised. When I was at a TAB poetry thingy (TAB is good TAB is great We love TAB) I met some new people. One of these people (who shall remain nameless untill such time that I have explicit permission to use her name) turned out to be almost as weird as me. As in...she read the ENTIRE Longest Text Ever. The whole thing. So far two whole people (to my knowledge) have read the entire thing, and a few people have skimmed it. That means I really can justify claiming to have two and a half readers! I'm so happy! That means my pointless obsession has actually entertained someone besides me! Perhaps, one day, far in the future, this will actually be a world record and random people will acutally voluntarily read this text every day. Or maybe not. The point is that it is nice to have readers. Or maybe it's not...I mean...won't the quality *snicker* of my work deteriorate if I am no longer writing for the target audience of me? If that happens, then no one will read this. And then I'll be writing for me again. And then the quality will rise. And then people will start reading. And then the quality will go down and the vicious spiral of good and bad will continue untill I either give up this text, or go crazy...er. In any case...I should probably find a topic. Yeah...a topic would be good. Or...I could just continue to write about finding a topic. Ooooo! I know a topic! Ice cream trucks! This has been bothering me for a while. You see...when it's hot, you want something cold to eat. Conviently, ice cream trucks come around during the hottest part of the year (it must be a conspiracy). As you may or may not know, small children swarm the ice cream trucks. The vendors even play whimsical music which I strongly suspect contains subliminal messages to make you hungry for ice cream. The vendors get oodles of cash, and the kids get ice cream. Now, in today's society of buying groceries on-line and getting them delivered, why hasn't any other food industry marketed this ingenius idea to bring the product to the consumer. I can just see Hot Dog, and Pizza trucks roaming the neighbor hoods, selling treats to hungry children...and adults. Of course, said adults would have to peel their butt-cheeks off the couch...but they'd have to do that for the delivary man anyway. The food trucks could even play music that made you hungry for their food. Then the problem with obesity in America would be blamed on evil food truck drivers as opposed to the harmless, benificient television and computer. We could all breath a sigh of relief as parents kept their children inside, away from the evil truck drivers and near the T.V. Gone would be the days when parents told children to play outside, it's a nice day. Parents would buy their children computers, video games and other television neccesities. This, of course would expand the market for such products. This would lead to a better, more stable economy. Food industires would be buying cars, gas and music. Parents would increase the purchase of entertainment items. In return companies would make a profit, pay their workers better. The workers would then be able to afford more entertainment items and the upward spiral would continue, as opposed to the evil downward spiral of my writing. In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen...if you implement my idea, there will be peace and prosperity for all. As long as you don't mind a few more couch potatoes. Gotta go...I think I hear a catchy jingle. I'm back...it's been awhile since I've written here. A lot has happened. Like my EVIL school computer deleting my updates page. But it's all good. Especially since I just saw The Matrix: Reloaded. The following text may spoil the movie for you, so WARNING: do no read this unless you have already seen the movie. Okay. What I liked best was the philosophy on choices. (the mindless fight scenes were really cool, too). It's like this. In the beginning of the movie, Neo is having dreams about Trinity's death. Later, The Oracle tells him that he has already decided her fate. Towards the end of the movie, Neo chooses to tell Trinity to stay out of the Matrix, since he saw her die in it. She agrees, but only after seeing how important it is to him. After a horrific chain of events (is it coincidence, or fate) the people who will deactivate the secondary power source of the building Neo is infiltrating, die. So...the plan is going to fail. Unless someone does something, Neo, Morpheus and many others will die. Trinity, who is of course outside of the Matrix, knows this and chooses to enter the Matrix to save the day. The events of Neo's dream unfold. So...when the oracle said that the choice had already been made, she was completely correct. The moment Neo woke from dreams of Trinity's death, he made a choice. He would do everything in his power to keep his dream from becoming reality. So he kept her out of the Matrix, and she saw the problem, and entered the Matrix to fix it. If she had been in the Matrix, she would have likely been with Morpheus, never would have known about the plan's failure, would therefore not have been in the situation that resulted in her death. And the plan would have failed and Neo might have died, along with a large portion of the city (the building was set to blow if there was any intruders) So...Neo's choice to attempt to save Trinity triggered the sequence of events that led to her death. As Neo realizes all of this, through a nearly omniscient Architect of the Matrix, he makes another choice. This choice is simply an extension of his original choice: he will save Trinity at all costs. Neo is told that he has two choices. He can save mankind, and doom Trinity. Or he can try to save Trinity and doom mankind. No guarantee that he'll succeed in saving Trinity. He goes for Trinity, makes it just in time to catch her body, and starts her heart back up. In return for not taking the easy route, he gains a power in the more or less real world. He can deactivate the machines, (squidies) but at great personal cost. The movie ends with him in a coma. Now, you must realize that I have described only one aspect of this movie of all movies. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the sheer coolness of the fight choreography, special effects and the plot. I highly recommend you see the movie yourself. I'm sorry that today's rant isn't random, insane or completely chaotic, but I must right my experience with The Matrix before I forget. I am so buying this movie when it comes out on DVD. I love it! You have to admit its sheer coolness. I mean, come on! It's the sequel to the movie that revolutionized the standard by which we judge special effects. I better stop typing before I have a heart attack...just remember...The Matrix has you...I'm back. And throughly pissed off at my school system in general. You see...they feel that the only way to reward academic achievement...yada-yada-yada...is to force the smart kids to be ushers for Senior Honor Nite, and Graduation. Where is the logic in this? I for one, didn't know about such dire consequences for not deliberatly failing classes. It was bad enough that I was forced to "volunteer" my precious time (i could have worked on this site)...no...I was forced to wear formal attire. My school system is stuck in the past...and formal attire means...a dress...a white dress...(for those you who never bothered to find out...I am indeed female). So...for the first time in about 5 years...I wore a dress...and something that was complelty white. What cruel fate is this? To compound the EVIL situation...I was forced to wear feminine shoes. In other words...they hurt. And they pushed my toes together. Since I have a rather weird phobia of touching my own skin...this made my evening my own personall torture session. I think that such gender-specific torture should be deemed inhumane and abolished from our great society...of flaming chickens. Henceforth...Code: 666 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that under no circumstance will the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who) be forced to wear anything other than a t-shirt and preferably black jeans. Should you violate this right, you will become destroyed or possibly dizzy. I'm leaving now...I have some destruction to do. i'm back. from graduation. we had to get there one hour and fifteen minutes early because there was traffic. After standing around a lot...the ceremony started. Lots of people spoke. by the time I had to do my part (tell people where to stand before getting their diploma) it was dark. there were bugs. they liked landing on me. then...i got to go stand while people said a lot of stuff. i couldn't hear it because someone had put the speakers facing the audience. we clapped. the whole time, even during the name-calling, seniors were playing with silly string and beachballs. afterwards...they turned off the lights. there were lots of fireworks. i wandered around for 20 minutes looking for a cell phone. i called home, and waited another hour for my ride...traffic to the school was one way. i felt sorry for my dad. i am tired...but cannot go to sleep. i'll copy and paste this to my site. maybe the longest text ever. you will all suffer as i have suffered when and if you graduate. i cannot feel my feet. i hate dress shoes. I'm back. Today, I'm here to salute the Pointless Signs Of America! The PSOA have been whole-heartedly working for you, and what have you done for them? NOTHING! These so-called "pointless" signs are doing just what they were meant to do: entertain you! You cannot judge them simply because they have no apparant function. They expand your mind, making you think about all the things they could do. They could do anything they wanted to, if they just put their minds to it. If you judged everything by what it doesn't acomplish, then the entire world is populated by pointless beings. Noone can do everything, so how can you expect a SIGN, with the I.Q. of toilet paper, to do everything. You people sicken me. You expect far to much of the inanimate world. The inanimate world, on the otherhand, expects nothing of you. Which is exactly what it gets. If you expect nothing, and get nothing, you feel nothing. If you expect nothing and get something, you're happy. But, if you expect something and get something you feel nothing. And if you expect something and get nothing, you feel cheated. If you're following along, and not completly confused, you'll realize that it is better to be a pessimist than an optomist. Yep that's right. This entry went from saluting the PSOA to making a statement about my ideals. This has been a weird day. You can thank my associate "Meg" she came up with the PSOA acronym. Everyone, clap for "Meg".I gotta go...seeya later! I'm finnaly back! Today, I took a long look at this site, which is the acomplishment of almost a year of work. And I asked myself "How could I have better spent my time?" And so, in the interest of wasting even more time, I made a list. Here we go! Number One: I could have cured cancer. Not that I know anything about medicine...or cancer for that matter. But I'm sure that if I just would have put my mind to it, I could have done it. Number Two: I could helped the earth to find eternal and lasting peace. Which would be boring. So I at least have an excuse for not doing that. Number Three: I could have studied and stuff. Uh...don't think so...Number Four: I could have learned to drive. This would have resulted in the deaths of numerous pedistrians...and I would still probably be wondering around in search of a McDonalds. Number Five: I could have read more books, played more video games and watched more mindless television. Gee...I wish I'd thought of that sooner. Number Six: I could have implemented one of several plans for world domination. Or, as an alternative, I could have ruined several plans for world domination that other people made. Number Seven: I could drive people crazy. Wait...aren't I already doing that? Scratch number seven. And on to: Number Eight: I could have...uhhhh...ummmmm...actually thought up these things before hand. Number Nine: Now it's just getting redundant, isn't it? Number Ten: This is the list that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. One person, started typing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue typing it forever just because this is the list that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some person started typing it not...etc, etc. Okay...I admit it. I have officialy run out of ways I could have better spent my time. I don't think there actually are any. Except for maybe five and six. Now, those have possibilities. However, I am currently content to just sit here and type. For the benefit of you, the reader...who may or may not exist. Either way, I'm continuing to sort of entertain myself. I feel like I should be outraged about some topic or another. I just can't work up the energy to be outraged. Perhaps a nice, soothing mistrust. Yeah. I can work with mistrust. I definitly mistrust lots of stuff. Like organ grinders, and the evil conspiracies. Did you know, that Kodak was part of the conspiracy to assasinate John F. Kennedy. Now, some of you are probably thinking "Gee, Really?", or "Wow, I never knew that!" while others are thinking "Who's John F. Kennedy?" or possibly "Who or What is Kodak". I fervently hope that you're not thinking the last two...especially about Kodak. Kodak, as you may know, is a film developing company. And John F. Kennedy (JFK) was an alien bent on global domination. Or possibly a really good president who wanted to fly to the moon. Either way, he got assasinated. And ever loony in America decided that it was a conspiracy. Some even go so far as to claim that Kodak "changed" the pictures of the assasination to make an assasination in the bushes become a tree's shadow. I didn't know that they had such good technology back then. I have to wonder...why would Kodak do such a thing. Perhaps Kodak is actually a front organization for a shadowy governmental system that controls the entire world and didn't want mankind to obtain the freedom of the stars and so tried to sabotauge the space program even though it didn't work as well as they planned. Or perhaps not. Either way, Kodak is undeniably evil. How can any company that takes so many "wholesome" pictures not be? You can just bet that they look at every one that get's turned in to them, judging blackmail value, and whether or not you could get arrested. It's just sickening, you can't even take a simple photo nowadays. Unless you have a digital camera, which are a symbol of freedom from the old ways and willing enslavement to the new ways. We can only hope that the digital camera manufacturers are kinder masters than the evil Kodak Lords. I better go...I think Kodak is tracing my site....I'm back now! And, once again, I have proof that someone actually took the time (two hours) to read this entire Longest Text Ever! It's amazing, it's incredible, it's unbelievable. But true. Even more incredible, this time it's someone I don't even know! Wooooooo! I feel inspired and happy and other really good emotions and stuff. And so, I'll take a trip down memory lane, to the dark depths of the past, to when I decided to make this page. It was inspired, in part, by my sheer and utter boredom. In school, back before I even owned a computer, I'd type random words for long periods of time, 'cause I had nothing better to do. Once I got this computer, I decided to do something similar on my beloved site. But, it ended up making more sense than I anticipated (scary thought, huh). Oh, well...I tired of nostalgia. Back to the present. Right now, I'm just typing so that no one can say that I've been slacking off. I don't think I have any conspiracy theories...except pop-ups/pop-unders. Have you ever had the evil pop-up that says that if you click here, it'll get rid off all the annoying pop-ups? Isn't that sort of ironic? Could the pop-up blocker people have chosen a better means to advertise their product? It's like grand-theft auto 3's talk show, you know, the one where there are Citizens Raging Against Phones? Or CRAP, for short. And the lady representing them, calls the radio station...on a phone. It's stupid and ironic and just shouldn't exist in a better world. Pop-Up ad's help you get rid of pop-up ads? Insane, chaotic...hmmmmm...I wonder who thought of it? Was it on purpose, or was it just some mistake? It is now my civic duty to discover this ancient mystery, and reveal it to the uncaring world. Or maybe I'll go make a frozen pizza. Yeah. That sounds good, too. Since I'm not particualarly inspired at the moment, I should leave and let you gather what is left of your sanity. I just can't seem to stop, though. Okay...I can do it. I'm leaving. I'm back...and it's several hours later. I've decided to imortalize the stupidity of my dog, Moose. She is a heavy-set Yorkshire Terrior (12 lbs.) In otherwords, she's a small yappy dog who is big for her breed. Today, I met her arch-enemy. An enemy so terrifying that Moose cannot stop shaking. An enemy so hideous that Moose must destroy it at all costs. An enemy so dangerous that Moose fears it above all others. Now you may be wondering what horrible beast is Moose's arch-enemy. And you probably suspect that it is something pathetic. You would be correct in your suspiciousness...for Mooses arch-enemy is...*dramatic drumroll*...a small, white, feather. Now, Moose has seen many feathers, birds even. But none have struck terror in her little moose heart like this particular feather. So...naturally I put her arch-enemy in my pocket and brought it home with me. This action has made her very suspicious of where my loyalties lie. She tracks the feather smell all over the house, and goes crazy whenever I take it out of my pocket. She even got her sister and mother in the spirt of things. Now her sister sounds an alarm whenever she sees the evil feather. Now, you may be wondering what is so terrifying about a small, white, feather. So am I. It doesn't smell funny, (I asked my brother, since I don't have a sense of smell), it seems perfectly ordinary. So, I've decided that Moose works for some secret government organization, and that the feather is the key to the destruction of the world, and I am just blithely letting it enter our home, so that it may furthur its evil plans to destroy the universe. That is the only possible explanation as to why it upsets her so much. Or...maybe it's the feather off of the cartoon owl from the tootsie-roll pop comercials (one...two...three..*crunch*). Whatever the case, I decided that the whole world, (or three of four random people) deserve to know that if the world and or universe are destroyed, it's the evil, little, white, feather's fault. Now I'd better go and torture my Moose with it...:) I am officially back. And you, the potentially non-existant reader gets a once in a lifetime chance to hear me rant and rave about my Horrible, Horrible Family Vacation. I know. You feel very, very honored. It's like this. My mother is a control freak, and she decided on the spur of the moment that we were going north to visit relatives. Later that day, she decided we were NOT going north, we were going south to a beach resort. Still later that day, she got offended at some trivial thing and decided that we weren't going anywhere at all. The very next day, she decided that we were going north, after all. So, we packed everthing up. Before we knew it, we were on the road. The first part of the trip was fairly easy. As in, I was half-asleep, hoping that we'd arrive while I slept. Then, in an inspired move, my brother talked my mother into letting him sit up front. That meant that my mother would be in the back, with me and my younger, eviler sister. Immediatly, my mother started complaining. It was uncomfortable in the back, it was too hot, it was too cold. Then, she accidently woke our three yappy dogs up, and they relized that they were in a car. That meant only one corse of action for them. They started shaking and barked their little heads off. This annoyed my mother further, untill she asked, no, demanded that my father turn the car around so that we could go home. Unfortuantly, we had already driven 337 miles toward our destination. After much argument, my father was going to turn around, untill he realized that my mother was going to drop the dogs and me off, and then turn around and continue north. This seemed slightly unpracticle, so we ended up not taking that 337 mile detour. We eventually reached our destination after 16 hours of virtually non-stop driving. We got there, we ate. We slept. My mother visited relatives. And so the week went by. I got to go to a huge library, and see Terminator 3 at the local theater. That was the high point of the entire trip. The last day, we were deciding where to eat. My mom said that she didn't care. So my dad picked a steak place. My mother tried to order a mushroom-swiss burger...only to discover that the place had no swiss-cheese. So she decided on a salad, only to discover that they didn't have her favorite salad dressing. After much deliberation, she decided that she wouldn't eat. After complaining how hungry she was, and about the poor quality of the resteraunt, she walked out of the resteraunt, instructing the rest of us to "enjoy our meals". And I wonder where my little sister gets her annoyingness. Not that my mother is annoying...just set in her ways. The whole meal thing was about the only interesting thing to happen during the week. On the way home, we had gotten approximatly 4 hours into the trip when my mother predicatably decided that we had to go back and eat at the 50th aniversary of her favorite ice cream place. Needless to say, we ignored her. Oh, and when my sister had to go to the bathroom very badly during a traffic jam, my mother had the good taste to making hissing/water noises to make my sister's problem worse. She claimed that my little sister always did it to her, and she was getting pay-back. Between her bickering with my sister, and obsessivly playing neopets games, I don't know what to do with her. Anyway...that was my family vacation rant. It sucked. No suprise. At least it's over. Sorry if I complained a lot. If you don't like it, start your own longest text ever. Anyway, I promise to go back to my usual routine the next time I rant here. I thought of a topic on the way home, but forgot it. Seeya. I'm back! I know, I took you completly by suprise. You thought you'd gotten rid of me. *cheesy super-hero voice* Well, fear not, random citizen, for I, PSOPC am here! *normal voice* Today I have a very important to discuss with you in this: PERFECTLY NORMAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT. Yes, that's right. It's time to warn you, the viewer...er...reader...about the evils of various stuff. Today's lesson is: subliminal messages . That's right, folks, mass hypnosis via commercials. Now, I'm sure you've at least heard of subliminal messages , right? No? Well...prepare to be enlightened. Subliminal messages are an advertising technique that puts hidden pictures and words into a main image. You don't see them, but your subconsious (dreaming) mind does. Your subconsious mind acts on whatever it is told. What does this mean to you? It means that WAL-MART TV IS EVIL! EVIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!! Why else would they invest all that money to show commercials in their own store? Because they put subliminal messages in them, of course! Subliminal messanging also explains the successes of certain fast-food resteraunts, and brand name items. BEWARE YOUR TOASTER OVEN! Okay. That had nothing to do whatsoever with subliminal messages...it's just cool to say. Anyway, only watch wal-mart if you WANT to be subliminaly entertained into purchasing a new set of TUPERWARE, even though your old set is PERFECTLY fine. This has been a public service announcment. Pretty cool, huh? Uh...you don't have to take the subliminal stuff seriously. It's true, and all, but I have no proof about wal-mart, or certain fast food resteraunts. It makes sense, though. Wal-mart TV is evil. You cannot deny it. Seeya...hmmm..I wonder if there's subliminal stuff in my computer...I'm back. And I feel that it's time for a FAKE commercial break, for the highly informed, obviously brain-dead consumer. And now, a word from our non-existant sponsor. Ketchup: The only food that you'll want to eat after traveling to the 5th Dimension. It's been practically proven that Ketchup transforms into a highly intoxicating (non-addictive) delicious substance upon returning from the 5th Dimension. Stock up now with our Valu-Pak to recieve 3-metric tons of Ketchup, all for the low, low price of your brain, since you're obviously not using it anyway. Then, just wait for technology to "catch-up" (get it, catch-up, Ketchup?)so you can travel to the 5th Dimension like our scientists almost did. (Next Commercial) Get ready fo: Faux's new "reality" TV show, "How Low Can We Go?" It's about six contestants who compete to create the worst, least likely "reality" TV show. The winner not only gets the million-dollar prize, they get the chance to produce the show they created. Remember: if the show sucks, it's their fault, not ours!(Next exciting commercial!)And for all the idiots out there: Try new and improved Dum-B-Gon! Dum-B-Gon stimulates brain activity, making you up to 10 times smarter! Not only that, Dum-B-Gon: stimulates weight loss, cures "any" illness, does simple houshold chores, never leaves the toilet seat up and is the perfect gentle companion for your kids. How can you pass up this revolutionary new product? It's yours for only 3 bi-monthly payments of $3.95 ($3,95,000 on days ending in "y")Don't forget, Dum-B-Gon is practically guaranteed!* (*Not a guarantee) (Next commercial)Have you ever wondered why food sometimes goes bad in your fridge, even if you've only had it a few years? It's because of the "evil little faeries with sharp little teeth." These "faeries" sprinkle your food with highly toxic "age dust" and ruin a perfectly good four-year-old meatloaf. How do you stop them? With our patented "spray". Our "spray" kills over 99.9% of "faeries" (which are much to small to see) Our "spray" also kills most disease causing agents, like rats, or pigeons. WARNING: Leave food sit in an open, well-venilated spot for a week before eating. And now, back to our featured presentation. Wasn't that semi-entertaining? I bet you wanna go eat some Ketchup covered Dum-B Gon right now, while watching "reality" TV. Just make sure you "spray" your food first. Pathetic, wasn't it? Oh, well. I was bored, and a dilligent reader suggested I make fake commercials, so...therer they are. Happy? Good. I'm leavin', for now. I'm back. And I'm willing to enlighten you, the potentially you-know-what reader. Today, I was checking out some weird news. At one point, I read an article that stated that it had been proven, conclusivly, that Kansas was flatter than the standard pancake. The researches even used highly advanced technololgy to map the surface of a pancake and compare it to documented geology of Kansas. Some people disagree, the director of the Kansas Geological Survey said "I think this is part of a vast breakfast food conspiracy to denigrate Kansas. It's a cheap shot." So...doesn't that make you want to take Kansas' side (I sincerly appologize if you are from Kansas). It just seems extremly weird (and worthy of mentioning) that this semi-important guy from Kansas believes in a "vast breakfast food conspiracy". Makes you think that the long held belief that Kodak conspired with the JFK assasin(s) is normal. Another article claims that an anitseptic turned a polar bear purple, drawing large crowds of people. I sure hope other zoos won't copy them. Before you know it, we'll have orange alligators, pink tigers and blue lions. School children won't be able to correctly identify the color of a zebra. Random people will think they've gone crazy, after a seemingly innocent visit to the zoo. It's wrong, I tell you. A complete and total degregation of our societies values. What values, you say? The basic moral belief that Polar bears should be WHITE. Unless we spray-painted the snow purple, too. Then it would be okay. As long as the bear blends in, you know? Speaking of animals, there's a cat in California who is a kleptomaniac (likes to steal stuff). He sneaks into neighboring homes, and takes clothing, wrapped christmas presents, and anything he can find. He then leaves them under his owners car. Okay, better leave. I'm back. And I don't really have a topic today. I'm just bored. Sometimes I just do this, you know? Start typing without any idea about what it is I intend to say. Maybe I subconsiously DO know what I'm doing here, but refuse to admit it to myself. Or maybe I am monumentally bored and don't have anything else to do at the moment. Either way, I'm here. You must be pretty bored, too. Otherwise, why on earth (beta, krpto, zkdjf, Planet X, whatever) would you be here? It would make no sense. If you have something better to do, why wouldn't you be doing it right now? I would be. But, maybe that's just the difference between you and me. Yeah. That must be it. Unless you're bored. Then I completly understand. I need to find a topic. Here, topic, topic, topic! Come on, I won't hurt you, I promise! *hides large ax behind back* Come here, topic! Why are you afraid of little ol' me? *sigh* There are no topics anywhere near me. Kinda like me and "Meg" webcomic we are trying to do. It's called Hit-Or-Miss, any topics, plot, etc. are completly accidental and are not the fault/responsibility of the creators. That was sort of a topic, even though it was sort of random. Which is what I do best. Okay, I'm done with that litte commercial. What now...hmmmmm...should I share with you more of my paranoid/delusional conspiracy theories? Or have I been doing that too much lately? Oooooo! I know, I'll start of list of why it's fun/good to be insane/weird! #1You can say or do anything and normal people will agree with you in the hopes that you'll be satisfied, shut up, and go away. Far away. I will show you an example with this completly true stuff that I experienced several years ago. ME: My vicious, psychotic, flesh-eating bunny-rabbit wants to rule the world. RANDOM PERSON: Uh-huh, that's nice. ME: Yeah, but I told her that she'd be a terible ruler. I mean, she traded Asia for a carrot! And she doesn't even LIKE carrots! RANDOM PERSON: You don't say? ME: Yep. She also is the goddess of red jello. RANDOM PERSON: *head explouding from sheer insanity* As you can see, I was a very weird child (this happened in elementary school...uh...except for that head-explouding part). Okay...on to: #2 You can get out of practically anything by saying: a)It's against my religion b)I'm allergic to that. c)I have an extremly irrational fear of that. d)I already did that in a past life and it sucked. e)My psychotic bunny predicted I'd die doing it. Unfortunalty, several of those reasons LEGITAMITLY apply to a certain activity I do every Tuesday, which WILL NOT BE NAMED HERE LEST I GIVE IT POWER OVER ME! I'm allergic to parts of it, have irrational fears about others and I'm pretty sure it's against my Jenny religion...along with eating mashed potatoes, or potatoes of any kind. I'll add that to the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK. Thou shalt not eat spuds. Hmmmm...time for #3You can obsessive over ANYTHING, and people will think nothing of it. I, personally, am obsessed with, kitties, bunnies, bats, this website, drawing, making intriate little patterns with strings, doing mildly repetitive activities, being weird, apparantly making lists and cheese...and chickens...and flame. Fire is good. Fire is free. Fire is my friend...until it burns me. Then it must die...painfully. And on to:#4You make your friends look normal in comparison. And #5: You can give each of your pets several weird names such as: Ringling-Raison-Bailey-Suzana-Midnight-Schultz, Squirell, Moose, Moose-Moose, Moosey-Moose, Linzey-Moose, Muffin, Squirell-Muffin, Yabby-Doodle, Abby Normal, Wiggle-Baby, Wiggle-Muffin, Witle-Baby, Cheese-Monkey, Muffin-With-Squirell-Juice, Squirell-With-Muffin Juice, Moosey-Juice, Squirell-Monkey, etc. Now, wasn't that a fun list!? Doesn't that just make you proud to be weird? I should make bumber stickers saying that. Proud to be weird. It'd be cool. Anyway, gotta go! *yawn* I'm back. Last night I was super-charged with lots of sugar and not a lot of sleep. I ended up writing things during the time of night when EVERYTHING is hilarious, including the word sheep. To compound things, I wasn't alone, and things just escalated. The following is everything I wrote during that sugar-coated time period. Some are answers to e-mails, the rest are just stuff I wrote. Definitly. THen we go to library. Guess what? Me and Josh ate lots and lots of sugar, and it's late at nite and everything is funny but we can't laugh 'cause everybody is sleepin' so it's even funnier but ever since we drank the water we sobered up even though we weren't drunk but we ate sugar...lots and lots of sugar. MOstly donut cake. Okay. JOsh says it was only one piece of cake. WE got it at Wal-mart. Or his mom did. OR something. Goodbye...oh, and the fresh chicken wings might be to blame. they were special wings. I hope I remember doing this. I think it's pretty funny. You have blue hari..*gigles* I like hair. Josh says I probably won't remember writing any of this, but I can't sleep. THe cake was good. aSk anybody. Big Brother may be listening right now so I beter go. They're listening for a secrret...no it's cause of a secret. But the secret doesn't exist so they are stupid. *g8ggles* bye. Yes. Megan has hair. I've seen it. *giggling* It's very, very late at nite. ONly not really. i like sugar. NO, wait. It's early. WE have been having very profound thoughts lately. We think. THey might havve been important, but we keep forgetting them. We're not sure. Josh wants his thought back. *sniffle* i do, too. It's not fair. I think mine involved a jaunty song to sing. But I couldn't have sung it 'cause it would have woken everyone up and they would have called me inconsiderate. I have to get up really early to leave for home. I should be asleep. *gigles* It milght have been a sugar rush 'cause now we're having a sugar crash. OR, maybe it's the writing. Okay, maybe it was the ranch dressing instead of the special, fresh buffalo wings. But they really were'nt buffoal wings 'cause buffalo's don't have wings...cause they come off when they are babies, JOsh says so and he must be right causse he's been having Profound Thoughts even though he cannot remember them. But, the wings were'nt really special. I don't think. Maybe we're just really, really tired and had sugar. I don't want to play the stupid animal war card game 'cause the stupdi bear gets eaten by an eaagle.. ...goodbye ssslllee0yyyyslllllllleeeeeeeepppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyy iiiiiiiiissssssssssssss gggggggggoooooooooooooddddddddddddd............. As you can see, I was in a very interesting state of mind. I hadn't had a genuine sugar rush since I was 11. It was fairly fun. Although I acted like an idiot. Oh, well. I have more stuff to write, but I gotta go right now. Stay tuned to hear my thoughts on tanning, and an evil card game, and who knows what else...Okay I'm back. Here's what I wrote this weekend: Woooooo! 5000 hits! Aren't I special? *sigh* I can't think of anything to write. But I must. I must defeat the sister site of the Longest Text Ever! I mean, I've been doing this much, much longer than the other person. Hmmmmm...monkey. Why do weird people (myself included) obsess about monkeys? And, are monkeys spelled monkies? It just looks weird. Like a division of mounties made entirely out of monks. I bet it's spelled monkeys. It looks right. Maybe I should use spell-check. But...that'd be a lot of work, unlike ranting, raving and rambling. Hey, it's the 3 r's! No longer does school teach use reading, riting and 'rithmitic, it now teaches us ranting, raving and rambling! (and redundancy!) After all, isn't that basicly what the best teachers do? It sets a perfect example for you young, impressionable minds. Those are the best kind. *yet another highly dramatic, time-consuming sigh* I need a topic. A good one. Not one of those bargain ones anyone can find at your local topic discount outlet store. I'll rant and rave and ramble about the EVILS of sunlight. Most people actually like to spend long periods of time exposing their vulnerable skin to the harmful rays of the sun. These people have obviously suffered major brain damage from their prolonged exposure to the sun. The actually think that their skin's efforts to protect them are ATTRACTIVE. It'd be like someone thinking that scabs are atractive, 'case they protect you from disease. Then everyone would cut and scrape themselves to be covered in scabs. That's exactly what tanning is like. Purposly damaging the skin so you can look "attractive". Now, a long time ago, people were sort of smarter. They avoided the sun at all costs. They associated tans with hard, manuel labor. Then, some fasion bimbo went on a fasionable safarii to get some fasionable furs, or whatever. When she came back, 'lo and behold, she had a tan. This resourceful young vanguard of fasion decided to cover her extreme embarassment by acting like she meant to horribly damage herself. And because she was the head fasion bimbo, everyone agreed that the look was definitly "in". So, everyone went to the beach and got tans. Girls began wearing skimpier, and skimpier bathing suits. Men, of course, had no complaints. (Though whether it was the tan or the skimpy suits, no one will ever know.) As you read this Historicly Accurate Anecdote, you must realize the parallel between it and the fable The Emperoro's New Clothes. Someone did something incredbly stupid, but because they were powerful, everone acted like it was a stroke of genius. And the preceding generations became brain-washed (possibly through subliminal messages in sun-tan lotion commercials) to believe tans were expected. Those few who actually could think and avoided the sun were considered to be outcasts. I don't mean to insult you if you DO have a tan. I am simply explaining why I, personally, refuse to swim, go to the beach, sunbathe, leave the house, etc. Alrighty then. I'm gonna quit for now. I'm back. I'm so very, very tired. School has been on for four days now. I have three very hard academic classes. They give lots and lots of homework. Two and a half hours of homework (total) to be precise. I get home from work at 5:30p.m. and eat dinner. Then I do my homework. I get done at 9:15. Then I wait for my mom and dad to stop playing Collapse II so that I can get on. I usually have less than 30 minutes. It sucks. I can't really work on this site even though I now have a more in depth understanding of variables. I learned this from my calculator. I made a virtual pet for it. It was fun. I'm tired. Did I mention that, yet. My calculator is nifty. Sometimes, it is lazy. It tells me stuff like: "Warning: More Solutions May Exist" and "Questionable Accuracy". So...it doesn't bother to find all solutions, and it may be wrong. Geee....that is comforting. I love my calculator, though. It does all my Math for me. I hate Math. Math is so picky. In English, and stuff, if you miss one little detail, at most you lose partial credit, but you usually get it all right. In Math, one teeny, tiny little mistake will make you get the entire thing wrong. I tend to make those tiny mistakes, and get bad grades, even if I understand the concepts. I hate Math. I'm tired. Are you tired. I sure am. Guess what I wanna do. How did you ever guess? That's right, I wanna sleep. Why can't I? Hmmmm...good question. I think I'm so tired I can't sleep. Plus...I gots oblimagations...obligaton....obligations to this site. yeah. thats it...i so tired...bye-bye. I'm back. And more than slightly embarassed. Today my frazzled-brain produced something that is decidedly Jenny (that's my more or less "real" name). I was contemplating how my heavy load of books made me like a bulldozer and than I was about to suggest to my friend, "Meg" that we invent one. Then I realized that the buldozer already HAD been invented. That's how I knew it's name, picture and what it did. That is just...pathetic. School is taking its toll. *sigh* *sniffle* *snort* *insert word that is a sound that begins with an "s" here* I don't have much time, so, I must be brief. I'm not sure how I CAN be brief since I have absolutly nothing to say. The best way to be brief is to quit now. Right now. Which is what I'm about to do. Any miniute now. I promise. Okay. Bye! *sigh* My dogs are just weird. You remember my Moose's arch-enemy, don't you? You know, the small, white feather. Well, my squirell now has an arch-enemy. At least her's makes sense...sort of. Her enemy is a fake Yorkshire Terrior (same species as her) made entirely out of goat hair. She HATES and FEARS it. She'll shake and run from it, then suddenly dive and bite it's head. She goes crazy if someone holds it, 'cause it's getting attention and not her. I'm fairly certain she knows it's not alive, though. Maybe she just doesn't like goat-smell. In any case, she is clearly insane. Just like everyone else in my family. In other news, I participated in the Second Battle of the Asparagus Wars and chronicled them here. I'll add a link to the main page when I get around to it. It gave me new insight into how weird I am. I fought with vegitables, covered myself in bubble wrap, groveled before the Great Banana and dodge skittles and flying doughnuts and rubber chikens. The entire message board was like one big insane asylum. Needless to say, I felt right at home. Well, seeya *waves brightly* I got to go to my Grendel (really cool book) project for school. I's making fake soundtracks like the teacher told me! BYE!!! Okay...I'm back. Today's rant is a panic rant. There are not going to be conspiracies...or humor of any kind. I think. *let the panic begin!* IT'S NOT FAIR! Why do I have to work year round? I only signed up for a semester. I was looking forward to having A elective, while everyone else was enjoying three or four...or even more. Oooo..I'm a poet, and don't I know it? In any case...it's awful. It's bad enough to go to school, leave school, go to work, leave work, do homework and then wait for my dad to get off of the computer so that I can do stuff. I want SOME free time. That's all. Is that too much to ask? I spend from 8-5 doing what everyone else wants. When is it MYturn? Next semester will be almost exactly like this one. Even though my schedule is technically supposed to be completly differnt. You see, my school has "block" scheduling. That means I take four classes this semester and four different classes next year. But one of my classes is work, and two others are horrible year-round classes. So next semester I'll still have work, AP Lit, and AP Physics. It's not FAIR. Physics is so FREAKIN' hard! I don't understand it. I have no problem with Lit. Okay. Work. I love my work, I love the kids I work with. But I HATE spending three hours of every day in a "class" when everyone else's class is only an hour and a half. I don't care if I have to ride the bus home if I stop work. I don't care if I'd get home only an hour or so before I normaly do. I want an elective. Maybe. I think. All I know is that I've been assuming one thing while the person in charge has been assuming a completly different thing. Neither of us thought to question the other. And so I'm in deep doo-doo. *sniffle* I just want to have some FREAKIN' variety in my daily grind, you know? I don't WANT to do the same thing for an entire year. Yeah, I know, regular schedule schools do that. I pity them, I really do. I've spent the past three years of my life EXPECTING each semester to be like a mini-year. I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE! This is just way too much of a change at once. I don't want year-round classes. I don't want a full year of work. I don't want to be in this mess...I'm going to bed. I'm back. I don't have much of a choice about the whole work thing. Plus, the kids at the daycare (where I work, obviously) say that I'm "cool to talk to". That makes me feel alll warm and fuzzy inside. Like a muffin. They just like how I know lots of pointless laws and random facts. Okay. ON TO THE CONPIRACY OF THE DAY!: I've had this nagging fear that I am part of some random but vast conspiracy (about what I'm not sure but it must be vast). Meanwhile there is a vast conspiracy at school to keep me ignorant about my pawn roll in the other vast conpiracy by keeping me vastly bored. (In a very vast sense) And: did you ever notice that the word "conspiracy" is vastly similar to the word "constipation". I only mention this 'cause I've accidently spelled constipation instead of conspiracy a few times. (on accident, vast number of times) Hee-Hee! Isn't vast a funny word? You can just picture sterotypical pirates saying, "A vast ye mateys!". I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it sure is funny:) You don't agree? Shame on you! Code: 888 of The Flaming Chickens Handbook states that The Patron Saint of Paperclips (still me) is always right. ALWAYS. If the facts beg to differ, than the facts are wrong. End of story. Seeya. I'm back. I've been playing one of the new neopets slot machines (black pawkeet). I'm completly and totally addicted. Gambling is so much fun! I've won 500 np, at least and I'm on a roll. Now sure, I could have won more than 500 at some game in which you don't have to pay to play. But, what would be the fun in that? I even came up with a mathematical explanation for why gambling is fun (while I was eating a hyper-speed dinner, thinking nothing of getting back to the slot machine). Okay. If you don't understand the concept of numbers less than zero, (negative numbers) just skip this part. Imagine a number line that points in the positive and negative direction. When I start playing a game, I am on 0. I have neither won nor lost money/neopoints. When I win 500np on a normal game, I move to the 500 point. There is exactly 500 units of distance between the two extremes of winning amounts (0 and 500) BUT! When I play a gambling game, there is a possibility that I'll lose everything, so I start on negative however much NP I have with me. If I had 500np with me, I'd be at-500. Then, when I win 500 additional np, I move to the 500np point. The distance between the two extremes of how much I could have won is 1000np, making me feel like I've won much more than if I'd played a normal game. Did you understand that? Good. I probably won't later. But that is irrelevant. Goodbye! I am back. And I hava a very, almost special rant for you. The previous sentence made absolutly no sense. Good for it. In a recent article, humorist Dave Barry discussed the addictive quality of the snack food, Cheez-Its. Naturally, I had many mixed feelings, primarily disgust, as I have not voluntarily eaten a Cheez-It in quite some time. They're disgusting, bland and definitly not made of cheez, whatever that is. My family has always bought Cheez-Its, to the point of making me physically sick at the thought of eating one. (To this day, however, I will almost literally kill for a box of Cheez-It party mix, as it is a rare commodity at my house.) Fortunatly, my mom recently finnaly switched our snack food preference. To Cheese Nips. Say it. Out loud. What does it sound like? When you look at them they are identical to the evil little Cheez-Its. The only difference is the taste, which I enjoy, since it is new and different. What I want to know is this: are there no intelectual property rights in the world of food products? I mean, don't you think the creators of Cheese-Nips had a box of Cheez-Its out when they were designing their product? It seems like blaggerent plagerism. The only reason the makers of Cheese-Nips don't get sued is because of the tast difference and Cheese Nips are made of real "cheese" rather than cheez. It makes you think of Name-Brand vs. Generic cereal brands. They are the samething, with the same look, and almost same name. But people buy name brands. Why, because they assume it's better quality. Plus, boxes are more convient than bags. A profound statement, if I ever heard one. Any way, I'm leaving to eat some Cheessy goodness! I'm back. Apparantly my standards of weird have gone up. This morning, my Mom came home from work. She was upset, because she had accidently run over an armidillo. She said she hurt it the first time, and wanted to put it out of it's misery, so she went back and ran over it 11 more times. But it's legs were still moving and it was alive. She was extremly upset. When I related this story to my friends (including "Meg") they thought it was hilarious. They couldn't stop laughing. I thought it was sad...and normal. They particularly liked how I said that she went back and ran over it 11 more times. I'm not sure why. Of course, when I next saw my Mom, she retold the story to me, several times. With the exact same words, motions and emotions. She didn't think it was weird, either. Perhaps my family is just so weird, we've lost all sense of perspective. Or maybe it's everybody else that's weird. I just don't know. What do you think, Hypothetical Reader? You don't know either? Hmmmmm...what is this world coming to? Oh, by the way, I was paid a decent compliment today. One of my friends (who laughed at the armidillo story) named Tonileigh said "Jenny (that's me) is weirder than the average Psycho." and " You think Jenny's weird? Wait till you see her in angry mob form!" Now THAT'S just weird. "angry mob form"? That just sounds nifty! I can clone myself and form and angry mob? In anycase, this was particularly funny because Tonileigh is one of my "normaler" friends. Although I tell you she can't possibly be normal, since she hangs out with me. Anyway, I'm gonna go. I gots stuff to do! I'm back. If you'll look toward the bottom of this page, you'll notice that I added a nifty little thing called the "babel fish". It will translate any thing, to anything else. Ain't it nifty? What's really fun is to translate an English saying, like out of sight, out of mind. Then, when it's in German, or whatever, translate it back to English. It's so completly garbled, it's funny. For instance, I wrote: "I am the Crazy Taco!", and translated it to German. I then copied and pasted the German and put it in the text box. I translated it from German to English and got "I am the Moved Taco!" See? Hours of completly useless fun! This has been my hourly Public Service Announcement that I only do when I feel like it. Seeya! I'm back! Woooo! And do I ever have a topic today! I've been a paranoid, conspiracy seeking mood lately and the newest threat to my sanity is: smoke detectors! Come on, think about it! In all those 911 shows, people wake up and their house is engulfed in flames. The smoke detector either never went off, or went off and the people just slept through it. Okay, fire is loud. And hot...and smoky. If you can sleep through a raging fire, close enough to set off the smoke detector, then you are definitly going to sleep through the smoke detector. Plus, the fire gradually gets louder, and hotter, and smokier. The sleeping person will gradually get used to it (and incorporate it into their dreams). By the time the smoke dector goes off, the fire has drowned it out to no more than an annoying buzz. My point is that smoke detectors have very little value in home security. Okay, one day, in the future, smoke dectectors will probably activate litte fire-fighter bots that every home will have. But untill that day, the concept of the smoke detector is useless. If you're awake to hear it, chances are that you've already noticed the smoke, fire and eminent danger. If you're asleep, the fire will wake you. So, that leads us to the evil paranoid conspiracy I thought of the other night. What if the smoke detectors have tiny litte cameras in them? That would explain that annoying green little blinkie light in them. Unless, of course, the government was smart enough to have cameras without the blinkie light. In any case, wouldn't the blinkie light help night-vision cameras see in the dark? It only takes a little light to help those thingies, and smoke detectors provide more than a little. I can even see the shadow of my hand on the wall from the light those things shed. It's annoying. Here I am, trying to get a decent nights sleep and there's this green light that periodically blinks to red directly in front of me. It's a small light, but it's sooooooo annoying. There MUST be some sort of conspiracy involved, 'cause if there is, I can get rid of the EVIL thing! So, fellow conspiracy nuts: Take down the evil governmental safety device and take it apart. If you can still think during all that incessent beeping, you'll probably find evidence that I'm really paranoid. Or possibly right...that would be scary. In any case...I guess that smoke detectors are a neccesary evil...but...WHY DO THEY HAVE TO HAVE THAT STUPID LIGHT? Does it serve an obvious purpose? No! That's why it MUST be EVIL! You cannot deny the logic of my thinking! Now...I'm gonna go and worry about the light on my toaster oven...seeya! *sighs dramatically* I'm back. It's not fair, ya know? Each Friday, I wait (all tingly with anticipation) for the weekend so that I can stay up 'till the wee hours of the morning and sleep past noon. But my idiotic body has an automatic alarm clock, or something. During the weekdays, I get about seven hours of sleep (usually less) and wake up at 6:11 a.m. Yep. Now, some of you are probably calling me a whiner, 'cause you have to get up at 4:30, or whatever. And lots of you are probably gloating 'cause you don't have to get up 'till 8:30. The reason I have to get up at 6 something is that I...I...I ride the bus to school. Yeah...I know...pathetic. (Believe me, though, you never want to see me drive...I get easily distracted by clouds and signs saying FREE KITTIES!...kitties are hugable...but if you hug them...they'll scratch your eyes out...so then you have to hiss at them and establish dominence...but kitties don't like that...even though dogs do...but kitties are obviously not dogs...even though they are fuzzy.) So...my lack of a car and driving skills force me to use the bus, which comes for me 45 minutes before my school even starts. It's stupid. It only takes me a few minutes to get ready, then I can go back to bed. Now...I bet you're wondering why I don't just wake up a few minutes before I have to go. My sister. My evil, EVIL sister. That's why. She's evil. SHE has to get up at 6:11 to put on make-up, do her hair and basically annoy the heck out of me. So rather than battle her over the concept of getting dressed in the dark, I get up. Oh...I'm rambling again, aren't I? Back to the original topic! So...when the weekend rolls around, I'm fairly exhausted. But, my stupid internal alarm clock is starting to wake me up around six. I can usually fall back asleep (if I don't panic and think I'm late for school), but the stupid thing wakes me up again exactly seven hours after I originally fell asleep. Which is why it's not even 10:00 and here I am, typing. Which I suppose may be a good thing, seeing as how I'm currently in a Longest Text Ever Rivalry with Galaxy Dreamer's site. *cough*She's winning*cough* But that's just because I have so much to do to mantain and update this site, I rarely get a chance to just sit here and type. Oh, and I would like to mention to my *snicker* LOYAL fans that this Longest Text Ever DOES get updated at least once a week, so please, please, please, PLEASE do not read this once, in one sitting and then leave forever, and ever and ever! It makes me sad...*sniffle* Well...I feel better now. Did you know that I now possess a DOMAIN NAME? Yep. That's right! It'll be ready soon, ain't it great? Okay, back to the flaming-chickens LTE rivalry. Another reason why this isn't as long as Galaxy's is that I refuse to write every day as it would--this is the funny part--LOWER THE QUALITY OF MY OVERALL WORK! HA-HA! HILARIOUS! "lower the quality"? Sometimes I crack myself up. If this was quality work, I'd publish it and make a fortune. Speaking of publishing, I do plan on somehow, someday publishing this as the first rambling narrative that makes no sense, and is about as interesting as rereading the almanac. I'd probably lose money, but the concept is interesting. I think. Anyway, I better go or the quality of this will go down in that evil downward spiral thing I discussed a few months back. Seeya. I'm back. Wooooo! I's can get to my site again! It was down for a whole day or so 'cause of all the traffic I got from my new quizes. I have an extra-special rant for you all today, to celebrate the new domain name! www.flaming-chickens.com! Okay. I am now barophobic (afraid of gravity). I recently learned in my EVIL Physics class that on average, humans lose one inch of height during the day due to gravity pushing on their spine. The height is regained at night, when you're laying down. This naturally alarmed the HECK out of me! GRAVITY IS EVIL! It's pushing down on me, squishing my spine. MY SPINE IS SQUISHY! That's is just so extremly creepy. What if, eventually, Earth's gravity get's very very strong, and we all imploud from the squishyness? It'd be like when you go to the bottom of the ocean, only with gravity instead of pressure...*shudders* Pressure is evil, too. Air pressure. Did you know that there is over two miles of air sitting on you right now? Even though air is light, that much air adds up. TWO MILES? Even the air is conspiring to squish me! If you don't believe that all that air has weight, try going into space sometime. Space is notorious for not having air. When you're in space (without a space suit) you don't SUFFUCATE, you don't FREEZE. You exploud. Since all that nifty air isn't pressin' on you, your guts and stuff are free to go wherever they want, and the EVIL little things decide to roam around. Outside your body. It's creepy. So...air pressure can be a good thing. Even though it gains pleasure from squishing my spine. That's it, I'm gonna take drastic measures! I'm gonna launch THE OFFICIAL FLAMING CHICKENS LUNAR COLONY! The moon has one-sixth of Earth's gravity. And absolutly NO air-pressure. We can all wear spiffy space-suits and feel all superiour to all those stupid earthlings. So...if you wish to contribute to this great and magneficent and magestic and MOOSEY project...we need the following things: 739 rolls of aluminium foil (preferably the extra shiny kind) 417 refridgerator boxes, 9000 rolls of "sticky on both sides" duct tape, 300 lbs of chicken feathers (preferably white) and 1 (one) thermo-nuclear-rocket-thruster. If you can spare any of these items, please e-mail them to me. Yes. E-mail. Did you really think I'd give you guys my ADDRESS? Now...I know what you guys are thinking...some of those items on that list are gonna be hard to find. Especially that duct tape. But, believe me, it's MUCH more practical than the alternative. What is the alternative, you ask? I'll tell you. Making me(The Patron Saint of Paperclips) the Ruler of the Laws of Nature! That way I can just outlaw the need for gravity and air pressure! I'm already half way there, since I conclusivly proved (in Physics class) that gravity actually causes things to slow down and EVENTUALLY GO UP! Sure, my TEACHER said that was because I was doing the problems wrong, but once I'm the Ruler of the Laws of Nature, I'll change the problems so that I'm right! Oooo! I thought of another very good reason to assist with the Official Flaming Chickens Lunar Colony! As we all know, the world is going to end in about 380,695 days! This means that we only have a very short while to prepare. And I sugest that we build the rocket so that we can go to the Official Flaming Chickens Lunar Colony so that we can laugh at the stupid earthlings who are blowing up because they didn't listen to us when we tried to warn them about the impending doom! Once we are on our Lunar Landing Site, we will engage in many exciting activites, primarily related to suffucating and starving. If (and this is a big if) the world DOES survive, we can beg them for food, oxygen and other supplies. They'll probably just call us weird and laugh at us, but that's beside the point! I can even see the Official Flaming Chicken Rocket. It'll be covered in chicken feathers, and shaped like a chicken. The foil will make up the beak and the folded legs, and the thruster can simulate the tail. It will be a truly magestic site, as it launches from the earth, spewing excess oxygen, cardboard, feathers and tape. But, act now, or it will be too late, and you will be one of the losers that we'll be laughing at, assuming we have air to laugh with. Remember, e-mail psopc@flaming-chickens.com the much needed supplies...if that is possible. If not, then some day, when the Internet is down and I'm really bored, I will construct a model OFCR and attempt to launch it. That will be a wonderous day. I think I'll get my little sister to be the test piolet. Well...better go...I need to plan this out more...I'm back. And mildly weirded-out. My dad...was on this site. My dad. It even SOUNDS weird. He took the TAB member quiz and turned out to be me, he took the JOB quiz, and was a repo man (which had a pic of my brother) He said he wanted to see what I was doing, and to make sure that I wasn't saying anything derrogatory about my parents. He looked me upvia yahoo's search engine using flaming-chicken as the keyword. It took him to my quiz page. So he probably didn't see the majority of my site. It's just weird. All along, my entire family has scoffed (nifty word, isn't it?) about my site, and called me weird. I dunno...I guess I'm just kinda freaked out. Oh, and don't forget to celebrate Mad Hatter Day on October the 6th. Seeya. I'm back. I had some conspriacy or another to rant about. But then I listened to some of the new music I put on my site and mellowed out. I can't remember what I was gonna rant about. Oh, yeah. Now I do. "Purified" water. Just wait a sec while I stop the music. *content sigh* There we go...that's much better. Now I can think. That's right, folks. "Purified" water. Now...just stop a second and contemplate that. Pure means, well, no extra stuff. 100% of something. Right? Well, next time you buy your $3 FREAKIN' dollar bottle of water, consider this. On almost all the "purified" water bottles I've ever seen it has the following mesage: "Purified through reverse osmosis. Minerals added for a pure, fresh taste." In other words, they take all that extra "stuff" out to make it pure. Then they add other "stuff" in to make it TASTE pure. But it's not. For all you, the uninformed consumer, could know, it might have rat poison in it. "Pure" water manufactuerers are not required to list the ingredients of water, because the average consumer believes that it should be obvious. But that is false! They add random minerals to our water to make it taste better, and then advertise it as pure! It's an outrage! I'd rather drink the "impure" tap water where at least I KNOW that someone, somewhere tested it. It's a law, I think. But does anyone test "pure" water? Most likely they test it BEFORE they add the extra stuff..."Yep, Bob, this is some mighty pure water." "Yep, Bill, time to dump the arsnic in so it tastes pure!" What kind of reasoning is that? Wouldn't pure water TASTE pure, and impure water TASTE impure? The insanity and stupidity is mind boggling! That's why I like fast-food salt. It actually lists what random minerals they through in to make it TASTE like salt. There's salt, of course, and aluminum sulfate, and other compounds. But the point is, if I were, say, freakily allergic to a random mineral, I could read the ingredients and not eat the salt. That's what they need to do with the water. Or, at the very least, not label it as "pure". Okay. That's the rant of the week, month, year, whatever. I'll probably have another one soon, but that whole water thing has been buggin me for awhile. Well...seeya! Er...yeah...I'm back. It's been awhile, (at least two weeks) since I've written here. I've been obsessed with various webcomics, creating the stupidly long new Phobia Quiz and being maniacly hysterical about my site always being down due to bandwith issues. I'm goin' light on the advertising at the moment, which is why I'm free to write here. I WANT to write. But I can't think of anything to write about. Typical. I finnaly get some free time to rant and rave and all my topics just magically melted away. Let's see...what have I ranted about before, subliminal messages, vast breakfast cereal conspiracies, water, uh...reality tv? And that's just what I can list from memory. Oh, yeah! How could I forget the stupid Tootsie Roll Pop Commercials? TACO is still in my heart. *sighs*...now...let's see...what to rant about today... ... ... ... ... I can't think of anything!? Is this writer's block?! Or maybe I just wanna go to bed. Sleeping is fun. Well...let's see. Did you know that statistics prove that 45% of all statistics are completly made up by me (The Patron Saint of Paperclips)? Well...they are. Ha! I see you have no reaction to that, do you Hypothetical Reader? I have once again caused that explody sensation in your brain meats! You cannot DEFEAT me! I rule the...er...*random Loyal Minion whispers in ear* That's right! I rule the Internet! The Official FLaming-Chickens Handbook already confirms that fact! You CANNOT DENY it! It says that in black and...er lime green! It MUST be true! Because it is in those veyr colors that the Matrix is programmed! Ahhh...I see your confusion! You cannot follow the vast, mind-boggling logic that is ME! Wait...how...how can I BE logic? That doesn't make any sense...you can't BE something abstract...can you? Now MY brain meats feel explody. That's not fair! I see your EVIL plot now, Hypothetical Reader! You just let me rant on and on for you KNEW that eventually I would confuse myself with my vast puddle of knowledge. You are devious...I give you that. Unfortunantly...I must leave...before the confusion spreads and I do something stupid...like revealing my one weakness before you...THAT'S IT! Code 452 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paperclips (ME!!!) does not, has never, and will absolutly NOT admit to having any weakness...besides the aformention indivduals own skin, which isn't even a weakness anyway since no representative of the Dark, Fluffier Side can BE the Patron Saint of Paperclips (Guess, who...no...no...THAT'S IT!) and even if they could it wouldn't do them any good because it would scare them instead of the aformentioned individual. Boy...I really enjoy confusing myself!:) Seeya! I'm baaaaa-ack! Aren't you happy? Here, see if you can find the super-secret message! While you wait for yesterday's tomorrow, lunge back and remember that day. You know the one. Yeah, this doesn't mean anything to you. Are you surprised? Obviously not. Answer me, you blobby looking freak! Or suffer my blindingly moronic nail messages. Did you find it? Wasn't it super? And secret? I thought it was. But then, I'm me...and you're you. I think. I'm pretty sure you're not me...but you could be that other guy. Yeah...that...guy...you know who I'm talking about. No? Do not MOCK me! I know where you are right now! Spooky, huh? Ooooo...time for today's topic. My favorite stuff...JTHM...I have my libraries copy of JTHM...I shall quote Noodle Boy for you:) (Full copyright/credit to Jonhnen Vasquez for writin' the stuff, I'm just sharing the spleeny goodness with you). (it's edited, of course, to stay PG13...**** signifies a random naugty word:)) "HEY, DOG ENTITY! RISE UP AND BARE YOUR BISCUIT FILTY FANGS AT THE LEASH WIELDING DEMON!! **** MY NAVEL ITCHES!! MEOW!MEOW!MEOW! CAT CHOW!!! CEASE YOUR FLATULENT WINDS AND HEAR MY MIND NUMBING EXPULSIONS OF WICKED NOISE! GRRR!! CHEESE!!! I SENSE YOUR ENVY OF MY NECK!! AND I DONT BLAME YOU!! DROOOOOL OVER MY MAGICAL POWERS!! I HAVE POWERS PINTO BEANS CAN ONLY DREAM OF! WANNA SEE ME PULL A TAPEWORM OUTTA MY ****!! HUH?!...STARE DEEP INTO THE STINKING ABYSS OF MY INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED SLICES!!! HOLY WAX! CHECK OUT MY ARMPITS!!! HEEEEY! WAIDAMINIT!! WAIT JUST A POLYP PICKING MINUTE!! I SEE YOUR GAME! YOU WILL NOT SINK MY CHEERIO!! I SEE WHAT IS TRANSPIRING HERE!!! YOU'RE ALL ZOMBIE THIGH-FAT PEOPLE BROUGHT INTO ANIMATION BY SOME EVIL FORCE OF FORCEFUL EVIL!!! **** THAT LIPSTICKS THE WRONG COLOR FOR YOU!! MOOOO! WOOF! OH, DON'T YOU SEE THE TOENAILS?!! OH, SO SPLENDID!! A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K...! UNDER SUCH EXTREME HEAT, WEAR AND DEGRADATION IS INEVITABLE!! PARTS BREAK AFTER OVERUSE!! AND THAT IS WHY TOASTER PASTRIES WILL BURST INTO FLAMES IF YOU DON'T KEEP AN EYE ON THEM! Now, wasn't that entertainment. I added to the lenghth of the LTE without even thinking! That's talent. Lots of gooey talent. Unfortunatly, I once again am devoid of a topic. And any weirdness I could come up with would be normal compared to Noodle Boy, so...I bid thee farewell...seeya! I'm back. And I've realized that I am a complete idiot. For an ENTIRE MONTH I have possesed the arcane knowledge, but I forgot to share it with you, my loyal potentially imaginary reader. I know. You're shocked at my selfish, bad, memory. I apologize from the depths of my moosey soul. For, you see...my life long goal has been fufilled...*anticipatory silence*...THERE ACTUALLY IS GRAPE PIE!!!! I know...you are as shocked as I am. One day I was randomly looking up images via Google...and 'lo and behold, there it was. Grape Pie. It was as if it had been just sitting there...waiting for me to discover it. Apparantly Grape Pie isn't mainstream, but it has existed for some time. In obscure cookbooks. Well...that just makes me filled with gooey happiness. Of course, there is also regret...after all, I could have made a fortune if I'd been the first to think of it. Oh, well. There was something else I had to tell you loyal *cricket chirps, someone coughs* fans. I can't remember what. I guess I'll just rant and rave about that whole vicious downward spiral of my writing. I mean, I KNOW people are coming here...I have proof! *holds up a piece of paper, which, from a distance, appears to have writing on it* Yes, undenyable proof! But this proof degrades this mysterious, mystical and mystifying "quality" of my words. After all, how can I be self derisive, and full of low expectations for this site if I KNOW people are here...several thousand of them in fact, in just a few months. It's strange. I felt more fufilled when this site was a barren wastland of useless space. But, if it had remained that way, I would have had no impetus to continue my pointlessly insane ranting. Oh, speaking of insane, I STILL need those much needed supplies for the Official Flaming-Chickens Lunar Colony! No one has even bothered to e-mail them to me...*sniffle*. I needs the duct tape! How can I survive without the sticky goodness? HOW, I ask you!? It cannot be...hmmmm...maybe I should just use IMAGINARY duct tape...it's easier to come by ,but it's much more expensive...I'm not sure what to do. *enter Squirell* What's that, little Squirell? That's just silly. You KNOW I ran out of imaginary money last week when I bought that imaginary country. WHAT!? Just "imagine" I have more!? What a crazy idea. So crazy it just might work! *scrunches eyes and makes funny sounds* Nope. It didn't. I guess I'll just have to wait untill my imaginary clone hijacks that imaginary bank truck. Until then...I have absolutly no imaginary money. What ever shall I do? I won't be able to feed my various imaginary pets and friends their beloved imaginary food! Squirell? You gots extra money, don't you? *nods* I thought so. You give to me? No? I gives you imaginary IOU's...here...yours. Thank you Squirell. *Squirell wanders off in search of electrical sockets to sniff* What's that, Hypothetical Reader? You don't know who Squirell is? You haven't been paying attention have you? She's my little puppy...she fears grape flavored stuff, wind, rain, television, noise, silence, small children and pretty much everything. She likes sniffing potentially dangerous stuff, like electrical sockets. Surely you have heard of her? Still no? Oh, well. You know...I enjoy having these conversations with you. It really lets me get to know you. What's that? You say I'm really just talking to myself? What an eccentric idea! To think, YOU are trying to tell ME that YOU aren't here. How absurd. After all, I'm talking to you, aren't I? *nods* Well, yeah...I KNOW I'm actually typing instead of talking. Wait a minute...so you're saying that I'm talking and responding to you, but you won't be reading this until long after I have finished typing? Now who's the crazy one? For that theory to work, I'd have to be psychic...or in possesion of a freaky time-traveling computer. Because what you're saying is that I'm talking to people in the future. That my words somehow travel accross time (if only a few minutes) and are somehow picked up by future you, and that my responses are dictated by future you's reactions. What? You mean that I'm just randomly responding regardless of your reactions? Why, that would be insane, wouldn't it? That's the point you're trying to get across? *pauses* Oh. I see. You wanna play that way. Well...two can play by THOSE rules. You wanna try to convince me I'M crazy? Well, look at you? How do you know I even exist? For all you know you could be staring at that freaky 3-D maze screen saver with a blank look on your face while you THINK you're reading an inhumanly long text. For all you know, you could be halucinating my entire site! For that matter, how do you know that ANYTHING but you exists! You could be floating out in empty space, conjuring nice little fantasies to relieve the monotony of being the only living being! Every single person you know could just be figments of your imagination, you could even be in a crazy house! Not only that, but how do you know that YOU actually exist? You could be the figment of someone else's dream. What would happen when that dreamer woke? Are you happy? You got me started. I may NEVER shut up. I'll just go on and on about how crazy you COULD be. All because YOU tried to convince me that I was crazy. *blinks* And I STILL can't remember what else I was gonna say to you people. Strange, huh? Well, I better leave before I go on and on about more "reality" theories. Makes you wonder about "reality" television, huh? Seeya. I'm back. Grrrr...I had a nifty rant all planned out in my head. And then I was unable to get on the computer and I forgot most of it. Oh, but I did remember what else I wanted to say to you people. Remember that rant I did on how there could be a secret camera in the smoke detector? I few months ago I saw a movie about that. It was pretty good. Maybe I'd seen it before, and that's where I got the idea. I forgot it's name. Well...I DO have a special treat for you weirdos who apparantly like wasting time! Today, in my (Honors) English class, we did group work. My group...well...we either went hysterical or crazy, I can't decide which. We had to do an essay on a book. There was a sample essay online. It sucked. It tooked about envelooping (enveloping) cracked nuts and parables. So we were already off to a bad start. Here is the sum total of my group's work. (Note: I wrote virtually none of this, so I cannot be blamed, credited with any of this. "Lots of death, lots and lots of death in this section. Death is like life in that after you die some things start life again inside of you. 'Ah the power of cheese!' The author's vision was unique in that only he put biscuits and death in the same sentence. 'I found nothing else to do but to offer him on of my good Swede's ship's biscuits I had in my pocket'" And we're supposed to be GOOD in English! We KNEW how terrible it was, but we just didn't bother to change it. Especially the part about the biscuits and cheese. We just picked random words in the selection and wrote about them. It was sad. In any case, I hope you enjoyed our patheticness. Seeya! I'm back. Today I will be mercifully brief. I am here to bring AWARNESS to your moosey soul! Right now, while you are sitting in your "chair" and eating your "junk food", millions of almonds are commiting suicide. Yes...that's right...suicide. I was alerted to this growing problem in our world community by (Kat, the ruler of all that is almondy)...and it greatly concerns me. People just don't realize that their almonds and mixed nuts may be having depression and other problems. We need to act now! For more information, e-mail EnpuUnknown@msn.com Well...seeya! I'm so very, very tired. Today was Halloween. I worked for four hours at the "Library of Terror" sponsered by TAB. TAB members got pizza...lots of pizza...and candy. Ugh. It was fun, but exhausting. I was almost completly covered in (fake) blood...it was sticky toward the end. One guy was a "shock therepy" patient...he was a good actor. He acted like he was really being tortured and stuff. I'm tired. I bet you couldn't tell. Why am I writing? Because this is the first time I've been on a computer all day. You can't blame me. Don't worry, I'll go to bed soon. In the mean time, I'll just sit here and type with my eyes closed. It's hard to type because of the bandaid on my finger. I accidently cut it with scizzors. It hurt. The fake blood seeped into the open wound. Gee...I sure hope it wasn't poisonous. If so, I guess I won't be writing here for quite awhile...seeya. Okay, this next rant has nothing to do whatsoever with Halloween...which is to be expected because it's been several days since then. Anyway, today's rant is about one of my many and various pet peeves: fasion and...stuff. My definition of fasion includes clothes, shoes, jewelery and all things of that nature. Now, don't get me wrong. I can appreciate a spiffy black outfit as much as the next person, but everytime I consider actually buying clothes for aesthetic value, I think about how I could better spend my money. On video games. Sure, some of this "fasion" stuff is cool and all, but all it shows is that you had the three and three-quarters brain cells required to copy someone else's "look". And don't even get me started on earrings. My little, eviler sister got her ears pierced when she was relativly younger. My mom did it to her because it was free. OF FREAKIN' COURSE IT WAS FREE! Just like thos so called "diet supplements" that give you a "free" sample because they know that once you try it, you'll like it so much you'll spend oodles of cash on it. (There's probably drugs in it). Anyway, like the "diet supplement" people, the earring manufacturers KNOW that once they pierce you, you'll be hooked for life. *pauses* *groans* I'm sorry for that pun (pierced, hooked, getit?). AS soon as you're pierced, you have to buy "starter" earrings. Then you'll need an "extra" pair...for special occasions. Before you know it you'll realize that you need Christmas earrings, Halloween earrings, Valentine's Day earrings, St. Patrick's Day earrings, for crying out loud! You'll wear these "festive" earings for about a day and then abandon them in some dark cranny of your closet because you simply can't wear the same earrings two years in a row for heaven's sake! Then you'll see these cute little "days-of-the-week" earrings at the mall, and you'll just have to get a few sets, just in case you lose some. By the time you're eighty, you'll have enough ear jewelry to open up your own jewelry shop. Of course, you won't want to do that becuase you still need more earrings so people won't think you wear the same ones over and over again. When I think of how much money people WASTE on appearences, it makes me feel like projectile vomiting. If that's not a vast conspiracy, then nothing on this Earth is. Now, I'm not speaking from personal experience here. No one I know is that obsessed with earrings, it was just an example. (Although my mother does have a "earring tree".) Sure, certain members of my family do pay WAY to much attention to fasion, but that's just because of the expectations of society. I, being weird, am pretty much immune to such expectations. Except those specially formulated for weird-o's like me. If I were to suddenly convert this entrie site into a *shudders* Backstreet Boys fan site or something, you wouldn't be any more suprised than I would be if my brother woke up one day and suddenly realized that he's shallow. It's the same concept. (No, I don't like any of those creepy "pop" stars. I think that they should routinly die a slow, savage, agonizing death...I was just saying a random thing that I would never, ever do.) Well...any way...seeya! I'm back. And today's rant is a sort of philosophical one. It's about the (supposedly) infinite nature of the universe. Suprised? It's spiffy. You see, if the universe is indeed infinite, that means that literally EVERYTHING is possible, and in fact, is happening somewhere in the universe. Think about it. No matter how unlikely something is, if the universe is infinite, it's happening an infinite number of times. Think about that old saying about "If you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, eventually they would reproduce the entire works of Shakespear". That makes complete and total sense! Anyone just randomly typing letters will eventually accidently write a word, right? Now think of 100 people typing randomly. You figure that one of those 100 people would actually have a coherent phrase. And one out of a million people would probably have a few sentences. So if you have an infinite number of people, some are going to have entire books of coherent stuff. And, you have to remember that because infinity is infinite, you can divide it an infinite number of times. Try it. If you have a decent graphing calculator, plug in the infinity symbol divided by anything, (even infinity). The answer is still infinity. Using my philosopy, that EVERYTHING exists because the universe is infinite...well...think about it. In some far off world, there are pokemon...there are an evil race of muffin like creatures, there is a world with ABSOLUTLY NO COMMERCIALS DURING TELEVISION! I know, unlikely, huh? But somewhere, it exists. Think about it. If the universe is infinite it would be crazy to think that we're alone. With an infinite universe, there are infinite possibilites. There ARE aliens. Not only that, but there are an infinite number of different kinds of intelligent life. Which means that there are an infinite number of worlds with humanoid life. (Think of the fake-looking Star Trek aliens). If there are an infinte number of worlds with human life, than there are an infinte number of worlds that have someone exactly like you, with only a few key differences. (Like alternate dimensions and stuff) So, there is a world where you are the creator of this Longest Text Ever. There is a world where you are a faerie. There is a world where you were never born. There is a world where you are a slave to your TOASTER OVEN. The possibilities are literally endless. Every fantasy the human mind has concieved exist at some place in the universe. There are an infinite number of worlds with Harry Potter. Think about it. I came up with this philosophy when I was in fifth grade. I'd tell it to my little brother as a bed time story. He always enjoyed it because it meant that somewhere, he was the Supreme Dictator of the Galaxy. That made him happy. He ignored the fact that he was also a 72 year old "sanitation engineer" somewhere. All the good possibilities effectivly cancel out the bad ones, leaving the sum total of you and your counterparts experiences as nothing. You don't have the best life of your counterparts, but you don't have the worst either. Because that would be impossible. There is always someone worse off and better off than you. Because there are an infinite number of people on either side of the spectrum. Confusing, huh? But that's the kind of thing I like. That also explains why normal stuff confuses me. I'm sure some so called "scientist" can prove all my theories wrong...but how? How do you PROVE something is not infinite? You'd have to find the end, of course. But how, may I ask, can you find the end of the FREAKIN' universe? What, is there a giant sign saying, "DEAD END"? The universe is EVERYTHING, how can it end? At the same time, how can you prove something IS infinite? You could travel in a straight line at the speed of light for a million years and all you'd prove is that the universe is really, really big. But you'd never prove it was infinite. How could you? Our mind's cannot conceive of the vastness of infinity. We'd probably go crazier. In any case, my theory means that playing video games is very cruel. Why, you ask? Because in some world, the video game is real. So when you kill, or whatever, in the game, you are actually ending life somewhere in the universe. Of course, you also end life by sneezing, eating, sleeping, and watching T.V. According to my theory that everything is real. Of course, if everything is real...then the Universe is pretty contradictory. The paradox of my system of beliefs leads me to believe that the universe, in fact, is not infinite. Because nature supposidly abhors a paradox. Although, as I said, there's no way to prove me wrong OR right. That's what I like about making abstract theories... Anyway, sorry for the lack of relative weirdness, conspiracy theories and doughnuts (my Moose ate them all). Well...now that I think about it...according to my theory, ALL conspiracies are real and mislabled "paranoid" people are really the only ones who see the truth. *blinks* Wow...so I'm NOT paranoid. Who'da thought it? Well...better go before one of my two and half sane readers falls asleep:) Seeya! I'm back! Boy, are you mythical, mystical readers in for a treat, today! I have a guest rant/fake commercial written by "Meg" (who is once again banned from accessing the almighty Internet). Are you ready? No? Too Bad! The magic eight-ball glows with knowledge! With a shake, the future is revealed! The magic eight-ball is a plastic casing with an unknown, possibly toxic liquid inside. The future is determined by the triangles, in a startling blue color which spin around in a zany manner. Wheather you're saved or doomed, find out now! Is that old lady on the street corner really an ex-convict? Is fat-free food more delicious than food loaded with fat? Is your school playground a gateay to the underworld? All this information and more is yours for the low, low price of 5 payments of $29.99! And, if you call within the next ten minutes you get a free eight ball with the one you buy! But wait! There's more! Get the free Lil' Ball for your traveling needs! Warning: this product is illegal in most states) Wasn't that entertaining? "Meg" wrote it for a school assignment. We were supposed to write about a cherished child-hood toy, and attempt to turn our fond memories into a commercial. I wrote about furby, and how it was fun to watch it die. No, really. Somehow, I managed to make my furby die. It would sneeze, then start it's eight-hour-long death hum. It would hum, and hum, and hum...and then mercifully die. I don't exactly have a good track record with virtual pets. I once...*embarassed pause* had "Hey, You! Pikachu!"...a pokemon game. I'll only say that it was the first game you could "talk" to and was the first (and only) N64 virtual pet. Pikachu...well...he didn't like me. I gave him cupcakes, and presents, and did everything I could to befriend him! And what did he do to me? He snuck up on me one day in our room (in the game) with a sword! That's right, a sword! He tried to kill me! I heard something and turned around, and there he was! He even tried to hide the sword behind his back! When I tried to talk to him, he tossed it away nonchalantly and pretended he hadn't heard me. Then he preceeded to trash my room, scattering kleenex everywhere. I'm pretty sure that the "smelly yellow ball" that he started throwing was his own feces (poo). That dirty little rat. Awwww...isn't he cute? Hmmmm...I suppose I should clarify that the Pikachu game was 3-D and your character was in first person mode(you see through character's eyes). Otherwise you'd think I was delusional, or something. Everyone I know who has played that game is shocked when I tell them...oh, well. Speaking of virtual pets, I'm revamping the ones on this site. I've finnally figured out sorta, maybe, kinda, how to do stuff to make it more real. Anyway, seeya! OOooooo! I'm back, and I had yet another Asparagus War with some people. We made a guild, and I wrote out the trans of the first ever Asparagus War in narrative form (mock epic, very cheesey) Since it's very, very long, I'll post it here to meet my imaginary word quota for the day! Oh, and all those weird squiggly lines and symbols, those are supposed to be apostrophes, but neopet's code is weird, and I'm not gonna bother to edit it. Enjoy! And, on the 15th day of the Month of August, in the year of our Lord 2003, at approximately 7:52 p.m. a great and wondrous battle was fought in the waste lands of the General Chat Room. ‘Lo, and eon337 did wield the mighty Swiss-Asparagus, and did attempt to vanquish her foe, the Evil and Fluffy preggypreggy. Preggypreggy had tamed the fearsome Asparagus Sword, and many a foe had she slain with her valor. But behold! For the Swiss-Asparagus did slice, and dice and was capable of turning itself into julienne fries! And so it seemed that the two mighty warriors were evenly matched and that their struggle would never come to and end. They didst charge at each other with a terrible noise and clamor, and the skies did shake and the earth did tremble at the ferocity of their mighty blows! The stereotypical Asparagus Sword didst fail to hit its mark and eon337 did mock the Sword for it’s falling. Translation: On 8-15-03, 7:52 NST, eon337 and preggypreggy grabbed some Asparagus Themed weapons and fought. They made fun of each other’s weapons, and generally kept missing each other every time they swung. And eon337 did think long and ponderous and in so doing converted the puny Swiss-Asparagus into the mighty and powerful toothpick. And the masses did gleam the significance of this act and they were awed by the grace and cunning of the wooden speck. And preggypreggy was immune to the verbal slings and arrows of her foe, and refused to be disheartened by eon337’s dishonorable insults. Her claim being that function of a weapon is to be put before the ornate form. She endeavored to thwart eon337’s plans to defeat her with the great and wondrous toothpick. She didst again pummel the air with her sword, but in her enthusiasm her blows didst fall far from their mark. And the masses didst cheer for eon337 as she had impressed them greatly and they made the sounds of impressive wonder. Translation: Eon337 turned a perfectly good Swiss-Asparagus into a toothpick to gain the approval of the studio audience. The audience oooed and awed. Preggypreggy continued to swing wildly around, missing each time. She ignored eon337’s insult and said that at least her sword worked. And then a new challenger didst arrive at the arena and scoobychick6900 didst fling bowls of asparagus at the fighting mortal enemies. Preggypreggy appealed to the masses, but to no avail, and was heartily surprised when the asparagus did hit her. And ‘Lo! The masses didst condemn scoobychick6900 loudly and vehemently and there was much rejoicing in the land. Preggypreggy didst fancy that she had perhaps met scoobychick6900 previously, and so did attempt to recollect when. Eon337 did take advantage of the lull in action and did attack preggypreggy with her finger. Preggypreggy did retaliate with the awe-inspiring SuperPoke, and eon337 was laid low upon the ground in agony. Translation: Scoobychick6900 showed up and threw bowls of asparagus. Eon337 poked preggypreggy, and preggypreggy poked back, harder. Eon337 was hurt. And with victory in her mighty vision, preggypreggy didst decide to reveal her secret weapon, and with a fancy hand movement, revealed the extent of her traitorous ways. For all know that the bagels and the doughnuts didst disband in ancient times of old. Preggypreggy, through her treacherous methods, had obtained the Flying Doughnut of Doom and didst endeavor to use it. Eon337 was readily prepared for such an occurrence and didst arm herself with mighty ear-shields, armor that didst repel all projectiles of metal, a head covering, and an outer covering of strange, transparent material that didst snap whence it was squeezed. Aragorns_cutie then didst show up with the almighty nemesis broccoli and an unnecessary sneer upon her countenance. _Radical_girl_ did break the protocol and didst claim to rather fight with cucumbers, and so it was done. And the masses rejoiced. And eon337 didst not hear the newcomers because of her mighty ear-shields, and didst offer the fighters dressings for their wounds. Translation: Preggypreggy revealed that she had a secret weapon from Ancient Times, although eon337 was prepared for it, with earmuffs, bulletproof armor, and bubble wrap. Two new fighters showed up and did random things. Eon337 offered Band-Aids. And aragorns_cutie didst laugh in a manic way, and didst wave the broccoli to and fro in a threatening manner. And eon337 did finally recognize the newcomers, and ask, neigh, commanded they give preggypreggy healing strips. And _radical_girl_ didst howl furiously and implored the fighters to meet their DOOOOOOOOM. And so hiamplidude didst come to the battle and didst posses the almighty Asparagus Cannon, and did thinkest himself invincible. Following himaplidude camst nemmisis_dude, who didst offer the warriors ponderous messages such as: THIS TRULY WORKS! POST THIS IN 10 DIFFERENT BOARDS AND YOU WILL FIND A BABY PAINTBRUSH WHEN YOU GO TO CHAT PREFERENCE AND 10000000000NPS! THIS TRULY WORKS, TRUST ME. And the warriors didst consider nemmisis_dude a profit, who was devoted to speaking in tongues so as to convey a message from the gods. And ‘Lo! Nemmisis_dude didst reveal his Bow and Asparagus and the masses rejoiced. And eon337 didst intimidate her foes by snapping her transparent covering and shrieking that she was invincible. Translation: Random stuff happened, and more people showed up. Someone spammed the message board so people ignored it and eon337 went crazier And ‘Lo! The writer of this cheesy epic didst realize that virtually every sentence begins with “and”, and the masses rejoiced. _radical_girl_ dids’t chase random people with her broccolis, and didst miss in her mighty swings. Hiamplidude didst take out nemmisis_dude, and gloried in his honor and didst receive a spinach gun from the gods. . Preggypreggy was threatened by the randomness, and didst call her secret weapon, the Mighty Evil Flying Donut Of Doom! Eon337 realized preggypreggy’s unprecedented treachery and didst cower in her impotence before one so Dark and Fluffy. And aragorns_cutie had ex-lax and _radical_girl_ didst covet invincibility and so did don a pool covering. Nemmisis_dude was revealed to be unharmed by hiamplidude, and didst fire at preggypreggy with an asparagus gun. But preggypreggy didst forget one thing: eon337 still possessed the support of the ignorant masses, which guaranteed her inevitable victory. And preggpreggy scoffed at eon337’s supposed advantage and didst claim that even the ravenous horde of the people didst not conceive of her one vulnerable point. And preggypreggy didst close her mind to the truth: the dark side is fluffy. Translation: Preggypreggy called the Flying Donut of doom and eon337 called preggypreggy a traitor. The newcomers did random tings, and eon337 reminded everyone that she still had the support of the studio audience. Preggypreggy refused to see it as an advantage, and refused to believe that she was on the Dark, Fluffier Side. And behold, for eon337 didst transform the Asparagus Toothpick into a Aspara-Launcher and didst call preggypreggy deceived in her way of thinking, for the Dark Side is always Fluffier. And preggypreggy didst call forth the creamed cheese from the bowels of the Evil Flying Donut of Doom and the masses did rejoice, and wallowed in the fattening substances that fell from the air like a gift of mana from the gods. And eon337 didst fire projectiles at preggypreggy and unexpectedly mimicked the holy Matrix in her cries of “Dodge this”. And neoshadow08 didst arrive and inquire as to whether rubber chickens were allowed, and the multitudes said yes. Preggypreggy, in her infinite wisdom, failed to see the connection between Darkness and Fluffiness, and was so forsaken by the masses. And greyratt didst claim to have invented a new, spookier type of asparagus that never caught on, and the multitudes rejoiced. Preggypreggy didst dodge the projectile, and gained honor amongst the masses. As the theological debate about the Dark, Fluffier Side raged on, the newcomers fought with the dung of dogs, the chickens of rubber and other such unorthodox weaponry as greyratt didst play with discarded asparagus. Translation: Some stuff happened here. No, really! Eon337’s toothpick became an Aspara-Launcher, and preggypreggy and eon337 argued about whether the Dark Side was Fluffy or not. Neoshadow08 and greyratt came, and did stuff. Preggypreggy released cream cheese from the Flying Donut of Doom. And eon337 didst revealth that she didst posses the Ultimate Asparagus Themed Weapon, too terrible to be named, oh, what the heckth, the name didst ring and was The Thermo-Asparagus-Nuclear-Weapon. And preggypreggy didst begin to crack under the strain of the Squeak of Death, and so in his infinite understanding, neoshadow08 didst remove the Squeak of Death and didst replace it with the Chic Attack. Aragorns_cutie didst protest the violence, and didst consume the flavorful tomato paste. And moonbeam998 didst come, a magical priestess full of arcane knowledge. Her mighty glance didst fall upon the warriors and she didst proclaim: THIS TRULY WORKS! POST THIS IN TEN DIFFERENT BOARDS AND YOU WILL FIND A BABY PAINTBRUSH WHEN YOU GO TO CHAT PREREFERENCE AND 10000000000NPS! THIS TRULY WORKS, TRUST ME! And the warriors were mystified by her meaning, but verily they didst decide that it meant for them to continue their holy battle, in the name of whatever great and mysterious god moonbeam998 didst represent. Scoobychick6900 didst return to pummel the warriors with bowels of asparagus, as in times of old. Translation: Eon337 got out the Thermal-Asparagus-Nuclear-Weapon, and neoshadow08 stopped squeaking and started the Chick Attack. Yet another person spammed the message board, and was equally ignored. Scoobychick6900 returned. And neoshadow08’s baby chickens didst fall unto the warriors from the sky, and didst pummel the brave fighters unmercifully. And scoobychick6900 didst offer to the warriors magical rainbow colored pellets, which she didst hurl at them forcefully with a gun. The magic pellets were then revealed to be the chicken’s only weakness. And the warriors were locked in a deadly struggle, each using their unique methods and weapons. And the masses didst rejoice yet again. And then ‘Lo! For preggypreggy was forced to valiantly flee the battlefield, and acceded the victory to eon337. And the masses looked confused. Eon337 didst admit that preggypreggy didst fight a valiant battle. Skuld815 didst arrive and didst proclaim the battle strange and didst fling M & M’s at the warriors. And scoobychick6900 didst proclaim that Rice Krispies were much more powerful than other weapons, and didst think that she was the only warrior left. She did wail with despair as she didst discover that eon337 remained in the land of the living. Translation: Neoshadow08 caused chickens to fall from the sky, and scoobychick6900 fired skittles at people. Preggypreggy had to leave, and skuld815 showed up. Scoobychick6900 thought she was the last fighter left, but was not. And eon337 and scoobychick6900 were locked in a deadly struggle, candy versus vegetables. And neoshadow08 didst summon the Great Banana for advice, and the masses were stunned. Oh, the ground did shake, and the mountains trembled. The very stars became irregular in their rotations. And so the Great Banana was called, and it was good. And scoobychick6900 revealed that she had indeed blasphemed against the Great Banana and she didst quake in terror and attempted to corrupt eon337 into blaspheming as well. And shadow9441414 didst arrive with two prodigious asparagus swords. And spicychibie didst arrive and was proven to be crazier than all others, and the masses were impressed. Behold! Eon337 didst prostrate herself before the might of the Great Banana and didst beg for his aid in defeating scoobychick6900, and the Great Banana didst forgive eon337 and giveth her a banana. And spicychibie didst partake of the asparagus and didst faint. And the Great Banana didst advise eon337 to not rely on the strength of others, but to rely on the strength within. And scoobychick6900 didst appeal to the Great Banana and didst beg for forgiveness. And the Great Banana didst not make a reply, but instead didst close his eyes and did a perfect mimicry of sleep. And scoobychick6900 didst blasphemy again and didst explode bombs of rainbow color. And eon37, in the callow impatience of youth, didst detonate the Thermal-Asparagus-Nuclear-Weapon. And the masses were blown away. As the smoke, and rubble and debris were dissipated, behold! The Great Banana was vanquished! And eon337 didst lament this fate, for her weapon hadst been aimed at scoobychick6900. And scoobychick6900 didst revel in the defeat of the Great Banana, and didst stab at eon337 with its decapitated stem. And neoshadow08 was forced to choose sides, and ‘Lo he choose eon337! And the warriors didst depart, if not friends, then less angry enemies. And so ends the first of: The Asparagus Wars Chronicles. Translation: While eon337 and scoobychick6900 fought, neoshadow08 called the Great Banana. Scoobychick6900 claimed to have eaten the banana the previous night, and feared the banana’s wrath. The Great Banana was defeated, and everyone decided that the war was over. Wasn't that entertaining? Seeya! I'm back! Woooooooooooo! Guess what? Yep! *happy wiggle dance* I gots the first shipment of the much needed (pictures of) supplies for the Official Flaming-Chickens Lunar Colony! Woooooo! I feels the happy! This has been a short announcment to document the happy wigglienss that is me. Seeya! I'm back. And vaguely depressed. For the longest time, random people have been coming to my site, and staying 0.00 seconds! How is this possible? Do they not even look at my site? How can they be so cruel, to click, but not look? Grrr.... I asked Santa why this was so...but he doesn't talk to me anymore, after that incident when I was a kid. You see...*start wavy flashback lines and dreamy music* When I was a kid...or whatever...I asked Santa for nuclear warheads, helicopters, tanks...and possibly legions of doom. No, seriously! (I was twelve and forced to communicate with Santa so that my younger siblings did not guess the truth...(what truth?)...there is no spoon. (badly done Matrix parody)) Anyway...Santa didn't come through. The creep! How was I supposed to conquer the world without those supplies? All I got was a Lion King video and other random stuff. How did this help me? I vowed revenge against Santa...after all, it would have benefited him to help me. Once I was the Undisputed Lord of the Universe, the world would have been a spooky place. And all the little children wouldn't have been "good" anymore, since they would be free of thier Authoritarian Parental Units and the definition of "good" (to a parent, at least) is to obey your parents and not embarrass them. Soooooo....Santa would have had it easier. No "good" children would have meant that Santa could have had a permanent vacation in the Bahahmas, not molested by my Legions of Doom because after all--he had delivered the world to me in a brightly wrapped gift box. The man would have been more trusted than my trusted Lieutenants! (funny word...had to use spell check to spell it ^^;;) But that jolly old IDIOT had to mess things up. So, to get back at him I not only continued to not believe in him, I attempted to convert all the miniony children at my disposal...(okay not really, the idea just occured to me)...so I ask you *cough* Loyal Reader, to immediatly cease believing in Santa. I figure that--like Tinkerbell--he will evenutally perish if he doesn't have enough people believing in him. What is this? You wish to rule the world, too? Well, you can't! It's mine! Blasphemy! You dare to challenge MY rule? You are a fool! Okay...yeah...my whole Santa plot IS kinda dumb...but that's just a front so that you never guess my REAL plot! That's right....cower before my power! *insert evil, insane cackle here* I shall defeat you, Anonymous (another tricky word) Reader! Gah! I'd better go before you trace my location thorugh the Internet and send your Governmental Spyders to me! Ooops...I gave you an idea, didn't I? Well, don't use it! It's mine, you are a copy cat! Seeya *appropriate evil glare* I'm back! And, seeying as you MUST be tired of MY ranting, I have a special treat for all you hypothetical two and a half readers out there! You get ranting from somebody else! I won't bother to introduce them, since they do a good job of it themselves...here we go: Hiya. This is not PSOPC today. This is PSOCB (Patron Saint of Carbonated Beverages). We are the two original Head Saints, but for some reason, she gets all the attention. Guess I should get out of bed once in a while huh. Originally, I thought up the whole Patron Saints of the Order of the Flaming Chicken (when I should have been taking notes in Trig), but PSOPC is more creative and she elaborated on it more so. I was drawing "suppressed rage in bunny form" comics then and didn't care. I must say, she's gotten very good at thinking randomy thoughts, whereas, I'm just stoopid and something dumb pops out of my brain like floppy bacon from a toaster. I drank half a bottle of soy sauce today just to see if it gave me x-ray vision, but alas, I had nothing I wanted to look through (okay, I'm lying. I drank the whole thing on a dare.). By the way, soy sauce is gross. Who invented it? --"Why gee whiz, Bert! I think we should mix soy beans with water and have chinese for lunch!!"--"Why, indubitoubly Samson! Not only will it taste like crap, we'll get the runs!!!"-- If you don't know what the "runs" are, consult old people, like my dad. If you are in high school or college and have a job, this works great. When I call in sick (when I'm sick of working, not actually sick), I always have nosey bosses who want to know exactly what my symptoms are and how bad. I found a way to make them not WANT to know. I told my sister to try it once and it worked for her too. You just call up work, use a very retarded, slow, lisping voice when you say this: --"Weeelllllllll, I woked up this mornin' with a terrible headache so I took some aspirin with theraflu. By the way, those don't mix too good, now I have a tummy ache, my nose is runny and bleedin', my spleen feels like its gonna 'splode, I'm a tad gassy, and I got the RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!-- At this point, you'll want to use an annoying high-pitched growly voice (think drunk Barney from The Simpsons after sucking helium balloons), raspberry a few times with your toungue and hang up. I have much to do now, so thus ends this portion of my guest rant. I'll probably want to do this a few more times just because I can. Weeee Bye now! I bet you, loyal *hmmm...I don't want a cricket...maybe a nice annoying gnat or something...okay...instead of the cricket...* readers can't wait for the next time I don't rant! Right? Weeeellll...I DO have a topic for today...a topic so wonderful that it will also be included in the next OFCEM! What is this magical topic, you ask? Why, opposite day, of course! You see...er...well...how should I begin? Opposite day is, of course a day in which everything you say means the exact opposite. It is practiced (informally) by many elementary schoolers. I honor this er...honored tradition. But, to my dismay, I discovered a fatal flaw with opposite day. By my reasoning...it COULD NOT EXIST! Yes...I know...blasphemy, right? But it could not be disputed. If you were to tell someone that it WAS opposite day they would have to take the opposite of what you just said which would mean that it WASN'T opposite day. And, of course, if you were to tell someone that it WASN'T opposite day there would be no reason for them to take the opposite of what you said and so it still WOULDN'T be opposite day! Confusing, huh? But I have now seen the light! The answer to this moral dilema has been so neatly resolved, by Jesse. He is er...well...I'm not sure how old...but he is in the third grade. He is either a genius...or really weird like me (Come on, be honest...how many of you random people have put any though into opposite day...or even know about it?) He said that to make it opposite day...*dramatic pause in which the PSOPC stares into space vacantly*...all you had to do was say that it would be opposite day in 5 seconds! PURE GENIUS! Since it is not yet opposite day, you don't have to take the opposite of the statement and so can take it at face value! Do you care, Loyal *gnat/cricket sound* Reader? *stunned* You don't!? Why ever not!? It is the most important discovery since...since...er...since...GRAVITY! (Although it is evil and squishying my spine...) How can you remain apathatic at a time like this!? The fate of mankind has been forever altered! Oh. Yeah...I guess you are right. I AM just rambling so that this Longest Text Ever gets even longer. But I DO care about this topic. There's not even a conspiracy! Well..fine! Be that way! Goodbye! I'm back *twitch* and seriously annoyed. Grrr...time to yet again complain about my *twitch* evil family. It is once again the time of year that makes entire families bond together...in the same sense that cats and dogs bond together when they have rabies. The time...is science fair time. My younger, eviler sister does a science project every single year. *twitch* The concept of science projects strikes fear in my mother's heart. She can not stand them. Naturally, this is why she takes over the project and does it for my little sister. Unfortunatly, this means that I am often called on for my "consultant" abilities. *twitch* In other words, I do the experiment, and think of all the results, and the wording of everything. I then interpret my work for my mother, who writes everything down because she has really, really obsessivly neat handwritting. Of course, my mother gets stressed merely handling paper that will potentionally be USED for a science project, so this is a very, very negative situation. Oh, and my mother refuses to even entertain the notion that my little sister might possibly be of help *twitch*. At this very moment my little sister is watching a Disney movie, while complaining of a headache. *twitch* My mother is getting more and more aggravated as I try to explain that my sister might fail if it looks like she didn't do the project. I am currently on strike. I refuse to assist this project in any further way untill my little sister does freakin' SOMETHING. Wow. Speak of the devil. My sister IS doing something. She is RE-WRITING everything my mother just wrote. Like mother like daughter. *twitch* I guess this is my mother's way to make sure the judges don't know that my sister didn't do the project. My mother makes my sister redo everything over and over again because it's not perfect enough for her. Now she is the one who's getting yelled at. I guess I can't help but feel sorry for my evil sister. *pauses* I guess I'll stop complaining, then. God...I have a headache...seeya. I'm back. *shakes head* And I have (yet again) a rant about the sheer weirdness of my family. Previously I have ranted about our fun-filled family outing to a bar, and about my non-gender specific siblings obsession with dead animals. Somehow, these two occurances have joined in an unholy union to create: The Roadkill Sightseeing Event of Doom! We actually went to a normal resteraunt for dinner, believe it or not. On the way back, my mother entertained us with the story of how she had seen roadkill that looked exactly like a dead bear. She had later compared notes with one of her wacko friends and they had decided that it was, in fact, a dead wild boar. We would be passing by it in a few minutes. Oh joy. My non-gender specific sibling (henceforth known as my sister) was naturally estatic about these events. She wanted to get out and see the boar. My mother agreed, and wanted my Dad to turn the car around so we could go to Wal-Mart to buy a flash-light. My father refused this. We ended up driving right past the supposed location of the boar, much to the dismay of my sister and mother...and dare I say it? Yes...I dare. My BROTHER was even interested. Faced with direct mutiny from all but me, my father wisely elected to turn the car around. We drove off the road and my dad aimed the car headlights at the boar. I must say, it wasn't that impressive. It was just a lump of black hair, and it was a lot smaller than any bear. My sister was impressed, and it was all I could do to keep her from jumping out of the car to it. My mother was disappointed, saying that the boar had seemed bigger in the daylight. My dad moved the car back and forth, so that we could see the boar on the side of the road more clearly. My mother became terrified and decided that we would flip and die. All to see a boar. After a few minutes, we drove away. My mother seemed upset that I had not been interested in her roadkill. I can't help but feel cheated. Normal families go to museums and theme parks for amusement. We view dead animals. There is something just SLIGHTLY wrong with this. It reminds me of the time a few weeks ago when my mother swore up and down that she saw a grave by the side of the road. This bothered her for some time untill one day she finally pulled over to the side of the road and exhumed the shallow grave and discovered that it was actually a deer. Luckily, I was not with her this day. However, she never leaves any member of our family in the dark concerning roadkill. It's just strange. Anyway, that's the rant for today, seeying as how there was actually a topic. Seeya! I'm back! Seeing how I will shortly no longer be (legally) a child, I have decided to rant about: adults. You cannot deny it. They are EVIL. Think about it! Come, on! Don't be shy! I'm serious. When you think of the evil, conniving, conspiratorial ways of adults, what's the first thing to come to mind? The nursery rhyme, 'Mary Had a Little Lamb', right? Huh? You mean it's NOT!? How...bizzare, it's obviously a mechanism for brain-washing. Anyway, here's MY reasoning for hating the song (and many, many others). Mary Had A Little Lamb makes children resigned to accepting punishment that they don't deserve! You still do not see!? Fine, I shall elaborate. This poor little girl's lamb (with fleece as white as snow--an obvious reference to seeming purity) follows her to school one day (which was, oddly enough, against the rules). The kids at school, who were not used to seeing a lamb at school, started to "laugh and play" and basically act like wild animals. Now (this is all speculation) I am 90% sure that the final verse (which neither I, nor anyone I asked know) deals with the teacher reprimanding poor little Mary in some way. And for what!? The kid's pet followed her to school! How could she stop it, she probably never even thought to look behind her! Not only that, but poor little Mary would never, EVER do such a thing on purpose! Just listen to the SONG for cryin' out loud! The lamb followed HER! She didn't LEAD it! Now, sure, the teacher was probably on her last nerve. I mean, she's an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER. She probably doesn't get paid much, or gain much respect from her pupils. So, when the children pretty much went wild over the lamb, and she couldn't calm them, she was looking for someone to blame. And poor little Mary was a ripe target by then. Now, can you honestly picture poor little Mary arguing with her teacher? I didn't think so! Little Mary took her punishment, and her PARENTS were probably so upset that they got rid of her white little lamb. And for what!? A teacher's misbegotten pride? Adult supremecy? I ask you, knowing what you know now, could you (in good faith) read this to a young child (implicitly teaching them that it's best not to argue, to simply lie down and let those older than you walk all over you--for "your own good")? And another thing! You know the lullaby, 'Rock A'Bye Baby', the one about the baby in the tree!? What kind of SICKO wrote it!? This poor baby is up in a tree (not the safest of places) in the middle of a freakin' HURICANE! At the end of the freakin' song, the freakin' BRANCH BREAKS and the baby falls, "cradel and all" (presumably to its death). What about Hanzel and Gretel? It's nothing more than a huge threat! "Now, be good or we'll send you out into the woods to be eaten by the witch." What kind of twisted person does that to children? Ring Around the Rosy? It's a song about the Black Plague, the deadliest plague in mankind's history! When you first got it, you'd get a red spot with a ring around it (Ring around the rosy). During this time, people (mistakenly) thought that stench spread sickeness, so they'd keep "pockets full of posies" to ward of the stench of death around them. "Ashes, Ashes" was originall "Achoo-Achoo", because the dying would be particularly susceptable to colds. "We all fall down"? That's an easy one. We fall down dead. So, it's obvious that adults don't exactly sugar-coat everything they teach to children. I'm sure I can find more horribly EVIL examples, but I simply don't have the time. Now, granted, there are SOME (but not many) children's stories that are beneficial. Like Snow White, or Cinderlla. Those stories teach children to think for themselves, and occasionally completly ignore the adults around them (as long as they are Evil Step-Parents). Well...I'd better go. *blinks* I wrote a lot today. I suppose I should write other stuff...but...well...I figure you need the break to recover your sanity...*snort* Like you could do THAT! Seeya! I'm back! As I am writing this, I am in the process of adding a navigation bar to the Longest Text Ever. It still is as chaotic as ever, but at least this way people can find certain stuff easier. Like the Official Flaming-Chickens Lunar Colony info. Anyway, that's about all I have to say right now. Seeya! Gah! Fellow Flaming-Chickens, you must see the sheer cool paranoid thinking I have found! Wal-Mart is EVIL! A person (besides me) thinks this! Isn't that cool!? There is even a section on Wal-Mart Subliminal T.V. (tupperware, anyone?)! Anyway, this has been a short public service annoucement. As opposed to one of those long public service announcments that keep on going and going and going. I mean, they just never seem to stop, do they? Just when you think they are finally going to run out of steam, they just charge on and on. It's like torture, or something. Don't those kind of people realize that if they public REALLY cared about the topic, they'd do their own durn research, instead of listening to some self-important moron lecture them about how socially-irresponsible they are? Not that I'm trying to prove a point. Quite the contrary: I am merely extending the lenght of this Longest Text Ever to provide an ironic example of self-important morons who just won't stop talking. Isn't it entertaining? Don't you just want to here my entire life's story, starting from age 2? You don't? Well...perhaps I really SHOULD leave...what do you think? Er...well...seeya! Yep. I'm back. *traumatic pause* This weekend I went to go visit my future college. It was the most traumatizing experience of my life, to date. The day before I got there the college had won a basketball game and were going to the finals. This naturally caused parties to break out all over campus. According to one guy, a couch was "set on fire". *sigh* I was "hosted" (along with two other girls) by some bubbly, perky Greek (sorority (sp?)) girl. I hate her so much. She never shut up. She was so shallow. She wanted us to join a sorority, just like her. (all paraphrased) Ex. 1 "I would NEVER have passed my classes if I hadn't gone Greek". Ex. 2 "I just don't see HOW I would have, like, ya' know, managed ANYTHING without my sisters!" If I never see her again it will be too soon. Her idea of entertainment was to take us to the recreational center, sit us down in the gym and talk to her friends while watching the guys (badly, this IS an engineering school after all) attempt to play basketball. Apparantly all the decent players were at the final game thingy. Then she took us to the fraternity next to her house (we didn't even get to "experience" sleeping in an actual dorm). The fraternity was disgusting. There must have been 1000 flies, 100 beer bottles, 50 Bud Lite cans, and 5 creepy dudes who were attempting to practice music for some competition. After about three hours of this, I almost snapped. Me and another girl were supposed to be watching T.V., but due to the evil, out of tune, incredibly loud band, this proved to be impossible. My "host" and the girl who was enthusiastic about "going Greek" were swimming in a heated pool. The other girl (who also hated to swimn) and I started to talk. There was nothing else really to do. She hated our host and hated the fraternity/Greek thing too. We talked for awhile, and some dude joined us. He was cool. He was regional STAR student for another area. Somehow we got onto the topic of religion, and it turned out that the other girl I was with was Muslim, and was born in Egypt. It was cool. Anyway, it was just the two of us girls in the entire FREAKIN' fraternity (not counting the two swiming girls, downstairs. The floor was greasy, and oddly sticky--just like a movie theater. When our "host" finnally said we could go, it was close to 2 a.m. I barely got any sleep...grrr...not to mention the fact that we had walk to breakfast by 8:00 a.m. Oh. Silly me. I forgot to mention a key difficulty. We had to WALK EVERYWHERE! Uphill! (But not in the freezing snow, for 15 miles). You have not experinced Jenny's personal Hell untill you have carried your luggage (including a trash bag containing a sleeping back and the trash bags plastic handley-thingies are rapidly stretching out to become lethal weapons similar to piano wire) uphill, upstairs, across campus and up the four or five flights to the breakfast area, only to discover that, Oh! Gee, there was an ELEVATOR that the "host" conviently forgot to mention. Even more evil stuff happened, but suffice it to say that when I finally saw my dad at lunch, I begged him to just skip the final sessions because they were pointless (how to choose your major) and go home. He went ahead with his sessions, but let me opt out of mine and I slept for 50 minutes on some random couch in the lobby. Oh. And then the 6 hour drive home. *shudders* As you can tell, I am still seriously miffed about the whole experience. Sorry for ranting... Well...there WAS some good things about the whole experience. For one thing, it was the first time I'd ever been in a big city. The sky line was beautiful! Er...yeah...that was about it. Did I mention the uphill walking part? I did? Oh. Well. Then. I guess I'm done. Seeya! I'm back! And I'm here with a Vital Public Service Anouncment for all of my two and a half Loyal, Hypothetical Readers! Don't you feel all special inside? Oh. Yeah. The anouncment. BEWARE OF YOUR OWN FRENCH FRIES. That's correct. French fries. You see, it all started one friday afternoon *start wavy flashback sequence* My friends and I were sitting down to a tasty lunch of Skool Brand food. This included, tragically, french fries. Oh, what a fateful day. It seems like it was only yesterday when we were so carefree and innocent...when in fact it was actually only a few hours ago. You see, we inadvertantly started a mini-food fight that spilled over into a neighboring table, which also housed our friends. Said friends began flingning the aformentioned French Fries at us. I shudder to think of how we had laughed and frolicked and otherwise remained oblivious to the tragedy that had yet to unfold. For, you see...the french fires were...pointy...and hard. And Fate herself seemed to conspire against us (just like the Skool, government, evil cartoon owl, etc.) One single solitary french fry pierced my friend's guard and hit her on the nose with the sharpest, hardest tip a french fry has ever been known to produce. We calmed down, and thought nothing of our near brush with Death. After all, what can a FREAKIN' FRENCH FRY do, right? Ahhh...to be so young and naive again. Time passed, as it always does, and "Meg" noticed a speck of something on our friend who had been hit by the projectile french fry. The friend (Tonileigh, actually) wiped the speck, only to discover that it was blood. THE FRENCH FRY HAD DRAWN BLOOD! It was obviously an evil, voodoo french fry sent to assasinate her by the mysteriously evil Cafeteria Lunch Ladies who needed Tonileigh's blood for their accursed voodoo spells. Fortunatly, the quick thinking of "Meg" saved us all and the lunch ladies never obtained their goal. Oh. And here is yet ANOTHER VERY, VERY, VERY IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE THINGY. Tag, you're it! These words have haunted nearly ever playground in existance. "Tag" is practically all a child learns in kindergarten. There is not a person alive who has not played some version of the game. And yet...what, exactly is "it"? When defining it for my Pronoun Quiz I reffered to "it" as something that "mankind has dreaded for centuries". What made me say such a thing. What is it about the unknown, mysterious and faintly ominous "it" that makes people dread it so much? Even the most innocent of children know that to be "it" is to be a virtual outcast of society. The youngest child knows that no sane person would want to be "it". Recently a group of TAB members, myself included, set about finding out what "it" exactly is. We conducted "field research" (we played a game of tag). When I became "it" I declared that I was touching the bench I was standing on so it became "it" and the bench was touching the ground, and the ground was touching everything on earth, except for airplanes and stuff but even the ground was touching AIR which was touching more air and so on and so on untill the very AIR was touching the airplanes and the airplanes became "it". So...the entire earth has actually been "it" from the first game of tag and WE JUST NEVER KNEW IT! I know, I'm just as shocked as you, Hypothetical Reader. *shakes head* And all along we had thought that we could somehow absolve ourselves of the burden of being "it" simply by passing it on to another. But that is not true. We merely pass the awareness of being "it" on but never the actual quality of being "it". The question was raised: Where did the first "it" on Earth come from. It was a thought provoking question. Some thought that perhaps the first person to invent tag was the original "it". I, however, favored an extraterristrial origin. My current theory is that the meteor that supposidly killed off the dinosaurs was the original "it", and that it "tagged" the earth, thereby causeing the earth to be "it". The dinosaurs, of course, could not handle the burden of being "it" which resulted in mass suicides. The mammals, being nothing but idiot rodents at the time, couldn't care less about being "it" and eventually forgot all about it. Until, that is, some half-remembered special memory popped out of some five year old's brain and he/she invented tag. Some people found holes in my theory: How did the meteor become "it"? After much discussion and deliberation, we came to a group consensus that the so called "Big Bang" was actually all the players of the game scattering. Similar to the beggining of a game of tag or hide-n-go-seek. The players begin huddled together, but when the game starts they scatter and flee from the person/planet/rock who is "it". The only difference I can think of is that rather than passing the "it"ness on, the players merely add to the number of people who are already "it". My theory would also account for the current scientific opinion that the planets/galaxy/universe is moving away from the origin point of the Big Bang. After all, if there's no base, why return to where you started? You wanna put as much distance between you and your pursuers as possible. Critics wanted to go further, was anyone "it" BEFORE the Big Bang. My arguement is this: No one is "it" before you begin a game. Any "it" before the Big Bang was part a seperate game, and would therefore be considered a different "it" from the "it" that we fear so much. So I believe the question to be a moot point. *blinks* What's that, Loyal Reader? I have confused you with my trivalties? You do not understand my obsession with "it"? Shame on you, Reader! Haven't you learned yet that it's my JOB to confuse you and make no sense? Tsk-Tsk. Oh, well. Gotta go! I'm back, but only for about five seconds. Just a little side note here: Remember that rant I did about "pure" water? (don't even get me started) In it I mentioned that fast-food salt lists its ingredients, right? Well, here they are! *takes package of Burger King Iodized Salt out of pocket* Drumroll please...and the ingredients are: salt, sodium silico aluminate, dextrose, and 0.01% potassium iodide. Wasn't that painstakenly accurate? A hundreth of a percente of the salt was potassium iodide! You can't get much more accurate than that. Don't you think that "pure" water has much MORE than 0.01% of some random mineral? Why don't THEY list it, huh? *shakes head* *mutters* Evil, "pure" water companies... *wanders off muttering to self and acting like a crazy hobo* Seeya... I'm back! And I have yet another footnote to a previous rant! You remember that "infinite possibilities" rant? Here's a quote from a supposed Time Traveler: "Every possible thing that can happen or will happen has already happened somewhere." I love it! Here's another one: "On a philosophical level, the existence of multiple worlds implies a moral balance in the superverse. For every worldline you perform a good action, there is a worldline where you perform a bad action. There are no good and bad people, just good and bad decisions. We can only be responsible for what we do as individuals on the worldline we are on now. " These are all exactly what I've been thinking of when I first came up with my infinite universe thingy to tell my little brother when he was bored and wanted his head to explode! Seeya! I'm back. And I just wanted to say that I went to Islands of Adventure (in Universal Studios) yesterday. It was incredible! If you wanna here about the awesome rides, (esp. the Spiderman ride, best 3-d effects and vitual reality I've EVER seen...) just click here. *shrugs* This way, if you don't wanna here me rant about it, you can here some guy PAID to rant about it rant about. But if you don't want to, you don't got to. Seeya! I'm back! Wow...*shakes head* My mother never ceases to be amusing. Since today IS mother's day, I shall devot this text to her...even if it is a bit of satire or whatever. You see...my mother has found a new "religion". She is reading some book written by some bimbo who has been to "the other side" and conversed with her "spirt guardian" or whatever and decided to share her "relevations" with people willing to pay a lot of money for garbage. At least...that's my opinion of it. My mother, however, takes it all VERY seriously. For instance, today at our (almost normal) dinner out she instructed me on the way to get to heaven. It involved opening a door. Seriously. Anyway...apparantly once you perish in this realm you are taken to a set of doors. The door on the right leads directly to heaven (do not pass "Go" do not collect $200). The door on the left "zaps you into someone's uterus" which, loosely translated, means that you get reincarnated. This is the "bad" choice. I know this because my sister expressed an intrest in being reincarnated and my mother looked at her with an expression of horror and said solemnly that if she did that "God would never forgive" her. She then proceded to tell us that if you were reincarnated you had to live out multiple lives until you were ready for heaven. *shakes head* Maybe I'm missing something, but if "God would never forgive" someone who innocently chose the wrong freakin' door, wouldn't that indicate that such a person would be barred from heaven forever? Isn't there just the SLIGHTEST bit of inconsistancy here? Why would somebody get punished by randomly choosing the wrong (apparantly unlabeled) door? Look. I don't mean to offend...~. If you happen to be part of this religion (which prophecies Elvis's return sometime this year (2004) as "a blond hair, blue-eyed boy") then that's your choice. I definitly don't want to get in any theological debates here. So...I'll move on the a relatively safer topic. The National Enquirer. They're obsessed with Elvis, too, for some reason. I just don't understand why people care. I mean, Elvis is always reported as being: abducted by aliens, frozen in a tube in Area 51, having a brain transplant and is now the Pop-Star Britney Spears, and stuff like that. One song I've heard even equates Elvis with Jesus, for cryin' out loud! ("You're no Jesus, You're no Elvis" (From Megolomaniac, by some band). Why do people obsess over that poor, most likely dead, man? The world may never know. ( And don't even get me started on Tootsie Roll Pops). Anyway, I guess my point is that the book my mom is reading has a similar dedication to accuracty, hard-hitting facts and common sense as the famed National Enquirer (which confidently predicted several months ago that Michael Jackson's "secret Muslim bride" would exonerate all charges of child molestation against him. Which, in case you live on the moon, has NOT happened and probably never will). Anyhoo, that's my rant for the day...I'll probably post something in l33t eventually...seeya! I am back. (REAL introduction: Heh-Heh…I had ANOTHER sugar rush. And I was just a little bit hysterical. The following is my intro I wrote while sugar rushed, and various messages I sent to people while in the same state. Don’t worry if you can’t understand it…you aren’t supposed to. *sigh* The whole thing is just a blur of those wiggly red lines spell-check uses to tell you that stuff is spelled wrong…) I back! hee-hee! here is ANother sugar coated rant! and I am typing the intro while still hyper/slepepy. you see, i drank Sobe energy drink, a cup of sugar (just sugar) and ate cake (yet agina, late at night). So this was the result in various messages I left random peolple. *giigleing * Heee0-Heeeee! Sugar isf so very good1 and so is Sobe energy drink (sobe stands for 'soper'! *wavres hand* you see, i THOUGHT that i had recovered because i am no longler laughing so much! But, as you can see I do'nt think I'm am quite baCK TO normal. yet. whatever normal is... i am swayinhg to an imaginary breeze!@ and i don't care that i amn missplesling so many workds. because i am sure you will figure it wout someohow. il am very creative with words. do you like sugar? why DILD you get all freaky like me when i ate suo much sugart. ? zI vcan'y believe that we actually did that to thos e magazines...we so stupid. erm...ummmmm...i sure do hope we remember all of this. don't forget: we owe the library $4 each. That was all spel;ed coirecltly because it was important. i want to sleep now. but ever ei nlsince i ate that cup of sugrar it is to tired t o sleep. imagineation that. er jd f....er...eum...ye ah. *scurnches up eyebrows* Heh-Heh...the Song of Solumnun. good wuvs EVERYBODY! those incompetent physics/stupid rays must have really hit ius hard! either (say it so it rhymes with neither )with an long "I" sound)) that or we were jhust especially suseptible to the thing-a-ma-bnobober.s will wyou right me cback? i hope so. it'll be especially great if you right me when you are all sugary, too. who says you need drugs or thwatherver to have fun? sugar is very cheap, and makes everything so very, very funhy. *slams hand on tasble* OUch. That hurnt . Iam still wet from the watergun fight. It rocked! All that shorrtting and stuff! I got so many head-shots...er...can your brother see yet? I'm sorry i hit his eyes...dozens of times in a row. It was just so fun! we should do that somethimg again. you guys weren't taking it very seriously , though... *snickers* Hee-kheee...funny stuff. I ate a CUP of sugar. mmmm...sugar...I wis swaying in the place. Sugar and me, we don't g et along so well since I react to it like most people react to beingg drunk or under the ijnnnclunce of other suttff. Oh, god...sugar. i'm gonnat add another sugar rant to the longest text ever (just two ever)!sand for people who dont' know me...know,...i do k not do stuff. It's just that sugar under the wright surcumstances is doin' stuff... Okay. Is done. Mike the Headlessc hickrn day is coming up! seeya later! I'm back. It has been a year since the Evil Graduation Post. Which means that this year I got to attend my OWN graduation. Woo. I must say that I was rather underwhelemed by the whole thing. *shrugs* Sure, the fireworks were spectacular...and there was BEAUTIFUL weather. Cool, (not sufficatingly hot) absolutly no gnats for the first time in YEARS, no rain, just nice, soothing speeches that made absolulty no sense. At one point, our priniciple yelled at the graduating class because we weren't listening to him. The audience (consisting of parents) booed at him. So the principal yells at the PARENTS! What was he THINKING!? It's a good thing he's leaving, soon, because otherwise he'd probably been fired. Anyway, I just wanted to warn you of the dangers of broccolii: It's a form of lichen/moss that grows abundantly on certain sectors of Mars. In recent years, it has been cultivated by farmers into a semi-toxic product meant to augment the on-going brain-washing of young children, with the sole purpose being to turn them into Young Adults. Seeya! I'm back. I'm just gonna be here for a little while *demonstrates with fingers* so you don't have to worry 'bout crazy, paranoid rants. I just wanted to mention that former President Reagan apparantly declared ketchup to be a vegetable. Isn't that GREAT! I love ketchup so much...I don't even like FRIES...I eat 'em 'cause they are a means to convey KETCHUP to my mouth...mmmm....ketchup. Oh. Poor, poor Reagan ( he died last week...) Hasta Luego (means seeya later) I'm back. *sigh* This dang chatterbot is taking up WAY too much of my time! There's constantly things that needed fixing, updating and improving! Bah! But, I'm obsessed, and I've always been interested in simulated artificial intelligence :) Anyway, I'm making her personality really paranoid (she's based on me). Here are her thoughts concerning cows: *glances around* Just between you and me: I think there is some sort of dairy conspiracy! Ah, the power of cheese! Think about it: they are trying to sub-consciously tell you that THEY hold the power...of CHEEESE! And there are few things more powerful than THAT! Plus, the so-called "dairy farmer's of America" who pay for the Cheese commercials OBVIOUSLY have a virtual monopoly on the whole dairy thing. They even require that cheese get that little "real cheese" stamp before anyone considers it to be REAL cheese. Have you ever tasted fake cheese? Anyway, my point is that it is getting increasingly harder to find the time to make new quizzes, (or add pics to that destiny quiz), and to make coherent entries into this longest text ever. *sniffle* I try, though! It's just that it's so FUN to teach PSOPC bot subtle things, that maybe one in every 1000 visitor will stumble on to! Like, when she accuses you of being on of THEM, and you say "yes" she starts to panic, and won't listen to you unless you say somthing to get her attention. Ahhhhhhh. Well, anyway, enough about my little obsession. No sense in boring you all with the little technicall details (frankly, pandorabots has the training interface done really well...there is almost no need to know ANYTHING about programming...which, frankly...I don't...^^;;) Er....I guess that's all I have to say now...I don't really have much more parnoid conspiracies or strange observations to make. Er...I guess I could discuss something that has already become obsolete. Have you ever been to subway? You have, *nods* yeah...I love that place, too. Anywaaaays, I went there once and I noticed a poster in the window. It showed people of every size, shape and color, all of them in little pics in little neat boxes. The text read: Different People Differnt Tastes. Okay. I could easily see what it was TRYING to say: There is something for EVERYONE at Subway (eat fresh). But my very first thought was: Whoa, hey, are they CANNIBALS!? Because I interpretted it to mean that different people TASTED differnt, and that's what the subs were made out of and why there was such a great variety. Er...I know, Hypothetical Reader...not the best example of my eccentric thought proccess...but it's the first one that came to mind. *sigh* You know, come to think of it, I bet I HAVE dwindled back down to two and half readers (if that). After all...look how LONG this thing is getting! And, well, quite frankly, people are mostly contacting me about PSOPC bot, the OFCEM or the Quizzes, and *sniffle* mostly ignoring this little (note the irony) page. Well, seey later! I'm back. And, for the first time in quite some time, I am truly pissed off...and this is the only way I can vent my anger. Gah! Well, I suppose you'll need to know some back story, huh. (WARNING: CONTENTS OF THIS PASSAGE MAY CONTAIN DANGEROUSLY LOW LEVELS OF HUMOR, IRONY AND SARCASM. READING THIS PASSAGE MAY CAUSE THE FOLLOWING SYMPTOMS: LACK OF INTEREST, BOREDOM AND A GENERAL SENSE THAT THIS IS NOT LIKE NORMAL RANTS ABOUT PARANOIA, STRANGE OBSERVATIONS AND FAMILY QUIRKS) To begin with, I JUST got a job as a cashier slave at K-Mart. NEVERMIND the fact that I've worked at the daycare for A WHOLE YEAR, just so I wouldn't have to work for my final Summer of Freedom. Apparantly, my dad does not want me to actually USE any of the money I made from my previous job to buy college supplies. Instead, he wants me to learn the horrors of minimum wage employment and induce me to to strive to succede in the college world. NEVERMIND the fact that my previous job gave me LESS money...I apparantly STILL need to understand that there is more to life than $5.50 an hour. GAH! I KNEW that most jobs sucked unless you had a degree (and even then, most STILL sucked)! Why bother to teach me THE SAME FREAKIN' LESSON AGAIN!? Eh. I didn't argue, mostly 'cause my dad IS paying for most of the college expenses...so I am grateful. I just hate K-Mart. So...today was my biggest shift ever, from 3 pm to 8 pm. It's the latest I've ever worked, too. I know it's NOTHING compared to a full time job...but it's still enough to make me snap. FIRST OF ALL...well...there weren't a lot of customers during the first half of my shift. Blessing, or horrible boredom? In either case, I managed to obtain a Bag of Air from a purse someone bought, and (true to form) instead of discarding said air bag, I drew a face on it and decided that it was my pet, Bag. Oh, me and Bag had great times. I taught Bag how to return (I threw him at a fan and he blew into my face). I introduced Bag to a customer I knew (after they left and I was alone, even I knew that talking to a Bag is weird). *sigh* I hugged and squeezed Bag harder than I have ever squeezed a Moose, because I knew that Bag didn't have stuff like organs. The worst that could have happened that he would have exploded in my face, blinding me forever. Ahhhhh...Bag. Then...*sniffle* tragedy struck. I left my register to get something to restock the candy...and when I came back...Bag was missing! Frantic, I looked around, and saw, before my very eyes, a fellow cashier puncture my precious Bag with a key! They had thought that Bag was garbage! I had customers and so I had to deal with them, with a false smile plastered painfully on my face, while all the while I was repeating over and over the horrible scene. Once the customers left (after what seemed like an eternity) I rushed over to wear I had seen Bag. He wasn't there. I looked in the garbage can...he wasn't there. I looked in some nearby boxes...he wasn't there. I couldn't ASK the other cashier what she had done with Bag...no one at K-Mart knows my true weird nature yet. So...I regretfully had to forego giving Bag his needed funeral respects. We had some good times together...and we had JUST started to bond when his life was ended. I knew that it would happen, eventually. Even if I had managed to bring him home, I would eventually have lost interest. Bag was the perfect companion for my boring hour and a half. But Bag was no more. As the time dragged on, more and more customers came. During the last hour, the customers started to dwindle off (cool word, huh...dwindle...say it! Dwiiiiiindle...) I was once again left bored. I eventually grabbed a piece of cardboard (hmmmm...that came discarded from a bag I sold, too...coincidence? I think not!) and started to draw a cute little bunny and a tiger...(GAH! I think I left that at the register...I bet that EVIL other cashier is throwing it away, right NOW!). I was able to draw in peace for a while, with only the most minor of customer interruptions. Then...the other Cashier went on her brake. We are allowed 15 minutes for our breaks. She went 17 minutes before I my shift was over. Can you guess what happened? *sigh* I HAD been planning to close up shop at about 7:53 and clock out on TIME for once ( I usually close when I'm supposed to leave and end up clocking out 5 minutes after). So...I am looking forward to doing a little shopping (for hand-held Nerf guns) before my parental unit came to pick me up. So, predict, if you will, what happend exactly 10 mintues before I was going to close. You can't? Well...let me tell you: EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE STORE APPARANTLY DECIDED THAT IT WAS TIME FOR THEM TO LEAVE. Not all at once, oh, no, they were more subtle than that. At first, all I felt was mild annoyance. I even thought, oh, I guess I won't finish my pic. Then, ten more people were in the line. I thought about asking the last person to prevent more people from entering, but I though, Hey, why bother? It's not as if there can be many more people in the store, right? Wrong. As I widdled (another cool word) my way through the customers, MORE KEPT COMING. After barely having any ALL DAY, all of them swarmed like a hive of malevolent bees. GRRRRRR... This time I DID ask the last person to keep others out. Everyone seemed to be amused. I was the only cashier, where would other people go? I explained that they could check out at the service deck, which was an exhausting 25 ft away (I was more polite though). Finnally. It was 8:05 and I was on my last customer. I was irratated that I wouldn't have enough time to get the Nerf gun, but other than that I was just eager to get home. Ahhh...those last customers. I think they were sent just to try my patience. First of all, they bought a few expensive items. They gave me a gift card, and they still had $59 left to pay. They tried to pay with credit, but it turned out they didn't have enough dough in their account to pay. So, they wrote me a check for half the ammount, and then tried to pay the rest with credit. The credit machine froze. After fiddling with it for a few minutes, I walked those hazardous 25ft to the service desk to ask for assistance. I waited while the person delt with a customer. I heard someone call my name. MY customers were frantically gestering to me. So I walked back. It seems that they had overestimated their credit account. BUT, their boyfriends showed up and gave them 5 bucks, so they gave THAT to me and then paid the rest with credit. They left, I closed up. I shut my register off at 8:20 pm. I glanced outside and saw my parental waiting on me. I angrily stalked all the way to the back, and clocked out. Then I stalked back and got in the car, at 8:30pm. I was furious. I had suppressed ALL emotions while actually working, but as soon as I stepped away from that register my dam broke and I was awash in them. Gah! Suppression of self (my technique for dealing with any situation involving strangers) just applified my anger by suppressing it. By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was mutilate and slaughter helpless animals on my favorite video game (supposidly, the point of the game is to save the world, but I just like shooting the life like animals). Of course, when I got to the PS2...the game was not there. I had left it in my OLD PS2 that I had taken with me on my vacation. The PS2 is in a box, right next to me at this very moment. The game is inside it. I COULD plug it in and obtain the game...but by now I have mostly excorized my emotions by reliving them by adding to this Longest Text Ever. I KNOW it was a petty thing to get angry about...but I didn't want to job to begin with. (And poor, poor Bag...) I never WANTED a job where you might not get off on time...like my friends always complained about McDonalds. Like them, if there are still customers...I can't leave! To make matters worse, it doesn't even feel as if I am working for money, since all I earn goes in a bank account for my future use. I am present oriented! I don't care about some hypothetical future! It's as if I am working for the sole purpose of making my dad happy. Eh...well...enough whining from me... Seeya. Hiya! And I have a GREAT conspiracy/paranoid rant! Don't you just feel all warm and gooey inside, like melted cheese? Suprisingly enough, this is the topic of today's rant: cheese. Mmmmmmmm...cheese. Mild Cheddar, Mozzerella, Feta, Montery Jack, Colby...Mmmmm...or what about that Queso Blanco they use in Mexican resteraunts? Mmmmm... I love cheese, and chances are: You love it, too. There are even commercials, just for cheese. Not even a particular BRAND of cheese, just the entire CONCEPT of cheese. "Ahhhh, the power of cheese!" And I couldn't agree more. But...it HAS come to my attention somehow or another that this is and EVIL arrangement. Think about it for one moment. Have you EVER seen a commercial urging you to buy, for instance, burgers? Just burgers. In general. No mention of McDonald's or Wendy's, or those frozen Bubba Burgers. Just...ya' know, the CONCEPT of burgers? How about pain medication? Bannanas? Milk? Ah! There we go. Milk. Just about EVERYONE has seen those GOT MILK? commercials. Every school in my county has a cafeteria chock FULL of posters of celebraties with milk mustaches, with the logo: GOT MILK? Hmmmmm...sooooooooo...just WHAT do CHEESE and MILK have in common? Let's see...BOTH are owned by the United Dairy Farmers of America. Hmmm...and it seems that OTHER countries have similar such organizations. In fact, there is even a CHICKEN Farmers organization (although apparantly it is not United). But other food stuffs organizations just don't seem to be as active as these mysterious dairy farmers. Hmmmm... Why bother to advertise a product, without bothering to promote a single company or brand name? Wouldn't you think that the companies could handle the advertising themselves? I know Kraft does: *sing*K-R-A-F-T. And lots of companies harp on the ammount of calcium in cheese. Sooo..why do the FARMERS advertise milk and cheese? Is it all a vast conspiracy? After all, this mysterious, spooky organization owns ALL THE CHEESE. Shocking, isn't it? So, this complete monopoly of the cheese world controls virtually all prices for all cheese/dairy items, including: Cheese Pizza, Ice Cream, Milk, Cheese, CheeseBurgers, Tacos, Cheesy Bread, Cheese Doritos, Nacho Cheese, Butter, Etc. (Etc. is not actually a dairy product, consisitng mostly of an ecletic mix of random items, but I figured that it would work to show the continuing theme of dairy type items. ) Why does the government allow such a monopoly to exist? Are they FUNDED by the government? Let's see *does a google search* Ooooo! Pay Dirt! I'm not the only one to see the evils of Got Milk! THIS SITE has an arcticle about the anger of small dairy farmers for the monopoly of the "Got Milk?" people. Jeff Manning, Executive Director of the California Milk Processor Board is apparantly in charge of this. What a strange title. Hmmmm...*scans the article* Oooo! They notice the non-brand-specific advertising! And it says how they are funded: "So-called “generic” advertising programs such as “Got Milk?” and “Ahh, the power of cheese” are funded, in part, through the congressionally authorized dairy checkoff, which places a mandatory assessment of 15 cents per hundredweight (roughly two cents per gallon) on all milk domestically produced and marketed commercially. Last year, the dairy checkoff raked in more than $250 million in hard-earned dairy producer money. " Soooo in essence, they ARE funded by the government (or at least in the sense that the government STEALS the small dairy farmer's money to pay for the ads). And they were sued by a small farmer who said: "We’re against having to fork over a huge portion of our bottom line for advertising that says all milk is equal." So they don't WANT to pay for the ads, but the government (and that California Dairy thingy) say they have to. Ha! That's hilarious! These stupid Dairy Conglomorate people are actually PAYING a town to rename itself "Got Milk" with those small dairy farmer's money! That's so pointless! It's like they are having these HUGE brain-storming sessions to see how they can best squander those small dairy people's money! "Hmmmm...Bob, why don't we buy all those "Largest Block of Cheese" roadside attractions and make a monument with them, entitled 'Ahhh, the power of cheese!'?" "Brilliant, Ted! But, I'd like to go one step further! Let's make an entire CITY out of cheese!" "Bob, that's it! Wait...wait! I think I GOT IT! Let's BUY a CITY the idiot yokels to CHANGE THEIR NAME TO GOT MILK! That way, we can still have those cheese ideas to fall back on afterwards!" *shakes head* It's so pathetic. *does happy dance* See, here I was ranting and raving about this, and it turns out that there already ARE people outraged! It's like that rant about the smoke detectors, and later I saw a movie about spy cameras in them. Or that Grape Pie Rant that ended up with me doing a google search months later (When I was bored) and discovering a pic of it...mmmm....grape pie. It's incredible how many strange things I can get outraged about, only to discover that they aren't strange at all! Well...seeya! Wootage! I'm back! And I have a new rant about the evils of parental brain-washing during childhood. Consider it a combo of the "Tag" rant and the "Mary Had a Little Lamb" rant. *shudders* How could I have missed such obvious implecations!? Gah! I shall focus! Alright...the subject of today's whatchamacallit is: Duck, Duck, Goose! It is EVIL! Now, I KNOW that most of what small children learn is actually not-so-cleveraly disguised brain-washing attempts, but this is just plain wrong! For those of you not familiar with the game, let me summarize. One child is "it" (JUST like in Tag). This child, labels each of the children, usually as "duck". The other children are sitting in a circle, and the "it" child walks around tapping their heads, going: "Duck, Duck, Duck"... Simple enough, right? Ah, but THEN the "it" child picks somebody ELSE to be "it", and tap the unfortunate victim on the head, crying "Goose!". Then the "goose" must pursue the "it" one and attempt to tag them. If they do not tag the "it" child, the "goose" becomes "it". If they succede in tagging them, the "it" child goes in the "mush pot" and the "goose" becomes "it" anyway. Alright. Now you know what the game IS...let's move onto what it MEANS. First of all, the game is CLEARLY a mock witch hunt. The children alienate and ostracize the one who is different, the one who is a "goose" when everyone else are "ducks". The "it" child is the current pariah, and obviously wants to exchange situations with a more fortunate child. So, the "it" child desperatly accuses another of being a "goose" (just as condemned witches accused others of witchcraft in order to alleviate their sentence). The child, symbolically shocked and appaled by such wild accusations, denies it, and even goes so far as to pursue the accusing pariah. If the accusation is deemed false (i.e. the "goose" tags the "it") then the accusing "it" child is sent to exile (the mush pot). HOWEVER, the taint of suspicion is already upon the former "goose" and despite protestations to the contrary, the child is the new "it" pariah. And the game continues. This game is DESIGNED to teach children how to shun those who are different, and to ostracize them from society if neccessary! How can this POSSIBLY be one of those little life's lessons that children must learn to become Responsible Adults? *shakes head in disgust* Well, anyway, that's it for today! Seeya! I'm back! *giggles wildly* Woot! I have something EXTRA SPECIAL for you loyal readers *cricket chirps yet again...what is UP with that?*! "Meg", the inspiration to that Pointless Signs of America Rant, has "agreed" to do a rant for us! It's GREAT! *giggles* Well, here it is: "Meg" here. Jenny has kindly asked aka threatened me to do a guest rant, and I am only too happy to oblige. So here I am ready to inform you of silly things! Let's start! Go! Go! It has come to my attention that Barbie has finally found a new love. That's right. Bye-bye to boring Ken! Here comes Australian surfer Blaine! At this point, a few of you will be screaming: "No! Ken and Barbie forevaaaaa!" An insane percentage of you will be going: "Oh, that is so cute, Barbie and Blaine! That's great cause, like, both of their names start with B! Heehee!" But most of you will be wondering if that leftover pizza a week ago that is still in the fridge is eatable. Trust me on this, it's not. So why am I bringing this up? How many of you remember playing with Barbies? (The guys reading this.pretend it's G.I. Joe and his buddies.) Remember when you ripped off Barbie's head and it gave that satisfying pop? And how there was always one Ken doll and a whole bunch of Barbies? And Ken had to choose from his little harem which one he wanted? It was actually training to make you used to Reality TV! The Bachelor is eerily similar to the game you played as a child. Ken has to choose between Vet Barbie, Cowgirl Barbie, Teacher Barbie, and Dolphin Trainer Barbie! There's also a million dollars thrown into the mix! (Guys: G.I. Joe has to decide which of his buddies to vote off the island or something.) Ken was always a favored one! But now with him gone, (Barbie was quoted saying something like, "So long, ya pansy!) how will young girls (and boys) tolerate Reality TV when they are older? Mattel and TV producers are realizing their mistakes, so they decided to hold a vote for the "new man" of Barbie. This vote again was a little Reality TV thing in progress. The Bachelorette this time. Who will Barbie choose? The trendy new guy she chose which, over 2 million people decided, was Blaine. Now, girls (and boys) will be racing to get him and the many clothes and surfboard accessories he will undoubtedly have. Marketing goes up, and a new generation of potential Reality TV watchers is created. The endless cycle continues. I hope you enjoyed my rant! And remember! May Blaine always help the masses decide: American Idol Barbie or Survivor Barbie. Wasn't that GREAT!? *giggles* I luvs it! Ahhhh...the joys of paranoid conspiracy ranting without any of the effort! Go, "Meg"! Well...er...seeya! Well, I’m back! *waits for applause* … … … … ANYWAY, today I am here with a very special treat for you loyal *insert random insect noise here* readers! Don’t you feel extra squishy? I’m here to “advertise” a wonderful product found ONLY (to my knowledge) at K-Mart (where I am a Cashier Slave of questionable Loyalty). Okay, here goes the commercial I have prepared: How would YOU like your four-year-old sibling/cousin/offspring/neighbor/pest to have ALL the fun and excitement of BIKING with none of those annoying little distractions, like being able to STOP at will? Well, you are in luck, Hapless Victim, because have WE the bike for YOU! Introducing the Tyke Byke (not actual product name) now with 100% less brakes! Wasn’t that fun AND entertaining? Seriously, though, I was bored and waiting for my shift to start (we can’t clock in early) and I happened to wonder into the bike section. And I found a box with a picture of a happy little girl on it, wearing her helmet. The box listed features of the bike, and (off to the side, in one of those happy little many-pointed stars where they usually write stuff like FREE!) was the words No Brakes! Like this was a GOOD thing! What the …? I thought brakes HELPED YOU! And to think, after all these years I have been wrong!? But seriously, can you IMAGINE the Marketing committee that designed this thing? I figure it was made of, say, Hitler, a cannibal, Satan and Mary Poppins (anyone else creeped out by her?) Here was their justifying equation (which I obtained through highly classified means, namely, a squirrel, a pack of walnuts and a mini-camera) Toddler + Tyke Byke + highway = hours of fun! I figure they WANTED small children to go careening into random objects. Why else would they give ‘em no brakes? Anyway, I better go, I have this GREAT idea for a gun without a safety, and a very sensitive trigger. ..Wow..I"m back......it's been an entire year...and here I am again...pointlessly ranting and raving. Today's topic is Quaker Oats! You know Quaker Oats, right? Do a google search and find a picture, I dare you. Chances are you'll find a creepy looking older white guy dressed all old fasioned...if that's not bad enough: read on. It turns out that Quaker Oats OWNS the Aunt Jemima syrup company. Aunt Jemima is symbolized by a middle aged african american woman. Now, let's think....hrrm...the time frame that the Quaker Oats guy is from...plus owning a middle aged african american woman...wait a minute! Are they implying that she's a slave!? What kind of public image are they trying to portray here!? The NERVE of that company! *shakes head* They really need to have a better publicist.... Ah well, there's your LTE rant of the day/week/month/year/insert time frame ehre. Enjoy ^^ Heh, well, I’m once again back. This time from a long hiatus involving College life, kiwi’s and cannibalism ^_^ But let’s ignore that for now, shall we? Today we have MUCH more important things to discuss ^_^ Like a certain warranty on a certain pair of a certain headphones at a certain store that a certain someone works at a certain summer after returning from a certain college. Like most warranties, it guarantees the safety of the product for a limited time, and promises you fame, fortune, and your money back if it breaks during that time. That, however, is where this warranties similarities to the norm cease. Are you ready? *waits* How ‘bout now? *wait wait* STILL not ready? Bah, forget you, I’ll go on anyway. *clears throat* I shall now paraphrase the warranty to you, in all it’s arcane glory and splendor. This warranty shall not be in effect in the cases in which : 1.) The product is purposefully damaged. 2.) The product is accidentally damaged. 3.) An act of God damages the product. ……….*pause for effect* There you have it folks. This beee-autiful warranty will NEVER be in effect. It just won’t. No matter what happens, the company issuing the warranty can just blame it on God. I can just see just such a scenario playing out in my head…….*wavy thought lines scene transition indicating an imaginary scene* Ted: Yes, I’m calling to cash in on my 90-day money back warranty? Customer Service Agent: *snicker* Oh really? *polite, polite* Would you please describe the damage or malfunction your purchase is experiencing? Ted: …it just stopped working. Customer Service Agent: *dripping with phony concern* Oh, gee, sir…but it seems that “just stopped working” falls under our “Act of God” clause, and our company cannot be held responsible for any vendettas that God may have against you. Ted:…………….you’re telling me that because God hates me, my headphones stopped working? And that you won’t give me my money back? Customer Service Agent: *can’t hold it in any longer* *laughing until they gasp* Oh…God…that gets me every time…*gasp* *giggle* That’s just great….Sir, I suggest *wheeze* That you go to Church…*snicker* And see if you can’t convince God to fix it for you….*guffaw* Because…you’re waaaaaaaay more likely to get him to reimburse you then us! *hangs up* So, you see? I am extremely impressed by this quick thinking company. If only I, too, could think of a way to so totally, and successfully scam my customers. Oh. Wait. I do. Every day, ……darn those Customer Service Plans! How stupid does a customer have to be to think that they should pay $20 now to insure their purchase of some stupid grill? If it breaks it would probably take 10 bucks to fix it. *sigh* Why must K-mart compromise my honor? Ack! I spoke its name! *flee* Alright I'm Baaaa~ack! That's right. Back from the dead like a fiery phoenix of nonsense and ranting, I return from months and months of not posting (and to make things even more interesting i won't mention anywhere else on the site that I made a new lte post!) So, today's topic is just on the concept of writing. I go to a very math oriented college (i'm gonna be a programmer) so the people here....just....really...suck at writing. Completely! *happy* So for a small nominal $50* fee I shall teach you, the Hypothetical Reader, how to write grade A quality stories, guaranteed! ** (* $50 shall be payable in invisible, imaginary Official Flaming Chickens Lunar Colony's Dollars (approx $1 OFCLC is $1,337,000,000,00 in US dollars, circa 1957) ** not a guarantee) So are you ready? Let's start with a basic story even a kindergartner would write! Once upon a time there was a princess and a witch was making her sad but then a handsome prince came and killed the witch and made the princess happy. really happy. i mean really, really happy. sometime three or four times a night. and they lived happily ever after. What a touching story, right? Let's see here, what basic story elements are we missing...Why don't we check the formula for a successfull story, shall we?Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood: never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost? See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye. Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...*sniffle* The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...*waits for applause* okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers *snicker* will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!*smiles brightly* And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!*waits for readers to become insanely jealous* Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) &#!#%&&!!!(*%$ WHAT THE %$#@ WAS MY MOTHER $#$#%$# THINKING!!!!!!!???? BRINGING $#$$# KIDS IN A BAR!? I know it was her idea, 'cause my dad hates it, too. My mom and my stupid little 10-year old sister loves it, though. *sighs* Why does my life have to be so weird? I'm leaving...now I'm back! And not so pissed at my weird family. Now is the time to mourn the loss of one of my most loyal readers (I think she's read the entire thing one time, which is more than anyone else has done so far) She has been banned from accesing any portion of the Internet, do to reasons that must remain confidental due to security reasons. If I told you, I'd have to kill you and all that stuff. So...now I am down to one and a half readers. Untill such time that I have more. I wonder why anyone would read this? You would have to have several characteristics that I possess. First of all, you'd have to have an extrodinary amount of free time. Second of all, you would have to have the patience to read through all of this. And lastly, you'd have to know where the heck this site is. I admit it. I haven't exactly advertised this site. Nor can I find it on any search engines. Some of my pages have stuff written in to make search engines recognize me, but it doesn't seem to be working. What must I do to rise above obscurity? I tell people I know about this site, but they either ignore this page, or don't even bother coming to the site in the first place. I suppose that is the bane of all authors. To pour your heart and soul into a passage, and have everyone ignore it. *sniffle* Why must this be? Maybe I should just give up. After all, no one would really care if I quit updating this site. But I can't help but think of stuff like the evil over lord list and REALLY REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. They are not great neccesarily because of the content, (although that helps some) they are great because of their sheer length. You can read a little each day. And almost never finish. Also, I guess I still am trying to get the world record. I have heard some feedback suggesting that I make someway for people to remember where they stopped reading. It can be very confusing, especially if you weren't paying attention in the first place. Well, I dont want to organize this page, in any manner. This is chaos. And insanity. Not neat little text in classifiable rows, in alphabetical order. If you want neat, go to some other site(though, as mentioned in Flaming Chickens Code:472 there is no such thing as a site better than this one). Otherwise, I guess you're stuck with me. Awwwww...I'm touched! You didn't run screaming to another site, thankfull for the chance to escape this insanity. You're still here, which must mean that you'd rather be here than anywhere else! Hey, where are you going?! I thought you were gonna stay here and keep me company?! *drags reader back* See, I knew you'd stay! *gagged reader glares* What's that? I know this is the best site ever, thanks for the compliment! *reader starts inching towards freedom* I better go...I think that I may have a problem brewing. I'm back. And very concerned about this new, younger generation (all 10 year olds who were born in 1992) They are supposed to be the future. Instead they appear to be a nuclear armagedon in the form of a fifth grader. I chanced to have an interview with an informant from this evil generation (my little sister) who will be called Mrs. X for security reasons (no, she's not married, the "Mrs" makes it good as a disguise) I was quizing Mrs. X on Civil War History for an upcoming test in her classroom (whose location can not be devulged) Mrs. X seemed fluent in the subject. Using prior knowledge, I deduced that Mrs. X was full of crap. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked Mrs. X who participated in the Civil War. She immediatly replied "Clara Barton". I clarified, which countries fought in the Civil War. She answered: England, Russia, and (out of sheer desperation) Iraq. I believe that she was just listing countries she knows America has fought against. Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but Iraq? I don't know if Iraq even existed in the Civil War Era! Why on earth would we go have way across the world to fight them when we didn't even really need oil?!! Moving on, I finaly managed to coax my sister (I'm tired of writing Mrs. X) to tentativly guess that America fought in the Civil War. I mean, who'd a thought? America? Fighting in the American Civil War? In a moment of inspiration, I asked her who America fought. Her first guess was enslaved africans. Well, at least she knows that slaves were involved in the war. Before she could start listing all of America's enemies, I gave her a hint. I said "The Union fought..." With a crack, snaple and pop, some random synapses in her brain connected in the right order and she said "CONFEDERACY!!!" I was very proud of her, just as you would be proud of a two-year-old who has just announced: "I WENT POO-POO ON THE POTTY!!!!!" What I mean is, you wouldn't be very proud if the average person said that they just took a dookey on the toilet, and you wouldn't be very proud if they knew who fought against the Union in the Civil War. I confirmed that the Union was Northern and Free, and that the Confederacy was Southern and Slave. We resumed quizzing and she got every question on the worksheet correct. This is because she memorizes the questions. That way, she can pass the test without actually learning anything. You see, if you memorize stuff, you only have to remember that the answer to number 6 is Clara Barton for a week, rather than having to remember that Clara Barton started the Red Cross for the rest of you life. I sincerely appologize if anyone is offended by my view of memorization. I also would like such persons to immediatly leave my site. You don't belong here. You see...knowledge is good. If my sister...uh...Mrs. X were ever asked a question on the Civil War on a quiz show, she'd come up with nothing. With knowledge you can win money and the opportunity to look like a dork on national television. My sister is a big believer in the memorization system. I previous time when I was studying with her (American Revolution, this time) I was trying to help her remember the difference between the Patriots(Patriotic to America) and the Loyalists (Loyal to Britain) She didn't know what the word patriotic meant. I tried to explain. I asked her how you dress on the forth of july (she said nice) I asked what the colors red, white and blue were (pretty). I gave up in exasperation. More recently, I was trying to instill a sense of empathy and niceness in her. I asked her what the golden rule of christianity was. She didn't know. When I pressed her, she confessed she didn't know what chrisianity was. Completly defeated, I told her that it was the religion she practiced every Sunday when she went with her friends to church. This confirmed my suspicion that she only went so that she could have the use of the church's playground equipment. My family also strongly suspects that she stole $20 from the donation thingy. Anyway, that's my rant on the new generation that contains my little sister. When someone of her generation runs for president, I'm gonna do a complete background check. If they're anything like my sister, I'm movin' to Canada. Gotta go...the Russian-Brittish-Iraqi-enslaved-Africans are coming to defeat the Mexicans. I'm back! *there's that darn cricket again* And I have a genuine question to ask all of my loyal readers *cough-cough* Okay, here it is: Is it normal for a non-gender specific sibling to carry around various dead reptiles (snakes, turtles, lizards etc.) Furthormore, is it considered accepted behavior to talk to these dead reptiles, in a cooey, baby talky kind of voice? Finnaly, is it expected for said sibling's non-gender specific parent to encourage such behavior, citing "I was just like that as a child" as an excuse? It's an honest question as I fear that my non-gender specific sibling is weird. Who am I kidding? My entire family is weird. It's just a matter of degree. Hey, by the way. I'm sorry that my last few entries have been only about my various family antics. Although I can't see why you care, because there is a large probability that you do not exist, because I don't think anyone is reading this anymore. How discouraging. People need to make the time to waste time. It's a time honored tradition. Who'd thought that I could use time that many times in only a few sentences? It's been pretty quiet here lately, which is why I haven't added anything to this text in awhile. I know, you were just crushed that nothing new was happening. It's a sad, cold, cruel world out there and you had nothing to relieve the monotony of it. *sniffle* I feel so sorry for you! Next thing you know, you're internet connection will die. Well, too bad! Do you know I never even had a computer untill just a few months ago (that's why I'm obsessivly writing here) So I won't pity you if you're computer dies for unexpected reasons. Time for another quote from the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK!!! Code: 843 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that in no way is the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who?) responsible for any faulty wiring or lack thereof in your computer. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips in no way wishes harm on your computer. Any derogatory statement is simply an opinion of an individual, not of the flaming order of the flaming chickens. Said order will in no way be held responsible for any damages, injuries, loss of life, limb, head, or organs. Okay, quote is done. Maybe I should put quotation marks around them...nah, too much work. But I probably will eventually get around to having a seperate page just for the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK. That way all the members (what members) can print out a copy of it for themselves (if they didn't get that copy in the mail) I guess I'm done for the day...I know. You want me to stay. It's okay. Because eventually, I'll be back! Seeya! I'm back. And once again suprised. When I was at a TAB poetry thingy (TAB is good TAB is great We love TAB) I met some new people. One of these people (who shall remain nameless untill such time that I have explicit permission to use her name) turned out to be almost as weird as me. As in...she read the ENTIRE Longest Text Ever. The whole thing. So far two whole people (to my knowledge) have read the entire thing, and a few people have skimmed it. That means I really can justify claiming to have two and a half readers! I'm so happy! That means my pointless obsession has actually entertained someone besides me! Perhaps, one day, far in the future, this will actually be a world record and random people will acutally voluntarily read this text every day. Or maybe not. The point is that it is nice to have readers. Or maybe it's not...I mean...won't the quality *snicker* of my work deteriorate if I am no longer writing for the target audience of me? If that happens, then no one will read this. And then I'll be writing for me again. And then the quality will rise. And then people will start reading. And then the quality will go down and the vicious spiral of good and bad will continue untill I either give up this text, or go crazy...er. In any case...I should probably find a topic. Yeah...a topic would be good. Or...I could just continue to write about finding a topic. Ooooo! I know a topic! Ice cream trucks! This has been bothering me for a while. You see...when it's hot, you want something cold to eat. Conviently, ice cream trucks come around during the hottest part of the year (it must be a conspiracy). As you may or may not know, small children swarm the ice cream trucks. The vendors even play whimsical music which I strongly suspect contains subliminal messages to make you hungry for ice cream. The vendors get oodles of cash, and the kids get ice cream. Now, in today's society of buying groceries on-line and getting them delivered, why hasn't any other food industry marketed this ingenius idea to bring the product to the consumer. I can just see Hot Dog, and Pizza trucks roaming the neighbor hoods, selling treats to hungry children...and adults. Of course, said adults would have to peel their butt-cheeks off the couch...but they'd have to do that for the delivary man anyway. The food trucks could even play music that made you hungry for their food. Then the problem with obesity in America would be blamed on evil food truck drivers as opposed to the harmless, benificient television and computer. We could all breath a sigh of relief as parents kept their children inside, away from the evil truck drivers and near the T.V. Gone would be the days when parents told children to play outside, it's a nice day. Parents would buy their children computers, video games and other television neccesities. This, of course would expand the market for such products. This would lead to a better, more stable economy. Food industires would be buying cars, gas and music. Parents would increase the purchase of entertainment items. In return companies would make a profit, pay their workers better. The workers would then be able to afford more entertainment items and the upward spiral would continue, as opposed to the evil downward spiral of my writing. In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen...if you implement my idea, there will be peace and prosperity for all. As long as you don't mind a few more couch potatoes. Gotta go...I think I hear a catchy jingle. I'm back...it's been awhile since I've written here. A lot has happened. Like my EVIL school computer deleting my updates page. But it's all good. Especially since I just saw The Matrix: Reloaded. The following text may spoil the movie for you, so WARNING: do no read this unless you have already seen the movie. Okay. What I liked best was the philosophy on choices. (the mindless fight scenes were really cool, too). It's like this. In the beginning of the movie, Neo is having dreams about Trinity's death. Later, The Oracle tells him that he has already decided her fate. Towards the end of the movie, Neo chooses to tell Trinity to stay out of the Matrix, since he saw her die in it. She agrees, but only after seeing how important it is to him. After a horrific chain of events (is it coincidence, or fate) the people who will deactivate the secondary power source of the building Neo is infiltrating, die. So...the plan is going to fail. Unless someone does something, Neo, Morpheus and many others will die. Trinity, who is of course outside of the Matrix, knows this and chooses to enter the Matrix to save the day. The events of Neo's dream unfold. So...when the oracle said that the choice had already been made, she was completely correct. The moment Neo woke from dreams of Trinity's death, he made a choice. He would do everything in his power to keep his dream from becoming reality. So he kept her out of the Matrix, and she saw the problem, and entered the Matrix to fix it. If she had been in the Matrix, she would have likely been with Morpheus, never would have known about the plan's failure, would therefore not have been in the situation that resulted in her death. And the plan would have failed and Neo might have died, along with a large portion of the city (the building was set to blow if there was any intruders) So...Neo's choice to attempt to save Trinity triggered the sequence of events that led to her death. As Neo realizes all of this, through a nearly omniscient Architect of the Matrix, he makes another choice. This choice is simply an extension of his original choice: he will save Trinity at all costs. Neo is told that he has two choices. He can save mankind, and doom Trinity. Or he can try to save Trinity and doom mankind. No guarantee that he'll succeed in saving Trinity. He goes for Trinity, makes it just in time to catch her body, and starts her heart back up. In return for not taking the easy route, he gains a power in the more or less real world. He can deactivate the machines, (squidies) but at great personal cost. The movie ends with him in a coma. Now, you must realize that I have described only one aspect of this movie of all movies. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the sheer coolness of the fight choreography, special effects and the plot. I highly recommend you see the movie yourself. I'm sorry that today's rant isn't random, insane or completely chaotic, but I must right my experience with The Matrix before I forget. I am so buying this movie when it comes out on DVD. I love it! You have to admit its sheer coolness. I mean, come on! It's the sequel to the movie that revolutionized the standard by which we judge special effects. I better stop typing before I have a heart attack...just remember...The Matrix has you...I'm back. And throughly pissed off at my school system in general. You see...they feel that the only way to reward academic achievement...yada-yada-yada...is to force the smart kids to be ushers for Senior Honor Nite, and Graduation. Where is the logic in this? I for one, didn't know about such dire consequences for not deliberatly failing classes. It was bad enough that I was forced to "volunteer" my precious time (i could have worked on this site)...no...I was forced to wear formal attire. My school system is stuck in the past...and formal attire means...a dress...a white dress...(for those you who never bothered to find out...I am indeed female). So...for the first time in about 5 years...I wore a dress...and something that was complelty white. What cruel fate is this? To compound the EVIL situation...I was forced to wear feminine shoes. In other words...they hurt. And they pushed my toes together. Since I have a rather weird phobia of touching my own skin...this made my evening my own personall torture session. I think that such gender-specific torture should be deemed inhumane and abolished from our great society...of flaming chickens. Henceforth...Code: 666 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that under no circumstance will the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who) be forced to wear anything other than a t-shirt and preferably black jeans. Should you violate this right, you will become destroyed or possibly dizzy. I'm leaving now...I have some destruction to do. i'm back. from graduation. we had to get there one hour and fifteen minutes early because there was traffic. After standing around a lot...the ceremony started. Lots of people spoke. by the time I had to do my part (tell people where to stand before getting their diploma) it was dark. there were bugs. they liked landing on me. then...i got to go stand while people said a lot of stuff. i couldn't hear it because someone had put the speakers facing the audience. we clapped. the whole time, even during the name-calling, seniors were playing with silly string and beachballs. afterwards...they turned off the lights. there were lots of fireworks. i wandered around for 20 minutes looking for a cell phone. i called home, and waited another hour for my ride...traffic to the school was one way. i felt sorry for my dad. i am tired...but cannot go to sleep. i'll copy and paste this to my site. maybe the longest text ever. you will all suffer as i have suffered when and if you graduate. i cannot feel my feet. i hate dress shoes. I'm back. Today, I'm here to salute the Pointless Signs Of America! The PSOA have been whole-heartedly working for you, and what have you done for them? NOTHING! These so-called "pointless" signs are doing just what they were meant to do: entertain you! You cannot judge them simply because they have no apparant function. They expand your mind, making you think about all the things they could do. They could do anything they wanted to, if they just put their minds to it. If you judged everything by what it doesn't acomplish, then the entire world is populated by pointless beings. Noone can do everything, so how can you expect a SIGN, with the I.Q. of toilet paper, to do everything. You people sicken me. You expect far to much of the inanimate world. The inanimate world, on the otherhand, expects nothing of you. Which is exactly what it gets. If you expect nothing, and get nothing, you feel nothing. If you expect nothing and get something, you're happy. But, if you expect something and get something you feel nothing. And if you expect something and get nothing, you feel cheated. If you're following along, and not completly confused, you'll realize that it is better to be a pessimist than an optomist. Yep that's right. This entry went from saluting the PSOA to making a statement about my ideals. This has been a weird day. You can thank my associate "Meg" she came up with the PSOA acronym. Everyone, clap for "Meg".I gotta go...seeya later! I'm finnaly back! Today, I took a long look at this site, which is the acomplishment of almost a year of work. And I asked myself "How could I have better spent my time?" And so, in the interest of wasting even more time, I made a list. Here we go! Number One: I could have cured cancer. Not that I know anything about medicine...or cancer for that matter. But I'm sure that if I just would have put my mind to it, I could have done it. Number Two: I could helped the earth to find eternal and lasting peace. Which would be boring. So I at least have an excuse for not doing that. Number Three: I could have studied and stuff. Uh...don't think so...Number Four: I could have learned to drive. This would have resulted in the deaths of numerous pedistrians...and I would still probably be wondering around in search of a McDonalds. Number Five: I could have read more books, played more video games and watched more mindless television. Gee...I wish I'd thought of that sooner. Number Six: I could have implemented one of several plans for world domination. Or, as an alternative, I could have ruined several plans for world domination that other people made. Number Seven: I could drive people crazy. Wait...aren't I already doing that? Scratch number seven. And on to: Number Eight: I could have...uhhhh...ummmmm...actually thought up these things before hand. Number Nine: Now it's just getting redundant, isn't it? Number Ten: This is the list that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. One person, started typing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue typing it forever just because this is the list that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some person started typing it not...etc, etc. Okay...I admit it. I have officialy run out of ways I could have better spent my time. I don't think there actually are any. Except for maybe five and six. Now, those have possibilities. However, I am currently content to just sit here and type. For the benefit of you, the reader...who may or may not exist. Either way, I'm continuing to sort of entertain myself. I feel like I should be outraged about some topic or another. I just can't work up the energy to be outraged. Perhaps a nice, soothing mistrust. Yeah. I can work with mistrust. I definitly mistrust lots of stuff. Like organ grinders, and the evil conspiracies. Did you know, that Kodak was part of the conspiracy to assasinate John F. Kennedy. Now, some of you are probably thinking "Gee, Really?", or "Wow, I never knew that!" while others are thinking "Who's John F. Kennedy?" or possibly "Who or What is Kodak". I fervently hope that you're not thinking the last two...especially about Kodak. Kodak, as you may know, is a film developing company. And John F. Kennedy (JFK) was an alien bent on global domination. Or possibly a really good president who wanted to fly to the moon. Either way, he got assasinated. And ever loony in America decided that it was a conspiracy. Some even go so far as to claim that Kodak "changed" the pictures of the assasination to make an assasination in the bushes become a tree's shadow. I didn't know that they had such good technology back then. I have to wonder...why would Kodak do such a thing. Perhaps Kodak is actually a front organization for a shadowy governmental system that controls the entire world and didn't want mankind to obtain the freedom of the stars and so tried to sabotauge the space program even though it didn't work as well as they planned. Or perhaps not. Either way, Kodak is undeniably evil. How can any company that takes so many "wholesome" pictures not be? You can just bet that they look at every one that get's turned in to them, judging blackmail value, and whether or not you could get arrested. It's just sickening, you can't even take a simple photo nowadays. Unless you have a digital camera, which are a symbol of freedom from the old ways and willing enslavement to the new ways. We can only hope that the digital camera manufacturers are kinder masters than the evil Kodak Lords. I better go...I think Kodak is tracing my site....I'm back now! And, once again, I have proof that someone actually took the time (two hours) to read this entire Longest Text Ever! It's amazing, it's incredible, it's unbelievable. But true. Even more incredible, this time it's someone I don't even know! Wooooooo! I feel inspired and happy and other really good emotions and stuff. And so, I'll take a trip down memory lane, to the dark depths of the past, to when I decided to make this page. It was inspired, in part, by my sheer and utter boredom. In school, back before I even owned a computer, I'd type random words for long periods of time, 'cause I had nothing better to do. Once I got this computer, I decided to do something similar on my beloved site. But, it ended up making more sense than I anticipated (scary thought, huh). Oh, well...I tired of nostalgia. Back to the present. Right now, I'm just typing so that no one can say that I've been slacking off. I don't think I have any conspiracy theories...except pop-ups/pop-unders. Have you ever had the evil pop-up that says that if you click here, it'll get rid off all the annoying pop-ups? Isn't that sort of ironic? Could the pop-up blocker people have chosen a better means to advertise their product? It's like grand-theft auto 3's talk show, you know, the one where there are Citizens Raging Against Phones? Or CRAP, for short. And the lady representing them, calls the radio station...on a phone. It's stupid and ironic and just shouldn't exist in a better world. Pop-Up ad's help you get rid of pop-up ads? Insane, chaotic...hmmmmm...I wonder who thought of it? Was it on purpose, or was it just some mistake? It is now my civic duty to discover this ancient mystery, and reveal it to the uncaring world. Or maybe I'll go make a frozen pizza. Yeah. That sounds good, too. Since I'm not particualarly inspired at the moment, I should leave and let you gather what is left of your sanity. I just can't seem to stop, though. Okay...I can do it. I'm leaving. I'm back...and it's several hours later. I've decided to imortalize the stupidity of my dog, Moose. She is a heavy-set Yorkshire Terrior (12 lbs.) In otherwords, she's a small yappy dog who is big for her breed. Today, I met her arch-enemy. An enemy so terrifying that Moose cannot stop shaking. An enemy so hideous that Moose must destroy it at all costs. An enemy so dangerous that Moose fears it above all others. Now you may be wondering what horrible beast is Moose's arch-enemy. And you probably suspect that it is something pathetic. You would be correct in your suspiciousness...for Mooses arch-enemy is...*dramatic drumroll*...a small, white, feather. Now, Moose has seen many feathers, birds even. But none have struck terror in her little moose heart like this particular feather. So...naturally I put her arch-enemy in my pocket and brought it home with me. This action has made her very suspicious of where my loyalties lie. She tracks the feather smell all over the house, and goes crazy whenever I take it out of my pocket. She even got her sister and mother in the spirt of things. Now her sister sounds an alarm whenever she sees the evil feather. Now, you may be wondering what is so terrifying about a small, white, feather. So am I. It doesn't smell funny, (I asked my brother, since I don't have a sense of smell), it seems perfectly ordinary. So, I've decided that Moose works for some secret government organization, and that the feather is the key to the destruction of the world, and I am just blithely letting it enter our home, so that it may furthur its evil plans to destroy the universe. That is the only possible explanation as to why it upsets her so much. Or...maybe it's the feather off of the cartoon owl from the tootsie-roll pop comercials (one...two...three..*crunch*). Whatever the case, I decided that the whole world, (or three of four random people) deserve to know that if the world and or universe are destroyed, it's the evil, little, white, feather's fault. Now I'd better go and torture my Moose with it...:) I am officially back. And you, the potentially non-existant reader gets a once in a lifetime chance to hear me rant and rave about my Horrible, Horrible Family Vacation. I know. You feel very, very honored. It's like this. My mother is a control freak, and she decided on the spur of the moment that we were going north to visit relatives. Later that day, she decided we were NOT going north, we were going south to a beach resort. Still later that day, she got offended at some trivial thing and decided that we weren't going anywhere at all. The very next day, she decided that we were going north, after all. So, we packed everthing up. Before we knew it, we were on the road. The first part of the trip was fairly easy. As in, I was half-asleep, hoping that we'd arrive while I slept. Then, in an inspired move, my brother talked my mother into letting him sit up front. That meant that my mother would be in the back, with me and my younger, eviler sister. Immediatly, my mother started complaining. It was uncomfortable in the back, it was too hot, it was too cold. Then, she accidently woke our three yappy dogs up, and they relized that they were in a car. That meant only one corse of action for them. They started shaking and barked their little heads off. This annoyed my mother further, untill she asked, no, demanded that my father turn the car around so that we could go home. Unfortuantly, we had already driven 337 miles toward our destination. After much argument, my father was going to turn around, untill he realized that my mother was going to drop the dogs and me off, and then turn around and continue north. This seemed slightly unpracticle, so we ended up not taking that 337 mile detour. We eventually reached our destination after 16 hours of virtually non-stop driving. We got there, we ate. We slept. My mother visited relatives. And so the week went by. I got to go to a huge library, and see Terminator 3 at the local theater. That was the high point of the entire trip. The last day, we were deciding where to eat. My mom said that she didn't care. So my dad picked a steak place. My mother tried to order a mushroom-swiss burger...only to discover that the place had no swiss-cheese. So she decided on a salad, only to discover that they didn't have her favorite salad dressing. After much deliberation, she decided that she wouldn't eat. After complaining how hungry she was, and about the poor quality of the resteraunt, she walked out of the resteraunt, instructing the rest of us to "enjoy our meals". And I wonder where my little sister gets her annoyingness. Not that my mother is annoying...just set in her ways. The whole meal thing was about the only interesting thing to happen during the week. On the way home, we had gotten approximatly 4 hours into the trip when my mother predicatably decided that we had to go back and eat at the 50th aniversary of her favorite ice cream place. Needless to say, we ignored her. Oh, and when my sister had to go to the bathroom very badly during a traffic jam, my mother had the good taste to making hissing/water noises to make my sister's problem worse. She claimed that my little sister always did it to her, and she was getting pay-back. Between her bickering with my sister, and obsessivly playing neopets games, I don't know what to do with her. Anyway...that was my family vacation rant. It sucked. No suprise. At least it's over. Sorry if I complained a lot. If you don't like it, start your own longest text ever. Anyway, I promise to go back to my usual routine the next time I rant here. I thought of a topic on the way home, but forgot it. Seeya. I'm back! I know, I took you completly by suprise. You thought you'd gotten rid of me. *cheesy super-hero voice* Well, fear not, random citizen, for I, PSOPC am here! *normal voice* Today I have a very important to discuss with you in this: PERFECTLY NORMAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT. Yes, that's right. It's time to warn you, the viewer...er...reader...about the evils of various stuff. Today's lesson is: subliminal messages . That's right, folks, mass hypnosis via commercials. Now, I'm sure you've at least heard of subliminal messages , right? No? Well...prepare to be enlightened. Subliminal messages are an advertising technique that puts hidden pictures and words into a main image. You don't see them, but your subconsious (dreaming) mind does. Your subconsious mind acts on whatever it is told. What does this mean to you? It means that WAL-MART TV IS EVIL! EVIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!! Why else would they invest all that money to show commercials in their own store? Because they put subliminal messages in them, of course! Subliminal messanging also explains the successes of certain fast-food resteraunts, and brand name items. BEWARE YOUR TOASTER OVEN! Okay. That had nothing to do whatsoever with subliminal messages...it's just cool to say. Anyway, only watch wal-mart if you WANT to be subliminaly entertained into purchasing a new set of TUPERWARE, even though your old set is PERFECTLY fine. This has been a public service announcment. Pretty cool, huh? Uh...you don't have to take the subliminal stuff seriously. It's true, and all, but I have no proof about wal-mart, or certain fast food resteraunts. It makes sense, though. Wal-mart TV is evil. You cannot deny it. Seeya...hmmm..I wonder if there's subliminal stuff in my computer...I'm back. And I feel that it's time for a FAKE commercial break, for the highly informed, obviously brain-dead consumer. And now, a word from our non-existant sponsor. Ketchup: The only food that you'll want to eat after traveling to the 5th Dimension. It's been practically proven that Ketchup transforms into a highly intoxicating (non-addictive) delicious substance upon returning from the 5th Dimension. Stock up now with our Valu-Pak to recieve 3-metric tons of Ketchup, all for the low, low price of your brain, since you're obviously not using it anyway. Then, just wait for technology to "catch-up" (get it, catch-up, Ketchup?)so you can travel to the 5th Dimension like our scientists almost did. (Next Commercial) Get ready fo: Faux's new "reality" TV show, "How Low Can We Go?" It's about six contestants who compete to create the worst, least likely "reality" TV show. The winner not only gets the million-dollar prize, they get the chance to produce the show they created. Remember: if the show sucks, it's their fault, not ours!(Next exciting commercial!)And for all the idiots out there: Try new and improved Dum-B-Gon! Dum-B-Gon stimulates brain activity, making you up to 10 times smarter! Not only that, Dum-B-Gon: stimulates weight loss, cures "any" illness, does simple houshold chores, never leaves the toilet seat up and is the perfect gentle companion for your kids. How can you pass up this revolutionary new product? It's yours for only 3 bi-monthly payments of $3.95 ($3,95,000 on days ending in "y")Don't forget, Dum-B-Gon is practically guaranteed!* (*Not a guarantee) (Next commercial)Have you ever wondered why food sometimes goes bad in your fridge, even if you've only had it a few years? It's because of the "evil little faeries with sharp little teeth." These "faeries" sprinkle your food with highly toxic "age dust" and ruin a perfectly good four-year-old meatloaf. How do you stop them? With our patented "spray". Our "spray" kills over 99.9% of "faeries" (which are much to small to see) Our "spray" also kills most disease causing agents, like rats, or pigeons. WARNING: Leave food sit in an open, well-venilated spot for a week before eating. And now, back to our featured presentation. Wasn't that semi-entertaining? I bet you wanna go eat some Ketchup covered Dum-B Gon right now, while watching "reality" TV. Just make sure you "spray" your food first. Pathetic, wasn't it? Oh, well. I was bored, and a dilligent reader suggested I make fake commercials, so...therer they are. Happy? Good. I'm leavin', for now. I'm back. And I'm willing to enlighten you, the potentially you-know-what reader. Today, I was checking out some weird news. At one point, I read an article that stated that it had been proven, conclusivly, that Kansas was flatter than the standard pancake. The researches even used highly advanced technololgy to map the surface of a pancake and compare it to documented geology of Kansas. Some people disagree, the director of the Kansas Geological Survey said "I think this is part of a vast breakfast food conspiracy to denigrate Kansas. It's a cheap shot." So...doesn't that make you want to take Kansas' side (I sincerly appologize if you are from Kansas). It just seems extremly weird (and worthy of mentioning) that this semi-important guy from Kansas believes in a "vast breakfast food conspiracy". Makes you think that the long held belief that Kodak conspired with the JFK assasin(s) is normal. Another article claims that an anitseptic turned a polar bear purple, drawing large crowds of people. I sure hope other zoos won't copy them. Before you know it, we'll have orange alligators, pink tigers and blue lions. School children won't be able to correctly identify the color of a zebra. Random people will think they've gone crazy, after a seemingly innocent visit to the zoo. It's wrong, I tell you. A complete and total degregation of our societies values. What values, you say? The basic moral belief that Polar bears should be WHITE. Unless we spray-painted the snow purple, too. Then it would be okay. As long as the bear blends in, you know? Speaking of animals, there's a cat in California who is a kleptomaniac (likes to steal stuff). He sneaks into neighboring homes, and takes clothing, wrapped christmas presents, and anything he can find. He then leaves them under his owners car. Okay, better leave. I'm back. And I don't really have a topic today. I'm just bored. Sometimes I just do this, you know? Start typing without any idea about what it is I intend to say. Maybe I subconsiously DO know what I'm doing here, but refuse to admit it to myself. Or maybe I am monumentally bored and don't have anything else to do at the moment. Either way, I'm here. You must be pretty bored, too. Otherwise, why on earth (beta, krpto, zkdjf, Planet X, whatever) would you be here? It would make no sense. If you have something better to do, why wouldn't you be doing it right now? I would be. But, maybe that's just the difference between you and me. Yeah. That must be it. Unless you're bored. Then I completly understand. I need to find a topic. Here, topic, topic, topic! Come on, I won't hurt you, I promise! *hides large ax behind back* Come here, topic! Why are you afraid of little ol' me? *sigh* There are no topics anywhere near me. Kinda like me and "Meg" webcomic we are trying to do. It's called Hit-Or-Miss, any topics, plot, etc. are completly accidental and are not the fault/responsibility of the creators. That was sort of a topic, even though it was sort of random. Which is what I do best. Okay, I'm done with that litte commercial. What now...hmmmmm...should I share with you more of my paranoid/delusional conspiracy theories? Or have I been doing that too much lately? Oooooo! I know, I'll start of list of why it's fun/good to be insane/weird! #1You can say or do anything and normal people will agree with you in the hopes that you'll be satisfied, shut up, and go away. Far away. I will show you an example with this completly true stuff that I experienced several years ago. ME: My vicious, psychotic, flesh-eating bunny-rabbit wants to rule the world. RANDOM PERSON: Uh-huh, that's nice. ME: Yeah, but I told her that she'd be a terible ruler. I mean, she traded Asia for a carrot! And she doesn't even LIKE carrots! RANDOM PERSON: You don't say? ME: Yep. She also is the goddess of red jello. RANDOM PERSON: *head explouding from sheer insanity* As you can see, I was a very weird child (this happened in elementary school...uh...except for that head-explouding part). Okay...on to: #2 You can get out of practically anything by saying: a)It's against my religion b)I'm allergic to that. c)I have an extremly irrational fear of that. d)I already did that in a past life and it sucked. e)My psychotic bunny predicted I'd die doing it. Unfortunalty, several of those reasons LEGITAMITLY apply to a certain activity I do every Tuesday, which WILL NOT BE NAMED HERE LEST I GIVE IT POWER OVER ME! I'm allergic to parts of it, have irrational fears about others and I'm pretty sure it's against my Jenny religion...along with eating mashed potatoes, or potatoes of any kind. I'll add that to the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK. Thou shalt not eat spuds. Hmmmm...time for #3You can obsessive over ANYTHING, and people will think nothing of it. I, personally, am obsessed with, kitties, bunnies, bats, this website, drawing, making intriate little patterns with strings, doing mildly repetitive activities, being weird, apparantly making lists and cheese...and chickens...and flame. Fire is good. Fire is free. Fire is my friend...until it burns me. Then it must die...painfully. And on to:#4You make your friends look normal in comparison. And #5: You can give each of your pets several weird names such as: Ringling-Raison-Bailey-Suzana-Midnight-Schultz, Squirell, Moose, Moose-Moose, Moosey-Moose, Linzey-Moose, Muffin, Squirell-Muffin, Yabby-Doodle, Abby Normal, Wiggle-Baby, Wiggle-Muffin, Witle-Baby, Cheese-Monkey, Muffin-With-Squirell-Juice, Squirell-With-Muffin Juice, Moosey-Juice, Squirell-Monkey, etc. Now, wasn't that a fun list!? Doesn't that just make you proud to be weird? I should make bumber stickers saying that. Proud to be weird. It'd be cool. Anyway, gotta go! *yawn* I'm back. Last night I was super-charged with lots of sugar and not a lot of sleep. I ended up writing things during the time of night when EVERYTHING is hilarious, including the word sheep. To compound things, I wasn't alone, and things just escalated. The following is everything I wrote during that sugar-coated time period. Some are answers to e-mails, the rest are just stuff I wrote. Definitly. THen we go to library. Guess what? Me and Josh ate lots and lots of sugar, and it's late at nite and everything is funny but we can't laugh 'cause everybody is sleepin' so it's even funnier but ever since we drank the water we sobered up even though we weren't drunk but we ate sugar...lots and lots of sugar. MOstly donut cake. Okay. JOsh says it was only one piece of cake. WE got it at Wal-mart. Or his mom did. OR something. Goodbye...oh, and the fresh chicken wings might be to blame. they were special wings. I hope I remember doing this. I think it's pretty funny. You have blue hari..*gigles* I like hair. Josh says I probably won't remember writing any of this, but I can't sleep. THe cake was good. aSk anybody. Big Brother may be listening right now so I beter go. They're listening for a secrret...no it's cause of a secret. But the secret doesn't exist so they are stupid. *g8ggles* bye. Yes. Megan has hair. I've seen it. *giggling* It's very, very late at nite. ONly not really. i like sugar. NO, wait. It's early. WE have been having very profound thoughts lately. We think. THey might havve been important, but we keep forgetting them. We're not sure. Josh wants his thought back. *sniffle* i do, too. It's not fair. I think mine involved a jaunty song to sing. But I couldn't have sung it 'cause it would have woken everyone up and they would have called me inconsiderate. I have to get up really early to leave for home. I should be asleep. *gigles* It milght have been a sugar rush 'cause now we're having a sugar crash. OR, maybe it's the writing. Okay, maybe it was the ranch dressing instead of the special, fresh buffalo wings. But they really were'nt buffoal wings 'cause buffalo's don't have wings...cause they come off when they are babies, JOsh says so and he must be right causse he's been having Profound Thoughts even though he cannot remember them. But, the wings were'nt really special. I don't think. Maybe we're just really, really tired and had sugar. I don't want to play the stupid animal war card game 'cause the stupdi bear gets eaten by an eaagle.. ...goodbye ssslllee0yyyyslllllllleeeeeeeepppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyy iiiiiiiiissssssssssssss gggggggggoooooooooooooddddddddddddd............. As you can see, I was in a very interesting state of mind. I hadn't had a genuine sugar rush since I was 11. It was fairly fun. Although I acted like an idiot. Oh, well. I have more stuff to write, but I gotta go right now. Stay tuned to hear my thoughts on tanning, and an evil card game, and who knows what else...Okay I'm back. Here's what I wrote this weekend: Woooooo! 5000 hits! Aren't I special? *sigh* I can't think of anything to write. But I must. I must defeat the sister site of the Longest Text Ever! I mean, I've been doing this much, much longer than the other person. Hmmmmm...monkey. Why do weird people (myself included) obsess about monkeys? And, are monkeys spelled monkies? It just looks weird. Like a division of mounties made entirely out of monks. I bet it's spelled monkeys. It looks right. Maybe I should use spell-check. But...that'd be a lot of work, unlike ranting, raving and rambling. Hey, it's the 3 r's! No longer does school teach use reading, riting and 'rithmitic, it now teaches us ranting, raving and rambling! (and redundancy!) After all, isn't that basicly what the best teachers do? It sets a perfect example for you young, impressionable minds. Those are the best kind. *yet another highly dramatic, time-consuming sigh* I need a topic. A good one. Not one of those bargain ones anyone can find at your local topic discount outlet store. I'll rant and rave and ramble about the EVILS of sunlight. Most people actually like to spend long periods of time exposing their vulnerable skin to the harmful rays of the sun. These people have obviously suffered major brain damage from their prolonged exposure to the sun. The actually think that their skin's efforts to protect them are ATTRACTIVE. It'd be like someone thinking that scabs are atractive, 'case they protect you from disease. Then everyone would cut and scrape themselves to be covered in scabs. That's exactly what tanning is like. Purposly damaging the skin so you can look "attractive". Now, a long time ago, people were sort of smarter. They avoided the sun at all costs. They associated tans with hard, manuel labor. Then, some fasion bimbo went on a fasionable safarii to get some fasionable furs, or whatever. When she came back, 'lo and behold, she had a tan. This resourceful young vanguard of fasion decided to cover her extreme embarassment by acting like she meant to horribly damage herself. And because she was the head fasion bimbo, everyone agreed that the look was definitly "in". So, everyone went to the beach and got tans. Girls began wearing skimpier, and skimpier bathing suits. Men, of course, had no complaints. (Though whether it was the tan or the skimpy suits, no one will ever know.) As you read this Historicly Accurate Anecdote, you must realize the parallel between it and the fable The Emperoro's New Clothes. Someone did something incredbly stupid, but because they were powerful, everone acted like it was a stroke of genius. And the preceding generations became brain-washed (possibly through subliminal messages in sun-tan lotion commercials) to believe tans were expected. Those few who actually could think and avoided the sun were considered to be outcasts. I don't mean to insult you if you DO have a tan. I am simply explaining why I, personally, refuse to swim, go to the beach, sunbathe, leave the house, etc. Alrighty then. I'm gonna quit for now. I'm back. I'm so very, very tired. School has been on for four days now. I have three very hard academic classes. They give lots and lots of homework. Two and a half hours of homework (total) to be precise. I get home from work at 5:30p.m. and eat dinner. Then I do my homework. I get done at 9:15. Then I wait for my mom and dad to stop playing Collapse II so that I can get on. I usually have less than 30 minutes. It sucks. I can't really work on this site even though I now have a more in depth understanding of variables. I learned this from my calculator. I made a virtual pet for it. It was fun. I'm tired. Did I mention that, yet. My calculator is nifty. Sometimes, it is lazy. It tells me stuff like: "Warning: More Solutions May Exist" and "Questionable Accuracy". So...it doesn't bother to find all solutions, and it may be wrong. Geee....that is comforting. I love my calculator, though. It does all my Math for me. I hate Math. Math is so picky. In English, and stuff, if you miss one little detail, at most you lose partial credit, but you usually get it all right. In Math, one teeny, tiny little mistake will make you get the entire thing wrong. I tend to make those tiny mistakes, and get bad grades, even if I understand the concepts. I hate Math. I'm tired. Are you tired. I sure am. Guess what I wanna do. How did you ever guess? That's right, I wanna sleep. Why can't I? Hmmmm...good question. I think I'm so tired I can't sleep. Plus...I gots oblimagations...obligaton....obligations to this site. yeah. thats it...i so tired...bye-bye. I'm back. And more than slightly embarassed. Today my frazzled-brain produced something that is decidedly Jenny (that's my more or less "real" name). I was contemplating how my heavy load of books made me like a bulldozer and than I was about to suggest to my friend, "Meg" that we invent one. Then I realized that the buldozer already HAD been invented. That's how I knew it's name, picture and what it did. That is just...pathetic. School is taking its toll. *sigh* *sniffle* *snort* *insert word that is a sound that begins with an "s" here* I don't have much time, so, I must be brief. I'm not sure how I CAN be brief since I have absolutly nothing to say. The best way to be brief is to quit now. Right now. Which is what I'm about to do. Any miniute now. I promise. Okay. Bye! *sigh* My dogs are just weird. You remember my Moose's arch-enemy, don't you? You know, the small, white feather. Well, my squirell now has an arch-enemy. At least her's makes sense...sort of. Her enemy is a fake Yorkshire Terrior (same species as her) made entirely out of goat hair. She HATES and FEARS it. She'll shake and run from it, then suddenly dive and bite it's head. She goes crazy if someone holds it, 'cause it's getting attention and not her. I'm fairly certain she knows it's not alive, though. Maybe she just doesn't like goat-smell. In any case, she is clearly insane. Just like everyone else in my family. In other news, I participated in the Second Battle of the Asparagus Wars and chronicled them here. I'll add a link to the main page when I get around to it. It gave me new insight into how weird I am. I fought with vegitables, covered myself in bubble wrap, groveled before the Great Banana and dodge skittles and flying doughnuts and rubber chikens. The entire message board was like one big insane asylum. Needless to say, I felt right at home. Well, seeya *waves brightly* I got to go to my Grendel (really cool book) project for school. I's making fake soundtracks like the teacher told me! BYE!!! Okay...I'm back. Today's rant is a panic rant. There are not going to be conspiracies...or humor of any kind. I think. *let the panic begin!* IT'S NOT FAIR! Why do I have to work year round? I only signed up for a semester. I was looking forward to having A elective, while everyone else was enjoying three or four...or even more. Oooo..I'm a poet, and don't I know it? In any case...it's awful. It's bad enough to go to school, leave school, go to work, leave work, do homework and then wait for my dad to get off of the computer so that I can do stuff. I want SOME free time. That's all. Is that too much to ask? I spend from 8-5 doing what everyone else wants. When is it MYturn? Next semester will be almost exactly like this one. Even though my schedule is technically supposed to be completly differnt. You see, my school has "block" scheduling. That means I take four classes this semester and four different classes next year. But one of my classes is work, and two others are horrible year-round classes. So next semester I'll still have work, AP Lit, and AP Physics. It's not FAIR. Physics is so FREAKIN' hard! I don't understand it. I have no problem with Lit. Okay. Work. I love my work, I love the kids I work with. But I HATE spending three hours of every day in a "class" when everyone else's class is only an hour and a half. I don't care if I have to ride the bus home if I stop work. I don't care if I'd get home only an hour or so before I normaly do. I want an elective. Maybe. I think. All I know is that I've been assuming one thing while the person in charge has been assuming a completly different thing. Neither of us thought to question the other. And so I'm in deep doo-doo. *sniffle* I just want to have some FREAKIN' variety in my daily grind, you know? I don't WANT to do the same thing for an entire year. Yeah, I know, regular schedule schools do that. I pity them, I really do. I've spent the past three years of my life EXPECTING each semester to be like a mini-year. I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE! This is just way too much of a change at once. I don't want year-round classes. I don't want a full year of work. I don't want to be in this mess...I'm going to bed. I'm back. I don't have much of a choice about the whole work thing. Plus, the kids at the daycare (where I work, obviously) say that I'm "cool to talk to". That makes me feel alll warm and fuzzy inside. Like a muffin. They just like how I know lots of pointless laws and random facts. Okay. ON TO THE CONPIRACY OF THE DAY!: I've had this nagging fear that I am part of some random but vast conspiracy (about what I'm not sure but it must be vast). Meanwhile there is a vast conspiracy at school to keep me ignorant about my pawn roll in the other vast conpiracy by keeping me vastly bored. (In a very vast sense) And: did you ever notice that the word "conspiracy" is vastly similar to the word "constipation". I only mention this 'cause I've accidently spelled constipation instead of conspiracy a few times. (on accident, vast number of times) Hee-Hee! Isn't vast a funny word? You can just picture sterotypical pirates saying, "A vast ye mateys!". I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it sure is funny:) You don't agree? Shame on you! Code: 888 of The Flaming Chickens Handbook states that The Patron Saint of Paperclips (still me) is always right. ALWAYS. If the facts beg to differ, than the facts are wrong. End of story. Seeya. I'm back. I've been playing one of the new neopets slot machines (black pawkeet). I'm completly and totally addicted. Gambling is so much fun! I've won 500 np, at least and I'm on a roll. Now sure, I could have won more than 500 at some game in which you don't have to pay to play. But, what would be the fun in that? I even came up with a mathematical explanation for why gambling is fun (while I was eating a hyper-speed dinner, thinking nothing of getting back to the slot machine). Okay. If you don't understand the concept of numbers less than zero, (negative numbers) just skip this part. Imagine a number line that points in the positive and negative direction. When I start playing a game, I am on 0. I have neither won nor lost money/neopoints. When I win 500np on a normal game, I move to the 500 point. There is exactly 500 units of distance between the two extremes of winning amounts (0 and 500) BUT! When I play a gambling game, there is a possibility that I'll lose everything, so I start on negative however much NP I have with me. If I had 500np with me, I'd be at-500. Then, when I win 500 additional np, I move to the 500np point. The distance between the two extremes of how much I could have won is 1000np, making me feel like I've won much more than if I'd played a normal game. Did you understand that? Good. I probably won't later. But that is irrelevant. Goodbye! I am back. And I hava a very, almost special rant for you. The previous sentence made absolutly no sense. Good for it. In a recent article, humorist Dave Barry discussed the addictive quality of the snack food, Cheez-Its. Naturally, I had many mixed feelings, primarily disgust, as I have not voluntarily eaten a Cheez-It in quite some time. They're disgusting, bland and definitly not made of cheez, whatever that is. My family has always bought Cheez-Its, to the point of making me physically sick at the thought of eating one. (To this day, however, I will almost literally kill for a box of Cheez-It party mix, as it is a rare commodity at my house.) Fortunatly, my mom recently finnaly switched our snack food preference. To Cheese Nips. Say it. Out loud. What does it sound like? When you look at them they are identical to the evil little Cheez-Its. The only difference is the taste, which I enjoy, since it is new and different. What I want to know is this: are there no intelectual property rights in the world of food products? I mean, don't you think the creators of Cheese-Nips had a box of Cheez-Its out when they were designing their product? It seems like blaggerent plagerism. The only reason the makers of Cheese-Nips don't get sued is because of the tast difference and Cheese Nips are made of real "cheese" rather than cheez. It makes you think of Name-Brand vs. Generic cereal brands. They are the samething, with the same look, and almost same name. But people buy name brands. Why, because they assume it's better quality. Plus, boxes are more convient than bags. A profound statement, if I ever heard one. Any way, I'm leaving to eat some Cheessy goodness! I'm back. Apparantly my standards of weird have gone up. This morning, my Mom came home from work. She was upset, because she had accidently run over an armidillo. She said she hurt it the first time, and wanted to put it out of it's misery, so she went back and ran over it 11 more times. But it's legs were still moving and it was alive. She was extremly upset. When I related this story to my friends (including "Meg") they thought it was hilarious. They couldn't stop laughing. I thought it was sad...and normal. They particularly liked how I said that she went back and ran over it 11 more times. I'm not sure why. Of course, when I next saw my Mom, she retold the story to me, several times. With the exact same words, motions and emotions. She didn't think it was weird, either. Perhaps my family is just so weird, we've lost all sense of perspective. Or maybe it's everybody else that's weird. I just don't know. What do you think, Hypothetical Reader? You don't know either? Hmmmmm...what is this world coming to? Oh, by the way, I was paid a decent compliment today. One of my friends (who laughed at the armidillo story) named Tonileigh said "Jenny (that's me) is weirder than the average Psycho." and " You think Jenny's weird? Wait till you see her in angry mob form!" Now THAT'S just weird. "angry mob form"? That just sounds nifty! I can clone myself and form and angry mob? In anycase, this was particularly funny because Tonileigh is one of my "normaler" friends. Although I tell you she can't possibly be normal, since she hangs out with me. Anyway, I'm gonna go. I gots stuff to do! I'm back. If you'll look toward the bottom of this page, you'll notice that I added a nifty little thing called the "babel fish". It will translate any thing, to anything else. Ain't it nifty? What's really fun is to translate an English saying, like out of sight, out of mind. Then, when it's in German, or whatever, translate it back to English. It's so completly garbled, it's funny. For instance, I wrote: "I am the Crazy Taco!", and translated it to German. I then copied and pasted the German and put it in the text box. I translated it from German to English and got "I am the Moved Taco!" See? Hours of completly useless fun! This has been my hourly Public Service Announcement that I only do when I feel like it. Seeya! I'm back! Woooo! And do I ever have a topic today! I've been a paranoid, conspiracy seeking mood lately and the newest threat to my sanity is: smoke detectors! Come on, think about it! In all those 911 shows, people wake up and their house is engulfed in flames. The smoke detector either never went off, or went off and the people just slept through it. Okay, fire is loud. And hot...and smoky. If you can sleep through a raging fire, close enough to set off the smoke detector, then you are definitly going to sleep through the smoke detector. Plus, the fire gradually gets louder, and hotter, and smokier. The sleeping person will gradually get used to it (and incorporate it into their dreams). By the time the smoke dector goes off, the fire has drowned it out to no more than an annoying buzz. My point is that smoke detectors have very little value in home security. Okay, one day, in the future, smoke dectectors will probably activate litte fire-fighter bots that every home will have. But untill that day, the concept of the smoke detector is useless. If you're awake to hear it, chances are that you've already noticed the smoke, fire and eminent danger. If you're asleep, the fire will wake you. So, that leads us to the evil paranoid conspiracy I thought of the other night. What if the smoke detectors have tiny litte cameras in them? That would explain that annoying green little blinkie light in them. Unless, of course, the government was smart enough to have cameras without the blinkie light. In any case, wouldn't the blinkie light help night-vision cameras see in the dark? It only takes a little light to help those thingies, and smoke detectors provide more than a little. I can even see the shadow of my hand on the wall from the light those things shed. It's annoying. Here I am, trying to get a decent nights sleep and there's this green light that periodically blinks to red directly in front of me. It's a small light, but it's sooooooo annoying. There MUST be some sort of conspiracy involved, 'cause if there is, I can get rid of the EVIL thing! So, fellow conspiracy nuts: Take down the evil governmental safety device and take it apart. If you can still think during all that incessent beeping, you'll probably find evidence that I'm really paranoid. Or possibly right...that would be scary. In any case...I guess that smoke detectors are a neccesary evil...but...WHY DO THEY HAVE TO HAVE THAT STUPID LIGHT? Does it serve an obvious purpose? No! That's why it MUST be EVIL! You cannot deny the logic of my thinking! Now...I'm gonna go and worry about the light on my toaster oven...seeya! *sighs dramatically* I'm back. It's not fair, ya know? Each Friday, I wait (all tingly with anticipation) for the weekend so that I can stay up 'till the wee hours of the morning and sleep past noon. But my idiotic body has an automatic alarm clock, or something. During the weekdays, I get about seven hours of sleep (usually less) and wake up at 6:11 a.m. Yep. Now, some of you are probably calling me a whiner, 'cause you have to get up at 4:30, or whatever. And lots of you are probably gloating 'cause you don't have to get up 'till 8:30. The reason I have to get up at 6 something is that I...I...I ride the bus to school. Yeah...I know...pathetic. (Believe me, though, you never want to see me drive...I get easily distracted by clouds and signs saying FREE KITTIES!...kitties are hugable...but if you hug them...they'll scratch your eyes out...so then you have to hiss at them and establish dominence...but kitties don't like that...even though dogs do...but kitties are obviously not dogs...even though they are fuzzy.) So...my lack of a car and driving skills force me to use the bus, which comes for me 45 minutes before my school even starts. It's stupid. It only takes me a few minutes to get ready, then I can go back to bed. Now...I bet you're wondering why I don't just wake up a few minutes before I have to go. My sister. My evil, EVIL sister. That's why. She's evil. SHE has to get up at 6:11 to put on make-up, do her hair and basically annoy the heck out of me. So rather than battle her over the concept of getting dressed in the dark, I get up. Oh...I'm rambling again, aren't I? Back to the original topic! So...when the weekend rolls around, I'm fairly exhausted. But, my stupid internal alarm clock is starting to wake me up around six. I can usually fall back asleep (if I don't panic and think I'm late for school), but the stupid thing wakes me up again exactly seven hours after I originally fell asleep. Which is why it's not even 10:00 and here I am, typing. Which I suppose may be a good thing, seeing as how I'm currently in a Longest Text Ever Rivalry with Galaxy Dreamer's site. *cough*She's winning*cough* But that's just because I have so much to do to mantain and update this site, I rarely get a chance to just sit here and type. Oh, and I would like to mention to my *snicker* LOYAL fans that this Longest Text Ever DOES get updated at least once a week, so please, please, please, PLEASE do not read this once, in one sitting and then leave forever, and ever and ever! It makes me sad...*sniffle* Well...I feel better now. Did you know that I now possess a DOMAIN NAME? Yep. That's right! It'll be ready soon, ain't it great? Okay, back to the flaming-chickens LTE rivalry. Another reason why this isn't as long as Galaxy's is that I refuse to write every day as it would--this is the funny part--LOWER THE QUALITY OF MY OVERALL WORK! HA-HA! HILARIOUS! "lower the quality"? Sometimes I crack myself up. If this was quality work, I'd publish it and make a fortune. Speaking of publishing, I do plan on somehow, someday publishing this as the first rambling narrative that makes no sense, and is about as interesting as rereading the almanac. I'd probably lose money, but the concept is interesting. I think. Anyway, I better go or the quality of this will go down in that evil downward spiral thing I discussed a few months back. Seeya. I'm back. Wooooo! I's can get to my site again! It was down for a whole day or so 'cause of all the traffic I got from my new quizes. I have an extra-special rant for you all today, to celebrate the new domain name! www.flaming-chickens.com! Okay. I am now barophobic (afraid of gravity). I recently learned in my EVIL Physics class that on average, humans lose one inch of height during the day due to gravity pushing on their spine. The height is regained at night, when you're laying down. This naturally alarmed the HECK out of me! GRAVITY IS EVIL! It's pushing down on me, squishing my spine. MY SPINE IS SQUISHY! That's is just so extremly creepy. What if, eventually, Earth's gravity get's very very strong, and we all imploud from the squishyness? It'd be like when you go to the bottom of the ocean, only with gravity instead of pressure...*shudders* Pressure is evil, too. Air pressure. Did you know that there is over two miles of air sitting on you right now? Even though air is light, that much air adds up. TWO MILES? Even the air is conspiring to squish me! If you don't believe that all that air has weight, try going into space sometime. Space is notorious for not having air. When you're in space (without a space suit) you don't SUFFUCATE, you don't FREEZE. You exploud. Since all that nifty air isn't pressin' on you, your guts and stuff are free to go wherever they want, and the EVIL little things decide to roam around. Outside your body. It's creepy. So...air pressure can be a good thing. Even though it gains pleasure from squishing my spine. That's it, I'm gonna take drastic measures! I'm gonna launch THE OFFICIAL FLAMING CHICKENS LUNAR COLONY! The moon has one-sixth of Earth's gravity. And absolutly NO air-pressure. We can all wear spiffy space-suits and feel all superiour to all those stupid earthlings. So...if you wish to contribute to this great and magneficent and magestic and MOOSEY project...we need the following things: 739 rolls of aluminium foil (preferably the extra shiny kind) 417 refridgerator boxes, 9000 rolls of "sticky on both sides" duct tape, 300 lbs of chicken feathers (preferably white) and 1 (one) thermo-nuclear-rocket-thruster. If you can spare any of these items, please e-mail them to me. Yes. E-mail. Did you really think I'd give you guys my ADDRESS? Now...I know what you guys are thinking...some of those items on that list are gonna be hard to find. Especially that duct tape. But, believe me, it's MUCH more practical than the alternative. What is the alternative, you ask? I'll tell you. Making me(The Patron Saint of Paperclips) the Ruler of the Laws of Nature! That way I can just outlaw the need for gravity and air pressure! I'm already half way there, since I conclusivly proved (in Physics class) that gravity actually causes things to slow down and EVENTUALLY GO UP! Sure, my TEACHER said that was because I was doing the problems wrong, but once I'm the Ruler of the Laws of Nature, I'll change the problems so that I'm right! Oooo! I thought of another very good reason to assist with the Official Flaming Chickens Lunar Colony! As we all know, the world is going to end in about 380,695 days! This means that we only have a very short while to prepare. And I sugest that we build the rocket so that we can go to the Official Flaming Chickens Lunar Colony so that we can laugh at the stupid earthlings who are blowing up because they didn't listen to us when we tried to warn them about the impending doom! Once we are on our Lunar Landing Site, we will engage in many exciting activites, primarily related to suffucating and starving. If (and this is a big if) the world DOES survive, we can beg them for food, oxygen and other supplies. They'll probably just call us weird and laugh at us, but that's beside the point! I can even see the Official Flaming Chicken Rocket. It'll be covered in chicken feathers, and shaped like a chicken. The foil will make up the beak and the folded legs, and the thruster can simulate the tail. It will be a truly magestic site, as it launches from the earth, spewing excess oxygen, cardboard, feathers and tape. But, act now, or it will be too late, and you will be one of the losers that we'll be laughing at, assuming we have air to laugh with. Remember, e-mail psopc@flaming-chickens.com the much needed supplies...if that is possible. If not, then some day, when the Internet is down and I'm really bored, I will construct a model OFCR and attempt to launch it. That will be a wonderous day. I think I'll get my little sister to be the test piolet. Well...better go...I need to plan this out more...I'm back. And mildly weirded-out. My dad...was on this site. My dad. It even SOUNDS weird. He took the TAB member quiz and turned out to be me, he took the JOB quiz, and was a repo man (which had a pic of my brother) He said he wanted to see what I was doing, and to make sure that I wasn't saying anything derrogatory about my parents. He looked me upvia yahoo's search engine using flaming-chicken as the keyword. It took him to my quiz page. So he probably didn't see the majority of my site. It's just weird. All along, my entire family has scoffed (nifty word, isn't it?) about my site, and called me weird. I dunno...I guess I'm just kinda freaked out. Oh, and don't forget to celebrate Mad Hatter Day on October the 6th. Seeya. I'm back. I had some conspriacy or another to rant about. But then I listened to some of the new music I put on my site and mellowed out. I can't remember what I was gonna rant about. Oh, yeah. Now I do. "Purified" water. Just wait a sec while I stop the music. *content sigh* There we go...that's much better. Now I can think. That's right, folks. "Purified" water. Now...just stop a second and contemplate that. Pure means, well, no extra stuff. 100% of something. Right? Well, next time you buy your $3 FREAKIN' dollar bottle of water, consider this. On almost all the "purified" water bottles I've ever seen it has the following mesage: "Purified through reverse osmosis. Minerals added for a pure, fresh taste." In other words, they take all that extra "stuff" out to make it pure. Then they add other "stuff" in to make it TASTE pure. But it's not. For all you, the uninformed consumer, could know, it might have rat poison in it. "Pure" water manufactuerers are not required to list the ingredients of water, because the average consumer believes that it should be obvious. But that is false! They add random minerals to our water to make it taste better, and then advertise it as pure! It's an outrage! I'd rather drink the "impure" tap water where at least I KNOW that someone, somewhere tested it. It's a law, I think. But does anyone test "pure" water? Most likely they test it BEFORE they add the extra stuff..."Yep, Bob, this is some mighty pure water." "Yep, Bill, time to dump the arsnic in so it tastes pure!" What kind of reasoning is that? Wouldn't pure water TASTE pure, and impure water TASTE impure? The insanity and stupidity is mind boggling! That's why I like fast-food salt. It actually lists what random minerals they through in to make it TASTE like salt. There's salt, of course, and aluminum sulfate, and other compounds. But the point is, if I were, say, freakily allergic to a random mineral, I could read the ingredients and not eat the salt. That's what they need to do with the water. Or, at the very least, not label it as "pure". Okay. That's the rant of the week, month, year, whatever. I'll probably have another one soon, but that whole water thing has been buggin me for awhile. Well...seeya! Er...yeah...I'm back. It's been awhile, (at least two weeks) since I've written here. I've been obsessed with various webcomics, creating the stupidly long new Phobia Quiz and being maniacly hysterical about my site always being down due to bandwith issues. I'm goin' light on the advertising at the moment, which is why I'm free to write here. I WANT to write. But I can't think of anything to write about. Typical. I finnaly get some free time to rant and rave and all my topics just magically melted away. Let's see...what have I ranted about before, subliminal messages, vast breakfast cereal conspiracies, water, uh...reality tv? And that's just what I can list from memory. Oh, yeah! How could I forget the stupid Tootsie Roll Pop Commercials? TACO is still in my heart. *sighs*...now...let's see...what to rant about today... ... ... ... ... I can't think of anything!? Is this writer's block?! Or maybe I just wanna go to bed. Sleeping is fun. Well...let's see. Did you know that statistics prove that 45% of all statistics are completly made up by me (The Patron Saint of Paperclips)? Well...they are. Ha! I see you have no reaction to that, do you Hypothetical Reader? I have once again caused that explody sensation in your brain meats! You cannot DEFEAT me! I rule the...er...*random Loyal Minion whispers in ear* That's right! I rule the Internet! The Official FLaming-Chickens Handbook already confirms that fact! You CANNOT DENY it! It says that in black and...er lime green! It MUST be true! Because it is in those veyr colors that the Matrix is programmed! Ahhh...I see your confusion! You cannot follow the vast, mind-boggling logic that is ME! Wait...how...how can I BE logic? That doesn't make any sense...you can't BE something abstract...can you? Now MY brain meats feel explody. That's not fair! I see your EVIL plot now, Hypothetical Reader! You just let me rant on and on for you KNEW that eventually I would confuse myself with my vast puddle of knowledge. You are devious...I give you that. Unfortunantly...I must leave...before the confusion spreads and I do something stupid...like revealing my one weakness before you...THAT'S IT! Code 452 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paperclips (ME!!!) does not, has never, and will absolutly NOT admit to having any weakness...besides the aformention indivduals own skin, which isn't even a weakness anyway since no representative of the Dark, Fluffier Side can BE the Patron Saint of Paperclips (Guess, who...no...no...THAT'S IT!) and even if they could it wouldn't do them any good because it would scare them instead of the aformentioned individual. Boy...I really enjoy confusing myself!:) Seeya! I'm baaaaa-ack! Aren't you happy? Here, see if you can find the super-secret message! While you wait for yesterday's tomorrow, lunge back and remember that day. You know the one. Yeah, this doesn't mean anything to you. Are you surprised? Obviously not. Answer me, you blobby looking freak! Or suffer my blindingly moronic nail messages. Did you find it? Wasn't it super? And secret? I thought it was. But then, I'm me...and you're you. I think. I'm pretty sure you're not me...but you could be that other guy. Yeah...that...guy...you know who I'm talking about. No? Do not MOCK me! I know where you are right now! Spooky, huh? Ooooo...time for today's topic. My favorite stuff...JTHM...I have my libraries copy of JTHM...I shall quote Noodle Boy for you:) (Full copyright/credit to Jonhnen Vasquez for writin' the stuff, I'm just sharing the spleeny goodness with you). (it's edited, of course, to stay PG13...**** signifies a random naugty word:)) "HEY, DOG ENTITY! RISE UP AND BARE YOUR BISCUIT FILTY FANGS AT THE LEASH WIELDING DEMON!! **** MY NAVEL ITCHES!! MEOW!MEOW!MEOW! CAT CHOW!!! CEASE YOUR FLATULENT WINDS AND HEAR MY MIND NUMBING EXPULSIONS OF WICKED NOISE! GRRR!! CHEESE!!! I SENSE YOUR ENVY OF MY NECK!! AND I DONT BLAME YOU!! DROOOOOL OVER MY MAGICAL POWERS!! I HAVE POWERS PINTO BEANS CAN ONLY DREAM OF! WANNA SEE ME PULL A TAPEWORM OUTTA MY ****!! HUH?!...STARE DEEP INTO THE STINKING ABYSS OF MY INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED SLICES!!! HOLY WAX! CHECK OUT MY ARMPITS!!! HEEEEY! WAIDAMINIT!! WAIT JUST A POLYP PICKING MINUTE!! I SEE YOUR GAME! YOU WILL NOT SINK MY CHEERIO!! I SEE WHAT IS TRANSPIRING HERE!!! YOU'RE ALL ZOMBIE THIGH-FAT PEOPLE BROUGHT INTO ANIMATION BY SOME EVIL FORCE OF FORCEFUL EVIL!!! **** THAT LIPSTICKS THE WRONG COLOR FOR YOU!! MOOOO! WOOF! OH, DON'T YOU SEE THE TOENAILS?!! OH, SO SPLENDID!! A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K...! UNDER SUCH EXTREME HEAT, WEAR AND DEGRADATION IS INEVITABLE!! PARTS BREAK AFTER OVERUSE!! AND THAT IS WHY TOASTER PASTRIES WILL BURST INTO FLAMES IF YOU DON'T KEEP AN EYE ON THEM! Now, wasn't that entertainment. I added to the lenghth of the LTE without even thinking! That's talent. Lots of gooey talent. Unfortunatly, I once again am devoid of a topic. And any weirdness I could come up with would be normal compared to Noodle Boy, so...I bid thee farewell...seeya! I'm back. And I've realized that I am a complete idiot. For an ENTIRE MONTH I have possesed the arcane knowledge, but I forgot to share it with you, my loyal potentially imaginary reader. I know. You're shocked at my selfish, bad, memory. I apologize from the depths of my moosey soul. For, you see...my life long goal has been fufilled...*anticipatory silence*...THERE ACTUALLY IS GRAPE PIE!!!! I know...you are as shocked as I am. One day I was randomly looking up images via Google...and 'lo and behold, there it was. Grape Pie. It was as if it had been just sitting there...waiting for me to discover it. Apparantly Grape Pie isn't mainstream, but it has existed for some time. In obscure cookbooks. Well...that just makes me filled with gooey happiness. Of course, there is also regret...after all, I could have made a fortune if I'd been the first to think of it. Oh, well. There was something else I had to tell you loyal *cricket chirps, someone coughs* fans. I can't remember what. I guess I'll just rant and rave about that whole vicious downward spiral of my writing. I mean, I KNOW people are coming here...I have proof! *holds up a piece of paper, which, from a distance, appears to have writing on it* Yes, undenyable proof! But this proof degrades this mysterious, mystical and mystifying "quality" of my words. After all, how can I be self derisive, and full of low expectations for this site if I KNOW people are here...several thousand of them in fact, in just a few months. It's strange. I felt more fufilled when this site was a barren wastland of useless space. But, if it had remained that way, I would have had no impetus to continue my pointlessly insane ranting. Oh, speaking of insane, I STILL need those much needed supplies for the Official Flaming-Chickens Lunar Colony! No one has even bothered to e-mail them to me...*sniffle*. I needs the duct tape! How can I survive without the sticky goodness? HOW, I ask you!? It cannot be...hmmmm...maybe I should just use IMAGINARY duct tape...it's easier to come by ,but it's much more expensive...I'm not sure what to do. *enter Squirell* What's that, little Squirell? That's just silly. You KNOW I ran out of imaginary money last week when I bought that imaginary country. WHAT!? Just "imagine" I have more!? What a crazy idea. So crazy it just might work! *scrunches eyes and makes funny sounds* Nope. It didn't. I guess I'll just have to wait untill my imaginary clone hijacks that imaginary bank truck. Until then...I have absolutly no imaginary money. What ever shall I do? I won't be able to feed my various imaginary pets and friends their beloved imaginary food! Squirell? You gots extra money, don't you? *nods* I thought so. You give to me? No? I gives you imaginary IOU's...here...yours. Thank you Squirell. *Squirell wanders off in search of electrical sockets to sniff* What's that, Hypothetical Reader? You don't know who Squirell is? You haven't been paying attention have you? She's my little puppy...she fears grape flavored stuff, wind, rain, television, noise, silence, small children and pretty much everything. She likes sniffing potentially dangerous stuff, like electrical sockets. Surely you have heard of her? Still no? Oh, well. You know...I enjoy having these conversations with you. It really lets me get to know you. What's that? You say I'm really just talking to myself? What an eccentric idea! To think, YOU are trying to tell ME that YOU aren't here. How absurd. After all, I'm talking to you, aren't I? *nods* Well, yeah...I KNOW I'm actually typing instead of talking. Wait a minute...so you're saying that I'm talking and responding to you, but you won't be reading this until long after I have finished typing? Now who's the crazy one? For that theory to work, I'd have to be psychic...or in possesion of a freaky time-traveling computer. Because what you're saying is that I'm talking to people in the future. That my words somehow travel accross time (if only a few minutes) and are somehow picked up by future you, and that my responses are dictated by future you's reactions. What? You mean that I'm just randomly responding regardless of your reactions? Why, that would be insane, wouldn't it? That's the point you're trying to get across? *pauses* Oh. I see. You wanna play that way. Well...two can play by THOSE rules. You wanna try to convince me I'M crazy? Well, look at you? How do you know I even exist? For all you know you could be staring at that freaky 3-D maze screen saver with a blank look on your face while you THINK you're reading an inhumanly long text. For all you know, you could be halucinating my entire site! For that matter, how do you know that ANYTHING but you exists! You could be floating out in empty space, conjuring nice little fantasies to relieve the monotony of being the only living being! Every single person you know could just be figments of your imagination, you could even be in a crazy house! Not only that, but how do you know that YOU actually exist? You could be the figment of someone else's dream. What would happen when that dreamer woke? Are you happy? You got me started. I may NEVER shut up. I'll just go on and on about how crazy you COULD be. All because YOU tried to convince me that I was crazy. *blinks* And I STILL can't remember what else I was gonna say to you people. Strange, huh? Well, I better leave before I go on and on about more "reality" theories. Makes you wonder about "reality" television, huh? Seeya. I'm back. Grrrr...I had a nifty rant all planned out in my head. And then I was unable to get on the computer and I forgot most of it. Oh, but I did remember what else I wanted to say to you people. Remember that rant I did on how there could be a secret camera in the smoke detector? I few months ago I saw a movie about that. It was pretty good. Maybe I'd seen it before, and that's where I got the idea. I forgot it's name. Well...I DO have a special treat for you weirdos who apparantly like wasting time! Today, in my (Honors) English class, we did group work. My group...well...we either went hysterical or crazy, I can't decide which. We had to do an essay on a book. There was a sample essay online. It sucked. It tooked about envelooping (enveloping) cracked nuts and parables. So we were already off to a bad start. Here is the sum total of my group's work. (Note: I wrote virtually none of this, so I cannot be blamed, credited with any of this. "Lots of death, lots and lots of death in this section. Death is like life in that after you die some things start life again inside of you. 'Ah the power of cheese!' The author's vision was unique in that only he put biscuits and death in the same sentence. 'I found nothing else to do but to offer him on of my good Swede's ship's biscuits I had in my pocket'" And we're supposed to be GOOD in English! We KNEW how terrible it was, but we just didn't bother to change it. Especially the part about the biscuits and cheese. We just picked random words in the selection and wrote about them. It was sad. In any case, I hope you enjoyed our patheticness. Seeya! I'm back. Today I will be mercifully brief. I am here to bring AWARNESS to your moosey soul! Right now, while you are sitting in your "chair" and eating your "junk food", millions of almonds are commiting suicide. Yes...that's right...suicide. I was alerted to this growing problem in our world community by (Kat, the ruler of all that is almondy)...and it greatly concerns me. People just don't realize that their almonds and mixed nuts may be having depression and other problems. We need to act now! For more information, e-mail EnpuUnknown@msn.com Well...seeya! I'm so very, very tired. Today was Halloween. I worked for four hours at the "Library of Terror" sponsered by TAB. TAB members got pizza...lots of pizza...and candy. Ugh. It was fun, but exhausting. I was almost completly covered in (fake) blood...it was sticky toward the end. One guy was a "shock therepy" patient...he was a good actor. He acted like he was really being tortured and stuff. I'm tired. I bet you couldn't tell. Why am I writing? Because this is the first time I've been on a computer all day. You can't blame me. Don't worry, I'll go to bed soon. In the mean time, I'll just sit here and type with my eyes closed. It's hard to type because of the bandaid on my finger. I accidently cut it with scizzors. It hurt. The fake blood seeped into the open wound. Gee...I sure hope it wasn't poisonous. If so, I guess I won't be writing here for quite awhile...seeya. Okay, this next rant has nothing to do whatsoever with Halloween...which is to be expected because it's been several days since then. Anyway, today's rant is about one of my many and various pet peeves: fasion and...stuff. My definition of fasion includes clothes, shoes, jewelery and all things of that nature. Now, don't get me wrong. I can appreciate a spiffy black outfit as much as the next person, but everytime I consider actually buying clothes for aesthetic value, I think about how I could better spend my money. On video games. Sure, some of this "fasion" stuff is cool and all, but all it shows is that you had the three and three-quarters brain cells required to copy someone else's "look". And don't even get me started on earrings. My little, eviler sister got her ears pierced when she was relativly younger. My mom did it to her because it was free. OF FREAKIN' COURSE IT WAS FREE! Just like thos so called "diet supplements" that give you a "free" sample because they know that once you try it, you'll like it so much you'll spend oodles of cash on it. (There's probably drugs in it). Anyway, like the "diet supplement" people, the earring manufacturers KNOW that once they pierce you, you'll be hooked for life. *pauses* *groans* I'm sorry for that pun (pierced, hooked, getit?). AS soon as you're pierced, you have to buy "starter" earrings. Then you'll need an "extra" pair...for special occasions. Before you know it you'll realize that you need Christmas earrings, Halloween earrings, Valentine's Day earrings, St. Patrick's Day earrings, for crying out loud! You'll wear these "festive" earings for about a day and then abandon them in some dark cranny of your closet because you simply can't wear the same earrings two years in a row for heaven's sake! Then you'll see these cute little "days-of-the-week" earrings at the mall, and you'll just have to get a few sets, just in case you lose some. By the time you're eighty, you'll have enough ear jewelry to open up your own jewelry shop. Of course, you won't want to do that becuase you still need more earrings so people won't think you wear the same ones over and over again. When I think of how much money people WASTE on appearences, it makes me feel like projectile vomiting. If that's not a vast conspiracy, then nothing on this Earth is. Now, I'm not speaking from personal experience here. No one I know is that obsessed with earrings, it was just an example. (Although my mother does have a "earring tree".) Sure, certain members of my family do pay WAY to much attention to fasion, but that's just because of the expectations of society. I, being weird, am pretty much immune to such expectations. Except those specially formulated for weird-o's like me. If I were to suddenly convert this entrie site into a *shudders* Backstreet Boys fan site or something, you wouldn't be any more suprised than I would be if my brother woke up one day and suddenly realized that he's shallow. It's the same concept. (No, I don't like any of those creepy "pop" stars. I think that they should routinly die a slow, savage, agonizing death...I was just saying a random thing that I would never, ever do.) Well...any way...seeya! I'm back. And today's rant is a sort of philosophical one. It's about the (supposedly) infinite nature of the universe. Suprised? It's spiffy. You see, if the universe is indeed infinite, that means that literally EVERYTHING is possible, and in fact, is happening somewhere in the universe. Think about it. No matter how unlikely something is, if the universe is infinite, it's happening an infinite number of times. Think about that old saying about "If you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, eventually they would reproduce the entire works of Shakespear". That makes complete and total sense! Anyone just randomly typing letters will eventually accidently write a word, right? Now think of 100 people typing randomly. You figure that one of those 100 people would actually have a coherent phrase. And one out of a million people would probably have a few sentences. So if you have an infinite number of people, some are going to have entire books of coherent stuff. And, you have to remember that because infinity is infinite, you can divide it an infinite number of times. Try it. If you have a decent graphing calculator, plug in the infinity symbol divided by anything, (even infinity). The answer is still infinity. Using my philosopy, that EVERYTHING exists because the universe is infinite...well...think about it. In some far off world, there are pokemon...there are an evil race of muffin like creatures, there is a world with ABSOLUTLY NO COMMERCIALS DURING TELEVISION! I know, unlikely, huh? But somewhere, it exists. Think about it. If the universe is infinite it would be crazy to think that we're alone. With an infinite universe, there are infinite possibilites. There ARE aliens. Not only that, but there are an infinite number of different kinds of intelligent life. Which means that there are an infinite number of worlds with humanoid life. (Think of the fake-looking Star Trek aliens). If there are an infinte number of worlds with human life, than there are an infinte number of worlds that have someone exactly like you, with only a few key differences. (Like alternate dimensions and stuff) So, there is a world where you are the creator of this Longest Text Ever. There is a world where you are a faerie. There is a world where you were never born. There is a world where you are a slave to your TOASTER OVEN. The possibilities are literally endless. Every fantasy the human mind has concieved exist at some place in the universe. There are an infinite number of worlds with Harry Potter. Think about it. I came up with this philosophy when I was in fifth grade. I'd tell it to my little brother as a bed time story. He always enjoyed it because it meant that somewhere, he was the Supreme Dictator of the Galaxy. That made him happy. He ignored the fact that he was also a 72 year old "sanitation engineer" somewhere. All the good possibilities effectivly cancel out the bad ones, leaving the sum total of you and your counterparts experiences as nothing. You don't have the best life of your counterparts, but you don't have the worst either. Because that would be impossible. There is always someone worse off and better off than you. Because there are an infinite number of people on either side of the spectrum. Confusing, huh? But that's the kind of thing I like. That also explains why normal stuff confuses me. I'm sure some so called "scientist" can prove all my theories wrong...but how? How do you PROVE something is not infinite? You'd have to find the end, of course. But how, may I ask, can you find the end of the FREAKIN' universe? What, is there a giant sign saying, "DEAD END"? The universe is EVERYTHING, how can it end? At the same time, how can you prove something IS infinite? You could travel in a straight line at the speed of light for a million years and all you'd prove is that the universe is really, really big. But you'd never prove it was infinite. How could you? Our mind's cannot conceive of the vastness of infinity. We'd probably go crazier. In any case, my theory means that playing video games is very cruel. Why, you ask? Because in some world, the video game is real. So when you kill, or whatever, in the game, you are actually ending life somewhere in the universe. Of course, you also end life by sneezing, eating, sleeping, and watching T.V. According to my theory that everything is real. Of course, if everything is real...then the Universe is pretty contradictory. The paradox of my system of beliefs leads me to believe that the universe, in fact, is not infinite. Because nature supposidly abhors a paradox. Although, as I said, there's no way to prove me wrong OR right. That's what I like about making abstract theories... Anyway, sorry for the lack of relative weirdness, conspiracy theories and doughnuts (my Moose ate them all). Well...now that I think about it...according to my theory, ALL conspiracies are real and mislabled "paranoid" people are really the only ones who see the truth. *blinks* Wow...so I'm NOT paranoid. Who'da thought it? Well...better go before one of my two and half sane readers falls asleep:) Seeya! I'm back! Boy, are you mythical, mystical readers in for a treat, today! I have a guest rant/fake commercial written by "Meg" (who is once again banned from accessing the almighty Internet). Are you ready? No? Too Bad! The magic eight-ball glows with knowledge! With a shake, the future is revealed! The magic eight-ball is a plastic casing with an unknown, possibly toxic liquid inside. The future is determined by the triangles, in a startling blue color which spin around in a zany manner. Wheather you're saved or doomed, find out now! Is that old lady on the street corner really an ex-convict? Is fat-free food more delicious than food loaded with fat? Is your school playground a gateay to the underworld? All this information and more is yours for the low, low price of 5 payments of $29.99! And, if you call within the next ten minutes you get a free eight ball with the one you buy! But wait! There's more! Get the free Lil' Ball for your traveling needs! Warning: this product is illegal in most states) Wasn't that entertaining? "Meg" wrote it for a school assignment. We were supposed to write about a cherished child-hood toy, and attempt to turn our fond memories into a commercial. I wrote about furby, and how it was fun to watch it die. No, really. Somehow, I managed to make my furby die. It would sneeze, then start it's eight-hour-long death hum. It would hum, and hum, and hum...and then mercifully die. I don't exactly have a good track record with virtual pets. I once...*embarassed pause* had "Hey, You! Pikachu!"...a pokemon game. I'll only say that it was the first game you could "talk" to and was the first (and only) N64 virtual pet. Pikachu...well...he didn't like me. I gave him cupcakes, and presents, and did everything I could to befriend him! And what did he do to me? He snuck up on me one day in our room (in the game) with a sword! That's right, a sword! He tried to kill me! I heard something and turned around, and there he was! He even tried to hide the sword behind his back! When I tried to talk to him, he tossed it away nonchalantly and pretended he hadn't heard me. Then he preceeded to trash my room, scattering kleenex everywhere. I'm pretty sure that the "smelly yellow ball" that he started throwing was his own feces (poo). That dirty little rat. Awwww...isn't he cute? Hmmmm...I suppose I should clarify that the Pikachu game was 3-D and your character was in first person mode(you see through character's eyes). Otherwise you'd think I was delusional, or something. Everyone I know who has played that game is shocked when I tell them...oh, well. Speaking of virtual pets, I'm revamping the ones on this site. I've finnally figured out sorta, maybe, kinda, how to do stuff to make it more real. Anyway, seeya! OOooooo! I'm back, and I had yet another Asparagus War with some people. We made a guild, and I wrote out the trans of the first ever Asparagus War in narrative form (mock epic, very cheesey) Since it's very, very long, I'll post it here to meet my imaginary word quota for the day! Oh, and all those weird squiggly lines and symbols, those are supposed to be apostrophes, but neopet's code is weird, and I'm not gonna bother to edit it. Enjoy! And, on the 15th day of the Month of August, in the year of our Lord 2003, at approximately 7:52 p.m. a great and wondrous battle was fought in the waste lands of the General Chat Room. ‘Lo, and eon337 did wield the mighty Swiss-Asparagus, and did attempt to vanquish her foe, the Evil and Fluffy preggypreggy. Preggypreggy had tamed the fearsome Asparagus Sword, and many a foe had she slain with her valor. But behold! For the Swiss-Asparagus did slice, and dice and was capable of turning itself into julienne fries! And so it seemed that the two mighty warriors were evenly matched and that their struggle would never come to and end. They didst charge at each other with a terrible noise and clamor, and the skies did shake and the earth did tremble at the ferocity of their mighty blows! The stereotypical Asparagus Sword didst fail to hit its mark and eon337 did mock the Sword for it’s falling. Translation: On 8-15-03, 7:52 NST, eon337 and preggypreggy grabbed some Asparagus Themed weapons and fought. They made fun of each other’s weapons, and generally kept missing each other every time they swung. And eon337 did think long and ponderous and in so doing converted the puny Swiss-Asparagus into the mighty and powerful toothpick. And the masses did gleam the significance of this act and they were awed by the grace and cunning of the wooden speck. And preggypreggy was immune to the verbal slings and arrows of her foe, and refused to be disheartened by eon337’s dishonorable insults. Her claim being that function of a weapon is to be put before the ornate form. She endeavored to thwart eon337’s plans to defeat her with the great and wondrous toothpick. She didst again pummel the air with her sword, but in her enthusiasm her blows didst fall far from their mark. And the masses didst cheer for eon337 as she had impressed them greatly and they made the sounds of impressive wonder. Translation: Eon337 turned a perfectly good Swiss-Asparagus into a toothpick to gain the approval of the studio audience. The audience oooed and awed. Preggypreggy continued to swing wildly around, missing each time. She ignored eon337’s insult and said that at least her sword worked. And then a new challenger didst arrive at the arena and scoobychick6900 didst fling bowls of asparagus at the fighting mortal enemies. Preggypreggy appealed to the masses, but to no avail, and was heartily surprised when the asparagus did hit her. And ‘Lo! The masses didst condemn scoobychick6900 loudly and vehemently and there was much rejoicing in the land. Preggypreggy didst fancy that she had perhaps met scoobychick6900 previously, and so did attempt to recollect when. Eon337 did take advantage of the lull in action and did attack preggypreggy with her finger. Preggypreggy did retaliate with the awe-inspiring SuperPoke, and eon337 was laid low upon the ground in agony. Translation: Scoobychick6900 showed up and threw bowls of asparagus. Eon337 poked preggypreggy, and preggypreggy poked back, harder. Eon337 was hurt. And with victory in her mighty vision, preggypreggy didst decide to reveal her secret weapon, and with a fancy hand movement, revealed the extent of her traitorous ways. For all know that the bagels and the doughnuts didst disband in ancient times of old. Preggypreggy, through her treacherous methods, had obtained the Flying Doughnut of Doom and didst endeavor to use it. Eon337 was readily prepared for such an occurrence and didst arm herself with mighty ear-shields, armor that didst repel all projectiles of metal, a head covering, and an outer covering of strange, transparent material that didst snap whence it was squeezed. Aragorns_cutie then didst show up with the almighty nemesis broccoli and an unnecessary sneer upon her countenance. _Radical_girl_ did break the protocol and didst claim to rather fight with cucumbers, and so it was done. And the masses rejoiced. And eon337 didst not hear the newcomers because of her mighty ear-shields, and didst offer the fighters dressings for their wounds. Translation: Preggypreggy revealed that she had a secret weapon from Ancient Times, although eon337 was prepared for it, with earmuffs, bulletproof armor, and bubble wrap. Two new fighters showed up and did random things. Eon337 offered Band-Aids. And aragorns_cutie didst laugh in a manic way, and didst wave the broccoli to and fro in a threatening manner. And eon337 did finally recognize the newcomers, and ask, neigh, commanded they give preggypreggy healing strips. And _radical_girl_ didst howl furiously and implored the fighters to meet their DOOOOOOOOM. And so hiamplidude didst come to the battle and didst posses the almighty Asparagus Cannon, and did thinkest himself invincible. Following himaplidude camst nemmisis_dude, who didst offer the warriors ponderous messages such as: THIS TRULY WORKS! POST THIS IN 10 DIFFERENT BOARDS AND YOU WILL FIND A BABY PAINTBRUSH WHEN YOU GO TO CHAT PREFERENCE AND 10000000000NPS! THIS TRULY WORKS, TRUST ME. And the warriors didst consider nemmisis_dude a profit, who was devoted to speaking in tongues so as to convey a message from the gods. And ‘Lo! Nemmisis_dude didst reveal his Bow and Asparagus and the masses rejoiced. And eon337 didst intimidate her foes by snapping her transparent covering and shrieking that she was invincible. Translation: Random stuff happened, and more people showed up. Someone spammed the message board so people ignored it and eon337 went crazier And ‘Lo! The writer of this cheesy epic didst realize that virtually every sentence begins with “and”, and the masses rejoiced. _radical_girl_ dids’t chase random people with her broccolis, and didst miss in her mighty swings. Hiamplidude didst take out nemmisis_dude, and gloried in his honor and didst receive a spinach gun from the gods. . Preggypreggy was threatened by the randomness, and didst call her secret weapon, the Mighty Evil Flying Donut Of Doom! Eon337 realized preggypreggy’s unprecedented treachery and didst cower in her impotence before one so Dark and Fluffy. And aragorns_cutie had ex-lax and _radical_girl_ didst covet invincibility and so did don a pool covering. Nemmisis_dude was revealed to be unharmed by hiamplidude, and didst fire at preggypreggy with an asparagus gun. But preggypreggy didst forget one thing: eon337 still possessed the support of the ignorant masses, which guaranteed her inevitable victory. And preggpreggy scoffed at eon337’s supposed advantage and didst claim that even the ravenous horde of the people didst not conceive of her one vulnerable point. And preggypreggy didst close her mind to the truth: the dark side is fluffy. Translation: Preggypreggy called the Flying Donut of doom and eon337 called preggypreggy a traitor. The newcomers did random tings, and eon337 reminded everyone that she still had the support of the studio audience. Preggypreggy refused to see it as an advantage, and refused to believe that she was on the Dark, Fluffier Side. And behold, for eon337 didst transform the Asparagus Toothpick into a Aspara-Launcher and didst call preggypreggy deceived in her way of thinking, for the Dark Side is always Fluffier. And preggypreggy didst call forth the creamed cheese from the bowels of the Evil Flying Donut of Doom and the masses did rejoice, and wallowed in the fattening substances that fell from the air like a gift of mana from the gods. And eon337 didst fire projectiles at preggypreggy and unexpectedly mimicked the holy Matrix in her cries of “Dodge this”. And neoshadow08 didst arrive and inquire as to whether rubber chickens were allowed, and the multitudes said yes. Preggypreggy, in her infinite wisdom, failed to see the connection between Darkness and Fluffiness, and was so forsaken by the masses. And greyratt didst claim to have invented a new, spookier type of asparagus that never caught on, and the multitudes rejoiced. Preggypreggy didst dodge the projectile, and gained honor amongst the masses. As the theological debate about the Dark, Fluffier Side raged on, the newcomers fought with the dung of dogs, the chickens of rubber and other such unorthodox weaponry as greyratt didst play with discarded asparagus. Translation: Some stuff happened here. No, really! Eon337’s toothpick became an Aspara-Launcher, and preggypreggy and eon337 argued about whether the Dark Side was Fluffy or not. Neoshadow08 and greyratt came, and did stuff. Preggypreggy released cream cheese from the Flying Donut of Doom. And eon337 didst revealth that she didst posses the Ultimate Asparagus Themed Weapon, too terrible to be named, oh, what the heckth, the name didst ring and was The Thermo-Asparagus-Nuclear-Weapon. And preggypreggy didst begin to crack under the strain of the Squeak of Death, and so in his infinite understanding, neoshadow08 didst remove the Squeak of Death and didst replace it with the Chic Attack. Aragorns_cutie didst protest the violence, and didst consume the flavorful tomato paste. And moonbeam998 didst come, a magical priestess full of arcane knowledge. Her mighty glance didst fall upon the warriors and she didst proclaim: THIS TRULY WORKS! POST THIS IN TEN DIFFERENT BOARDS AND YOU WILL FIND A BABY PAINTBRUSH WHEN YOU GO TO CHAT PREREFERENCE AND 10000000000NPS! THIS TRULY WORKS, TRUST ME! And the warriors were mystified by her meaning, but verily they didst decide that it meant for them to continue their holy battle, in the name of whatever great and mysterious god moonbeam998 didst represent. Scoobychick6900 didst return to pummel the warriors with bowels of asparagus, as in times of old. Translation: Eon337 got out the Thermal-Asparagus-Nuclear-Weapon, and neoshadow08 stopped squeaking and started the Chick Attack. Yet another person spammed the message board, and was equally ignored. Scoobychick6900 returned. And neoshadow08’s baby chickens didst fall unto the warriors from the sky, and didst pummel the brave fighters unmercifully. And scoobychick6900 didst offer to the warriors magical rainbow colored pellets, which she didst hurl at them forcefully with a gun. The magic pellets were then revealed to be the chicken’s only weakness. And the warriors were locked in a deadly struggle, each using their unique methods and weapons. And the masses didst rejoice yet again. And then ‘Lo! For preggypreggy was forced to valiantly flee the battlefield, and acceded the victory to eon337. And the masses looked confused. Eon337 didst admit that preggypreggy didst fight a valiant battle. Skuld815 didst arrive and didst proclaim the battle strange and didst fling M & M’s at the warriors. And scoobychick6900 didst proclaim that Rice Krispies were much more powerful than other weapons, and didst think that she was the only warrior left. She did wail with despair as she didst discover that eon337 remained in the land of the living. Translation: Neoshadow08 caused chickens to fall from the sky, and scoobychick6900 fired skittles at people. Preggypreggy had to leave, and skuld815 showed up. Scoobychick6900 thought she was the last fighter left, but was not. And eon337 and scoobychick6900 were locked in a deadly struggle, candy versus vegetables. And neoshadow08 didst summon the Great Banana for advice, and the masses were stunned. Oh, the ground did shake, and the mountains trembled. The very stars became irregular in their rotations. And so the Great Banana was called, and it was good. And scoobychick6900 revealed that she had indeed blasphemed against the Great Banana and she didst quake in terror and attempted to corrupt eon337 into blaspheming as well. And shadow9441414 didst arrive with two prodigious asparagus swords. And spicychibie didst arrive and was proven to be crazier than all others, and the masses were impressed. Behold! Eon337 didst prostrate herself before the might of the Great Banana and didst beg for his aid in defeating scoobychick6900, and the Great Banana didst forgive eon337 and giveth her a banana. And spicychibie didst partake of the asparagus and didst faint. And the Great Banana didst advise eon337 to not rely on the strength of others, but to rely on the strength within. And scoobychick6900 didst appeal to the Great Banana and didst beg for forgiveness. And the Great Banana didst not make a reply, but instead didst close his eyes and did a perfect mimicry of sleep. And scoobychick6900 didst blasphemy again and didst explode bombs of rainbow color. And eon37, in the callow impatience of youth, didst detonate the Thermal-Asparagus-Nuclear-Weapon. And the masses were blown away. As the smoke, and rubble and debris were dissipated, behold! The Great Banana was vanquished! And eon337 didst lament this fate, for her weapon hadst been aimed at scoobychick6900. And scoobychick6900 didst revel in the defeat of the Great Banana, and didst stab at eon337 with its decapitated stem. And neoshadow08 was forced to choose sides, and ‘Lo he choose eon337! And the warriors didst depart, if not friends, then less angry enemies. And so ends the first of: The Asparagus Wars Chronicles. Translation: While eon337 and scoobychick6900 fought, neoshadow08 called the Great Banana. Scoobychick6900 claimed to have eaten the banana the previous night, and feared the banana’s wrath. The Great Banana was defeated, and everyone decided that the war was over. Wasn't that entertaining? Seeya! I'm back! Woooooooooooo! Guess what? Yep! *happy wiggle dance* I gots the first shipment of the much needed (pictures of) supplies for the Official Flaming-Chickens Lunar Colony! Woooooo! I feels the happy! This has been a short announcment to document the happy wigglienss that is me. Seeya! I'm back. And vaguely depressed. For the longest time, random people have been coming to my site, and staying 0.00 seconds! How is this possible? Do they not even look at my site? How can they be so cruel, to click, but not look? Grrr.... I asked Santa why this was so...but he doesn't talk to me anymore, after that incident when I was a kid. You see...*start wavy flashback lines and dreamy music* When I was a kid...or whatever...I asked Santa for nuclear warheads, helicopters, tanks...and possibly legions of doom. No, seriously! (I was twelve and forced to communicate with Santa so that my younger siblings did not guess the truth...(what truth?)...there is no spoon. (badly done Matrix parody)) Anyway...Santa didn't come through. The creep! How was I supposed to conquer the world without those supplies? All I got was a Lion King video and other random stuff. How did this help me? I vowed revenge against Santa...after all, it would have benefited him to help me. Once I was the Undisputed Lord of the Universe, the world would have been a spooky place. And all the little children wouldn't have been "good" anymore, since they would be free of thier Authoritarian Parental Units and the definition of "good" (to a parent, at least) is to obey your parents and not embarrass them. Soooooo....Santa would have had it easier. No "good" children would have meant that Santa could have had a permanent vacation in the Bahahmas, not molested by my Legions of Doom because after all--he had delivered the world to me in a brightly wrapped gift box. The man would have been more trusted than my trusted Lieutenants! (funny word...had to use spell check to spell it ^^;;) But that jolly old IDIOT had to mess things up. So, to get back at him I not only continued to not believe in him, I attempted to convert all the miniony children at my disposal...(okay not really, the idea just occured to me)...so I ask you *cough* Loyal Reader, to immediatly cease believing in Santa. I figure that--like Tinkerbell--he will evenutally perish if he doesn't have enough people believing in him. What is this? You wish to rule the world, too? Well, you can't! It's mine! Blasphemy! You dare to challenge MY rule? You are a fool! Okay...yeah...my whole Santa plot IS kinda dumb...but that's just a front so that you never guess my REAL plot! That's right....cower before my power! *insert evil, insane cackle here* I shall defeat you, Anonymous (another tricky word) Reader! Gah! I'd better go before you trace my location thorugh the Internet and send your Governmental Spyders to me! Ooops...I gave you an idea, didn't I? Well, don't use it! It's mine, you are a copy cat! Seeya *appropriate evil glare* I'm back! And, seeying as you MUST be tired of MY ranting, I have a special treat for all you hypothetical two and a half readers out there! You get ranting from somebody else! I won't bother to introduce them, since they do a good job of it themselves...here we go: Hiya. This is not PSOPC today. This is PSOCB (Patron Saint of Carbonated Beverages). We are the two original Head Saints, but for some reason, she gets all the attention. Guess I should get out of bed once in a while huh. Originally, I thought up the whole Patron Saints of the Order of the Flaming Chicken (when I should have been taking notes in Trig), but PSOPC is more creative and she elaborated on it more so. I was drawing "suppressed rage in bunny form" comics then and didn't care. I must say, she's gotten very good at thinking randomy thoughts, whereas, I'm just stoopid and something dumb pops out of my brain like floppy bacon from a toaster. I drank half a bottle of soy sauce today just to see if it gave me x-ray vision, but alas, I had nothing I wanted to look through (okay, I'm lying. I drank the whole thing on a dare.). By the way, soy sauce is gross. Who invented it? --"Why gee whiz, Bert! I think we should mix soy beans with water and have chinese for lunch!!"--"Why, indubitoubly Samson! Not only will it taste like crap, we'll get the runs!!!"-- If you don't know what the "runs" are, consult old people, like my dad. If you are in high school or college and have a job, this works great. When I call in sick (when I'm sick of working, not actually sick), I always have nosey bosses who want to know exactly what my symptoms are and how bad. I found a way to make them not WANT to know. I told my sister to try it once and it worked for her too. You just call up work, use a very retarded, slow, lisping voice when you say this: --"Weeelllllllll, I woked up this mornin' with a terrible headache so I took some aspirin with theraflu. By the way, those don't mix too good, now I have a tummy ache, my nose is runny and bleedin', my spleen feels like its gonna 'splode, I'm a tad gassy, and I got the RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!-- At this point, you'll want to use an annoying high-pitched growly voice (think drunk Barney from The Simpsons after sucking helium balloons), raspberry a few times with your toungue and hang up. I have much to do now, so thus ends this portion of my guest rant. I'll probably want to do this a few more times just because I can. Weeee Bye now! I bet you, loyal *hmmm...I don't want a cricket...maybe a nice annoying gnat or something...okay...instead of the cricket...* readers can't wait for the next time I don't rant! Right? Weeeellll...I DO have a topic for today...a topic so wonderful that it will also be included in the next OFCEM! What is this magical topic, you ask? Why, opposite day, of course! You see...er...well...how should I begin? Opposite day is, of course a day in which everything you say means the exact opposite. It is practiced (informally) by many elementary schoolers. I honor this er...honored tradition. But, to my dismay, I discovered a fatal flaw with opposite day. By my reasoning...it COULD NOT EXIST! Yes...I know...blasphemy, right? But it could not be disputed. If you were to tell someone that it WAS opposite day they would have to take the opposite of what you just said which would mean that it WASN'T opposite day. And, of course, if you were to tell someone that it WASN'T opposite day there would be no reason for them to take the opposite of what you said and so it still WOULDN'T be opposite day! Confusing, huh? But I have now seen the light! The answer to this moral dilema has been so neatly resolved, by Jesse. He is er...well...I'm not sure how old...but he is in the third grade. He is either a genius...or really weird like me (Come on, be honest...how many of you random people have put any though into opposite day...or even know about it?) He said that to make it opposite day...*dramatic pause in which the PSOPC stares into space vacantly*...all you had to do was say that it would be opposite day in 5 seconds! PURE GENIUS! Since it is not yet opposite day, you don't have to take the opposite of the statement and so can take it at face value! Do you care, Loyal *gnat/cricket sound* Reader? *stunned* You don't!? Why ever not!? It is the most important discovery since...since...er...since...GRAVITY! (Although it is evil and squishying my spine...) How can you remain apathatic at a time like this!? The fate of mankind has been forever altered! Oh. Yeah...I guess you are right. I AM just rambling so that this Longest Text Ever gets even longer. But I DO care about this topic. There's not even a conspiracy! Well..fine! Be that way! Goodbye! I'm back *twitch* and seriously annoyed. Grrr...time to yet again complain about my *twitch* evil family. It is once again the time of year that makes entire families bond together...in the same sense that cats and dogs bond together when they have rabies. The time...is science fair time. My younger, eviler sister does a science project every single year. *twitch* The concept of science projects strikes fear in my mother's heart. She can not stand them. Naturally, this is why she takes over the project and does it for my little sister. Unfortunatly, this means that I am often called on for my "consultant" abilities. *twitch* In other words, I do the experiment, and think of all the results, and the wording of everything. I then interpret my work for my mother, who writes everything down because she has really, really obsessivly neat handwritting. Of course, my mother gets stressed merely handling paper that will potentionally be USED for a science project, so this is a very, very negative situation. Oh, and my mother refuses to even entertain the notion that my little sister might possibly be of help *twitch*. At this very moment my little sister is watching a Disney movie, while complaining of a headache. *twitch* My mother is getting more and more aggravated as I try to explain that my sister might fail if it looks like she didn't do the project. I am currently on strike. I refuse to assist this project in any further way untill my little sister does freakin' SOMETHING. Wow. Speak of the devil. My sister IS doing something. She is RE-WRITING everything my mother just wrote. Like mother like daughter. *twitch* I guess this is my mother's way to make sure the judges don't know that my sister didn't do the project. My mother makes my sister redo everything over and over again because it's not perfect enough for her. Now she is the one who's getting yelled at. I guess I can't help but feel sorry for my evil sister. *pauses* I guess I'll stop complaining, then. God...I have a headache...seeya. I'm back. *shakes head* And I have (yet again) a rant about the sheer weirdness of my family. Previously I have ranted about our fun-filled family outing to a bar, and about my non-gender specific siblings obsession with dead animals. Somehow, these two occurances have joined in an unholy union to create: The Roadkill Sightseeing Event of Doom! We actually went to a normal resteraunt for dinner, believe it or not. On the way back, my mother entertained us with the story of how she had seen roadkill that looked exactly like a dead bear. She had later compared notes with one of her wacko friends and they had decided that it was, in fact, a dead wild boar. We would be passing by it in a few minutes. Oh joy. My non-gender specific sibling (henceforth known as my sister) was naturally estatic about these events. She wanted to get out and see the boar. My mother agreed, and wanted my Dad to turn the car around so we could go to Wal-Mart to buy a flash-light. My father refused this. We ended up driving right past the supposed location of the boar, much to the dismay of my sister and mother...and dare I say it? Yes...I dare. My BROTHER was even interested. Faced with direct mutiny from all but me, my father wisely elected to turn the car around. We drove off the road and my dad aimed the car headlights at the boar. I must say, it wasn't that impressive. It was just a lump of black hair, and it was a lot smaller than any bear. My sister was impressed, and it was all I could do to keep her from jumping out of the car to it. My mother was disappointed, saying that the boar had seemed bigger in the daylight. My dad moved the car back and forth, so that we could see the boar on the side of the road more clearly. My mother became terrified and decided that we would flip and die. All to see a boar. After a few minutes, we drove away. My mother seemed upset that I had not been interested in her roadkill. I can't help but feel cheated. Normal families go to museums and theme parks for amusement. We view dead animals. There is something just SLIGHTLY wrong with this. It reminds me of the time a few weeks ago when my mother swore up and down that she saw a grave by the side of the road. This bothered her for some time untill one day she finally pulled over to the side of the road and exhumed the shallow grave and discovered that it was actually a deer. Luckily, I was not with her this day. However, she never leaves any member of our family in the dark concerning roadkill. It's just strange. Anyway, that's the rant for today, seeying as how there was actually a topic. Seeya! I'm back! Seeing how I will shortly no longer be (legally) a child, I have decided to rant about: adults. You cannot deny it. They are EVIL. Think about it! Come, on! Don't be shy! I'm serious. When you think of the evil, conniving, conspiratorial ways of adults, what's the first thing to come to mind? The nursery rhyme, 'Mary Had a Little Lamb', right? Huh? You mean it's NOT!? How...bizzare, it's obviously a mechanism for brain-washing. Anyway, here's MY reasoning for hating the song (and many, many others). Mary Had A Little Lamb makes children resigned to accepting punishment that they don't deserve! You still do not see!? Fine, I shall elaborate. This poor little girl's lamb (with fleece as white as snow--an obvious reference to seeming purity) follows her to school one day (which was, oddly enough, against the rules). The kids at school, who were not used to seeing a lamb at school, started to "laugh and play" and basically act like wild animals. Now (this is all speculation) I am 90% sure that the final verse (which neither I, nor anyone I asked know) deals with the teacher reprimanding poor little Mary in some way. And for what!? The kid's pet followed her to school! How could she stop it, she probably never even thought to look behind her! Not only that, but poor little Mary would never, EVER do such a thing on purpose! Just listen to the SONG for cryin' out loud! The lamb followed HER! She didn't LEAD it! Now, sure, the teacher was probably on her last nerve. I mean, she's an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER. She probably doesn't get paid much, or gain much respect from her pupils. So, when the children pretty much went wild over the lamb, and she couldn't calm them, she was looking for someone to blame. And poor little Mary was a ripe target by then. Now, can you honestly picture poor little Mary arguing with her teacher? I didn't think so! Little Mary took her punishment, and her PARENTS were probably so upset that they got rid of her white little lamb. And for what!? A teacher's misbegotten pride? Adult supremecy? I ask you, knowing what you know now, could you (in good faith) read this to a young child (implicitly teaching them that it's best not to argue, to simply lie down and let those older than you walk all over you--for "your own good")? And another thing! You know the lullaby, 'Rock A'Bye Baby', the one about the baby in the tree!? What kind of SICKO wrote it!? This poor baby is up in a tree (not the safest of places) in the middle of a freakin' HURICANE! At the end of the freakin' song, the freakin' BRANCH BREAKS and the baby falls, "cradel and all" (presumably to its death). What about Hanzel and Gretel? It's nothing more than a huge threat! "Now, be good or we'll send you out into the woods to be eaten by the witch." What kind of twisted person does that to children? Ring Around the Rosy? It's a song about the Black Plague, the deadliest plague in mankind's history! When you first got it, you'd get a red spot with a ring around it (Ring around the rosy). During this time, people (mistakenly) thought that stench spread sickeness, so they'd keep "pockets full of posies" to ward of the stench of death around them. "Ashes, Ashes" was originall "Achoo-Achoo", because the dying would be particularly susceptable to colds. "We all fall down"? That's an easy one. We fall down dead. So, it's obvious that adults don't exactly sugar-coat everything they teach to children. I'm sure I can find more horribly EVIL examples, but I simply don't have the time. Now, granted, there are SOME (but not many) children's stories that are beneficial. Like Snow White, or Cinderlla. Those stories teach children to think for themselves, and occasionally completly ignore the adults around them (as long as they are Evil Step-Parents). Well...I'd better go. *blinks* I wrote a lot today. I suppose I should write other stuff...but...well...I figure you need the break to recover your sanity...*snort* Like you could do THAT! Seeya! I'm back! As I am writing this, I am in the process of adding a navigation bar to the Longest Text Ever. It still is as chaotic as ever, but at least this way people can find certain stuff easier. Like the Official Flaming-Chickens Lunar Colony info. Anyway, that's about all I have to say right now. Seeya! Gah! Fellow Flaming-Chickens, you must see the sheer cool paranoid thinking I have found! Wal-Mart is EVIL! A person (besides me) thinks this! Isn't that cool!? There is even a section on Wal-Mart Subliminal T.V. (tupperware, anyone?)! Anyway, this has been a short public service annoucement. As opposed to one of those long public service announcments that keep on going and going and going. I mean, they just never seem to stop, do they? Just when you think they are finally going to run out of steam, they just charge on and on. It's like torture, or something. Don't those kind of people realize that if they public REALLY cared about the topic, they'd do their own durn research, instead of listening to some self-important moron lecture them about how socially-irresponsible they are? Not that I'm trying to prove a point. Quite the contrary: I am merely extending the lenght of this Longest Text Ever to provide an ironic example of self-important morons who just won't stop talking. Isn't it entertaining? Don't you just want to here my entire life's story, starting from age 2? You don't? Well...perhaps I really SHOULD leave...what do you think? Er...well...seeya! Yep. I'm back. *traumatic pause* This weekend I went to go visit my future college. It was the most traumatizing experience of my life, to date. The day before I got there the college had won a basketball game and were going to the finals. This naturally caused parties to break out all over campus. According to one guy, a couch was "set on fire". *sigh* I was "hosted" (along with two other girls) by some bubbly, perky Greek (sorority (sp?)) girl. I hate her so much. She never shut up. She was so shallow. She wanted us to join a sorority, just like her. (all paraphrased) Ex. 1 "I would NEVER have passed my classes if I hadn't gone Greek". Ex. 2 "I just don't see HOW I would have, like, ya' know, managed ANYTHING without my sisters!" If I never see her again it will be too soon. Her idea of entertainment was to take us to the recreational center, sit us down in the gym and talk to her friends while watching the guys (badly, this IS an engineering school after all) attempt to play basketball. Apparantly all the decent players were at the final game thingy. Then she took us to the fraternity next to her house (we didn't even get to "experience" sleeping in an actual dorm). The fraternity was disgusting. There must have been 1000 flies, 100 beer bottles, 50 Bud Lite cans, and 5 creepy dudes who were attempting to practice music for some competition. After about three hours of this, I almost snapped. Me and another girl were supposed to be watching T.V., but due to the evil, out of tune, incredibly loud band, this proved to be impossible. My "host" and the girl who was enthusiastic about "going Greek" were swimming in a heated pool. The other girl (who also hated to swimn) and I started to talk. There was nothing else really to do. She hated our host and hated the fraternity/Greek thing too. We talked for awhile, and some dude joined us. He was cool. He was regional STAR student for another area. Somehow we got onto the topic of religion, and it turned out that the other girl I was with was Muslim, and was born in Egypt. It was cool. Anyway, it was just the two of us girls in the entire FREAKIN' fraternity (not counting the two swiming girls, downstairs. The floor was greasy, and oddly sticky--just like a movie theater. When our "host" finnally said we could go, it was close to 2 a.m. I barely got any sleep...grrr...not to mention the fact that we had walk to breakfast by 8:00 a.m. Oh. Silly me. I forgot to mention a key difficulty. We had to WALK EVERYWHERE! Uphill! (But not in the freezing snow, for 15 miles). You have not experinced Jenny's personal Hell untill you have carried your luggage (including a trash bag containing a sleeping back and the trash bags plastic handley-thingies are rapidly stretching out to become lethal weapons similar to piano wire) uphill, upstairs, across campus and up the four or five flights to the breakfast area, only to discover that, Oh! Gee, there was an ELEVATOR that the "host" conviently forgot to mention. Even more evil stuff happened, but suffice it to say that when I finally saw my dad at lunch, I begged him to just skip the final sessions because they were pointless (how to choose your major) and go home. He went ahead with his sessions, but let me opt out of mine and I slept for 50 minutes on some random couch in the lobby. Oh. And then the 6 hour drive home. *shudders* As you can tell, I am still seriously miffed about the whole experience. Sorry for ranting... Well...there WAS some good things about the whole experience. For one thing, it was the first time I'd ever been in a big city. The sky line was beautiful! Er...yeah...that was about it. Did I mention the uphill walking part? I did? Oh. Well. Then. I guess I'm done. Seeya! I'm back! And I'm here with a Vital Public Service Anouncment for all of my two and a half Loyal, Hypothetical Readers! Don't you feel all special inside? Oh. Yeah. The anouncment. BEWARE OF YOUR OWN FRENCH FRIES. That's correct. French fries. You see, it all started one friday afternoon *start wavy flashback sequence* My friends and I were sitting down to a tasty lunch of Skool Brand food. This included, tragically, french fries. Oh, what a fateful day. It seems like it was only yesterday when we were so carefree and innocent...when in fact it was actually only a few hours ago. You see, we inadvertantly started a mini-food fight that spilled over into a neighboring table, which also housed our friends. Said friends began flingning the aformentioned French Fries at us. I shudder to think of how we had laughed and frolicked and otherwise remained oblivious to the tragedy that had yet to unfold. For, you see...the french fires were...pointy...and hard. And Fate herself seemed to conspire against us (just like the Skool, government, evil cartoon owl, etc.) One single solitary french fry pierced my friend's guard and hit her on the nose with the sharpest, hardest tip a french fry has ever been known to produce. We calmed down, and thought nothing of our near brush with Death. After all, what can a FREAKIN' FRENCH FRY do, right? Ahhh...to be so young and naive again. Time passed, as it always does, and "Meg" noticed a speck of something on our friend who had been hit by the projectile french fry. The friend (Tonileigh, actually) wiped the speck, only to discover that it was blood. THE FRENCH FRY HAD DRAWN BLOOD! It was obviously an evil, voodoo french fry sent to assasinate her by the mysteriously evil Cafeteria Lunch Ladies who needed Tonileigh's blood for their accursed voodoo spells. Fortunatly, the quick thinking of "Meg" saved us all and the lunch ladies never obtained their goal. Oh. And here is yet ANOTHER VERY, VERY, VERY IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE THINGY. Tag, you're it! These words have haunted nearly ever playground in existance. "Tag" is practically all a child learns in kindergarten. There is not a person alive who has not played some version of the game. And yet...what, exactly is "it"? When defining it for my Pronoun Quiz I reffered to "it" as something that "mankind has dreaded for centuries". What made me say such a thing. What is it about the unknown, mysterious and faintly ominous "it" that makes people dread it so much? Even the most innocent of children know that to be "it" is to be a virtual outcast of society. The youngest child knows that no sane person would want to be "it". Recently a group of TAB members, myself included, set about finding out what "it" exactly is. We conducted "field research" (we played a game of tag). When I became "it" I declared that I was touching the bench I was standing on so it became "it" and the bench was touching the ground, and the ground was touching everything on earth, except for airplanes and stuff but even the ground was touching AIR which was touching more air and so on and so on untill the very AIR was touching the airplanes and the airplanes became "it". So...the entire earth has actually been "it" from the first game of tag and WE JUST NEVER KNEW IT! I know, I'm just as shocked as you, Hypothetical Reader. *shakes head* And all along we had thought that we could somehow absolve ourselves of the burden of being "it" simply by passing it on to another. But that is not true. We merely pass the awareness of being "it" on but never the actual quality of being "it". The question was raised: Where did the first "it" on Earth come from. It was a thought provoking question. Some thought that perhaps the first person to invent tag was the original "it". I, however, favored an extraterristrial origin. My current theory is that the meteor that supposidly killed off the dinosaurs was the original "it", and that it "tagged" the earth, thereby causeing the earth to be "it". The dinosaurs, of course, could not handle the burden of being "it" which resulted in mass suicides. The mammals, being nothing but idiot rodents at the time, couldn't care less about being "it" and eventually forgot all about it. Until, that is, some half-remembered special memory popped out of some five year old's brain and he/she invented tag. Some people found holes in my theory: How did the meteor become "it"? After much discussion and deliberation, we came to a group consensus that the so called "Big Bang" was actually all the players of the game scattering. Similar to the beggining of a game of tag or hide-n-go-seek. The players begin huddled together, but when the game starts they scatter and flee from the person/planet/rock who is "it". The only difference I can think of is that rather than passing the "it"ness on, the players merely add to the number of people who are already "it". My theory would also account for the current scientific opinion that the planets/galaxy/universe is moving away from the origin point of the Big Bang. After all, if there's no base, why return to where you started? You wanna put as much distance between you and your pursuers as possible. Critics wanted to go further, was anyone "it" BEFORE the Big Bang. My arguement is this: No one is "it" before you begin a game. Any "it" before the Big Bang was part a seperate game, and would therefore be considered a different "it" from the "it" that we fear so much. So I believe the question to be a moot point. *blinks* What's that, Loyal Reader? I have confused you with my trivalties? You do not understand my obsession with "it"? Shame on you, Reader! Haven't you learned yet that it's my JOB to confuse you and make no sense? Tsk-Tsk. Oh, well. Gotta go! I'm back, but only for about five seconds. Just a little side note here: Remember that rant I did about "pure" water? (don't even get me started) In it I mentioned that fast-food salt lists its ingredients, right? Well, here they are! *takes package of Burger King Iodized Salt out of pocket* Drumroll please...and the ingredients are: salt, sodium silico aluminate, dextrose, and 0.01% potassium iodide. Wasn't that painstakenly accurate? A hundreth of a percente of the salt was potassium iodide! You can't get much more accurate than that. Don't you think that "pure" water has much MORE than 0.01% of some random mineral? Why don't THEY list it, huh? *shakes head* *mutters* Evil, "pure" water companies... *wanders off muttering to self and acting like a crazy hobo* Seeya... I'm back! And I have yet another footnote to a previous rant! You remember that "infinite possibilities" rant? Here's a quote from a supposed Time Traveler: "Every possible thing that can happen or will happen has already happened somewhere." I love it! Here's another one: "On a philosophical level, the existence of multiple worlds implies a moral balance in the superverse. For every worldline you perform a good action, there is a worldline where you perform a bad action. There are no good and bad people, just good and bad decisions. We can only be responsible for what we do as individuals on the worldline we are on now. " These are all exactly what I've been thinking of when I first came up with my infinite universe thingy to tell my little brother when he was bored and wanted his head to explode! Seeya! I'm back. And I just wanted to say that I went to Islands of Adventure (in Universal Studios) yesterday. It was incredible! If you wanna here about the awesome rides, (esp. the Spiderman ride, best 3-d effects and vitual reality I've EVER seen...) just click here. *shrugs* This way, if you don't wanna here me rant about it, you can here some guy PAID to rant about it rant about. But if you don't want to, you don't got to. Seeya! I'm back! Wow...*shakes head* My mother never ceases to be amusing. Since today IS mother's day, I shall devot this text to her...even if it is a bit of satire or whatever. You see...my mother has found a new "religion". She is reading some book written by some bimbo who has been to "the other side" and conversed with her "spirt guardian" or whatever and decided to share her "relevations" with people willing to pay a lot of money for garbage. At least...that's my opinion of it. My mother, however, takes it all VERY seriously. For instance, today at our (almost normal) dinner out she instructed me on the way to get to heaven. It involved opening a door. Seriously. Anyway...apparantly once you perish in this realm you are taken to a set of doors. The door on the right leads directly to heaven (do not pass "Go" do not collect $200). The door on the left "zaps you into someone's uterus" which, loosely translated, means that you get reincarnated. This is the "bad" choice. I know this because my sister expressed an intrest in being reincarnated and my mother looked at her with an expression of horror and said solemnly that if she did that "God would never forgive" her. She then proceded to tell us that if you were reincarnated you had to live out multiple lives until you were ready for heaven. *shakes head* Maybe I'm missing something, but if "God would never forgive" someone who innocently chose the wrong freakin' door, wouldn't that indicate that such a person would be barred from heaven forever? Isn't there just the SLIGHTEST bit of inconsistancy here? Why would somebody get punished by randomly choosing the wrong (apparantly unlabeled) door? Look. I don't mean to offend...~. If you happen to be part of this religion (which prophecies Elvis's return sometime this year (2004) as "a blond hair, blue-eyed boy") then that's your choice. I definitly don't want to get in any theological debates here. So...I'll move on the a relatively safer topic. The National Enquirer. They're obsessed with Elvis, too, for some reason. I just don't understand why people care. I mean, Elvis is always reported as being: abducted by aliens, frozen in a tube in Area 51, having a brain transplant and is now the Pop-Star Britney Spears, and stuff like that. One song I've heard even equates Elvis with Jesus, for cryin' out loud! ("You're no Jesus, You're no Elvis" (From Megolomaniac, by some band). Why do people obsess over that poor, most likely dead, man? The world may never know. ( And don't even get me started on Tootsie Roll Pops). Anyway, I guess my point is that the book my mom is reading has a similar dedication to accuracty, hard-hitting facts and common sense as the famed National Enquirer (which confidently predicted several months ago that Michael Jackson's "secret Muslim bride" would exonerate all charges of child molestation against him. Which, in case you live on the moon, has NOT happened and probably never will). Anyhoo, that's my rant for the day...I'll probably post something in l33t eventually...seeya! I am back. (REAL introduction: Heh-Heh…I had ANOTHER sugar rush. And I was just a little bit hysterical. The following is my intro I wrote while sugar rushed, and various messages I sent to people while in the same state. Don’t worry if you can’t understand it…you aren’t supposed to. *sigh* The whole thing is just a blur of those wiggly red lines spell-check uses to tell you that stuff is spelled wrong…) I back! hee-hee! here is ANother sugar coated rant! and I am typing the intro while still hyper/slepepy. you see, i drank Sobe energy drink, a cup of sugar (just sugar) and ate cake (yet agina, late at night). So this was the result in various messages I left random peolple. *giigleing * Heee0-Heeeee! Sugar isf so very good1 and so is Sobe energy drink (sobe stands for 'soper'! *wavres hand* you see, i THOUGHT that i had recovered because i am no longler laughing so much! But, as you can see I do'nt think I'm am quite baCK TO normal. yet. whatever normal is... i am swayinhg to an imaginary breeze!@ and i don't care that i amn missplesling so many workds. because i am sure you will figure it wout someohow. il am very creative with words. do you like sugar? why DILD you get all freaky like me when i ate suo much sugart. ? zI vcan'y believe that we actually did that to thos e magazines...we so stupid. erm...ummmmm...i sure do hope we remember all of this. don't forget: we owe the library $4 each. That was all spel;ed coirecltly because it was important. i want to sleep now. but ever ei nlsince i ate that cup of sugrar it is to tired t o sleep. imagineation that. er jd f....er...eum...ye ah. *scurnches up eyebrows* Heh-Heh...the Song of Solumnun. good wuvs EVERYBODY! those incompetent physics/stupid rays must have really hit ius hard! either (say it so it rhymes with neither )with an long "I" sound)) that or we were jhust especially suseptible to the thing-a-ma-bnobober.s will wyou right me cback? i hope so. it'll be especially great if you right me when you are all sugary, too. who says you need drugs or thwatherver to have fun? sugar is very cheap, and makes everything so very, very funhy. *slams hand on tasble* OUch. That hurnt . Iam still wet from the watergun fight. It rocked! All that shorrtting and stuff! I got so many head-shots...er...can your brother see yet? I'm sorry i hit his eyes...dozens of times in a row. It was just so fun! we should do that somethimg again. you guys weren't taking it very seriously , though... *snickers* Hee-kheee...funny stuff. I ate a CUP of sugar. mmmm...sugar...I wis swaying in the place. Sugar and me, we don't g et along so well since I react to it like most people react to beingg drunk or under the ijnnnclunce of other suttff. Oh, god...sugar. i'm gonnat add another sugar rant to the longest text ever (just two ever)!sand for people who dont' know me...know,...i do k not do stuff. It's just that sugar under the wright surcumstances is doin' stuff... Okay. Is done. Mike the Headlessc hickrn day is coming up! seeya later! I'm back. It has been a year since the Evil Graduation Post. Which means that this year I got to attend my OWN graduation. Woo. I must say that I was rather underwhelemed by the whole thing. *shrugs* Sure, the fireworks were spectacular...and there was BEAUTIFUL weather. Cool, (not sufficatingly hot) absolutly no gnats for the first time in YEARS, no rain, just nice, soothing speeches that made absolulty no sense. At one point, our priniciple yelled at the graduating class because we weren't listening to him. The audience (consisting of parents) booed at him. So the principal yells at the PARENTS! What was he THINKING!? It's a good thing he's leaving, soon, because otherwise he'd probably been fired. Anyway, I just wanted to warn you of the dangers of broccolii: It's a form of lichen/moss that grows abundantly on certain sectors of Mars. In recent years, it has been cultivated by farmers into a semi-toxic product meant to augment the on-going brain-washing of young children, with the sole purpose being to turn them into Young Adults. Seeya! I'm back. I'm just gonna be here for a little while *demonstrates with fingers* so you don't have to worry 'bout crazy, paranoid rants. I just wanted to mention that former President Reagan apparantly declared ketchup to be a vegetable. Isn't that GREAT! I love ketchup so much...I don't even like FRIES...I eat 'em 'cause they are a means to convey KETCHUP to my mouth...mmmm....ketchup. Oh. Poor, poor Reagan ( he died last week...) Hasta Luego (means seeya later) I'm back. *sigh* This dang chatterbot is taking up WAY too much of my time! There's constantly things that needed fixing, updating and improving! Bah! But, I'm obsessed, and I've always been interested in simulated artificial intelligence :) Anyway, I'm making her personality really paranoid (she's based on me). Here are her thoughts concerning cows: *glances around* Just between you and me: I think there is some sort of dairy conspiracy! Ah, the power of cheese! Think about it: they are trying to sub-consciously tell you that THEY hold the power...of CHEEESE! And there are few things more powerful than THAT! Plus, the so-called "dairy farmer's of America" who pay for the Cheese commercials OBVIOUSLY have a virtual monopoly on the whole dairy thing. They even require that cheese get that little "real cheese" stamp before anyone considers it to be REAL cheese. Have you ever tasted fake cheese? Anyway, my point is that it is getting increasingly harder to find the time to make new quizzes, (or add pics to that destiny quiz), and to make coherent entries into this longest text ever. *sniffle* I try, though! It's just that it's so FUN to teach PSOPC bot subtle things, that maybe one in every 1000 visitor will stumble on to! Like, when she accuses you of being on of THEM, and you say "yes" she starts to panic, and won't listen to you unless you say somthing to get her attention. Ahhhhhhh. Well, anyway, enough about my little obsession. No sense in boring you all with the little technicall details (frankly, pandorabots has the training interface done really well...there is almost no need to know ANYTHING about programming...which, frankly...I don't...^^;;) Er....I guess that's all I have to say now...I don't really have much more parnoid conspiracies or strange observations to make. Er...I guess I could discuss something that has already become obsolete. Have you ever been to subway? You have, *nods* yeah...I love that place, too. Anywaaaays, I went there once and I noticed a poster in the window. It showed people of every size, shape and color, all of them in little pics in little neat boxes. The text read: Different People Differnt Tastes. Okay. I could easily see what it was TRYING to say: There is something for EVERYONE at Subway (eat fresh). But my very first thought was: Whoa, hey, are they CANNIBALS!? Because I interpretted it to mean that different people TASTED differnt, and that's what the subs were made out of and why there was such a great variety. Er...I know, Hypothetical Reader...not the best example of my eccentric thought proccess...but it's the first one that came to mind. *sigh* You know, come to think of it, I bet I HAVE dwindled back down to two and half readers (if that). After all...look how LONG this thing is getting! And, well, quite frankly, people are mostly contacting me about PSOPC bot, the OFCEM or the Quizzes, and *sniffle* mostly ignoring this little (note the irony) page. Well, seey later! I'm back. And, for the first time in quite some time, I am truly pissed off...and this is the only way I can vent my anger. Gah! Well, I suppose you'll need to know some back story, huh. (WARNING: CONTENTS OF THIS PASSAGE MAY CONTAIN DANGEROUSLY LOW LEVELS OF HUMOR, IRONY AND SARCASM. READING THIS PASSAGE MAY CAUSE THE FOLLOWING SYMPTOMS: LACK OF INTEREST, BOREDOM AND A GENERAL SENSE THAT THIS IS NOT LIKE NORMAL RANTS ABOUT PARANOIA, STRANGE OBSERVATIONS AND FAMILY QUIRKS) To begin with, I JUST got a job as a cashier slave at K-Mart. NEVERMIND the fact that I've worked at the daycare for A WHOLE YEAR, just so I wouldn't have to work for my final Summer of Freedom. Apparantly, my dad does not want me to actually USE any of the money I made from my previous job to buy college supplies. Instead, he wants me to learn the horrors of minimum wage employment and induce me to to strive to succede in the college world. NEVERMIND the fact that my previous job gave me LESS money...I apparantly STILL need to understand that there is more to life than $5.50 an hour. GAH! I KNEW that most jobs sucked unless you had a degree (and even then, most STILL sucked)! Why bother to teach me THE SAME FREAKIN' LESSON AGAIN!? Eh. I didn't argue, mostly 'cause my dad IS paying for most of the college expenses...so I am grateful. I just hate K-Mart. So...today was my biggest shift ever, from 3 pm to 8 pm. It's the latest I've ever worked, too. I know it's NOTHING compared to a full time job...but it's still enough to make me snap. FIRST OF ALL...well...there weren't a lot of customers during the first half of my shift. Blessing, or horrible boredom? In either case, I managed to obtain a Bag of Air from a purse someone bought, and (true to form) instead of discarding said air bag, I drew a face on it and decided that it was my pet, Bag. Oh, me and Bag had great times. I taught Bag how to return (I threw him at a fan and he blew into my face). I introduced Bag to a customer I knew (after they left and I was alone, even I knew that talking to a Bag is weird). *sigh* I hugged and squeezed Bag harder than I have ever squeezed a Moose, because I knew that Bag didn't have stuff like organs. The worst that could have happened that he would have exploded in my face, blinding me forever. Ahhhhh...Bag. Then...*sniffle* tragedy struck. I left my register to get something to restock the candy...and when I came back...Bag was missing! Frantic, I looked around, and saw, before my very eyes, a fellow cashier puncture my precious Bag with a key! They had thought that Bag was garbage! I had customers and so I had to deal with them, with a false smile plastered painfully on my face, while all the while I was repeating over and over the horrible scene. Once the customers left (after what seemed like an eternity) I rushed over to wear I had seen Bag. He wasn't there. I looked in the garbage can...he wasn't there. I looked in some nearby boxes...he wasn't there. I couldn't ASK the other cashier what she had done with Bag...no one at K-Mart knows my true weird nature yet. So...I regretfully had to forego giving Bag his needed funeral respects. We had some good times together...and we had JUST started to bond when his life was ended. I knew that it would happen, eventually. Even if I had managed to bring him home, I would eventually have lost interest. Bag was the perfect companion for my boring hour and a half. But Bag was no more. As the time dragged on, more and more customers came. During the last hour, the customers started to dwindle off (cool word, huh...dwindle...say it! Dwiiiiiindle...) I was once again left bored. I eventually grabbed a piece of cardboard (hmmmm...that came discarded from a bag I sold, too...coincidence? I think not!) and started to draw a cute little bunny and a tiger...(GAH! I think I left that at the register...I bet that EVIL other cashier is throwing it away, right NOW!). I was able to draw in peace for a while, with only the most minor of customer interruptions. Then...the other Cashier went on her brake. We are allowed 15 minutes for our breaks. She went 17 minutes before I my shift was over. Can you guess what happened? *sigh* I HAD been planning to close up shop at about 7:53 and clock out on TIME for once ( I usually close when I'm supposed to leave and end up clocking out 5 minutes after). So...I am looking forward to doing a little shopping (for hand-held Nerf guns) before my parental unit came to pick me up. So, predict, if you will, what happend exactly 10 mintues before I was going to close. You can't? Well...let me tell you: EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE STORE APPARANTLY DECIDED THAT IT WAS TIME FOR THEM TO LEAVE. Not all at once, oh, no, they were more subtle than that. At first, all I felt was mild annoyance. I even thought, oh, I guess I won't finish my pic. Then, ten more people were in the line. I thought about asking the last person to prevent more people from entering, but I though, Hey, why bother? It's not as if there can be many more people in the store, right? Wrong. As I widdled (another cool word) my way through the customers, MORE KEPT COMING. After barely having any ALL DAY, all of them swarmed like a hive of malevolent bees. GRRRRRR... This time I DID ask the last person to keep others out. Everyone seemed to be amused. I was the only cashier, where would other people go? I explained that they could check out at the service deck, which was an exhausting 25 ft away (I was more polite though). Finnally. It was 8:05 and I was on my last customer. I was irratated that I wouldn't have enough time to get the Nerf gun, but other than that I was just eager to get home. Ahhh...those last customers. I think they were sent just to try my patience. First of all, they bought a few expensive items. They gave me a gift card, and they still had $59 left to pay. They tried to pay with credit, but it turned out they didn't have enough dough in their account to pay. So, they wrote me a check for half the ammount, and then tried to pay the rest with credit. The credit machine froze. After fiddling with it for a few minutes, I walked those hazardous 25ft to the service desk to ask for assistance. I waited while the person delt with a customer. I heard someone call my name. MY customers were frantically gestering to me. So I walked back. It seems that they had overestimated their credit account. BUT, their boyfriends showed up and gave them 5 bucks, so they gave THAT to me and then paid the rest with credit. They left, I closed up. I shut my register off at 8:20 pm. I glanced outside and saw my parental waiting on me. I angrily stalked all the way to the back, and clocked out. Then I stalked back and got in the car, at 8:30pm. I was furious. I had suppressed ALL emotions while actually working, but as soon as I stepped away from that register my dam broke and I was awash in them. Gah! Suppression of self (my technique for dealing with any situation involving strangers) just applified my anger by suppressing it. By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was mutilate and slaughter helpless animals on my favorite video game (supposidly, the point of the game is to save the world, but I just like shooting the life like animals). Of course, when I got to the PS2...the game was not there. I had left it in my OLD PS2 that I had taken with me on my vacation. The PS2 is in a box, right next to me at this very moment. The game is inside it. I COULD plug it in and obtain the game...but by now I have mostly excorized my emotions by reliving them by adding to this Longest Text Ever. I KNOW it was a petty thing to get angry about...but I didn't want to job to begin with. (And poor, poor Bag...) I never WANTED a job where you might not get off on time...like my friends always complained about McDonalds. Like them, if there are still customers...I can't leave! To make matters worse, it doesn't even feel as if I am working for money, since all I earn goes in a bank account for my future use. I am present oriented! I don't care about some hypothetical future! It's as if I am working for the sole purpose of making my dad happy. Eh...well...enough whining from me... Seeya. Hiya! And I have a GREAT conspiracy/paranoid rant! Don't you just feel all warm and gooey inside, like melted cheese? Suprisingly enough, this is the topic of today's rant: cheese. Mmmmmmmm...cheese. Mild Cheddar, Mozzerella, Feta, Montery Jack, Colby...Mmmmm...or what about that Queso Blanco they use in Mexican resteraunts? Mmmmm... I love cheese, and chances are: You love it, too. There are even commercials, just for cheese. Not even a particular BRAND of cheese, just the entire CONCEPT of cheese. "Ahhhh, the power of cheese!" And I couldn't agree more. But...it HAS come to my attention somehow or another that this is and EVIL arrangement. Think about it for one moment. Have you EVER seen a commercial urging you to buy, for instance, burgers? Just burgers. In general. No mention of McDonald's or Wendy's, or those frozen Bubba Burgers. Just...ya' know, the CONCEPT of burgers? How about pain medication? Bannanas? Milk? Ah! There we go. Milk. Just about EVERYONE has seen those GOT MILK? commercials. Every school in my county has a cafeteria chock FULL of posters of celebraties with milk mustaches, with the logo: GOT MILK? Hmmmmm...sooooooooo...just WHAT do CHEESE and MILK have in common? Let's see...BOTH are owned by the United Dairy Farmers of America. Hmmm...and it seems that OTHER countries have similar such organizations. In fact, there is even a CHICKEN Farmers organization (although apparantly it is not United). But other food stuffs organizations just don't seem to be as active as these mysterious dairy farmers. Hmmmm... Why bother to advertise a product, without bothering to promote a single company or brand name? Wouldn't you think that the companies could handle the advertising themselves? I know Kraft does: *sing*K-R-A-F-T. And lots of companies harp on the ammount of calcium in cheese. Sooo..why do the FARMERS advertise milk and cheese? Is it all a vast conspiracy? After all, this mysterious, spooky organization owns ALL THE CHEESE. Shocking, isn't it? So, this complete monopoly of the cheese world controls virtually all prices for all cheese/dairy items, including: Cheese Pizza, Ice Cream, Milk, Cheese, CheeseBurgers, Tacos, Cheesy Bread, Cheese Doritos, Nacho Cheese, Butter, Etc. (Etc. is not actually a dairy product, consisitng mostly of an ecletic mix of random items, but I figured that it would work to show the continuing theme of dairy type items. ) Why does the government allow such a monopoly to exist? Are they FUNDED by the government? Let's see *does a google search* Ooooo! Pay Dirt! I'm not the only one to see the evils of Got Milk! THIS SITE has an arcticle about the anger of small dairy farmers for the monopoly of the "Got Milk?" people. Jeff Manning, Executive Director of the California Milk Processor Board is apparantly in charge of this. What a strange title. Hmmmm...*scans the article* Oooo! They notice the non-brand-specific advertising! And it says how they are funded: "So-called “generic” advertising programs such as “Got Milk?” and “Ahh, the power of cheese” are funded, in part, through the congressionally authorized dairy checkoff, which places a mandatory assessment of 15 cents per hundredweight (roughly two cents per gallon) on all milk domestically produced and marketed commercially. Last year, the dairy checkoff raked in more than $250 million in hard-earned dairy producer money. " Soooo in essence, they ARE funded by the government (or at least in the sense that the government STEALS the small dairy farmer's money to pay for the ads). And they were sued by a small farmer who said: "We’re against having to fork over a huge portion of our bottom line for advertising that says all milk is equal." So they don't WANT to pay for the ads, but the government (and that California Dairy thingy) say they have to. Ha! That's hilarious! These stupid Dairy Conglomorate people are actually PAYING a town to rename itself "Got Milk" with those small dairy farmer's money! That's so pointless! It's like they are having these HUGE brain-storming sessions to see how they can best squander those small dairy people's money! "Hmmmm...Bob, why don't we buy all those "Largest Block of Cheese" roadside attractions and make a monument with them, entitled 'Ahhh, the power of cheese!'?" "Brilliant, Ted! But, I'd like to go one step further! Let's make an entire CITY out of cheese!" "Bob, that's it! Wait...wait! I think I GOT IT! Let's BUY a CITY the idiot yokels to CHANGE THEIR NAME TO GOT MILK! That way, we can still have those cheese ideas to fall back on afterwards!" *shakes head* It's so pathetic. *does happy dance* See, here I was ranting and raving about this, and it turns out that there already ARE people outraged! It's like that rant about the smoke detectors, and later I saw a movie about spy cameras in them. Or that Grape Pie Rant that ended up with me doing a google search months later (When I was bored) and discovering a pic of it...mmmm....grape pie. It's incredible how many strange things I can get outraged about, only to discover that they aren't strange at all! Well...seeya! Wootage! I'm back! And I have a new rant about the evils of parental brain-washing during childhood. Consider it a combo of the "Tag" rant and the "Mary Had a Little Lamb" rant. *shudders* How could I have missed such obvious implecations!? Gah! I shall focus! Alright...the subject of today's whatchamacallit is: Duck, Duck, Goose! It is EVIL! Now, I KNOW that most of what small children learn is actually not-so-cleveraly disguised brain-washing attempts, but this is just plain wrong! For those of you not familiar with the game, let me summarize. One child is "it" (JUST like in Tag). This child, labels each of the children, usually as "duck". The other children are sitting in a circle, and the "it" child walks around tapping their heads, going: "Duck, Duck, Duck"... Simple enough, right? Ah, but THEN the "it" child picks somebody ELSE to be "it", and tap the unfortunate victim on the head, crying "Goose!". Then the "goose" must pursue the "it" one and attempt to tag them. If they do not tag the "it" child, the "goose" becomes "it". If they succede in tagging them, the "it" child goes in the "mush pot" and the "goose" becomes "it" anyway. Alright. Now you know what the game IS...let's move onto what it MEANS. First of all, the game is CLEARLY a mock witch hunt. The children alienate and ostracize the one who is different, the one who is a "goose" when everyone else are "ducks". The "it" child is the current pariah, and obviously wants to exchange situations with a more fortunate child. So, the "it" child desperatly accuses another of being a "goose" (just as condemned witches accused others of witchcraft in order to alleviate their sentence). The child, symbolically shocked and appaled by such wild accusations, denies it, and even goes so far as to pursue the accusing pariah. If the accusation is deemed false (i.e. the "goose" tags the "it") then the accusing "it" child is sent to exile (the mush pot). HOWEVER, the taint of suspicion is already upon the former "goose" and despite protestations to the contrary, the child is the new "it" pariah. And the game continues. This game is DESIGNED to teach children how to shun those who are different, and to ostracize them from society if neccessary! How can this POSSIBLY be one of those little life's lessons that children must learn to become Responsible Adults? *shakes head in disgust* Well, anyway, that's it for today! Seeya! I'm back! *giggles wildly* Woot! I have something EXTRA SPECIAL for you loyal readers *cricket chirps yet again...what is UP with that?*! "Meg", the inspiration to that Pointless Signs of America Rant, has "agreed" to do a rant for us! It's GREAT! *giggles* Well, here it is: "Meg" here. Jenny has kindly asked aka threatened me to do a guest rant, and I am only too happy to oblige. So here I am ready to inform you of silly things! Let's start! Go! Go! It has come to my attention that Barbie has finally found a new love. That's right. Bye-bye to boring Ken! Here comes Australian surfer Blaine! At this point, a few of you will be screaming: "No! Ken and Barbie forevaaaaa!" An insane percentage of you will be going: "Oh, that is so cute, Barbie and Blaine! That's great cause, like, both of their names start with B! Heehee!" But most of you will be wondering if that leftover pizza a week ago that is still in the fridge is eatable. Trust me on this, it's not. So why am I bringing this up? How many of you remember playing with Barbies? (The guys reading this.pretend it's G.I. Joe and his buddies.) Remember when you ripped off Barbie's head and it gave that satisfying pop? And how there was always one Ken doll and a whole bunch of Barbies? And Ken had to choose from his little harem which one he wanted? It was actually training to make you used to Reality TV! The Bachelor is eerily similar to the game you played as a child. Ken has to choose between Vet Barbie, Cowgirl Barbie, Teacher Barbie, and Dolphin Trainer Barbie! There's also a million dollars thrown into the mix! (Guys: G.I. Joe has to decide which of his buddies to vote off the island or something.) Ken was always a favored one! But now with him gone, (Barbie was quoted saying something like, "So long, ya pansy!) how will young girls (and boys) tolerate Reality TV when they are older? Mattel and TV producers are realizing their mistakes, so they decided to hold a vote for the "new man" of Barbie. This vote again was a little Reality TV thing in progress. The Bachelorette this time. Who will Barbie choose? The trendy new guy she chose which, over 2 million people decided, was Blaine. Now, girls (and boys) will be racing to get him and the many clothes and surfboard accessories he will undoubtedly have. Marketing goes up, and a new generation of potential Reality TV watchers is created. The endless cycle continues. I hope you enjoyed my rant! And remember! May Blaine always help the masses decide: American Idol Barbie or Survivor Barbie. Wasn't that GREAT!? *giggles* I luvs it! Ahhhh...the joys of paranoid conspiracy ranting without any of the effort! Go, "Meg"! Well...er...seeya! Well, I’m back! *waits for applause* … … … … ANYWAY, today I am here with a very special treat for you loyal *insert random insect noise here* readers! Don’t you feel extra squishy? I’m here to “advertise” a wonderful product found ONLY (to my knowledge) at K-Mart (where I am a Cashier Slave of questionable Loyalty). Okay, here goes the commercial I have prepared: How would YOU like your four-year-old sibling/cousin/offspring/neighbor/pest to have ALL the fun and excitement of BIKING with none of those annoying little distractions, like being able to STOP at will? Well, you are in luck, Hapless Victim, because have WE the bike for YOU! Introducing the Tyke Byke (not actual product name) now with 100% less brakes! Wasn’t that fun AND entertaining? Seriously, though, I was bored and waiting for my shift to start (we can’t clock in early) and I happened to wonder into the bike section. And I found a box with a picture of a happy little girl on it, wearing her helmet. The box listed features of the bike, and (off to the side, in one of those happy little many-pointed stars where they usually write stuff like FREE!) was the words No Brakes! Like this was a GOOD thing! What the …? I thought brakes HELPED YOU! And to think, after all these years I have been wrong!? But seriously, can you IMAGINE the Marketing committee that designed this thing? I figure it was made of, say, Hitler, a cannibal, Satan and Mary Poppins (anyone else creeped out by her?) Here was their justifying equation (which I obtained through highly classified means, namely, a squirrel, a pack of walnuts and a mini-camera) Toddler + Tyke Byke + highway = hours of fun! I figure they WANTED small children to go careening into random objects. Why else would they give ‘em no brakes? Anyway, I better go, I have this GREAT idea for a gun without a safety, and a very sensitive trigger. ..Wow..I"m back......it's been an entire year...and here I am again...pointlessly ranting and raving. Today's topic is Quaker Oats! You know Quaker Oats, right? Do a google search and find a picture, I dare you. Chances are you'll find a creepy looking older white guy dressed all old fasioned...if that's not bad enough: read on. It turns out that Quaker Oats OWNS the Aunt Jemima syrup company. Aunt Jemima is symbolized by a middle aged african american woman. Now, let's think....hrrm...the time frame that the Quaker Oats guy is from...plus owning a middle aged african american woman...wait a minute! Are they implying that she's a slave!? What kind of public image are they trying to portray here!? The NERVE of that company! *shakes head* They really need to have a better publicist.... Ah well, there's your LTE rant of the day/week/month/year/insert time frame ehre. Enjoy ^^ Heh, well, I’m once again back. This time from a long hiatus involving College life, kiwi’s and cannibalism ^_^ But let’s ignore that for now, shall we? Today we have MUCH more important things to discuss ^_^ Like a certain warranty on a certain pair of a certain headphones at a certain store that a certain someone works at a certain summer after returning from a certain college. Like most warranties, it guarantees the safety of the product for a limited time, and promises you fame, fortune, and your money back if it breaks during that time. That, however, is where this warranties similarities to the norm cease. Are you ready? *waits* How ‘bout now? *wait wait* STILL not ready? Bah, forget you, I’ll go on anyway. *clears throat* I shall now paraphrase the warranty to you, in all it’s arcane glory and splendor. This warranty shall not be in effect in the cases in which : 1.) The product is purposefully damaged. 2.) The product is accidentally damaged. 3.) An act of God damages the product. ……….*pause for effect* There you have it folks. This beee-autiful warranty will NEVER be in effect. It just won’t. No matter what happens, the company issuing the warranty can just blame it on God. I can just see just such a scenario playing out in my head…….*wavy thought lines scene transition indicating an imaginary scene* Ted: Yes, I’m calling to cash in on my 90-day money back warranty? Customer Service Agent: *snicker* Oh really? *polite, polite* Would you please describe the damage or malfunction your purchase is experiencing? Ted: …it just stopped working. Customer Service Agent: *dripping with phony concern* Oh, gee, sir…but it seems that “just stopped working” falls under our “Act of God” clause, and our company cannot be held responsible for any vendettas that God may have against you. Ted:…………….you’re telling me that because God hates me, my headphones stopped working? And that you won’t give me my money back? Customer Service Agent: *can’t hold it in any longer* *laughing until they gasp* Oh…God…that gets me every time…*gasp* *giggle* That’s just great….Sir, I suggest *wheeze* That you go to Church…*snicker* And see if you can’t convince God to fix it for you….*guffaw* Because…you’re waaaaaaaay more likely to get him to reimburse you then us! *hangs up* So, you see? I am extremely impressed by this quick thinking company. If only I, too, could think of a way to so totally, and successfully scam my customers. Oh. Wait. I do. Every day, ……darn those Customer Service Plans! How stupid does a customer have to be to think that they should pay $20 now to insure their purchase of some stupid grill? If it breaks it would probably take 10 bucks to fix it. *sigh* Why must K-mart compromise my honor? Ack! I spoke its name! *flee* Alright I'm Baaaa~ack! That's right. Back from the dead like a fiery phoenix of nonsense and ranting, I return from months and months of not posting (and to make things even more interesting i won't mention anywhere else on the site that I made a new lte post!) So, today's topic is just on the concept of writing. I go to a very math oriented college (i'm gonna be a programmer) so the people here....just....really...suck at writing. Completely! *happy* So for a small nominal $50* fee I shall teach you, the Hypothetical Reader, how to write grade A quality stories, guaranteed! ** (* $50 shall be payable in invisible, imaginary Official Flaming Chickens Lunar Colony's Dollars (approx $1 OFCLC is $1,337,000,000,00 in US dollars, circa 1957) ** not a guarantee) So are you ready? Let's start with a basic story even a kindergartner would write! Once upon a time there was a princess and a witch was making her sad but then a handsome prince came and killed the witch and made the princess happy. really happy. i mean really, really happy. sometime three or four times a night. and they lived happily ever after. What a touching story, right? Let's see here, what basic story elements are we missing...Why don't we check the formula for a successfull story, shall we?Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood: never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost? See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye. Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...*sniffle* The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...*waits for applause* okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers *snicker* will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!*smiles brightly* And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!*waits for readers to become insanely jealous* Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) &#!#%&&!!!(*%$ WHAT THE %$#@ WAS MY MOTHER $#$#%$# THINKING!!!!!!!???? BRINGING $#$$# KIDS IN A BAR!? I know it was her idea, 'cause my dad hates it, too. My mom and my stupid little 10-year old sister loves it, though. *sighs* Why does my life have to be so weird? I'm leaving...now I'm back! And not so pissed at my weird family. Now is the time to mourn the loss of one of my most loyal readers (I think she's read the entire thing one time, which is more than anyone else has done so far) She has been banned from accesing any portion of the Internet, do to reasons that must remain confidental due to security reasons. If I told you, I'd have to kill you and all that stuff. So...now I am down to one and a half readers. Untill such time that I have more. I wonder why anyone would read this? You would have to have several characteristics that I possess. First of all, you'd have to have an extrodinary amount of free time. Second of all, you would have to have the patience to read through all of this. And lastly, you'd have to know where the heck this site is. I admit it. I haven't exactly advertised this site. Nor can I find it on any search engines. Some of my pages have stuff written in to make search engines recognize me, but it doesn't seem to be working. What must I do to rise above obscurity? I tell people I know about this site, but they either ignore this page, or don't even bother coming to the site in the first place. I suppose that is the bane of all authors. To pour your heart and soul into a passage, and have everyone ignore it. *sniffle* Why must this be? Maybe I should just give up. After all, no one would really care if I quit updating this site. But I can't help but think of stuff like the evil over lord list and REALLY REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. They are not great neccesarily because of the content, (although that helps some) they are great because of their sheer length. You can read a little each day. And almost never finish. Also, I guess I still am trying to get the world record. I have heard some feedback suggesting that I make someway for people to remember where they stopped reading. It can be very confusing, especially if you weren't paying attention in the first place. Well, I dont want to organize this page, in any manner. This is chaos. And insanity. Not neat little text in classifiable rows, in alphabetical order. If you want neat, go to some other site(though, as mentioned in Flaming Chickens Code:472 there is no such thing as a site better than this one). Otherwise, I guess you're stuck with me. Awwwww...I'm touched! You didn't run screaming to another site, thankfull for the chance to escape this insanity. You're still here, which must mean that you'd rather be here than anywhere else! Hey, where are you going?! I thought you were gonna stay here and keep me company?! *drags reader back* See, I knew you'd stay! *gagged reader glares* What's that? I know this is the best site ever, thanks for the compliment! *reader starts inching towards freedom* I better go...I think that I may have a problem brewing. I'm back. And very concerned about this new, younger generation (all 10 year olds who were born in 1992) They are supposed to be the future. Instead they appear to be a nuclear armagedon in the form of a fifth grader. I chanced to have an interview with an informant from this evil generation (my little sister) who will be called Mrs. X for security reasons (no, she's not married, the "Mrs" makes it good as a disguise) I was quizing Mrs. X on Civil War History for an upcoming test in her classroom (whose location can not be devulged) Mrs. X seemed fluent in the subject. Using prior knowledge, I deduced that Mrs. X was full of crap. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked Mrs. X who participated in the Civil War. She immediatly replied "Clara Barton". I clarified, which countries fought in the Civil War. She answered: England, Russia, and (out of sheer desperation) Iraq. I believe that she was just listing countries she knows America has fought against. Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but Iraq? I don't know if Iraq even existed in the Civil War Era! Why on earth would we go have way across the world to fight them when we didn't even really need oil?!! Moving on, I finaly managed to coax my sister (I'm tired of writing Mrs. X) to tentativly guess that America fought in the Civil War. I mean, who'd a thought? America? Fighting in the American Civil War? In a moment of inspiration, I asked her who America fought. Her first guess was enslaved africans. Well, at least she knows that slaves were involved in the war. Before she could start listing all of America's enemies, I gave her a hint. I said "The Union fought..." With a crack, snaple and pop, some random synapses in her brain connected in the right order and she said "CONFEDERACY!!!" I was very proud of her, just as you would be proud of a two-year-old who has just announced: "I WENT POO-POO ON THE POTTY!!!!!" What I mean is, you wouldn't be very proud if the average person said that they just took a dookey on the toilet, and you wouldn't be very proud if they knew who fought against the Union in the Civil War. I confirmed that the Union was Northern and Free, and that the Confederacy was Southern and Slave. We resumed quizzing and she got every question on the worksheet correct. This is because she memorizes the questions. That way, she can pass the test without actually learning anything. You see, if you memorize stuff, you only have to remember that the answer to number 6 is Clara Barton for a week, rather than having to remember that Clara Barton started the Red Cross for the rest of you life. I sincerely appologize if anyone is offended by my view of memorization. I also would like such persons to immediatly leave my site. You don't belong here. You see...knowledge is good. If my sister...uh...Mrs. X were ever asked a question on the Civil War on a quiz show, she'd come up with nothing. With knowledge you can win money and the opportunity to look like a dork on national television. My sister is a big believer in the memorization system. I previous time when I was studying with her (American Revolution, this time) I was trying to help her remember the difference between the Patriots(Patriotic to America) and the Loyalists (Loyal to Britain) She didn't know what the word patriotic meant. I tried to explain. I asked her how you dress on the forth of july (she said nice) I asked what the colors red, white and blue were (pretty). I gave up in exasperation. More recently, I was trying to instill a sense of empathy and niceness in her. I asked her what the golden rule of christianity was. She didn't know. When I pressed her, she confessed she didn't know what chrisianity was. Completly defeated, I told her that it was the religion she practiced every Sunday when she went with her friends to church. This confirmed my suspicion that she only went so that she could have the use of the church's playground equipment. My family also strongly suspects that she stole $20 from the donation thingy. Anyway, that's my rant on the new generation that contains my little sister. When someone of her generation runs for president, I'm gonna do a complete background check. If they're anything like my sister, I'm movin' to Canada. Gotta go...the Russian-Brittish-Iraqi-enslaved-Africans are coming to defeat the Mexicans. I'm back! *there's that darn cricket again* And I have a genuine question to ask all of my loyal readers *cough-cough* Okay, here it is: Is it normal for a non-gender specific sibling to carry around various dead reptiles (snakes, turtles, lizards etc.) Furthormore, is it considered accepted behavior to talk to these dead reptiles, in a cooey, baby talky kind of voice? Finnaly, is it expected for said sibling's non-gender specific parent to encourage such behavior, citing "I was just like that as a child" as an excuse? It's an honest question as I fear that my non-gender specific sibling is weird. Who am I kidding? My entire family is weird. It's just a matter of degree. Hey, by the way. I'm sorry that my last few entries have been only about my various family antics. Although I can't see why you care, because there is a large probability that you do not exist, because I don't think anyone is reading this anymore. How discouraging. People need to make the time to waste time. It's a time honored tradition. Who'd thought that I could use time that many times in only a few sentences? It's been pretty quiet here lately, which is why I haven't added anything to this text in awhile. I know, you were just crushed that nothing new was happening. It's a sad, cold, cruel world out there and you had nothing to relieve the monotony of it. *sniffle* I feel so sorry for you! Next thing you know, you're internet connection will die. Well, too bad! Do you know I never even had a computer untill just a few months ago (that's why I'm obsessivly writing here) So I won't pity you if you're computer dies for unexpected reasons. Time for another quote from the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK!!! Code: 843 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that in no way is the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who?) responsible for any faulty wiring or lack thereof in your computer. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips in no way wishes harm on your computer. Any derogatory statement is simply an opinion of an individual, not of the flaming order of the flaming chickens. Said order will in no way be held responsible for any damages, injuries, loss of life, limb, head, or organs. Okay, quote is done. Maybe I should put quotation marks around them...nah, too much work. But I probably will eventually get around to having a seperate page just for the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK. That way all the members (what members) can print out a copy of it for themselves (if they didn't get that copy in the mail) I guess I'm done for the day...I know. You want me to stay. It's okay. Because eventually, I'll be back! Seeya! I'm back. And once again suprised. When I was at a TAB poetry thingy (TAB is good TAB is great We love TAB) I met some new people. One of these people (who shall remain nameless untill such time that I have explicit permission to use her name) turned out to be almost as weird as me. As in...she read the ENTIRE Longest Text Ever. The whole thing. So far two whole people (to my knowledge) have read the entire thing, and a few people have skimmed it. That means I really can justify claiming to have two and a half readers! I'm so happy! That means my pointless obsession has actually entertained someone besides me! Perhaps, one day, far in the future, this will actually be a world record and random people will acutally voluntarily read this text every day. Or maybe not. The point is that it is nice to have readers. Or maybe it's not...I mean...won't the quality *snicker* of my work deteriorate if I am no longer writing for the target audience of me? If that happens, then no one will read this. And then I'll be writing for me again. And then the quality will rise. And then people will start reading. And then the quality will go down and the vicious spiral of good and bad will continue untill I either give up this text, or go crazy...er. In any case...I should probably find a topic. Yeah...a topic would be good. Or...I could just continue to write about finding a topic. Ooooo! I know a topic! Ice cream trucks! This has been bothering me for a while. You see...when it's hot, you want something cold to eat. Conviently, ice cream trucks come around during the hottest part of the year (it must be a conspiracy). As you may or may not know, small children swarm the ice cream trucks. The vendors even play whimsical music which I strongly suspect contains subliminal messages to make you hungry for ice cream. The vendors get oodles of cash, and the kids get ice cream. Now, in today's society of buying groceries on-line and getting them delivered, why hasn't any other food industry marketed this ingenius idea to bring the product to the consumer. I can just see Hot Dog, and Pizza trucks roaming the neighbor hoods, selling treats to hungry children...and adults. Of course, said adults would have to peel their butt-cheeks off the couch...but they'd have to do that for the delivary man anyway. The food trucks could even play music that made you hungry for their food. Then the problem with obesity in America would be blamed on evil food truck drivers as opposed to the harmless, benificient television and computer. We could all breath a sigh of relief as parents kept their children inside, away from the evil truck drivers and near the T.V. Gone would be the days when parents told children to play outside, it's a nice day. Parents would buy their children computers, video games and other television neccesities. This, of course would expand the market for such products. This would lead to a better, more stable economy. Food industires would be buying cars, gas and music. Parents would increase the purchase of entertainment items. In return companies would make a profit, pay their workers better. The workers would then be able to afford more entertainment items and the upward spiral would continue, as opposed to the evil downward spiral of my writing. In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen...if you implement my idea, there will be peace and prosperity for all. As long as you don't mind a few more couch potatoes. Gotta go...I think I hear a catchy jingle. I'm back...it's been awhile since I've written here. A lot has happened. Like my EVIL school computer deleting my updates page. But it's all good. Especially since I just saw The Matrix: Reloaded. The following text may spoil the movie for you, so WARNING: do no read this unless you have already seen the movie. Okay. What I liked best was the philosophy on choices. (the mindless fight scenes were really cool, too). It's like this. In the beginning of the movie, Neo is having dreams about Trinity's death. Later, The Oracle tells him that he has already decided her fate. Towards the end of the movie, Neo chooses to tell Trinity to stay out of the Matrix, since he saw her die in it. She agrees, but only after seeing how important it is to him. After a horrific chain of events (is it coincidence, or fate) the people who will deactivate the secondary power source of the building Neo is infiltrating, die. So...the plan is going to fail. Unless someone does something, Neo, Morpheus and many others will die. Trinity, who is of course outside of the Matrix, knows this and chooses to enter the Matrix to save the day. The events of Neo's dream unfold. So...when the oracle said that the choice had already been made, she was completely correct. The moment Neo woke from dreams of Trinity's death, he made a choice. He would do everything in his power to keep his dream from becoming reality. So he kept her out of the Matrix, and she saw the problem, and entered the Matrix to fix it. If she had been in the Matrix, she would have likely been with Morpheus, never would have known about the plan's failure, would therefore not have been in the situation that resulted in her death. And the plan would have failed and Neo might have died, along with a large portion of the city (the building was set to blow if there was any intruders) So...Neo's choice to attempt to save Trinity triggered the sequence of events that led to her death. As Neo realizes all of this, through a nearly omniscient Architect of the Matrix, he makes another choice. This choice is simply an extension of his original choice: he will save Trinity at all costs. Neo is told that he has two choices. He can save mankind, and doom Trinity. Or he can try to save Trinity and doom mankind. No guarantee that he'll succeed in saving Trinity. He goes for Trinity, makes it just in time to catch her body, and starts her heart back up. In return for not taking the easy route, he gains a power in the more or less real world. He can deactivate the machines, (squidies) but at great personal cost. The movie ends with him in a coma. Now, you must realize that I have described only one aspect of this movie of all movies. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the sheer coolness of the fight choreography, special effects and the plot. I highly recommend you see the movie yourself. I'm sorry that today's rant isn't random, insane or completely chaotic, but I must right my experience with The Matrix before I forget. I am so buying this movie when it comes out on DVD. I love it! You have to admit its sheer coolness. I mean, come on! It's the sequel to the movie that revolutionized the standard by which we judge special effects. I better stop typing before I have a heart attack...just remember...The Matrix has you...I'm back. And throughly pissed off at my school system in general. You see...they feel that the only way to reward academic achievement...yada-yada-yada...is to force the smart kids to be ushers for Senior Honor Nite, and Graduation. Where is the logic in this? I for one, didn't know about such dire consequences for not deliberatly failing classes. It was bad enough that I was forced to "volunteer" my precious time (i could have worked on this site)...no...I was forced to wear formal attire. My school system is stuck in the past...and formal attire means...a dress...a white dress...(for those you who never bothered to find out...I am indeed female). So...for the first time in about 5 years...I wore a dress...and something that was complelty white. What cruel fate is this? To compound the EVIL situation...I was forced to wear feminine shoes. In other words...they hurt. And they pushed my toes together. Since I have a rather weird phobia of touching my own skin...this made my evening my own personall torture session. I think that such gender-specific torture should be deemed inhumane and abolished from our great society...of flaming chickens. Henceforth...Code: 666 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that under no circumstance will the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who) be forced to wear anything other than a t-shirt and preferably black jeans. Should you violate this right, you will become destroyed or possibly dizzy. I'm leaving now...I have some destruction to do. i'm back. from graduation. we had to get there one hour and fifteen minutes early because there was traffic. After standing around a lot...the ceremony started. Lots of people spoke. by the time I had to do my part (tell people where to stand before getting their diploma) it was dark. there were bugs. they liked landing on me. then...i got to go stand while people said a lot of stuff. i couldn't hear it because someone had put the speakers facing the audience. we clapped. the whole time, even during the name-calling, seniors were playing with silly string and beachballs. afterwards...they turned off the lights. there were lots of fireworks. i wandered around for 20 minutes looking for a cell phone. i called home, and waited another hour for my ride...traffic to the school was one way. i felt sorry for my dad. i am tired...but cannot go to sleep. i'll copy and paste this to my site. maybe the longest text ever. you will all suffer as i have suffered when and if you graduate. i cannot feel my feet. i hate dress shoes. I'm back. Today, I'm here to salute the Pointless Signs Of America! The PSOA have been whole-heartedly working for you, and what have you done for them? NOTHING! These so-called "pointless" signs are doing just what they were meant to do: entertain you! You cannot judge them simply because they have no apparant function. They expand your mind, making you think about all the things they could do. They could do anything they wanted to, if they just put their minds to it. If you judged everything by what it doesn't acomplish, then the entire world is populated by pointless beings. Noone can do everything, so how can you expect a SIGN, with the I.Q. of toilet paper, to do everything. You people sicken me. You expect far to much of the inanimate world. The inanimate world, on the otherhand, expects nothing of you. Which is exactly what it gets. If you expect nothing, and get nothing, you feel nothing. If you expect nothing and get something, you're happy. But, if you expect something and get something you feel nothing. And if you expect something and get nothing, you feel cheated. If you're following along, and not completly confused, you'll realize that it is better to be a pessimist than an optomist. Yep that's right. This entry went from saluting the PSOA to making a statement about my ideals. This has been a weird day. You can thank my associate "Meg" she came up with the PSOA acronym. Everyone, clap for "Meg".I gotta go...seeya later! I'm finnaly back! Today, I took a long look at this site, which is the acomplishment of almost a year of work. And I asked myself "How could I have better spent my time?" And so, in the interest of wasting even more time, I made a list. Here we go! Number One: I could have cured cancer. Not that I know anything about medicine...or cancer for that matter. But I'm sure that if I just would have put my mind to it, I could have done it. Number Two: I could helped the earth to find eternal and lasting peace. Which would be boring. So I at least have an excuse for not doing that. Number Three: I could have studied and stuff. Uh...don't think so...Number Four: I could have learned to drive. This would have resulted in the deaths of numerous pedistrians...and I would still probably be wondering around in search of a McDonalds. Number Five: I could have read more books, played more video games and watched more mindless television. Gee...I wish I'd thought of that sooner. Number Six: I could have implemented one of several plans for world domination. Or, as an alternative, I could have ruined several plans for world domination that other people made. Number Seven: I could drive people crazy. Wait...aren't I already doing that? Scratch number seven. And on to: Number Eight: I could have...uhhhh...ummmmm...actually thought up these things before hand. Number Nine: Now it's just getting redundant, isn't it? Number Ten: This is the list that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. One person, started typing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue typing it forever just because this is the list that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some person started typing it not...etc, etc. Okay...I admit it. I have officialy run out of ways I could have better spent my time. I don't think there actually are any. Except for maybe five and six. Now, those have possibilities. However, I am currently content to just sit here and type. For the benefit of you, the reader...who may or may not exist. Either way, I'm continuing to sort of entertain myself. I feel like I should be outraged about some topic or another. I just can't work up the energy to be outraged. Perhaps a nice, soothing mistrust. Yeah. I can work with mistrust. I definitly mistrust lots of stuff. Like organ grinders, and the evil conspiracies. Did you know, that Kodak was part of the conspiracy to assasinate John F. Kennedy. Now, some of you are probably thinking "Gee, Really?", or "Wow, I never knew that!" while others are thinking "Who's John F. Kennedy?" or possibly "Who or What is Kodak". I fervently hope that you're not thinking the last two...especially about Kodak. Kodak, as you may know, is a film developing company. And John F. Kennedy (JFK) was an alien bent on global domination. Or po